family Archives - ABC Magazine

Jul 03

Parenting Moving from protecting to equipping

By adrian_abc Childcare and Nannying, Early Years, Education, family, Mental health, Playing, Wellbeing

by Molly Potter, Children’s wellbeing expert

As parents/carers, we most commonly begin with a baby who depends on us for everything and needs our protection. At the other end of the parenting timeline, we hope to deliver an ‘effective adult’ into the world – someone we have equipped well to navigate it.

When you consider how much a child changes between these two stages, it makes obvious sense that our parenting will also need to change. However, being a parent is an extremely demanding role and it’s understandably difficult to find the time and motivation to continuously take stock and reflect upon our parenting. It can therefore be helpful to hold some ‘big picture’ awareness of what we might be trying to achieve on this journey.

As our children leave babyhood behind, our responsibility becomes helping them learn how to become increasingly self-reliant. We can discard the plug-socket protectors and playpens as our children start to learn what’s safe and what isn’t. We teach them basic skills, such as putting their shoes on, so they can do more for themselves. However, as this process unfolds, we might sometimes miss opportunities to stretch their self-reliance and understanding of the world even further.

For example, we might sometimes continue to do things they could learn to do but also overlook chances to let our children sort minor difficulties out for themselves. When our child is struggling with a situation, we might typically bombard them with solutions, dismiss the problem or sort everything out directly and immediately for them. We probably do this in the name of expediency or be responding automatically – unable to bear seeing our children suffer or struggle even a little (which, of course, comes from a place of love). However, it might seem counter-intuitive, but allowing our children to struggle, fail and mess up and then work through the situation for themselves, helps them prove to themselves that they can problem-solve, that they don’t always need someone else to fix things and that they can cope.

So, what can help us do this without feeling as though we have abandoned our children to a regime of far-too-uncomfortable tough-love? The answer lies partly in managing our own reactions. When a child has a problem that we don’t really need to become involved with (like falling out with a friend, struggling in a lesson at school or not being invited to something) we will understandably find it distressing to see them upset and want to put them out of their misery as quickly as possible. But if we’re going to be able to leave them to sort things out for themselves, we need to be fully convinced by the idea that developing self-reliance is ultimately really going to be beneficial in the long term as it reduces anxiety and boosts self-worth.

Once we have managed our own tendencies, how can we help in a ‘hands-off’ way that doesn’t leave us feeling as though we have completely abandoned our child? The key is to actively listen while they talk about their problem. Simply let them explore the issue while you attentively listen. Add in the odd “Hmm, yes… go on, I’m listening,” to encourage them to unpack and consider what they need to. Better still, try to identify the likely emotion behind what they are saying to help them feel truly seen and heard. Comments such as, “You sound as though you’re feeling misunderstood,” can encourage them to open up further and take a deeper dive into what’s bothering them. At worst, they will feel listened to; at best, they might arrive at a solution to their problem.

Another aspect of moving from protecting to equipping our children as they grow is about giving information. Books and stories can obviously help with this. As a parent though, it can be hard to know what information to give them and at what age, but quite often the things we deem inappropriate are linked to our instinct to protect our children from certain topics, when we might better be equipping them.

Take the ‘birds and the bees’ as an example. Without thinking, we might have a gut reaction that makes us want to shield our children from information relating to this topic. However, they are eventually going to be exposed to similar information from other sources (the internet, peers and wider community) that might not always be accurate or pleasant. Therefore, isn’t it better that we use suitable resources ourselves, giving opportunities to ask questions? In doing so, we equip our children with knowledge rather than simply trying to protect them from ever being exposed to it – which would be extremely difficult.

And we don’t have to stop at factual information. When we discuss topics such as friendships, emotions, worries, differences and consent with our children, it can be a deeply connecting experience and can give us delightful insights into their worlds. Exploring such topics helps them develop the necessary skills and positive values that will enable them to navigate life’s challenges more confidently. So while we might love the idea of our children remaining young and needing our protection forever, if we want them to become capable and self-reliant adults, we need to accept that equipping them to navigate and discern for themselves is fantastic parenting.

Molly Potter is a bestselling author of 35⁺ books for teachers, parents/carers and children covering a variety of topics under the broad umbrella term of ‘wellbeing’.

For further information please visit www.bloomsbury.com/uk/education

Jul 01

Love0

How to raise more resilient children

By adrian_abc children's health, family, Mental health, play, Wellbeing

by Cheryl Donaldson, Licensed marriage and family therapist

As parents, we are raising children to navigate the unknown. The world today is nothing like the one we entered. Everything has shifted – tech, culture, education, work – and it will continue to shift in ways that we cannot predict despite our best efforts.

The question becomes: how do we prepare our children for a world we don’t yet understand?

In my 30⁺ years as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and in raising my own three children, I know that adult self-esteem is shaped in childhood. The small things we say to our children, and what we expose them to, have a profound and lasting impact on how they come to see themselves.

I define self-esteem as the internal confidence we have as individuals to tackle the unknown. That confidence is not built through belief alone; it is gained through incremental exposure to new and uncomfortable things.

With our children, this can begin in very small ways. It could be letting our child spend the night at their grandparents’ house, or letting them order for themselves at a restaurant. It’s bringing them into new social spaces where they have to learn to manage themselves in others’ presence. These moments may seem insignificant, but they compound internally during development. And as parents, we need to affirm them when they face challenges, even if it doesn’t go to plan. We can say things like, “I love how you navigated that situation!” or “That was so cool how you challenged yourself in that new environment.”

In our own family, we introduced this idea in both big and small ways. When my three boys were all under the age of five, my husband and I moved our family from Chicago to the Netherlands. It was a complete step into the unknown. They were suddenly immersed in a new language, a new culture and a completely different way of life. At every stage, we repeated the same message: you are capable.

That experience gave us, as a family, the opportunity to talk about differences, to stay curious rather than fearful, and to expand what felt familiar. At times, this was messy. It’s not always a perfect picture. That messiness is how you know you are putting them in new situations. If it were straightforward, then there would be nothing pushing them to learn new skills. Over time, I watched this shape how my children moved through the world. They became more adaptable and more open to engage with unfamiliar environments, while still staying connected to themselves.

We tend, as parents, to shelter our children from things that are different from them. When our child is struggling with something, we want to take that struggle away. This instinct comes from a loving place, but it often has the opposite effect. I once worked with a parent whose child became anxious if she was even a few minutes late for school pick-up. Her immediate instinct was to eliminate that anxiety. She would plan her whole day around not being late, stress about getting there, and over-apologise if she was late, as if it were a major mistake. That behaviour communicated to the child that his emotional response was valid and didn’t allow him to develop a new skill for coping with those difficult emotions.

Anxiety is our body’s way of communicating to us that we need a new skill. When we step in too quickly to remove that discomfort from our children, we prevent them from learning to tolerate it, manage it and move through it on their own. The more we solve our children’s problems, the more we communicate that they cannot solve them on their own.

This is not an argument for loose parenting. Our job as parents is to keep our children safe. They need structure to feel safe exploring that unknown territory. But there is a difference between protecting a child and preventing them from having experiences that help them grow. As parents, we need to cultivate intentional experiences that push them out of their comfort zones so they develop internal self-esteem and resilience. Again, this process can be messy. But it’s so important for the long-term growth of that child.

Adversity is something we do not want to remove from our children’s lives. It is that adversity that will produce the circumstances for them to grow. As parents, we have to decide how we are going to define adversity. In my practice, I’ve seen a child not being invited to a party, for example, quickly become catastrophic. Not because of the event itself, but because of how the parents interpret and react to it. Children absorb our reactions. If we respond with panic or distress to minor adversities, we reinforce the negative experience. If we respond with calm and perspective, they learn that they can move through it.

In many ways, we are helping our children create a story about what challenge means. Is it something to avoid, or something to move through? When we begin to frame challenges as something they are capable of handling, rather than something to fear, we lay the groundwork for something incredibly important: flexibility.

Flexibility is the ability to say, whatever situation is given to me, I am going to make the best of it. It is what allows a child to navigate not making a team, struggling in school, or facing disappointment without losing their sense of self. It is also what allows them, later in life, to adapt to careers, relationships and environments that do not go according to plan.

We are not raising children for a predictable world. We are raising them for an unknown one. And in that world, it will not be their environment that determines how they fare, but their internal capacity to meet it and thrive despite what comes their way.

Cheryl Donaldson is a licensed marriage and family therapist who works with individuals, families and organisations to build systemic self-esteem. Her cross-border private practice and consultancy firm is based in Charleston, South Carolina and London. For more information on her work please visit www.cheryldonaldsonlmft.com

Jul 01

Love0

“The sun has got his hat on…”

By adrian_abc baby health, children's health, family, fun for children, Safety, Summer, sun safety

by Dr. Kasim Usmani, Dr Kas Clinics

As parents, most of us have had that moment. You are halfway out the door, already late, one child is refusing shoes, another is asking for snacks they definitely did not want five minutes ago – and somewhere in the chaos, you are trying to apply sunscreen to a wriggling child who seems personally offended by the entire process.

As both a doctor and a parent to a toddler myself, I can confidently say that sunscreen application is rarely the calm, picture-perfect moment it’s made out to be. More often, it is a rushed patchwork effort done in the hallway while negotiating about hats and chasing tiny feet around the house.

And honestly – that is exactly why so many families unintentionally get sun protection wrong.

When we think about protecting children from the sun, many of us still associate it with beach holidays abroad or the occasional UK heat wave. But one of the biggest misconceptions I see – both in clinic and among friends with children – is the idea that sunscreen only matters when it is ‘really hot.’

In reality, UV rays are present even on cloudy days, particularly during spring and summer in the UK. You may not feel heat on your skin, but UV exposure is still happening. British weather can be wonderfully deceptive like that. I think many parents assume if the sun is hiding behind clouds, we are probably safe to skip the SPF. Most of the time, we are not.

Children’s skin is naturally thinner and more delicate than adult skin, which means it burns more easily. And whilst nobody wants to catastrophise sunshine – children absolutely should be outdoors, playing, exploring and enjoying themselves – we do know that repeated sunburn in childhood contributes to long-term skin damage later in life.

The reassuring part is that good sun protection does not have to mean perfection. It is usually the small, consistent habits that make the biggest difference.

One thing that surprises parents is how much sunscreen children actually need. Most of us simply are not applying enough. Studies consistently show that people typically apply only a quarter to half of the amount needed to achieve the SPF written on the bottle. So that SPF 50 you carefully bought may not truly be giving SPF 50 protection in real life.

And I completely understand why. When your toddler is trying to sprint naked into the garden before you have even managed one arm, the temptation to do a quick swipe across the cheeks and hope for the best is very real.

But sunscreen needs to be applied generously. I often tell parents that if it feels like you have used ‘quite a lot,’ you are probably finally close to the correct amount. We tend to rub products in too thinly, particularly on children because we are trying to get it done quickly before they lose patience entirely.

The areas parents miss are almost always the same: ears, the back of the neck, tops of feet, hands and around the hairline. Ironically, these are also the places most likely to catch the sun. And then there is the classic ‘one-and-done’ approach – applying sunscreen once in the morning and assuming that is enough for the entire day. In reality, sunscreen should ideally be reapplied every two hours, particularly after swimming, sweating or towel drying.

Parents also ask me constantly whether SPF 30 is ‘good enough,’ or whether children should always wear SPF 50.

Scientifically, both provide excellent protection when used properly. SPF 30 blocks approximately 97% of UVB rays, while SPF 50 blocks around 98%. The difference sounds surprisingly small because technically, it is. But in real-world parenting – where nobody applies sunscreen perfectly and children wipe half of it off within minutes – SPF 50 gives us a little more room for error. For younger children or those with fair or sensitive skin, I generally recommend SPF 50 for that reason.

One topic that has become increasingly common among parents is concern over sunscreen ingredients. I hear this a lot in clinic and from fellow parents: “Are there harmful chemicals in SPF?” or “Is sunscreen actually safe for children?”

I think social media has fuelled a lot of anxiety around this topic, often without proper context. The reality is that approved sunscreens sold in the UK and Europe go through extensive safety testing. Some chemical UV filters have been questioned online because tiny amounts can be absorbed into the bloodstream, but importantly, absorption does not automatically mean harm. At present, there is no robust evidence showing approved sunscreen ingredients are dangerous when used as intended.

In medicine, we always weigh risk against benefit. And the evidence we do have linking UV damage and sunburn to skin cancer and premature skin ageing is extremely strong.

That said, I completely understand why some parents prefer more gentle formulations for young children. If ingredient concerns are worrying you, mineral sunscreens – often containing zinc oxide or titanium dioxide – can be a great option. These sit on top of the skin and physically reflect UV rays rather than absorbing them. They are often well tolerated by sensitive or eczema-prone skin too.

But I would gently caution parents against becoming so frightened of sunscreen ingredients that they stop using SPF altogether. In my opinion, that is where misinformation can become genuinely unhelpful.

I also think parents can feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of sunscreen options available now. Mineral, chemical, lotions, sprays, sticks, sensitive formulas – it can feel like choosing a mortgage. My advice is always refreshingly simple: the best sunscreen is the one your child will tolerate and the one you will realistically use consistently.

If your child screams every time you bring out a thick white cream but happily accepts a lightweight spray, use the spray. If a stick sunscreen helps you quickly cover cheeks and noses during a park trip, brilliant. Parenting is hard enough without chasing some imaginary ‘perfect’ sunscreen routine.

For busy families, practical habits tend to work best. Keep sunscreen by the front door or in the changing bag so it becomes part of leaving the house rather than an afterthought. Apply it before clothes go on where possible – particularly with younger children, because once shoes are on, cooperation usually disappears. Hats, sunglasses, shaded play and lightweight clothing all help too, and often provide more reliable protection than sunscreen alone.

Most importantly, I think we need to remove some of the guilt surrounding this topic. No parent gets it right every single day. I certainly do not. There are mornings I forget the hat, afternoons I realise I missed the tops of the feet, and days where the whole thing feels unnecessarily chaotic.

But children do not need perfect parents. They need consistent habits, realistic routines and adults who are trying their best.

And perhaps the most powerful thing of all is that our children are watching us. When they see us applying SPF, wearing sunglasses or seeking shade on very sunny days, those behaviours quietly become normal to them too.

Sun safety should not feel frightening or complicated. It is simply one small part of caring for our children – woven into the wonderfully imperfect reality of family life.

For further information from Dr. Kasim Usmani, owner of private medical and aesthetics clinics, Dr Kas Clinics based in Surrey, please visit www.drkasim.co.uk

Mar 20

Love0

Parents feel unprepared to keep their child healthy

By Iain Boyle children's health, Education, Exercise, family, Food & Eating, Health, Wellbeing

Families across England are being left to shoulder growing responsibility for their children’s health as the NHS struggles to cope – often without the preparation, support or trusted advice they need, according to a major new report from IPPR*.

The report says the dual crises of mental health and obesity issues among children have been allowed to flourish as parents have been left at the behest of patchy NHS services that are hard to access.

A survey of over 1,500 parents found that:
• 32% never attended an antenatal class
• 31% do not feel prepared to look after their children’s health
• 19% find it difficult to access professional help for their child’s health when they need it.

The least financially comfortable parents faced particular challenges, as the most well off can often buy their way to better outcomes, while the poorest face the greatest barriers to support.

For example, 81% of the most financially comfortable parents say they can easily access professional help for their child, compared to just 37% of the least financially secure.

When parents do access care, many describe the experience as rushed or judgmental – leaving them feeling unsupported in navigating the realities of parenthood. As waiting times grow, families say they are increasingly turning to private care, DIY solutions or simply hoping problems resolve on their own.

Inconsistent or insufficient advice is pushing many parents to online spaces. The vast majority (85%) told IPPR they “learn as they go”, often piecing together advice from the internet and risking misinformation, overload and anxiety.

IPPR argues that children’s health has stalled because successive governments have been reluctant to talk about parenting – wary of appearing to interfere or blame families.

Parents feel both highly responsible and highly capable of shaping their child’s health. At the same time, parents say they cannot do it alone. IPPR says ministers must stand alongside parents – taking bolder, clearer action on the forces only government can confront. The think tank recommends:
• Universal parenting education before and for a year after birth, delivered on an opt-out basis.
• Government action to make healthy choices the easy choice – improving healthy food affordability, closing junk-food marketing loopholes, tackling tech harms and expanding free offline activities.
• More proactive, easy-to-find community support, reaching parents early, connecting families with one another and offering practical help while they wait for specialist care.

Amy Gandon, associate fellow at IPPR and former senior official on children’s health said: “Families are being left to fend for themselves as the NHS is struggling to support parents. Successive governments have shied away from engaging directly with parents – but in reality they are – and will always be – the backbone of children’s healthcare. If we want a more preventative, community-based NHS, we must start by backing parents with the support, guidance and environment they need to keep their children healthy.”

Sebastian Rees, Head of Health at IPPR said: “Too many parents feel unprepared when it comes to keeping their children healthy. Families shouldn’t have to piece together advice online or pay privately to get the support they need. We need a system that supports parents from the start, not one that leaves them to go it alone. Only then will we lay the foundations for building the healthiest ever generation of children.”

* IPPR is an independent charity working towards a fairer, greener and more prosperous society.

We make today’s bold ideas tomorrow’s common sense.
www.ippr.org

Mar 15

Love0

When the volume goes up, connection goes down

By Iain Boyle Childcare and Nannying, family, Mental health, Relationships

by Giulia Galli
Parental Coach

How our words and our tone become their inner voice

Lately, I’ve been noticing a sound that cuts through everyday life – not laughter from the playground or the hum of conversation drifting from kitchens, but shouting. Not the occasional raised voice that slips out in frustration, but the repeated, sharp, heavy kind.

Sometimes it’s siblings snapping at each other. Sometimes it’s teenagers slamming back at parents. And often, it’s parents themselves, shouting at toddlers, at primary-age children, even at babies not yet walking.

One mother’s voice has stayed with me. Every time her one-year-old knocks something over or spills his food, her response is the same: loud, harsh, full of judgement. Every fall of a toy, every food-splattered shirt, every curious gesture that leaves a mark is met with anger. He’s only one. Just one.

And yet, what he is learning isn’t just how objects fall or how sounds are made: it’s what power feels like. What anger sounds like. What happens when you do something ‘wrong’. What it means to be small in a world where big voices rule.

Let’s be clear – this isn’t about shaming parents. We’ve all raised our voices. I have, too. Shouting happens. Sometimes we’re exhausted, sometimes we’re overstimulated, sometimes we’re carrying far more than our nervous system can handle. And many of us grew up with shouting ourselves, so it became the norm.

But here’s the truth – shouting doesn’t teach reflection. It teaches fear. It doesn’t create understanding. It creates compliance. And in children, especially very young ones, it doesn’t build confidence. It builds shame.

Think about it – when a toddler spills water, shouting doesn’t teach them how to hold the cup better next time. It teaches them that trying is dangerous. When a child touches something fragile, a loud scolding doesn’t teach caution, it teaches that curiosity isn’t safe. When a child is overwhelmed and cries, shouting doesn’t teach them how to regulate their feelings, it teaches them that big emotions aren’t allowed.

This is the danger of repeated shouting: it turns moments of behaviour into a story about identity.

“I dropped something” becomes “I’m clumsy.” “I was curious” becomes “I’m annoying.” “I was upset” becomes “I’m too much.”

Those stories stick. And they echo long after the moment has passed.

The irony is that shouting might get us what we want in the moment – it might stop the behaviour. But the cost is disconnection. We silence. We scare. We disconnect. And in that silence, children don’t learn what to do differently. They just learn to feel small.

So what’s the alternative? First, awareness. Notice when the urge to shout rises. Often, it’s not the behaviour itself that pushes us over the edge, but the meaning we attach to it: “He’s doing this on purpose.” “She never listens.” “I can’t take this anymore.” That story is what fuels the reaction.

Second, pause. Parenting gives us endless opportunities to reset. Even a few seconds can change everything. Lower your voice instead of raising it. Name your own feeling: “I’m getting frustrated.” Ask for help: “Let’s take a minute to calm down.” Step out of the room for three breaths before you respond. Replace “What’s wrong with you?” with “Let’s try again.”

Small shifts like these model something powerful. They show children that mistakes are part of learning. That emotions can be managed without force. That connection matters more than control.

Because children aren’t just learning from our instructions. They’re absorbing our example. The words and the tone we use today becomes the inner voice they’ll carry tomorrow.

Think back to your own childhood. The voices you heard most often probably still echo in your head. They may tell you to “be careful,” to “try harder,” or perhaps to “quiet down.” Those phrases, spoken in particular tones, become part of who we are. And now, as parents, we are shaping that voice for our children.

That’s why shouting is more than just noise. It’s a message. And if repeated, it becomes a belief.

This isn’t about never shouting again. None of us are perfect. It’s about noticing, repairing and choosing differently when we can. Even after we’ve raised our voice, we can come back and say, “I shouldn’t have shouted. I was tired and frustrated. Let’s try again.” That moment of repair doesn’t erase what happened, but it teaches accountability. It shows children that mistakes can be mended.

One day, our children will be grown. They may not remember every word we said. But they will remember how it felt to be with us. Was the home a place where mistakes were punished or explored? Where curiosity was stifled or encouraged? Where fear entered the room with us or safety did?

When the volume goes up, connection goes down. But when we choose calm, patience and presence instead, we give our children something far more lasting than obedience: we give them an inner voice that supports them for life.

Giulia Galli is a parental coach and author of When a Parent is Born. She supports families with intentional parenting. For further information please visit www.reegal.co.uk

Mar 05

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The compassionate parenting revolution- How a new parenting approach is transforming family life

By Iain Boyle Childcare and Nannying, family, Special support needs

by Dr Jennifer Swanston
Clinical Psychologist and co-author of the Compassionate Parenting Workbook

Parenting has never been simple, but in today’s fast paced, emotionally demanding world, many parents tell me they feel stretched thin. They worry about losing their temper, about saying the wrong thing, or about whether a difficult moment has somehow damaged their connection with their child. These concerns are far more common than most people realise – read on to find out why compassion focused parenting can be transformational.

What compassion focused parenting really means
Compassion focused parenting is not about being endlessly soft or permissive. It’s an approach that blends evidence based knowledge, warmth, emotional awareness and practical strategies to help families thrive. At its heart, it teaches parents how to stay grounded, connected and confident – even when emotions run high.

This approach rests on some core pillars, each supported by decades of psychological research:
1. Self compassion
Parents often speak to themselves far more harshly than they would ever speak to their children. Learning to notice stress, soften self-criticism, and respond with kindness helps parents stay steady in difficult moments.

2. Emotional regulation
When a child’s behaviour triggers our fight or flight system, it becomes almost impossible to respond thoughtfully. Compassion focused parenting teaches parents how to calm their own nervous system first, so they can guide their child from a place of clarity rather than from being overwhelmed.

3. Creating safety and secure attachment
Children thrive when they feel understood. When parents model calmness and empathy, children learn to trust, communicate openly and regulate their own emotions more effectively.

4. Not ‘one size fits all’
We understand that all children are different and that some approaches work for some children and not for others. Compassionate parenting supports parents to really consider which strategy will be helpful for their own unique child, rather than ‘one size fits all’. This is particularly important when you have a child who is neurodivergent or has additional needs.

Together, these elements reduce power struggles, strengthen communication and support children’s long term emotional wellbeing.

What it looks like in real life
Imagine your child is having a meltdown or becoming upset and frustrated at a party when you are about to leave. Instead of reacting with frustration, compassion focused parenting encourages a five step process:
• Pause and ground yourself – a breath, a moment, a reminder that this is hard but manageable.
• Name and validate – “Leaving is tough, and you’re feeling upset.”
• Soothe before you solve – connection first, instructions later. For example, trying to use a warm tone of voice, even during tricky moments.
• Collaborate – offering a gentle, structured next step once emotions settle. This may be giving some simple choices or playful suggestions which can help break the tension and move forward. For example: “We need to leave. Shall we say goodbye now or would you like me to message when we get home?” or “Do you want to hop like a bunny or stomp like a dinosaur to the door?”.
• Reflection – in the hours and days afterwards, consider whether you may need to approach parties differently in the future or plan with your child how to manage the feelings associated with leaving.

This isn’t about letting children “get away with” anything. It’s about helping them move from panic to calm so they can actually take in what you’re saying.

Why it helps children with big feelings
Compassion focused parenting can be especially helpful for children who experience anxiety or strong emotional reactions, as well as those who are neurodivergent.

• For anxious children, we can encourage them to engage in slow breathing, grounding exercises and gentle reassurance to help settle their nervous system and show them they are safe.
• For children with ADHD: Movement breaks, shorter conversations and playful calming strategies can make it easier for them to stay regulated and connected.

The goal is always the same: helping your child feel understood, valued, and supported.

“Will being kind make my child spoiled?”
This is one of the most common worries parents share. But research shows that harsh or fear based approaches may stop behaviour in the moment, yet they can increase aggression, anxiety and long term emotional difficulties.

Compassionate parenting is not about being soft or giving in. It’s about combining warmth with wisdom – offering empathy while still guiding your child toward healthy boundaries and choices.

What if I feel I’ve already got it wrong?
Every parent has moments they regret. The good news is that relationships can be repaired. Honest conversations, small gestures of connection and consistent warmth help rebuild trust over time.

Children don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who keep trying.

For more information on how to tailor this approach to your unique child, The Compassionate Parenting Workbook’ provides a simple and friendly structure for you to use.

Dr Jennifer Swanston is a Clinical Psychologist and co-author of the Compassionate Parenting Workbook and also director at White Oaks, Chobham. For further information please visit www.whiteoaks.org.ok

Mar 01

Love0

Beyond the bell – Enriching every child’s school journey

By Iain Boyle family, fun for children, Holiday, Playing, Sport, Sprintime, Wellbeing

by Mrs Faye White
Assistant Principal Pupil Engagement, Shoreham College

Education is often understood as the transmission of knowledge: facts learned, skills practised and qualifications achieved. Yet anyone who has worked in or experienced education knows that the true power of schooling lies not only in what children learn, but in how they grow. A truly enriching school journey nurtures curiosity, builds character and helps young people understand both the world around them and their place within it. It is in this broader sense that enrichment becomes not a luxury, but a vital part of education.

Enrichment gives learning depth, meaning and relevance. It allows children to make connections between what they encounter in the classroom and what they experience beyond it. It supports personal development alongside academic progress and helps pupils become confident, resilient and engaged learners. Trips, visits, residential opportunities and clubs all play a crucial role in this process, bringing learning to life and ensuring that education is not simply remembered, but lived.

Trips and educational visits are often a child’s first step into seeing learning in the real world. A visit to a museum transforms history from dates and diagrams into tangible stories. A trip to a science centre allows pupils to experiment, explore and question. A walk in a woodland or along a coastline turns environmental science into something that can be seen, heard and felt. These experiences anchor learning in memory and emotion, making it far more likely to be understood and retained. Beyond their academic value, trips and visits also promote social learning. Children learn to travel together, behave responsibly in public spaces and represent their school community with pride. They learn to ask questions, listen carefully and engage respectfully with experts and guides. In doing so, they develop communication skills, confidence and a sense of belonging to something larger than themselves.

Residential experiences take enrichment a step further by offering children the chance to grow personally as well as academically. For many pupils, a residential trip is the first time they have spent an extended period away from home. This brings with it excitement, uncertainty and challenge, all of which are powerful tools for learning. On residentials, children learn independence in practical ways: organising their belongings, managing routines and taking responsibility for themselves and others. They learn resilience by facing unfamiliar situations, trying new activities and overcoming small setbacks. Whether it is climbing a wall, navigating a trail or performing in front of peers, these challenges build confidence and self-belief. Just as importantly, residentials strengthen relationships. Pupils learn to support one another, to work as a team and to develop empathy and understanding. They see their teachers not only as instructors, but as mentors and role models. These shared experiences build trust, community and a sense of belonging that often carries back into school life long after the trip has ended.

Clubs and enrichment activities further enhance the school journey by offering pupils opportunities to explore interests beyond the core curriculum. Sports clubs encourage physical health, teamwork and perseverance. Creative clubs such as art, music and drama nurture imagination, self-expression and confidence. STEM clubs, coding groups and problem-solving activities promote logical thinking, innovation and curiosity. Gardening, debating and cultural clubs broaden perspectives and develop responsibility, communication and global awareness. These activities allow children to discover strengths they may not otherwise recognise. A child who struggles in the classroom may shine on the sports field, in a rehearsal room or during a practical project. This recognition builds self-esteem and motivation, helping pupils to see themselves as capable and valued learners. Clubs also offer safe spaces for children to take risks, make mistakes and learn from them, an essential part of developing resilience and a growth mindset.

Alongside these experiences, schools should also play a vital role in helping young people connect with their communities and understand the value of contributing to others. Through charity fundraising, volunteering and enterprise projects, pupils learn that they are not only learners, but citizens with the power to make a difference. Many access this through inspiring initiatives such as the Duke of Edinburgh’s Award, partnerships with local care homes, beach cleans, fun runs, food collections and community events. These experiences teach empathy, compassion and social responsibility in ways no textbook can. Becoming a well-rounded adult requires learning not only how to achieve, but how to give; not only how to succeed, but how to support others. The value of this learning is profound, both for the individual and for society, and it is something schools nurture with care, creativity and commitment.

Together, these enrichment opportunities create a holistic education that prepares pupils not only for exams, but for life. They help children develop essential life skills, collaboration, adaptability, empathy, leadership and perseverance. They expose pupils to new environments, cultures and ideas, broadening horizons and raising aspirations. They help children understand that learning is not confined to a classroom or a timetable but is a lifelong journey.

In an increasingly complex and fast-changing world, this kind of education is more important than ever. Young people need more than knowledge; they need the confidence to navigate uncertainty, the curiosity to keep learning and the resilience to face challenges. Enrichment provides the space and structure for these qualities to grow. To enrich a child’s school journey is to invest in their whole development, academic, social, emotional and personal. It is to recognise that education is not simply about preparing children for the next stage, but about helping them become thoughtful, capable and compassionate individuals. Trips, residentials, clubs and community engagement are not add-ons to learning; they are integral to it. They are the experiences that children remember, the moments that shape identity and the opportunities that open doors.

In enriching their school journey, we do more than teach. It is beyond the bell that education becomes experience, and it is through enrichment that every child’s school journey is truly transformed.

Please call 01273 592681 to find out more about what Shoreham College can offer you, or to arrange a personal visit at any time of the school year.
www.shorehamcollege.co.uk

Dec 03

Love0

Co-parenting at Christmas: What it really means in family law

By Iain Boyle family, Finance, Legal, Relationships

by Georgia Oliver
Family Executive, Dutton Gregory

In the world of family law, terms and phrases are often used to describe specific legal concepts or terms such as ‘custody’, ‘visitation’ and ‘child support’, even if those terms have never been set out in legislation. One such term gaining popularity especially during the Christmas period is co-parenting. However, while co-parenting is a widely discussed concept in the media, it’s important to understand that co-parenting is not a legal term.

What is co-parenting?
Co-parenting refers to an arrangement in which two parents, typically after a separation or divorce, continue to work together to raise their child or children. While the idea of co-parenting is rooted in the desire for co-operative parenting, it does not have a formal definition or specific legal status under family law.

Co-parenting is a broad and informal concept. Legal terms must be defined and understood consistently to ensure enforceability in court. Co-parenting can refer to different levels of involvement between the parents, from highly collaborative relationships to those involving limited communication, but none of these variations are specifically outlined in family law legislation.

Why it matters more at Christmas
The Christmas period often puts co-parenting arrangements to the test. With school holidays, family gatherings and strong emotional ties to festive traditions, deciding how and where a child spends Christmas can become a major point of contention.

Many families agree to alternate Christmases or split the day itself, but unless these arrangements are formalised in a court order, they rely entirely on goodwill and communication. Co-parenting can help facilitate smooth planning, but it’s important to remember it has no legal standing. If disputes arise, the court will focus on what is in the child’s best interests, not on enforcing a co-parenting agreement.

How co-parenting relates to family law
Even though co-parenting itself is not a legal term, the approach to co-parenting can have a significant impact on family law matters, especially when it comes to a ‘lives with’ court order and other parenting plans.

If parents cannot resolve a dispute over the arrangements for their children outside of the court arena, then in cases where both parents actively participate in decision-making and the child’s upbringing, the court may make a ‘joint lives with’ order. This allows both parents to be involved in making important decisions for their child, which is consistent with the goals of co-parenting. However, a ‘lives with’ order is a formal legal term, while co-parenting is the informal practice that may help achieve such an arrangement.

Mediation: A helpful tool at Christmas
Mediation is particularly useful during the Christmas period, as it helps parents communicate more effectively and focus on practical, child-focused outcomes. While it can support a more successful co-parenting relationship, it’s still up to the parents to commit to making it work.

Co-parenting encourages collaboration, especially during the Christmas period, but it’s important to understand that it remains an informal concept without legal force. Parents should aim to plan ahead, communicate clearly and prioritise their child’s needs.

At Dutton Gregory, we assist with parenting arrangements year-round including around Christmas and offering guidance on mediation, court applications, and formal orders to help families move forward with clarity and stability. Georgia Oliver is an experienced Family Executive at Dutton Gregory, so if you want advice then please contact Georgia on 01483 755609 or g.oliver@duttongregory.co.uk

Nov 18

Love0

The silent sugar surge – and how parents can help their children eat smarter

By Iain Boyle baby health, Education, Exercise, family, Food & Eating

by Monica Price
Nutritional Therapist

Being a parent can be full of challenges – especially when you have to start navigating food for your children. When you step into any supermarket you’ll be surrounded by brightly packaged snacks, ‘low sugar’ yogurts, cartoon-covered cereal boxes, and juice pouches that claim to be ‘healthy’ or ‘natural’. But behind the clever marketing lies a harsh truth because many of these convenience foods are packed with hidden sugars and they’re contributing to a worrying trend of the rise in childhood obesity and early years health issues, such as Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and even liver problems.

Sugar isn’t just in sweets. It hides in cereals, granola bars, yogurt, flavoured water and juice, pasta sauces, ketchup, snack packs and shop bought ready-made meals.

Many of these foods are marketed to look like the healthy choice – but even a ‘no added sugar’ fruit snack can have as much sugar as a small chocolate bar.

The UK NHS recommends no more than 19g (about five teaspoons) of free sugars per day for children aged four to six. Some popular children’s yogurts contain more than that in one pot.

So what can you do?
Making healthy food choices for your child doesn’t have to mean cutting out all treats or spending hours in the kitchen.

It’s about education, awareness of food and making small changes to their diet that make a big difference over time.

My top five tips are:
1. Learn to read food labels together
Turn your shopping trip into a mini scavenger hunt – teach your child to spot sugar on labels. It hides under many names, including:
• Glucose
• Fructose
• Corn syrup
• Honey
• Fruit juice concentrate

Aim for foods with less than 5g of sugar per 100g for everyday choices.

Top Tip: If sugar is listed in the first three ingredients – it’s a red flag so avoid it.

2. Reduce sugary snacks
Total sugar bans can lead to obsession or secret snacking for a child so instead:
• Save sugary treats for special occasions, like birthdays or weekends
• Offer fruits, nuts, cheese, or oatcakes as after-school snacks
• Use words to explain to your child so they can understand.

Children learn by repetition and routine. The more you offer better options, the more likely they’ll get used to them.

3. Cook together and talk about food
Children are far more likely to try something if they have helped make it.
• Get them to wash vegetables, stir sauces, or choose toppings
• Talk about where food comes from – what grows in the ground, what animals produce and how it ends up on their plate
• Try growing herbs, tomatoes or lettuce at home or in a pot on a windowsill

This helps them connect food with health and gives them ownership over their choices.

4. Offer variety without pressure
We often fall into the habit of rotating the same four or five meals and snacks our children claim they like, but start to introduce different foods to encourage a healthy gut, stronger immunity and lower sugar cravings.

Don’t stress if your child doesn’t take to a new food right away. It can sometimes take up to 10 -15 tries before a child accepts something new.

Top Tip: Put new foods next to familiar ones instead of replacing them. A few slices of raw pepper beside their usual sandwich for example.

5. Choose water first
Juice, squash and fizzy drinks are the biggest sources of unnecessary sugar for children.

Even 100% fruit juice, while natural, is high in sugar and lacks the fibre whole fruit offers.
• Make water the default drink
• Try adding fresh fruit, cucumber, or mint for natural flavour
• Save juices and fizzy drinks for occasional treats – not as a daily habit.

Remember you are not alone – it’s OK if your child doesn’t eat kale or quinoa – what matters is that you are teaching them to understand what healthy food is, to empower them as they grow older to make informed choices.

You are then setting the stage for life long healthy eating habits – and that is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child.

Monica Price is a qualified Nutritional Therapist, Writer and Broadcaster. She is the go-to expert for health and wellbeing on national television and radio stations across the UK.

www.monica-price.co.uk

Nov 18

Love0

A nanny’s guide to festive calm

By Iain Boyle Childcare and Nannying, Christmas, family

by Isabel Kaye
Norland Nanny

The festive season is often painted as a picture of sparkling lights, joyful laughter and magical moments. Yet for many families, the reality is a little different: overtired children, disrupted routines and parents pulled in ten different directions at once. As a Norland-trained nanny, I’ve spent years supporting families through this wonderful but sometimes overwhelming time of year. With a little planning and a few simple strategies, it’s possible to enjoy a Christmas that feels calm, connected and truly memorable.

1. Hold on to the pillars of routine
Children thrive on predictability and during the holidays it’s easy for regular rhythms to disappear. While flexibility is important, keeping a few daily routines makes a huge difference. Bedtime doesn’t always have to be 7pm sharp, but maintaining the ritual of a bedtime story or bath signals security. At mealtimes, your little ones will benefit from consistency especially for younger children, who struggle when they become too hungry amidst the excitement. A familiar routine helps children feel safe, which in turn keeps festive spirits high.

2. Create calm corners
Festive environments are often filled with noise, bright lights and constant stimulation. While this can feel magical, it can also be overwhelming. I often suggest families set up a cosy ‘calm corner’. Create a small space with a blanket, some cushions and a few books or soft toys. This gives children a retreat when things become too much, a quiet spot to regulate emotions before they feel overwhelmed emotionally. Even five minutes of calm space can help them regulate.

3. Keep expectations realistic
Parents often feel pressure for everything to be picture-perfect – the Instagram-worthy tree, matching pyjamas, smiling children on Christmas morning. The reality rarely looks like the advert. Children may be unsettled by unfamiliar relatives, overstimulated by too many gifts, or simply overtired. Setting realistic expectations is the kindest thing you can do for your family. Focus on connection rather than perfection: one joyful moment shared together is worth far more than a forced photo.

4. Share the load
In many households, one parent ends up carrying the emotional and practical weight of the season. As a nanny, I’ve seen how quickly burnout creeps in. Delegation is key – whether that means involving children in setting the table, asking visiting relatives to help with washing up, or ordering food pre-prepared instead of cooking everything from scratch. Children actually love being part of the process – giving them little jobs not only keeps them engaged but also teaches responsibility.

5. Plan ’empty space’ Into the calendar
It’s tempting to say yes to every festive activity like the markets, the pantomime, the carol concert and the Christmas party. But a jam-packed calendar can tip children (and parents) into exhaustion. I recommend leaving deliberate ‘free space’ days in December. These quieter days give families breathing room to reset, whether that’s a pyjama morning at home, a gentle walk or simply a chance to play without schedule. Rest builds resilience and resilience makes the festivities far more enjoyable.

6. Keep traditions simple and meaningful
Traditions are the heartbeat of Christmas, but they don’t need to be elaborate or expensive. In the families I’ve supported, the most treasured memories are often the simplest: baking biscuits together, wearing matching pyjamas or reading the same festive story year after year. Children value repetition, familiarity and shared time more than grandeur. Choose a handful of meaningful traditions and let go of the rest.

7. Care for yourself
Calm is contagious. Children pick up quickly on the mood of their caregivers, so if parents are running on empty, little ones will feel unsettled. Taking care of yourself is not indulgent, it’s essential. Whether it’s a short walk alone, a bath with a book, or simply saying “no” to one extra event, prioritising your own calm helps the whole household. As I often remind parents: you cannot pour from an empty cup.

8. Finally, remember the magic is in the moments
At its core, the festive season isn’t about perfectly wrapped gifts or a flawless roast dinner. It’s about connection, presence and love. When I work with families at Christmas, my role is often to bring the focus back to what really matters: slowing down, savouring small moments and allowing children to experience the magic without pressure. The memories that last are the giggles during a board game, the flour on the kitchen floor after baking cookies or the Christmas story by fairy light.

Isabel Kaye is a Norland-trained nanny based in Bath. She has over 10 years’ experience supporting families with children from newborns to teens, and specialises in helping parents create calm, joyful environments, whether at home, at weddings or while travelling.

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