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Jul 10
Love0
toddler crawling

Early movement

By children's health, dance & Art, Education, Exercise, fun for children, Mental health, Playing, Relationships, Sport, Theatre
by Alice Liley, TumbleTots Worthing

Movement is one of the many ways babies and young children start to understand the world around them. Think about a baby rolling all the way over for the first time, or a preschooler jumping around with excitement. These moments aren’t just cute, they’re important steps in your child’s development. As parents, we have the joy of cheering them on as they master the basics and gradually build skills like balance, climbing and agility. These skills don’t just help them stay healthy, they also help with thinking, learning, managing feelings and making friends.

It’s good to remember that every child moves in their own way and at their own pace. Some babies might crawl early, others might take their time. What matters most is giving them lots of relaxed and engaging chances to play and spaces to try new things, so they can build confidence and learn new skills whilst having fun with you.

Agility might sound like a skill reserved for athletes, but in reality, it is simply about moving with control and adapting to new situations. Babies begin by crawling, then cruising and then walking. Children build their agility by learning to adapt their skills – crawling under tables, climbing over cushions and reacting to the space around them. Games like chase, dancing or dodging obstacles helps them to get better at moving as well as teaching them how to play with others as they grow.

Balance is fundamental to physical development. Babies start working on balance as soon as they learn to sit up and roll. As they grow, playing on uneven ground, stepping over toys or kicking a ball all help build their core muscles and balance. Letting your child play and move on their own, without holding their hand too tightly, helps them trust their bodies and become more independent in balance.

Climbing is another valuable way to develop strength and problem-solving skills. Whether your child is pulling up on the couch, climbing stairs or exploring a playground, they’re learning to plan their moves and judge distances. The goal isn’t always to climb the highest, but to let your child try new challenges independently that fit their abilities. You can help by giving them safe places to climb on their own, starting with simple things and moving up as they get stronger.

When babies and young children are moving, whether they’re rolling, crawling or walking, they’re getting feedback from all their senses. They feel where their body is, look around to judge how far things are, and learn by trial and error. This helps them figure out how to control their bodies, which is important for future skills like getting dressed, writing and team sports. You can help by making sure their clothes and play spaces let them move easily. Soft mats to roll on, bare feet as much as possible and plenty of room to explore can all make a big difference.

Every child benefits from opportunities to move and explore, regardless of their abilities or background. Creating welcoming environments, offering choices and focusing on what your child can do helps build a positive and inclusive experience.

Early movement also plays a key role in brain development, laying the foundations for future learning, hobbies and even careers. Each new movement is an opportunity to experiment, make mistakes and try again. Building resilience and self-esteem along the way.

Movement is also a powerful way for children to connect with others. Playing games, chasing friends and joining group activities teaches cooperation, turn taking and social skills. When movement is fun and accessible for all, children are more likely to share their games, explore together and discover the fun in shared activities.

When children feel safe and supported, they are more willing to try new things. Respecting their comfort zones while allowing them to take the lead helps build independence and confidence. In the early years, movement shapes how children grow, learn and see themselves.

By encouraging skills like balance, agility and climbing, you are helping your child develop into a confident and resilient person. The best thing you can offer is a wide range of opportunities to move and play, creating a strong foundation for a happy, healthy future.

Booking Tumble Tots Worthing classes helps your child build confidence, coordination, social skills and fitness while having fun in a safe environment together.

To find out more please visit www.tumbletots.com/worthing

Jul 07
Love0
neuro-diversity

Family mediation and neurodiversity Why understanding your child changes everything

By ADHD and neurodiversity, Legal, Relationships
by Yulia Osudina, YO Mediation

When parents separate, one of the biggest concerns is how children will cope. For many families, mediation offers a calm and constructive way to make arrangements. But when a child is neurodivergent, whether they have ADHD, autism, developmental coordination disorder, Tourette’s Syndrome, specific learning difficulties (e.g. dyslexia, dyscalculia), or another form of neurodiversity, the approach needs to go further.

For these children, it is not just about where they live. It is about how they experience change, routine, and emotional security.

A growing reality for many families

There is growing awareness of neurodiversity across England, and that is a positive step forward. It is estimated that around 15 – 20% of the population is neurodivergent. Based on National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) guidelines, ADHD is thought to affect between 3 – 5% of school aged children, while British Medical Association states that autism affects approximately 1 in 100 children in the UK.

At the same time, family separation is common. According to the Office for National Statistics, around one in four families experience separation before a child reaches adulthood.

This means many families are navigating both neurodiversity and separation at the same time. While awareness is improving, support systems are still evolving. There is growing emphasis within legislation and policy on promoting children’s wellbeing and recognising their individual needs. However, the family justice system still faces challenges. Delays in the courts are widely reported, and for those children who depend on routine and predictability, long periods of uncertainty can be particularly difficult.

Understanding neurodiversity in mediation

Family mediation works best when it truly focuses on the child. A mediator with an understanding of neurodiversity will recognise that behaviour is often a form of communication and that children may experience routines, transitions, and emotions differently.

This understanding shapes better conversations between parents and leads to more practical and supportive outcomes for children.

ADHD and the challenge of two homes

For a child with ADHD, daily life can already feel fast moving and unpredictable. Separation can add further complexity.

Moving between two homes may seem straightforward, but in reality, it can lead to forgotten belongings, difficulty adapting to different routines, increased anxiety around transitions and emotional overwhelm.

A mediator who understands ADHD will encourage parents to look beyond, for example, equal time arrangements and instead focus on stability and what it means for a particular child. This may involve creating consistent routines across both homes, using clear and visual schedules, reducing the number of transitions and agreeing on practical ways to stay organised and communicate. It may also be necessary to have regular reviews, especially in the beginning. Some families choose to have an annual review of their parenting plan at the start of each school year.

The aim is to create a sense of predictability that supports the child’s wellbeing and overall emotional stability.

Autism, routine and emotional safety

For autistic children, routine and familiarity are often essential to feeling secure. Changes to living arrangements can feel overwhelming, not because the child is unwilling, but because predictability is so important.

An informed mediator will support parents to think carefully about how change is introduced. This may include gradual transitions, maintaining consistent daily routines and ensuring the child has a familiar and comfortable space in each home.

In a similar way, extra consideration may have to be given to how and when new partners (and potentially, their children) are introduced to an autistic child.

Preparing the child in advance and allowing time to adjust can make a significant difference. A slower and more thoughtful approach often leads to better long-term outcomes.

The emotional impact of separation

All children are affected by separation, but neurodivergent children may experience and express emotions in different ways. Some may struggle to explain how they feel, while others may become more anxious or withdrawn. Changes in behaviour can be a sign that the child is overwhelmed.

A mediator with the right understanding will help parents recognise these signs and respond in supportive ways. This includes encouraging clear communication, reducing last minute changes and creating an environment where the child feels safe and understood.

Moving away from one size fits all parenting plans

Parenting plans often focus on fairness or convenience, but for neurodivergent children, a more individual approach is needed.

Effective arrangements may include longer stays in one home to reduce transitions, flexible schedules that reflect the child’s needs and shared strategies to support emotional regulation.

It is also important to build in regular review so that arrangements can adapt as the child grows and their needs change. In some cases, the involvement of other professionals such as parenting coordinators or therapists can provide valuable support and guidance.

This approach allows families to create arrangements that are practical, realistic, and focused around the child’s everyday experience.

Mediation compared with court

One of the key advantages of mediation is that it allows parents to remain in control of decisions. Families can design arrangements that reflect their child’s routines, sensitivities and emotional needs.

By contrast, the court process can feel rigid. Decisions are made for families, often under pressure and within limited time. With ongoing delays in the court system, families may face long periods of uncertainty, which can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent children.

Mediation offers a more flexible and responsive approach, allowing families to adjust and refine arrangements as needed.

A more supportive way forward

Separation is never easy, but with the right support, families can move forward in a way that protects a child’s wellbeing.

For families with neurodivergent children, understanding is key. Working with a mediator who recognises ADHD, autism, dyspraxia, associated specific learning difficulties or another form of neurodiversity can lead to more thoughtful decisions and better outcomes.

It means less misunderstanding, more stability and arrangements that truly reflect the child’s needs.

Most importantly, it ensures that the child remains at the centre of every decision, where they belong.

YO Mediation offers family mediation on children and finances at any stage of family breakdown, providing tailored, cost-effective solutions outside court for British and international families. Appointments are available face-to-face in Epsom or online. For further information please visit www.yomediation.com

Jul 03
Love0
dance fun

From steps to strength – The power of ballet and dance for children’s fitness

By dance & Art, Education, fun for children, Mental health, Music and singing, Relationships, Theatre
by Lynda Forster, Dance Art Studio

In a world filled with screens, busy schedules,and limited outdoor play, finding fun and effective ways to keep children active is more important than ever. One activity that blends movement, creativity and joy is dance. For preschool children especially, dance classes offer far more than just learning steps – they provide a powerful foundation for physical fitness, emotional development and lifelong healthy habits.

Moving little bodies in big ways

Preschool-aged children are naturally full of energy. Dance gives them a structured yet playful outlet to move their bodies in ways that support healthy growth. Through jumping, spinning, stretching and balancing, children develop essential motor skills such as coordination, agility and strength.

Unlike some sports that focus on competition, dance encourages every child to participate at their own level. Whether they are tiptoeing like a fairy or stomping like a dinosaur, each movement helps build muscle strength and improve cardiovascular fitness. Over time, these small steps contribute to stronger bodies and better physical endurance.

Building confidence through expression

Dance is not just about physical movement – it’s also a powerful form of self-expression. In a dance class, children are encouraged to use their imagination, explore different emotions and express themselves freely through movement.

For preschoolers who may not yet have the words to describe how they feel, dance becomes a language of its own. This freedom helps boost self-confidence, as children learn that their ideas and movements are valued. Performing simple routines or even just dancing in front of peers can give them a sense of accomplishment and pride.

Supporting social skills and friendships

Dance classes are also wonderful social environments. Children learn to share space, take turns and work together as part of a group. Whether they are following a teacher’s instructions or moving in sync with classmates, they are developing important social skills.

These interactions help children build friendships and feel part of a community. For many preschoolers, dance class may be one of their first structured group experiences, making it an excellent opportunity to practice cooperation, listening and respect for others.

Enhancing brain development

The benefits of dance extend beyond the body and into the brain. Learning dance routines involves memory, focus, and sequencing – all key cognitive skills for early development.

When children remember a series of steps or respond to changes in music, they are strengthening neural connections that support learning in other areas, such as reading and problem solving. Dance also introduces rhythm and timing, which are closely linked to language development and early literacy skills.

Encouraging healthy habits early

Introducing children to dance at a young age helps establish a positive relationship with physical activity. When exercise is associated with fun and creativity, children are more likely to stay active as they grow older.

Dance classes teach children that movement is enjoyable, not a chore. This mindset is crucial in building lifelong habits that contribute to overall health and wellbeing. Instead of viewing fitness as something they ‘have to do,’children begin to see it as something they love.

Supporting emotional wellbeing

Preschool years can be full of big emotions. Dance provides a safe and supportive space for children to release energy, reduce stress and help regulate their feelings.

Music and movement have a natural calming effect, helping children feel happier and more relaxed. Whether they are dancing energetically or swaying gently to a soft tune, these moments can improve mood and emotional balance.

Additionally, the structure of a dance class – warm-ups, activities and cool-downs – gives children a sense of routine and security, which is especially beneficial during early childhood.

Inclusive and adaptable for all

One of the greatest strengths of dance is its inclusivity. Dance classes can be adapted to suit children of all abilities, ensuring that everyone can participate and enjoy the experience.

There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to dance, which makes it accessible and welcoming. This inclusive environment helps children feel accepted and valued, regardless of their skill level.

A joyful path to fitness

At its heart, dance is about joy. The laughter, music, and movement create an environment where children can thrive physically, socially, and emotionally. It transforms exercise into an adventure, where every class brings new opportunities to explore, learn and grow.

For parents and caregivers, enrolling a child in a dance class is not just about teaching them steps – it’s about giving them the tools to build strength, confidence and a love for movement that can last a lifetime.

So, whether it’s a twirl, a jump, or a simple clap to the beat, every movement matters. From those first tiny steps to stronger, more confident strides, dance truly has the power to shape a child’s fitness journey in the most delightful way.

Dance Art Studio is located in the Fiveways and Preston Park area of Brighton offering preschool ballet and dance for 3-4 year olds and graded ballet, tap, modern theatre dance and street as well as boys only tap and jazz. Exams and performance opportunities. We also hold holiday workshops. www.danceartstudio.co.uk

Jul 02
Love0
boy with microphone

Public speaking and confidence A gift or a skill?

By Childcare and Nannying, Education, Independence, Mental health, Relationships, Wellbeing
by Aysha Powell, Planted Voices

Picture the scene. You are in a cafe and the waiter asks your child what they would like. Your child, who spent the entire car journey telling you exactly what they wanted, goes completely silent. They bury their face in your arm. You smile apologetically, say something about being shy and order for them. It happens a hundred times in a childhood. Most of us let it pass without a second thought. But those moments matter far more than we realise, because inside each one is a message your child quietly gives themselves about their voice. And once that message takes hold, it  is hard to change.

The question parents most often ask me is whether confidence is something a child is born with or something that can be built. The answer, backed by decades of child development research, is unambiguous – it is built. And the most important thing to understand is when. It does not begin at secondary school. It does not begin when a child is asked to present in class. It begins in the earliest conversations, at the kitchen table, in the car, on the way to nursery, long before anyone thinks to call it public speaking.

Communication confidence is not a secondary school subject. It is not a skill we should begin developing at eleven or twelve, when habits of silence and self-doubt are already well established. Research in early childhood development consistently shows that children who are given a voice from a young age, asked for their opinions, listened to with genuine attention and encouraged to express themselves in safe environments, develop significantly stronger communication skills, higher self-esteem and better academic outcomes than those who are not. The gap is visible well before a child reaches primary school.

“Communication confidence is not a secondary school subject. It begins in the earliest conversations, long before anyone thinks to call it public speaking.”

And yet our school system is not designed to develop every child’s voice. Susan Cain’s landmark research in Quiet shows that schools are built overwhelmingly for extroverts. The child who leads every group project and shouts out answers is rewarded. The child who thinks deeply and speaks only when certain is too often overlooked, or labelled as shy, as though that explains everything. The UK Government’s growing investment in oracy, the ability to speak clearly and with confidence, acknowledges something has been missing. Research shows that children who receive explicit communication teaching make measurable gains in literacy, critical thinking and self-confidence. Parents do not need to wait for the curriculum to catch up.

From the moment a child begins to talk, parents are their most important communication teacher, often without realising it. Even a two-year-old who is encouraged to say please and thank you to a stranger is practising something real. The conversations we have at breakfast, how we respond when a child tells us something that matters to them, whether we let them order their own food or do it for them – these are the earliest lessons in whether a voice is worth using. The most effective things parents can do require no specialist training, no expense and very little time.

The most powerful starting point is genuinely listening when your child speaks, not just hearing but responding as though what they have said matters. Ask follow-up questions. Invite opinions on small things – what film shall we watch, what do you think happened there? A child who is regularly asked what they think, and whose answer is received with curiosity rather than correction, learns early that their voice has value. This is where all communication confidence begins, and it can start at three just as easily as at thirteen.

Second, create small, real-world speaking moments and step back. Let your five-year-old hand their library books to the librarian and say thank you. Let your eight-year-old order their own meal at a restaurant. Let your twelve-year-old call to ask about a booking. These micro-moments feel insignificant but they are anything but, because each one builds a child’s evidence that their voice works outside the home. The temptation to step in is natural and kind. Resist it. Give them five seconds. The discomfort is not distress. It is growth.

Finally, look for structured activities in the right environment. Drama, debate, storytelling and public speaking workshops all help, but the setting matters as much as the activity. Large or competitive groups can overwhelm quieter children. Seek out small groups where every child is seen, confidence is built through encouragement rather than evaluation, and the child who speaks last is valued as much as the child who speaks first.

I spent twenty years learning something that could have been natural if someone had started building it when I was small. It is the story of a generation who waited too long. Our children do not have to. The window opens early. Pay attention when it does.

Aysha Powell is a corporate professional and public speaking coach for children, with twenty years of experience in communication-led environments. She works with children across South London, from early years through to secondary school, helping them build the confidence, clarity and courage to find their voice. www.plantedvoices.com @weareplantedvoices

Mar 23
Love0
theatre children

Theatre – ignite their imagination

By Music and singing, Panto, panto, Relationships, Theatre

Taking children to watch live theatre is one of the most enriching gifts a parent can offer. In a world increasingly dominated by screens, instant gratification and passive entertainment, live theatre stands apart as a vibrant, human and deeply immersive experience. It sparks imagination, nurtures emotional intelligence and introduces children to the power of storytelling in a way no digital medium can replicate. Beyond simple entertainment, theatre helps shape thoughtful, confident and culturally aware young people.

One of the most powerful benefits of live theatre is its ability to ignite imagination. Unlike films or television, theatre does not rely on constant visual effects or close-up shots to tell its story. Children must actively engage, filling in gaps with their own creativity. A simple stage can become a magical kingdom, a pirate ship or a bustling city through performance, lighting and sound. This active participation strengthens a child’s ability to visualise, think creatively and interpret meaning – skills that are essential for problem-solving and innovation later in life.

Live theatre also fosters emotional development. When children watch characters experience joy, fear, jealousy, love or loss in real time, they learn to recognise and understand emotions in a nuanced way. Seeing actors express feelings physically and vocally helps children develop empathy, teaching them to consider perspectives different from their own. These emotional lessons are subtle yet powerful, helping children become more compassionate and emotionally literate as they grow.

Another major advantage of live theatre is its positive impact on language and communication skills. Theatre exposes children to rich vocabulary, expressive dialogue and varied speech patterns. Unlike scripted television shows designed for quick consumption, stage plays often challenge young audiences to listen closely and follow complex narratives. This strengthens listening skills, improves comprehension and encourages a deeper appreciation for language. For younger children especially, seeing stories unfold through spoken word can significantly support literacy development.

Live theatre also encourages focus and patience – qualities that are increasingly rare in the digital age. Sitting through a performance requires children to remain attentive, observe quietly and respect shared spaces. This practice of sustained attention is invaluable, helping children develop self-discipline and the ability to engage meaningfully with longer tasks. Over time, these habits translate into better concentration at school and a greater capacity for thoughtful reflection.

Cultural exposure is another key reason to introduce children to theatre. Plays often reflect diverse histories, traditions and viewpoints, allowing children to explore cultures and experiences beyond their own. Whether watching a classic fairy tale, a historical drama or a modern story tackling social themes, children gain insight into the world’s complexity. Theatre can gently introduce big ideas – such as fairness, identity, courage and responsibility – in ways that are accessible and age-appropriate.

Importantly, live theatre creates shared experiences that strengthen family bonds. Attending a performance together opens the door to meaningful conversations afterward. Parents and children can discuss characters’ choices, favourite moments or lessons learned, reinforcing understanding and critical thinking. These discussions help children articulate their thoughts and opinions while feeling heard and valued. The memory of dressing up, sitting in a theatre and applauding performers can become a cherished family tradition.

Live theatre can also inspire confidence and creativity in children. Watching performers command a stage may encourage children to explore self-expression through drama, music or public speaking. For some, it plants the seed for a lifelong love of the arts; for others, it simply builds courage to speak up, perform or share ideas openly. Even children who never step on stage themselves benefit from seeing what confidence, collaboration and practise can achieve.

Finally, taking children to live theatre teaches them to value art and human connection. Theatre is a shared, unrepeatable experience – each performance is unique, shaped by the energy between actors and audience. Children learn that not all meaningful experiences can be paused, replayed or scrolled past. They learn to be present, to appreciate effort, and to recognise the beauty of creativity unfolding in real time.

Live theatre offers far more than entertainment for children. It nurtures imagination, builds empathy, strengthens communication skills and fosters cultural awareness. It teaches patience, inspires creativity and creates lasting family memories. In choosing to take children to live theatre, parents are not just planning an outing – they are investing in their child’s emotional, intellectual and social growth.

In a fast-paced, digital world, live theatre remains a powerful reminder of the magic that happens when stories are shared face-to-face.

 

Mar 16
Love0

Supporting your child’s mental health

By ADHD and neurodiversity, Education, Mental health, Relationships, special educational needs, Wellbeing
by Emily Snape
author and mother

Supporting a child’s mental health rarely looks the way we expect it to. There isn’t a clear plan and progress is rarely straightforward. What works at one stage can stop working at another and what helps one child may not help the next. Over time, I’ve learned that supporting mental health is less about having the right answers and more about paying attention, staying connected and learning what your own child needs.

My middle son has ADHD, and our experience has included meltdowns, anxiety, school avoidance, high-energy moods and behaviours that can be difficult to manage. There have been moments when I’ve worried about what these struggles might mean long-term, and times when I’ve felt like I’m getting so much wrong.

One thing that has become very clear is that the relationship between me and my child must come first. Before consequences, before explanations, before trying to move things along. When a child is overwhelmed, what can help most is knowing that the adult in front of them is steady and on their side. That doesn’t mean removing boundaries or avoiding difficult conversations – it means prioritising connection, particularly when things are not going well.

Learning to notice the detail
With time, I’ve become better at noticing the detail behind behaviour. What looks like defiance or refusal is often anxiety, exhaustion or something that has built up quietly. Asking myself what might be driving a reaction, rather than focusing on stopping it, has helped me respond more calmly.

I’ve also learned that timing matters. My children rarely talk when emotions are running high. Some of the most useful conversations have happened in the car, or at bedtime, when the day has slowed down. Those moments can’t be forced, but they can be made possible.

Connection before direction
When emotions are high, instructions tend to land badly. I’ve learned that it usually works better to slow things down first, to sit nearby, acknowledge how difficult something feels, and wait. Once a child feels understood, they are far more able to reflect and take things on board.

Revisiting situations afterwards has also been important. I don’t always respond as well as I’d like in the moment. Going back to talk things through, and apologising, when necessary, has helped maintain trust and repair the relationship.

Remembering that feelings change
One thing I remind myself of regularly is that feelings are temporary. This has helped me keep perspective when my child is distressed, even if I’m feeling anxious myself.

When my eldest son, who is 16 and in the middle of his GCSEs, came back from the hairdresser last week, he was completely distraught. He announced he wouldn’t be leaving the house until it had all grown back. At the time, it genuinely felt like a crisis. I went straight into problem-solving mode, trying to reason with him that it was ‘just hair’, while panicking about school, exams and what Monday morning was going to look like. It took a few careful steps to get him back into school, but once he realised it wasn’t the catastrophe he’d imagined, he was able to move on. A week later, and he’s totally moved on – though at the time, it felt anything but small.

Of course, that isn’t always the case. Anxiety can be persistent, and school avoidance has been an ongoing challenge for us. It’s draining, and there are no quick solutions. But even here, I’ve learned that progress is rarely linear, and that patience and understanding tend to achieve more than pressure.

Opening conversations about ADHD
I wrote my books, My Amazing ADHD Brain and My Amazing Autistic Brain to help open conversations, both for children and for the adults around them. They are intended as a way for children to understand how their brains work, and to see themselves in a balanced and positive light. For many families, books can offer a starting point for conversations.

I’m still learning, and there are still difficult days. But I know now that supporting a child’s mental health isn’t about fixing everything or getting it right all the time. It’s about being consistent, paying attention and always staying by their side.

Emily Snape is a children’s author and illustrator living in London. Her work has appeared online, on television, in shops and even on buses! She has three cheeky children, Leo, Fin and Flo who keep her on her toes. www.emilysnape.co.uk Emily’s newest book ‘My Amazing Autistic Brain’ is published by Summersdale, £6.99

Mar 15
Love0
angry father

When the volume goes up, connection goes down

By Childcare and Nannying, family, Mental health, Relationships
by Giulia Galli
Parental Coach

How our words and our tone become their inner voice

Lately, I’ve been noticing a sound that cuts through everyday life – not laughter from the playground or the hum of conversation drifting from kitchens, but shouting. Not the occasional raised voice that slips out in frustration, but the repeated, sharp, heavy kind.

Sometimes it’s siblings snapping at each other. Sometimes it’s teenagers slamming back at parents. And often, it’s parents themselves, shouting at toddlers, at primary-age children, even at babies not yet walking.

One mother’s voice has stayed with me. Every time her one-year-old knocks something over or spills his food, her response is the same: loud, harsh, full of judgement. Every fall of a toy, every food-splattered shirt, every curious gesture that leaves a mark is met with anger. He’s only one. Just one.

And yet, what he is learning isn’t just how objects fall or how sounds are made: it’s what power feels like. What anger sounds like. What happens when you do something ‘wrong’. What it means to be small in a world where big voices rule.

Let’s be clear – this isn’t about shaming parents. We’ve all raised our voices. I have, too. Shouting happens. Sometimes we’re exhausted, sometimes we’re overstimulated, sometimes we’re carrying far more than our nervous system can handle. And many of us grew up with shouting ourselves, so it became the norm.

But here’s the truth – shouting doesn’t teach reflection. It teaches fear. It doesn’t create understanding. It creates compliance. And in children, especially very young ones, it doesn’t build confidence. It builds shame.

Think about it – when a toddler spills water, shouting doesn’t teach them how to hold the cup better next time. It teaches them that trying is dangerous. When a child touches something fragile, a loud scolding doesn’t teach caution, it teaches that curiosity isn’t safe. When a child is overwhelmed and cries, shouting doesn’t teach them how to regulate their feelings, it teaches them that big emotions aren’t allowed.

This is the danger of repeated shouting: it turns moments of behaviour into a story about identity.

“I dropped something” becomes “I’m clumsy.” “I was curious” becomes “I’m annoying.” “I was upset” becomes “I’m too much.”

Those stories stick. And they echo long after the moment has passed.

The irony is that shouting might get us what we want in the moment – it might stop the behaviour. But the cost is disconnection. We silence. We scare. We disconnect. And in that silence, children don’t learn what to do differently. They just learn to feel small.

So what’s the alternative? First, awareness. Notice when the urge to shout rises. Often, it’s not the behaviour itself that pushes us over the edge, but the meaning we attach to it: “He’s doing this on purpose.” “She never listens.” “I can’t take this anymore.” That story is what fuels the reaction.

Second, pause. Parenting gives us endless opportunities to reset. Even a few seconds can change everything. Lower your voice instead of raising it. Name your own feeling: “I’m getting frustrated.” Ask for help: “Let’s take a minute to calm down.” Step out of the room for three breaths before you respond. Replace “What’s wrong with you?” with “Let’s try again.”

Small shifts like these model something powerful. They show children that mistakes are part of learning. That emotions can be managed without force. That connection matters more than control.

Because children aren’t just learning from our instructions. They’re absorbing our example. The words and the tone we use today becomes the inner voice they’ll carry tomorrow.

Think back to your own childhood. The voices you heard most often probably still echo in your head. They may tell you to “be careful,” to “try harder,” or perhaps to “quiet down.” Those phrases, spoken in particular tones, become part of who we are. And now, as parents, we are shaping that voice for our children.

That’s why shouting is more than just noise. It’s a message. And if repeated, it becomes a belief.

This isn’t about never shouting again. None of us are perfect. It’s about noticing, repairing and choosing differently when we can. Even after we’ve raised our voice, we can come back and say, “I shouldn’t have shouted. I was tired and frustrated. Let’s try again.” That moment of repair doesn’t erase what happened, but it teaches accountability. It shows children that mistakes can be mended.

One day, our children will be grown. They may not remember every word we said. But they will remember how it felt to be with us. Was the home a place where mistakes were punished or explored? Where curiosity was stifled or encouraged? Where fear entered the room with us or safety did?

When the volume goes up, connection goes down. But when we choose calm, patience and presence instead, we give our children something far more lasting than obedience: we give them an inner voice that supports them for life.

Giulia Galli is a parental coach and author of When a Parent is Born. She supports families with intentional parenting. For further information please visit www.reegal.co.uk

Dec 03
Love0

Co-parenting at Christmas: What it really means in family law

By family, Finance, Legal, Relationships
by Georgia Oliver
Family Executive, Dutton Gregory

In the world of family law, terms and phrases are often used to describe specific legal concepts or terms such as ‘custody’, ‘visitation’ and ‘child support’, even if those terms have never been set out in legislation. One such term gaining popularity especially during the Christmas period is co-parenting. However, while co-parenting is a widely discussed concept in the media, it’s important to understand that co-parenting is not a legal term.

What is co-parenting?
Co-parenting refers to an arrangement in which two parents, typically after a separation or divorce, continue to work together to raise their child or children. While the idea of co-parenting is rooted in the desire for co-operative parenting, it does not have a formal definition or specific legal status under family law.

Co-parenting is a broad and informal concept. Legal terms must be defined and understood consistently to ensure enforceability in court. Co-parenting can refer to different levels of involvement between the parents, from highly collaborative relationships to those involving limited communication, but none of these variations are specifically outlined in family law legislation.

Why it matters more at Christmas
The Christmas period often puts co-parenting arrangements to the test. With school holidays, family gatherings and strong emotional ties to festive traditions, deciding how and where a child spends Christmas can become a major point of contention.

Many families agree to alternate Christmases or split the day itself, but unless these arrangements are formalised in a court order, they rely entirely on goodwill and communication. Co-parenting can help facilitate smooth planning, but it’s important to remember it has no legal standing. If disputes arise, the court will focus on what is in the child’s best interests, not on enforcing a co-parenting agreement.

How co-parenting relates to family law
Even though co-parenting itself is not a legal term, the approach to co-parenting can have a significant impact on family law matters, especially when it comes to a ‘lives with’ court order and other parenting plans.

If parents cannot resolve a dispute over the arrangements for their children outside of the court arena, then in cases where both parents actively participate in decision-making and the child’s upbringing, the court may make a ‘joint lives with’ order. This allows both parents to be involved in making important decisions for their child, which is consistent with the goals of co-parenting. However, a ‘lives with’ order is a formal legal term, while co-parenting is the informal practice that may help achieve such an arrangement.

Mediation: A helpful tool at Christmas
Mediation is particularly useful during the Christmas period, as it helps parents communicate more effectively and focus on practical, child-focused outcomes. While it can support a more successful co-parenting relationship, it’s still up to the parents to commit to making it work.

Co-parenting encourages collaboration, especially during the Christmas period, but it’s important to understand that it remains an informal concept without legal force. Parents should aim to plan ahead, communicate clearly and prioritise their child’s needs.

At Dutton Gregory, we assist with parenting arrangements year-round including around Christmas and offering guidance on mediation, court applications, and formal orders to help families move forward with clarity and stability. Georgia Oliver is an experienced Family Executive at Dutton Gregory, so if you want advice then please contact Georgia on 01483 755609 or g.oliver@duttongregory.co.uk

Nov 10
Love0
growing confidence in children

Growing confidence

By Education, Mental health, Relationships, Wellbeing

Why many children are struggling and how parents can help

Confidence is often described as the quiet superpower that shapes a child’s life, influencing everything from their mental wellbeing to their willingness to try new things and build friendships. Yet, recent research shows that a significant number of children in the UK are facing a confidence crisis – one that could have lasting impacts if left unaddressed.

The Listen Up Report from youth and education agency Hark reveals that up to one in three adolescents nationwide experience little or no confidence. While the report focuses on young people aged 11 to 18, many of the challenges it highlights are rooted in earlier childhood and can begin to take shape well before secondary school.

What is the ‘confidence crisis’?
Children with low confidence often struggle to speak up in class, join social activities or express their opinions. This ‘unheard third’ – roughly 10 children in every classroom – may find it difficult to participate fully in school and social life, which can hold them back academically and emotionally.

The report found that at age 11, when children start secondary school, around 29% already feel little or no confidence. This figure rises as children face new pressures and transitions during adolescence. Although confidence can improve with time, early experiences are crucial in shaping a child’s self-belief and future aspirations.

What’s behind the decline in confidence?
The factors contributing to this crisis are complex and interconnected:
• The lingering impact of Covid-19
School closures and social isolation disrupted normal childhood development, making it harder for children to build social skills and resilience.
• Social media and online pressure
Even younger children are exposed to the pressures of maintaining an ‘online persona’ through siblings or early access to technology. The fear of judgment and comparison can chip away at their self-esteem.
• Fear of judgment and lack of emotional safety
Many children, particularly girls and those from minority groups, feel they cannot speak openly without being misunderstood or judged harshly. This fear stifles their confidence to express themselves authentically.

Without safe spaces at school or home to discuss feelings and experiences, children may internalise their doubts, leading to a downward spiral of invisibility and self-doubt.

Why early confidence matters
Confidence in childhood is not just about feeling good in the moment – it shapes how children engage with learning, develop friendships and approach challenges.

Children who lack confidence are less likely to participate in class, join clubs or speak up, which means they miss out on valuable opportunities to grow and be seen.

This invisibility can become a self-perpetuating cycle – the quieter a child is, the less support and encouragement they receive, further eroding their confidence and narrowing their future possibilities.

What can parents do?
The good news is that confidence is not a fixed trait – it can be nurtured and developed with the right support and environment. Parents play a vital role in helping their children build belief in themselves. Here are some practical ways to help:
• Create safe spaces for expression
Encourage your child to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
Listen actively and validate their experiences.
• Celebrate small successes
Recognise and praise your child’s efforts and achievements, no matter how small. This builds a sense of accomplishment and motivation.
• Model confidence and positive self-talk
Children learn by example. Show them how to approach challenges with a growth mindset and kindness towards themselves.
• Support social skills development
Encourage play dates, group activities and social interactions that help your child practise communication and cooperation.
• Be patient and persistent
Building confidence is a journey, not a race. Consistent encouragement and under-standing make a big difference over time.

A call to listen louder
Every child’s confidence journey is unique, and it’s vital that parents, teachers and communities work together to see, hear and value each child. The Listen Up Report reminds us that confidence gaps are not personality flaws but broken social patterns that can be changed.

By fostering environments where quieter voices can thrive and teaching children to believe in themselves, we can help them step through doors they might not even see are open to them.

This article is based on insights from Hark’s Listen Up Report 2025, a comprehensive study on youth confidence in the UK. Hark is a London-based education and youth agency with over 30 years’ experience supporting young people and organisations to build confidence and skills. For further details or to read the full report please visit www.harklondon.com/listen-up/

 

Nov 06
Love0
panto

The importance of panto

By Christmas, family, Music and singing, panto, Relationships, Theatre
by James Stafford
Brighton Family Panto

This Christmas across the UK, we’ll hear thousands of children screaming “Oh yes it is! Oh no it isn’t! He’s behind you!”

For many children, the pantomime is their very first encounter with live theatre. In a world dominated by screens on tablets, phones and TVs, this is a rare and magical experience. Stepping into a theatre, feeling the buzz of anticipation and seeing a story unfold before their eyes can spark a lifelong love of storytelling, creativity and the arts. Unlike a cinema, where children are expected to sit quietly and absorb the story in silence, the panto invites them to participate, laugh and interact. Pantomimes provide a space where their energy and excitement are not just welcomed, but actively encouraged. The theatre becomes a safe, inclusive and lively environment, where children can express themselves freely, shout, cheer and take part without fear of judgement, celebrating their joy and individuality.

There is something uniquely enchanting about watching characters come to life on stage. The huge and dazzling costumes, the sequins, the energetic songs and the larger-than-life personalities create a world where imagination can roam freely. For many families, this first visit becomes a treasured festive tradition, full of laughter, fun and Christmas magic.

The tradition of panto
Pantomime is a uniquely British institution, combining fairy tales and well-known folk stories with music, comedy and audience participation in a joyous celebration. One of the most beloved elements of panto is its sense of fun and humour. The exaggerated characters, playful jokes and larger-than-life performances make children laugh out loud, often at the very things adults have learned to appreciate in a more subtle way.

At the heart of this tradition is the pantomime dame. Children delight in seeing a clearly grown man dressed as a woman, performing outrageous antics on stage. This playful gender role reversal is central to panto, and much of its comedy springs from the dame’s larger-than-life presence. Beyond the laughs, the dame also introduces children to ideas about performance, identity and self-expression. It’s not just funny, it’s formative. Seeing these playful subversions of traditional gender roles can help children understand that identity is flexible, and that theatre is a space where creativity and self-expression can flourish. In a subtle but meaningful way, pantomimes challenge conventions and encourage children to think more openly about who they are and how they might present themselves in the world.

Participation, laughter and imagination
What truly sets pantomime apart is its interactivity. Children are not passive spectators, they are active participants. Calls of “He’s behind you!” and “Oh no it isn’t!” invite them into the story, giving them confidence, a sense of agency and the joy of a communal experience. In the theatre, children are encouraged to be loud, energetic and fully themselves, something often discouraged in other environments. This safe, playful setting nurtures emotional development and social understanding – all whilst being enormous fun.

Pantomime also teaches children the power of storytelling. Heroes and villains, lessons of right and wrong and the triumph of good over evil are presented with music, comedy and spectacle. These early encounters with narrative structure, dramatic tension and humour leave lasting impressions, shaping how children understand stories and performance for the rest of their lives.

Why it matters
In a world dominated by screens, pantomime offers a vital alternative. Live theatre is immediate, immersive and unpredictable. It demands attention, imagination and engagement. It shows children that the real magic happens in shared experience, that stories are best lived as well as watched and that creativity thrives in participation.

Beyond the spectacle, pantomime nurtures curiosity, empathy and emotional intelligence. It encourages children to dream, to imagine and to engage with the world playfully and thoughtfully. And it leaves memories that families carry for years, embedding a love of theatre and live performance that screens alone cannot replicate.

This Christmas, as theatres across Sussex and the UK fill with children laughing, cheering and joining in, we are reminded why pantomime matters. It is more than a festive tradition, it is an introduction to imagination, creativity and the joy of participation. It sparks wonder, challenges perceptions and opens doors to a world of stories waiting to be discovered. For children, the pantomime is not just entertainment, it is an unforgettable first step into a lifelong love of theatre, laughter and imagination.

James Stafford is part of the Brighton Family Panto Team, who have a beanstalk-sized treat for you this Christmas and a panto packed with tons of fe-fi-fo-FUN! 01273 719759 www.brightonfamilypanto.com  hello@brightonfamilypanto.com

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