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Mar 01
Love0

The A-Z of fostering

By family, Fostering and adoption, Mental health

The sons and daughters of foster carers play a vital role in fostering; they contribute hugely towards the success of fostering placements and make a valuable difference to fostered siblings as they settle into their new home.

Isobella, who is 14 years old has been fostering with her younger twin sisters, mum Liz and mum’s partner Caroline for three years. During this time, the family have welcomed two children into their home, the first for nine months and the second for 18 months – both little girls under four years of age.

Isobella remembers how she felt when her first foster sister arrived at their home. “I was very excited to have someone come and live with us because we love little ones and helping other people. When she arrived, it was overwhelming for her and for us but it was a great experience and she settled in well.”

Isobella says the best thing about fostering is “the relationship you build and how strong that is. We have lots of memories that we still talk about, like going on holiday to the Lake District with the first child who was in our care. She hadn’t been on holiday before and she saw snow for the first time! We were sledging down a hill, taking it in turns with her on our laps. It was a whole new experience for her which was lovely to see.”

Isobella and her family like to stay active. They try to get out of the house as much as possible, meeting friends and going for walks. The children in their care have loved being part of the things they love as a family; watching Isobella play netball, cheering at football matches, learning to swim, completing art projects and going to shows are just a few examples.

The support in place for sons and daughters of foster carers includes regular day trips and activities. A team of Brighton & Hove City Council Fostering Support Officers run activities throughout all of the school holidays, for birth children and foster children alike. The trips are a real treat for the children, who get an opportunity to form friendships with children in similar circumstances, and a well-deserved break for foster carers.

Isobella says “We’ve been on lots of activity days and they’ve all been great experiences and good fun. My favourite was a trip to Hove Lagoon to do water sports. We did wakeboarding which was new for me but really good fun.We’ve met lots of other families and they’re familiar faces now when we see them again. Everyone is really friendly and it’s nice sometimes to share the things we’ve been through. There’s one family in particular who we’ve become good friends with, they’re long-term foster carers. We love all of them and we go for walks with them quite often.” She continues “I know there is lots of support available from the fostering team too. I haven’t needed to ask for support yet, but I know it’s there if I need it.”

To convey the experiences, feelings and realities of being a birth child in a foster family, Isobella has put together an A-Z to help other birth children to understand what to expect.

A. I was 10 years old and in my last year of primary school when our first foster sister arrived to live with us. I will never forget her ARRIVAL.
B. It is really important to develop a BOND with the foster child. In my experience this takes time.
C. When you are fostering it is important to learn how to have a CONVERSATION.
D. As a foster family we go on lots of DAYS OUT at the weekends and in the holidays.
E. Fostering needs EMPATHY.
F. Our FAMILY sticks together.
G. It’s hard to say GOODBYE.
H. HUGS are important.
I. Being a foster family is part of my IDENTITY.
J. Sometimes when we are fostering, I feel JEALOUS because my mum can’t spend time with me.
K. Always be KIND.
L. Sometimes it must feel LONELY.
M. We love making MEMORIES as a foster family.
N. Sometimes our house is very NOISY when we are fostering.
O. Fostering means OPENING up your heart and home.
P. Good fostering requires PATIENCE.
Q. It’s important to learn what to do if there is a QUARREL.
R. Sometimes I feel REJECTED but I try not to take it personally.
S. It’s important to be able to say SORRY.
T. When the children we look after have TANTRUMS we tell them it’s OK not to be OK and we still love them.
U. We look after the foster children when they are UNWELL.
V. We look after VULNERABLE children.
W. We enjoy making foster children feel WELCOME.
X. XMAS is a special time to make memories as a foster family
Y. We create all sorts of memories, including YUCKY ones.
Z. The fostering journey is a ZIGZAG but overall we enjoy being a foster family. We are good at it and it suits us.

When asked what her advice to families considering fostering would be, Isobella said “There will be highs and lows. It will be difficult but there will be easier bits too, so it’s up and down like a rollercoaster. When children first arrive its usually difficult but once you push past that it gets better from then onwards.”

If you feel you could make a difference by becoming a fostering family, Brighton & Hove City Council would love to hear from you. To learn more about becoming a Foster Carer e-mail fosteringrecruitment@brightonhove.gov.uk to arrange a call or visit www.fosteringinbrightonandhove.org.uk. The team are holding regular virtual information sessions.

Mar 01
Love0
www.flexibilitymatters.co.uk

Meet the women leading ‘the flex movement’!

By family, Finance, Work employment
by Emma Cleary
Flexibility Matters

This year’s International Women’s Day, #ChooseToChallenge, is for me the perfect reminder of all the fabulous women I’ve encountered on my journey who have inspired me to continue championing flexible working and its benefits.

As the founder of Flexibility Matters, I started my flexible work journey out of the necessity to find a job in Sussex that accommodated three nursery aged children! Flex is fundamental to work and life and I’ve made it my mission to find flexible roles for talented and experienced parents to allow them to continue to progress their careers.

At a pivotal webinar on ‘How Covid-19 made working flexibly business critical’, some of the wonderfully flexible ladies I’ve met along the way and some of whom I work with now, were able to reveal their most important insights on busting the nine to five working myth.

Jane Galloway, Head of Flexible Working at NHS England, and NHS Improvement said: “In general, increasing access to flexible working options increases staff engagement, and we know that in the NHS, good staff engagement leads to better patient care.”.

Dagmar Albers, UK Diversity & Inclusion Lead, who has been avidly working within Pfizer to roll out team pact workshops on informal flexible working agreements, revealed: “Once teams agree a pact, they are then able to work at a time and place best for them in terms of productivity, energy and of course positive outcomes, whilst effectively managing commitments outside of work. It is about the outcome produced and not the number of hours worked and about trusting each other to deliver in a way that works for them”.

Jessica Hornsby, Organisational Capability Lead has been working within Thales on fundamentally shifting the mindset around flexible working, that they now term SMART working, for over four years. She saw many assumptions smashed by COVID-19. The most impactful being how few roles ‘have’ to be office based.

Another remarkable lady, Ursula Tavender, Learning and Development Specialist and Co-Director of Flexpo, has been leading the charge on flex and equality in the workplace for over 5 years now. Ursula says: “Flexible working is the most powerful tool we have in the working world to make sure that everyone, whatever their circumstances, has equal access to meaningful work and equal opportunity to progress. It has always been the key to closing pay gaps, and now it has also become the key to our ability to build back better as we navigate the phases of the pandemic. We’ve learned so much during this past year about what’s possible; now is the time to leverage the opportunity in front of us to change the world of work forever.”

For the past six years Flexibility Matters have been matching businesses with results-oriented professionals that need a flexible approach to their work hours. Whilst influencing business mindsets and challenging traditional cultures has not been simple, with a little push from a pandemic that chose to challenge us all, it now feels like a more flexible approach to work is here to stay.

We’ve been reporting for years that flexible workers are more focused, productive and happy and we know the key ingredients to being a successful one. Whether you’ve been made redundant or you’re simply looking for a brand new flexible challenge, get in touch on 07810 541599 or register at www.flexibilitymatters.co.uk

Mar 01
Love0

Looking forward not back is the way to help solve family problems

By family, Legal, Relationships
by Marcus Stanton
Kingston & Richmond Family Mediation Practice

There is a popular TV programme that ends each week with a catchphrase I’m going to borrow, adapt, and use here: ‘Keep talking’. Parents who separate can achieve so much by talking and listening to each other. You might say, ‘well if they had been talking and listening to each other in the first place they wouldn’t now be separating,’ but parents separate for a number of reasons and just because they are no longer together doesn’t mean they should no longer work together to sort out their family finances and any future plans for their children.

The difficulty is that when a relationship ends it’s very easy to adopt a position in negotiations based on how the relationship has ended, how you feel you have been treated and your immediate concerns and worries. This can hamper your ability to have useful discussions with your former partner and can be made even worse by solicitors’ letters in place of face-to-face discussions. Getting entrenched in a position can of course slow down any progress towards a resolution.

It is much more helpful to move away from taking positions based around the past and instead to start discussing what each of your priorities, interests and concerns are now. Don’t be afraid of frank discussions revealing what have been, up to now, unspoken emotions. Getting out all those unsaid things usefully clears the air. Priorities, options and concerns give a starting point for you and the other parent to work on the possible options that exist to resolve matters mutually.

The advantage in getting to a position where you can explore options together is that you both remain in control of your future rather than giving the decision making to the court. This can be fundamental. Moving you from having to live with a decision, to working out the outcome for yourselves. An outcome reached together has more chance of lasting, and is usually better financially and emotionally for all members of the family.

Talking through options and problem solving are important for parents. That can be tough particularly when you have recently separated, but with the help of a family mediator to facilitate discussions it is a lot easier to achieve. A mediator can help you to identify those areas where you agree, where you might reach a mutually acceptable decision, and where there is no room to budge (just being clear about what’s not possible is a help in itself in moving forward!). This often means recognising what your former partner needs and feels. By looking behind any potential barriers you can often find common interests. As an example, A wants to be sure B doesn’t just leave the children with his sister when he has them, B meanwhile wants A to be less controlling when he has the children. In essence there is no disagreement over B spending time with the children and each knows the children will benefit in spending time with both parents, there is just a difference as to how that time is spent. There is clearly a starting point for discussions and the opportunity to reconcile differences.

You can work together to narrow down the options to reach an outcome that will work in reality and that both of you are comfortable living with. As well as facilitating these discussions a family mediator will reality check the outcome with each of you to see that it can work in practice. That is helpful, as you will want to have the solution you reach taken to your solicitors to be made into a Consent Order
so that it’s enforceable.

All of this means of course talking and listening to the other parent. Where there are young children, with the exception of particular cases, you are likely to have to communicate with them for some time to come. So, starting discussions in the room or face-to-face on Zoom is so much better than communicating through WhatsApp, text, email or solicitor’s letter. It’s very easy for words in a text or email to be misunderstood or meanings read into them.

Putting your priorities and concerns on the table for both of you to see and discussing them might help begin the process of moving forward.

Marcus Stanton is a Family Mediator at Kingston & Richmond Family Mediation Practice providing online mediation for separating couples in Surrey. www.kingstonandrichmondfamilymediation.co.uk
For further information email info@krfamilymediation.co.uk or call 020 8617 0210

Feb 22
Love0

How to avoid arguments – Go from chaos to calm, from conflict to cooperation

By Education, family, Relationships
by Karen Shaw
author of Parenting Magic

It starts with us! How we approach a situation, what we do, say and how we are ‘being’ has a massive impact on the outcome.

Most of us want to avoid conflict. It’s uncomfortable and not what we want. It’s the incompatibility of ideas, desires and values that causes the conflict. Often parents and children have conflicting interests because they have a different set of values and priorities. We can experience conflict in parenting often when our children are toddlers when we can have a battle of wills, when they are ‘flexing their muscles’ and when we have teenagers and of course, at any age in between! We can help control outcomes and see much more cooperation by pre-setting the energy of a situation, with our intentions and the choice of language we use.

That’s a good start…
How does your day start? Is it frantic, rushing around, a bit chaotic? This leads to struggles and arguments, so start it off in a calm and controlled way and set the intention of how it will be. It may mean getting up a bit earlier to take a few minutes for you. To take a few deep breaths, meditate to calm yourself. If possible be organised the night before, plan your morning, have a diffuser with essential oils or some lovely smells for the children to wake up to. It sets the scene, the energy is calmer.

How to avoid arguments
We often argue with our children because we’re not getting our own way. Because they’re not doing as they’re ‘told’ (though I prefer asking to telling!) or they want to do something we don’t want them to. I think it’s often beneficial to think, “How would I deal with this situation if it was someone other than my child, would I say the same things, use the same language?” Probably not, we tend to think because they are ‘our children’ we have a right to speak to them, as we like, say things to them we wouldn’t dream of saying to another individual. I know we want to keep them safe and respect us, or our ‘rules’ if you like. Though, as rules are there to be tested, pushed, bent if not broken, it is better to have ‘agreements’ already in place. Make agreements as to what is and isn’t acceptable, what will and won’t be tolerated and have the consequences when expected behaviour isn’t reached. When they are part of the agreement making, they are heard, valued and they know they have agreed. So if they complain or shout back, when they haven’t stuck to them “It’s not fair”, “You’re so mean”, you can remind them they agreed and are going back on their word.

Drop the interrogation!
We often start our conversation with the ‘w’ words and that’s not helpful. The ‘w’ words I mean are Why, When, Who, What and Where.

These are ‘interrogatives’. We’re interrogating our children when we start a question with any of these. For instance:-“Why on earth…?  “When are you ever going to learn…?” “Who do you think you are…?” “What did you think you were doing…?” “Where do you think you’re going…?”

The reason it isn’t helpful to start a conversation this way, is because they feel threatened and automatically go into defence mode. It’s the unconscious mind responding, a natural response. Of course, we’ll use these words, it’s just not helpful to start with them, especially with the negative energy that accompanies it. It will encourage a knee jerk response, a story or a flippant reply. Give them time to respond better by keeping calm, breathe, collect your thoughts and use something like: “I’m wondering (then the what or who)…” “I’m curious (then the why or what)…“ Or “I’d like to know/hear/understand…”

These are ‘declaratives’. You respond rather than react and give them time to formulate a response to your question or statement instead of a defensive or even sarcastic reply. You are starting with you and are ‘declaring’ how you are feeling.

When we remember who we and our children are, human beings sharing a life and here to enjoy it, that we are in control of ourselves, no one else and that what comes out of our mouths is our choice, then it’s easier to remember there really is no need to argue. Let’s face it, it takes two. What good is there in arguing with your child? Debating something, where you are both putting forward your viewpoint is a different thing. For every action there is an equal and opposite one, when you react to whatever has been done or said, then there will be an equal opposite one coming back at you! Avoid it. Let’s learn to respond not react.

Karen Shaw is a transformational life and parenting coach, emotional re-balancing and energy alignment therapist and creator of Parenting Magic. She was a stressed-out single mum
on anti-depressants. With three teenage sons, all affected by challenged, illness, medical conditions, psychological issues and labelled with ‘disabilities’. Struggling in every area of her life. In Parenting Magic, she shares the hard earned secrets that transformed her family life for good.

Parenting Magic by Karen Shaw is published by Practical Inspiration Publishing, £16.99.

Feb 03
Love0

Divorce is changing for the better

By family, Finance, Legal, Relationships, Work employment
by Rachael House
Senior Associate Solicitor, Family Law, Mackrell Turner Garrett Solicitors

What is the current divorce law in this country?
Under current divorce law, if you and your spouse have not been separated for two years or more you can only get divorced by showing that your spouse has committed adultery or behaved in such a way that you cannot tolerate living with them (known as unreasonable behaviour). Only then will a court grant you a divorce.

Adultery and unreasonable behaviour divorces are known as ‘fault-based’ divorces and usually increase acrimony between spouses. For example, to demonstrate that your spouse has behaved in such a way that you cannot tolerate living with them, you have to write some unpleasant words about them and their behaviour. For your spouse who is at the receiving end of these unkind words it can cause them distress and make them even more unhappy with you, when tensions may already be running high. This type of divorce is especially unhelpful where there are children of the family, as relationships between parents can deteriorate further at a time when it is more important than ever for parents to work co-operatively.

Over the years, the Government has been reluctant to reform divorce law, believing that making it easier for couples to divorce would somehow undermine the sanctity of marriage and increase the rates of divorce.

What is changing?
In 2017, a national survey carried out by the Nuffield Foundation found that in fault-based divorces 62% of petitioners (those instigating the divorce) and 78% of respondents (those at the receiving end of a divorce) said that using fault had made the process more bitter, 21% of respondents said fault had made it harder to sort out arrangements for children, and 31% of respondents thought fault made sorting out finances harder.

In 2020 the Government passed the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Bill following lengthy campaigning by family lawyers. The Bill paves the way for a new divorce process where blame does not have to be attached to one party.

The general consensus amongst family lawyers is that the changes do not make the physical process of divorce any easier and certainly no quicker than the current system. The huge benefit of the changes, however, is that the process will be far less acrimonious and emotionally damaging for all those involved.

When can I get divorced under the new law?
The new law will come into force in autumn 2021 (no exact date has been set as yet) so there is still some time to wait.

Once the new law is in force, you will be able to proceed with a divorce by providing a ‘statement of irretrievable breakdown.’ The current two-stage process, decree nisi and decree absolute, will remain and a minimum timeframe of six months will be set from the date of the petition to decree absolute. There will also be an option for you and your spouse to issue a joint divorce petition.

What if I still want to get divorced now without blaming my spouse?
If you want to press ahead with a divorce now without attributing blame, then if you have been separated for two years or more you can get divorced on the basis of ‘two years separation’ – provided your spouse consents. If your spouse is not going to consent then you can only get divorced without attributing blame if you have been separated for five years or more.

If the above routes are not a viable option for you but you still wish to formalise the financial matters of a separation immediately, then you can enter into a separation agreement with your spouse – provided they co-operate – to divide up the finances of the marriage with a view to divorcing once the new law comes into force. At the point of divorce, your separation agreement can be converted by a family lawyer into a court order. It will then become legally binding under matrimonial law once a judge approves the order.

What shall I do next?
If you are unsure as to whether to press ahead with your divorce or to wait a while, it is important to find out more about the legal options available to you by contacting a family lawyer for advice.

Rachael House is a specialist family solicitor at Mackrell Turner Garrett, an established firm of experienced Solicitors based in Woking. www.mtgsurrey.co.uk

Jan 26
Love0

Autism

By Education, family, Relationships
by Dr Jill Bradshaw, George Watts, Dr Clare Melvin,
Lizzie Gale and Krysia Emily Waldock

Autistic people have different ways of processing information which results in differences in thinking and behaving. Non-autistic people like to think that the world they have created makes sense but does it? Non-autistic people rarely say what they mean and yet expect other people to be able to interpret what they say. Non-autistic people make social rules and then don’t actually stick to them – what you are allowed to do in one context is very different from what you are allowed to do in another.

What is the first thing that you think of when you hear the word autism? How many people do you know who are autistic? Are all the autistic people you know exactly the same? Or are they all quite different? What do they share in common which has led to the diagnosis of autism? These are all questions we explore in our online course, Understanding Autism.

We know that at least one in every 100 people are autistic and it may be even more common. There are autistic children, adults, parents, siblings, spouses and grandparents. There are autistic people in every walk of life, from architects to zoologists. Although we used to think of autistic people as being more likely to be male, many females are also autistic. Some autistic people also have an intellectual disability.

Autistic people will have difficulties with elements of social communication, with understanding the ‘hidden’ conventions which guide interactions with other people (such as when to make eye contact and when it is acceptable to interrupt a conversation). Autistic ways of communicating are not always easily understood by non-autistic people. This can lead to misunderstandings.

Non-autistic people need to take care when making assumptions about autistic people. For example an autistic child may not make eye contact but still be listening really carefully or a child may not look like they are seeking social interaction but may still want to socialise. An autistic child may not appear to show empathy but may well be overwhelmed by the emotions of others. Autistic people are likely to have a spiky ability profile. We tend to assume that if people are quite good at one skill (like reading) then they will also be quite good in other areas of development (like daily living skills). Autistic people might be very good at one skill but find another skill much harder.

Autistic people are also likely to have sensory differences. They might find some everyday sensory experiences completely overwhelming. Alternatively, they might actively seek and delight in other sensory experiences. Many autistic people might experience both. Autistic people might have intense interests which they hyperfocus on, or do things in a repetitive way such as only eating certain foods or moving in a particular way. Autistic people may also have great strengths such as being able to pay attention to minute detail or developing extensive knowledge about an interest.

Generally, autistic people are likely to experience high levels of anxiety. Autistic people might find it hard to make sense of the world and to predict what other people are going to do and how they might react. Imagine you are in a foreign land where you do not speak the language or understand the culture and somehow everything you do appears to be the wrong thing. Imagine if the rules kept changing. How might you feel? What might you do, or not do?

What do you need to know if you are parent of an autistic child?
• You know your child better than anyone else.
• Even people who are supposed to know about autism will probably say and do things that are really unhelpful at times.
• You might have to fight for what you and your child need.
• Other people might think that everything your child does or does not do is because they are autistic. They might not look for other explanations like medical needs.
• Other autistic people and parents of autistic children will have very useful information about what it is like to be autistic and what might help.
• Create autism-friendly environments. What sensory experiences are helpful and unhelpful? How can you make things as predictable as possible?
• What is your child good at? How can you make the most of their strengths?
• How does your child communicate and what can you do to support their communication and adapt your own, and that of others around them, so it is more effective?
• How is your child’s mental health being supported? Are there people recognising the distress that is often caused by trying to navigate a non-autistic world?
• Check your assumptions. Remember that every autistic child is different.
• Look after yourself. Parenting is hard! Parenting a child who thinks differently can be even harder. Be kind to yourself and ask for support when you need it.

Jill is a senior lecturer in intellectual and developmental disabilities at the Tizard Centre, University of Kent. George, Lizzie and Krysia are all postgraduate students in the department. Clare recently completed her PhD at the Tizard Centre and is now a lecturer in psychology at the University of East Anglia. Together they have developed (with others) the FutureLearn course on Understanding Autism. George and Krysia are autistic.
FutureLearn www.futurelearn.com/courses/autism

Jan 19
Love0

A preschool is where a child’s educational journey begins, where key skills are developed and a love of learning is cultivated

By Education, family, fun for children, numeracy skills, Playing, reading, Relationships
by Susan Clarke
Head of Rowan Preparatory School, Claygate, Surrey

Do you recall your first day of school? If not, your parents will have done, just like you now considering the educational path your child is on. When choosing the right environment, there are many factors to consider yet there is an abundance of choice regarding nurseries, preschools, and schools; so how do you choose?

Primarily we want our children to be safe, happy and enjoy the opportunities provided for them. However, look behind the scenes and there are huge differences in what’s on offer. Below are a few handy tips on what to watch out for.

Children will benefit from a setting that has that perfect home-away-from-home feel, with warm, inviting spaces for them to grow, learn and discover. Take the time to explore nursery and preschool settings with small classes, specialist teaching provision, adventures to the woods and outdoor play areas and you are well on your way to instilling a love of learning in your child.

Experts in the Early Years
Do you know about the importance of cross-lateral movements, singing songs and practising making silly noises together? Not to worry if you do not, experts in the Early Years will be leading you and your child all the way. Finding the right experts for your child is essential, as building supportive and reassuring relationships at this age are vital for successful early development. At some settings, children will be fortunate enough to learn from passionate, specialist teaching staff, who bring out the best in every child. They will discover their interests and develop their inquisitiveness through exploration, investigation, and play. Staff will give you feedback through portfolios so that you feel involved in your child’s learning journey. Sharing milestones, success and moments of discovery are precious and to be treasured.

Learning through play
Like most early learning environments, the Foundation Stage curriculum is considered to be at the heart of all experiences. Skilled Early Years practitioners will deliver carefully curated topics, based on children’s interests and the curriculum, bringing them to life through song, play and observation. This approach will creatively develop the senses, sounds and imagination of their young charges. Within this world of fantasy, imagination and fun are opportunities for learning sounds, numbers and about the world around them. Look out for settings that nurture their knowledge, understanding and confidence.

Going above and beyond
While communication, personal and social education and mathematics are core to any Early Years curriculum, your choice of nursery can offer much more. What else is on offer? Is sport, dance or yoga offered to complement physical development? Is musical theatre, singing and drama provided to help build confidence and a natural ability to express themselves to a range of audiences? Are the children exposed to learning an additional language, having fun with songs, food and their newly expanded vocabulary? It is a joy to celebrate language and culture and these opportunities are all part of developing a sense of self and belonging in this world.

Woodland wanderers
When I think about my two children when they were two and four, I could barely get them out of a puddle or discourage them from climbing a tree, and who would want to at that age! Using the outdoors to develop knowledge, their language and awareness provides opportunity for real-life discovery. Problem solving skills are developed alongside the ability to communicate, these are essential building blocks in their educational journey. Many nurseries and preschools have access to woodland areas and Forest Schools, which children visit weekly and in all weathers. They will don waders, snow suits or sunhats to explore the woods, returning to school with tales of mini-beasts, den building, witling and wandering. How I yearn to be three again!

Parents as partners
You are an essential part of your child’s development; you know their interests, likes and dislikes. Getting to know whether your child likes dinosaurs, or peas rather than broccoli, will help them settle confidently into their setting. An open-door policy is vital in enabling you to work in partnership with staff and allowing you to discuss any concerns you may have. Look for an environment that holds regular ‘Show and Share’ sessions, where children delight in welcoming their parents into the classroom, proud of the learning space in which they feel comfortable and can excitedly share their prized creations and the skills they have learned.

Ready for ‘big’ school
As your little one nears the end of their time in nursery or preschool, they will be more than ready to embrace the experiences of Reception. Thinking about their transition will be key and if you are able to offer them continuity and familiarly through the same whole school setting or through friendship groups this will help ease their way. If your nursery is in a school setting, I know that Reception teachers love nothing more than coming into the Early Year’s rooms and getting to know them for that next big step. Once you have chosen your school for Reception there will be information and activity afternoons, so everyone feels confident and assured about the next stage. Children will radiate confidence from their time in preschool, so much so that Reception in the same environment seems natural and reassuring.

Susan Clarke is the Headmistress at Rowan Preparatory School in Claygate, Surrey, an outstanding prep school and preschool for girls aged 2-11.
The school motto Hic Feliciter Laboramus – Here We Work Happily – is a sentiment embodied throughout the school, where an engaging and inspiring approach to education creates a lifelong love of learning. To discover more visit www.rowanprepschool.co.uk or contact admissions@rowanprepschool.co.uk to arrange a visit.

Jan 16
Love0

Research reveals it takes 6.5 adults to raise a child in Britain

By family, fun for children

It takes an average of 6.5 adults to raise a single child in Britain, with grandmothers (42%) teachers (37%), grandfathers (30%), aunts (23%) and older siblings (23%) all playing key roles alongside parents, according to the results of a study amongst British parents and children.

A quarter of those surveyed believe it takes as many as 10 people to bring up a child, highlighting the extent of those involved in raising a family in modern Britain.

More than two-thirds of those surveyed agreed that the main attribute needed to raise a child is love, with this ranking higher than being related to the child or regularly looking after them.

The survey, commissioned by My Nametags (www.mynametags.com) suggests that the proverb “it takes a village to raise a child” rings true for families across Britain, with members of the wider family and community playing important roles in a child’s upbringing. For instance, great reliance is placed on grandmothers (46%) and grandfathers (22%) for childcare whilst parents are at work. Children’s older siblings (19%), aunts (14%), and parents’ friends (12%) are also amongst those who are regularly called upon for childcare.

Parents agree that older siblings have the biggest impact on a child’s personality (16%), as well as heavily influencing a child’s bad habits (25%). Grandmothers are also critical to forming the personality of a child, with a fifth of parents believing they have the closest rapport with their children. Additionally, grandmothers are considered to teach them the most of anyone in the family.

The influence of older siblings and grandmothers is also felt by children themselves, with a fifth stating they have the most fun with their older siblings and almost a quarter agreeing they look up to their grandmothers the most.

Interestingly, despite this village mentality, teachers are the only group outside the immediate family that parents are happy to let discipline their child.

According to the study, there are several reasons why parents choose to involve their wider social networks when raising children. In addition to practical reasons, parents suggest that it improves children’s social skills (30%) and helps them build strong relationships (30%).
Commenting on the findings, Bea Marshall, Parenting Expert and Founder of Yes Parenting, said: “Humans are generally social creatures who thrive in communal and cooperative environments. Nowadays it is common for families to live away from their extended families and without the day to day support of their immediate neighbours. However, it is still so important for families to create a network of support as they raise their children. When other people help care for children, it provides parents with an opportunity to recharge, work or play. Those other people also give children a secure set of relationships in which their needs for connection, safety and belonging are met. Children have an opportunity to learn from the different people around them and they receive different things from each person – one may be more playful, another more nurturing, for example. Each person in a child’s life contributes something unique that helps them to grow into a well-rounded individual, while offering crucial support to their parents.”

With everyday life in Britain affected by COVID-19, parents’ usual reliance on the wider community has never been more apparent, with many families losing over two-thirds of their support network.

Commenting on the research, Lars B. Andersen, Managing Director at My Nametags, said: “After noticing a range of family members ordering name labels for children in recent years, we were interested to discover more about the varying roles that family members and friends take on when raising a child. Although every household will have their own approach to parenting, it is interesting to see the importance of the wider community when raising children in the UK, and how each individual helps to shape a child’s life. With the impact of COVID-19 continuing to affect the way families across the UK are operating, it was particularly interesting to speak to parents about how being cut off from their usual support network has affected them during this crisis. We found that, on the whole, although families have adapted the best they can, they want to get back to their normal routine, suggesting that this unusual period has only reinforced the importance of including a range of people in the upbringing of a child.”

To learn more, please visit www.mynametags.com/blog/2020/ 06/it-takes-a-village/

Jan 13
Love0

I’m overweight after lockdown, but what’s that got to do with my shoes?

By children's health, family, footwear and feet
by Kim Jackson M.S.S.F.
Klodhoppers Ltd, Haywards Heath

We have to accept that as a nation we are getting bigger and heavier, and in the light of the Government’s recently updated document ‘Childhood Obesity: Applying All Our Health’ (1st May 2020), it is clear that as a nation we have an obesity problem that isn’t going to go away any time soon.

For many grown-ups and children, lockdown hasn’t helped! Childhood obesity and excess weight are significant health issues for children and their families. There can be serious implications for a child’s physical and mental health, which can then overlap into adulthood.

Obesity is associated with poor psychological and emotional health, and many children experience bullying and stigmatisation linked to their weight. Children and young people living with obesity are more likely to become adults living with obesity and therefore have a higher risk of morbidity, disability, low self-esteem and premature mortality in adulthood.

For some children it can mean more school absences (in order to avoid the bullies) in addition to the obvious health concerns such as high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, breathing difficulties and bone and joint problems.

So what has this got to do with shoes?
There has been a marked increase in overweight children in the last few years, and this can affect how a shoe is worn and its durability. Members of the Society of Shoe Fitters are trained in many aspects of shoe fitting for children and young people, and one of the factors to be taken into consideration is the weight of a child and the impact it may have on the wear and fit of a shoe.

The most important thing to remember about any footwear is that ‘it is essential to wear the right shoe for the right occasion’, so that footwear will perform correctly and in accordance with its design and manufacture. Shoes are designed to do different jobs and take varying amounts of wear and tear.

So for example:
• Party shoes are not designed for climbing trees.
• School shoes are designed to be worn five days a week within a school environment.
• Wellies and waterproof boots are made for puddles and muddy walks!

Overweight children (particularly boys) often resort to wearing trainers all day, every day, mainly because it’s the only type of footwear that fits and feels comfortable. The construction of a trainer offers comfort for the foot due to all the padding inside, the soft chunky soles and the ability to easily open up wide for a chubbier foot.

Strictly speaking, however, trainers are designed and manufactured to be worn for sporting activities, and not for all day wear. Daily wearing of trainers can be harmful to your feet and general health and can lead to another different set of foot health problems such as allowing the feet to ‘spread’ and become more flaccid. As a result when you go back to wearing a more structured shoe, you may suffer for a while.

Overweight girls often choose fashionable flat ‘pumps’ like a ballet shoe, but with no fastening. Again these are not ideal especially if they are not fitted correctly, as the foot can bulge over the topline of the shoe. This is not just unsightly, it can be very uncomfortable. It can also create the potential for the skin to be chafed and for blisters to develop. The child also has to ‘claw’ her toes in order to keep the shoes on, then the shoes either gradually stretch and turn into ‘flip flops’ or the backs get broken down so there is no support for the heel. Unless the pump is of high quality there is likely to be inadequate shock absorption in the sole and insole which can make the foot prone to plantar fasciitis – which is extremely painful. The arches of the feet become overworked and bear the child’s entire weight, as opposed to a properly constructed shoe which is designed to take weight in specific places throughout the shoe.

Taking a shoe wider and wider is not necessarily the answer to fit a chubbier foot. In fact it often pays to go longer and narrower (although the depth and the style of the shoe would be a greater consideration with an overweight child) as it is all about how the weight of the child’s foot is distributed within the shoe.

Extra body weight puts strain on the arches and muscles in the feet, ankles, legs and hips, affecting your entire physiology. Even migraines can be attributed to ill-fitting footwear.

Finding comfortable and supportive shoes for overweight children is important to keep young people active and mobile. If your feet hurt due to ill fitting shoes, then you exercise less and are likely to gain more weight – a vicious cycle.

GPs, chiropodists and podiatrists inevitably see more foot health problems due to obesity, but their knowledge of mainstream footwear may be limited. Contact a qualified shoe fitter who is more likely to be ‘in the know’ with the latest brands, designs or trends, and who has the knowledge needed for giving the correct fit.

A qualified shoe fitter will always recommend a structured shoe, preferably with a fastening (such as laces, or a Velcro® strap, or a strap with a buckle) for children who need the correct footwear and who need to get in shape.

What adults choose to do with their feet is their concern, however as a parent we have a duty of care to our children to ensure that during the long growing period extreme care must be taken to avoid persistent pressure on the developing foot. Before the bones in a child’s foot have fully formed there is a danger of the bones becoming distorted by pressure due to inappropriate or ill fitting footwear. The additional problem of obesity in a child is another vital factor to be taken into account when getting their shoes fitted correctly.

If in doubt, then always consult a health professional or take advice from a qualified shoe fitter – remember that a child’s formative years shape the future of their feet and the way they walk and can have profound and far-reaching effects on their whole physiology.

Kim Jackson M.S.S.F (Member of the Society of Shoe Fitters & Children’s Foot Health Register accredited) Klodhoppers, Haywards Heath. www.klodhoppers.com

Jan 11
Love0

Outdoor play vs Covid-19

By children's health, Education, family, Health, Mental health
by Sally-Ann Barker
Potter’s House Preschool

While the country is in a state of limbo and we’re all trying to find the new normal or taking tentative baby steps to the old one, I’ve found myself overwhelmed with awe and wonder at the world that surrounds us. Amongst all the doom and gloom in the press, the media has, on occasion, provided us with heart-warming articles detailing how this unprecedented global crisis has affected nature in a rather more positive way.

Throughout lockdown, nitrogen dioxide levels dropped by more than 50% in some areas across the UK. Road traffic in the UK fell by more than 70% meaning there was a significantly lower toll for road kill and councils delayed the cutting of grass on roadside verges crucially providing more pollen for our bees. Further afield, wild boar became braver in Barcelona, peacocks have been wandering around Llandudno and dolphins have been spotted frolicking in Venice. Closer to my home in Sussex, swans have apparently returned to Storrington duck pond for the first time in 15 years. This was however according to my father-in-law and on closer inspection they turned out to be plastic decoy ones used to deter Canada Geese. Perhaps he should take a drive to Barnard’s Castle to check his eyesight!

I have always had a passion for Early Years education and have spent my career observing the impacts that differing environments have on children’s development. In my experience, I believe that access to outdoor play is hands down the most enriching thing we can give our children and indeed ourselves. As a result of my personal observations and experiences, I try to make sure that my preschool is predominantly outdoor based with access to indoor play and absolutely not the other way around.

The Covid-19 pandemic has inevitably provoked discussion amongst my staff and I regarding how nurseries and preschools should be operating under these new conditions. We’ve been forced to reassess our procedures, draw up reams of fresh risk assessments and develop totally new routines. We’ve been made to think about how we are going to try to keep these precious little people, and our staff, as safe as we can in these difficult times. We recognise that we must maintain the highest levels of care, whilst also ensuring everyone’s mental health remains positive. I began researching a substance called Phytoncides, which are emitted by trees and plants and are widely used in holistic, veterinary and aromatherapy medicines in Russia and Japan. Phytoncides have antibacterial and antifungal qualities that assist plants in fighting disease. When we breathe in these chemicals, our bodies increase the activity of white blood cells, which in turn kills off virus infected cells and boosts our immune system. So, given all of that, surely the safest place for us all is outside. Science says so!

As a rule, as the winter approaches, we inevitably spend far less time outside and are drawn to the warmer areas inside to keep cosy. When I was a child, we had no option but to stay inside at playtime if it was wet or windy which I feel conditioned us to regard wet weather as ‘bad weather’. But really, providing we are properly equipped then there is no such thing. The children in our setting come to preschool all wrapped up in snow suits and boots and hats and gloves and they still choose to be outside making potions in the mud kitchen – using every single one of their senses to explore and learn organically. It sometimes takes some convincing for parents to understand why we are still outside in the depths of the wet British winter, but I know that even the most dubious will come back to tell us that their children went home happy, that they ate well and they slept well – which is the bare minimum we want as parents.

In Sweden, outdoor nurseries are called ‘I Ur och Skur’ meaning ‘rain or shine’ and their children thrive. They are among the happiest and healthiest children as well as achieving academically later on in life. At our preschool we have adopted this pedagogical approach in developing our children – teaching them to be resilient and brave, encouraging them to manage risk and emotion. Ultimately, we want them to explore and respect the nature that surrounds them with their eyes wide and their minds curious.

So, come rain or shine we are always outside and as a result, the children are happy, healthy and developing beautifully. We will continue this practice (with added health and safety precautions because of the pandemic) and we will watch, wrapped up warm, as our children fight off all the nasty winter bugs.

For more information please contact Sally-Ann at sallyann@pottershousepreschool.co.uk or call 07375 379148 www.pottershousepreschool.co.uk

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