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Feb 22
Love0

How to avoid arguments – Go from chaos to calm, from conflict to cooperation

By Education, family, Relationships
by Karen Shaw
author of Parenting Magic

It starts with us! How we approach a situation, what we do, say and how we are ‘being’ has a massive impact on the outcome.

Most of us want to avoid conflict. It’s uncomfortable and not what we want. It’s the incompatibility of ideas, desires and values that causes the conflict. Often parents and children have conflicting interests because they have a different set of values and priorities. We can experience conflict in parenting often when our children are toddlers when we can have a battle of wills, when they are ‘flexing their muscles’ and when we have teenagers and of course, at any age in between! We can help control outcomes and see much more cooperation by pre-setting the energy of a situation, with our intentions and the choice of language we use.

That’s a good start…
How does your day start? Is it frantic, rushing around, a bit chaotic? This leads to struggles and arguments, so start it off in a calm and controlled way and set the intention of how it will be. It may mean getting up a bit earlier to take a few minutes for you. To take a few deep breaths, meditate to calm yourself. If possible be organised the night before, plan your morning, have a diffuser with essential oils or some lovely smells for the children to wake up to. It sets the scene, the energy is calmer.

How to avoid arguments
We often argue with our children because we’re not getting our own way. Because they’re not doing as they’re ‘told’ (though I prefer asking to telling!) or they want to do something we don’t want them to. I think it’s often beneficial to think, “How would I deal with this situation if it was someone other than my child, would I say the same things, use the same language?” Probably not, we tend to think because they are ‘our children’ we have a right to speak to them, as we like, say things to them we wouldn’t dream of saying to another individual. I know we want to keep them safe and respect us, or our ‘rules’ if you like. Though, as rules are there to be tested, pushed, bent if not broken, it is better to have ‘agreements’ already in place. Make agreements as to what is and isn’t acceptable, what will and won’t be tolerated and have the consequences when expected behaviour isn’t reached. When they are part of the agreement making, they are heard, valued and they know they have agreed. So if they complain or shout back, when they haven’t stuck to them “It’s not fair”, “You’re so mean”, you can remind them they agreed and are going back on their word.

Drop the interrogation!
We often start our conversation with the ‘w’ words and that’s not helpful. The ‘w’ words I mean are Why, When, Who, What and Where.

These are ‘interrogatives’. We’re interrogating our children when we start a question with any of these. For instance:-“Why on earth…?  “When are you ever going to learn…?” “Who do you think you are…?” “What did you think you were doing…?” “Where do you think you’re going…?”

The reason it isn’t helpful to start a conversation this way, is because they feel threatened and automatically go into defence mode. It’s the unconscious mind responding, a natural response. Of course, we’ll use these words, it’s just not helpful to start with them, especially with the negative energy that accompanies it. It will encourage a knee jerk response, a story or a flippant reply. Give them time to respond better by keeping calm, breathe, collect your thoughts and use something like: “I’m wondering (then the what or who)…” “I’m curious (then the why or what)…“ Or “I’d like to know/hear/understand…”

These are ‘declaratives’. You respond rather than react and give them time to formulate a response to your question or statement instead of a defensive or even sarcastic reply. You are starting with you and are ‘declaring’ how you are feeling.

When we remember who we and our children are, human beings sharing a life and here to enjoy it, that we are in control of ourselves, no one else and that what comes out of our mouths is our choice, then it’s easier to remember there really is no need to argue. Let’s face it, it takes two. What good is there in arguing with your child? Debating something, where you are both putting forward your viewpoint is a different thing. For every action there is an equal and opposite one, when you react to whatever has been done or said, then there will be an equal opposite one coming back at you! Avoid it. Let’s learn to respond not react.

Karen Shaw is a transformational life and parenting coach, emotional re-balancing and energy alignment therapist and creator of Parenting Magic. She was a stressed-out single mum
on anti-depressants. With three teenage sons, all affected by challenged, illness, medical conditions, psychological issues and labelled with ‘disabilities’. Struggling in every area of her life. In Parenting Magic, she shares the hard earned secrets that transformed her family life for good.

Parenting Magic by Karen Shaw is published by Practical Inspiration Publishing, £16.99.

Feb 09
Love0

What makes a school a great school?

By children's health, Education, Relationships, Sport
by Dominic Mott, Head of Senior School, Hurst College

Well, many things – but, unsurprisingly for an industry dedicated to learning – academic achievement is frequently prized as the key factor. So how can this be measured? Results in public examinations are a reasonably good indicator of academic achievement, and although exam results do matter, clearly, they aren’t the sole metric of a great education.

How, then, might schools be compared against one another so that parents know which school achieves the highest grades? A league table that ranks each school by their GCSE and A-level results would seem to be a pretty sensible place to start. “So far, so good,” you might be thinking; or perhaps, “so what”? Please bear with me.

Value what you measure. Measure what you value.
What if academic ‘achievement’ isn’t actually what we want to be measuring at all? What if the real metric here is not the fixed notion of ‘achievement’, but instead the journey implied by ‘progress’? Isn’t that what learning is all about? Improving, growing, maturing, developing, and striving to do the very best that you are capable of, whatever that ‘best’ might be.

League tables have their place if you are the parent of a highly academic child, looking for them to be schooled amongst a selective cohort of similarly niche students, in an exams-focused environment, where the school has a vested interest in driving up its overall statistics – at any cost. For most parents this simply isn’t what they are signing up for.

For those parents who simply want their child “to do their best”, the only metric on which to judge schools is their ‘value added’ data. Put simply, it tells you how your child is likely to fare at one school compared to the grades they would achieve if they went to another school.

This data, which is generated by comparing GCSE and A-level results to standardised national baseline figures, is a far more accurate metric of the quality of teaching and learning in any given school. It cuts out ruthless academic selection, hot-housing, and questionable practices such as using different exam centre numbers to enter less-able pupils or those with special educational needs.It values the progress made by every single child, whatever the final outcome.

For the sceptics who (wrongly) suspect I may be attempting to distract from an unremarkable set of results at Hurst, you may wish to put our 2019 GCSE statistics (83% at grades 9 – 7) into The Times rankings of independent co-educational schools and you will see where we would have come. A gold star to anyone who emails me with the correct answer! We are even prouder of our ‘value added’ scores, which celebrate the outstanding achievements made by every single one of our pupils and puts us right at the top of the national rankings.

To return to the initial question, what makes a great school?
For sure, parents want their children to achieve the very best results of which they are capable at GCSE and A-level. However, they also want them to be healthy, happy, rounded, kind, confident, mature, independent young adults, ready to go out into the world to live successful lives and make a positive difference to those around them. That’s definitely not something you can measure by a league table!

The challenges of remote learning
What also makes a great school is one which can adapt swiftly, efficiently and effectively to unforeseen circumstances, such as switching to remote learning during the Covid-19 pandemic.

The government’s decision to close all schools from 20th March 2020 was less of a surprise than the bold announcement that there would be no public examinations this summer for GCSE and A-level students. Nevertheless, school leaders were left with precious little time to plan for the lockdown.

As with other independent schools, our priority was clear from the outset: to continue with, as far as was reasonably possible, the full provision of an outstanding all-round education for every child.

With days to spare before lockdown, one of the first priorities was to ensure that all staff and pupils had the equipment to teach or learn from home. An audit of digital devices redistributed laptops to those who needed them, and support staff were encouraged to take their office desktop computer home to enable remote working. Teachers were equipped with deskcams, whilst pupils’ devices were upgraded and checked to ensure that all were ready for a transition to the online world.

We were fortunate to be ahead of the game in the transition to a cloud-based network. Already 12 months into an 18 month project, it became clear that the final six months would need to be condensed into just a few weeks. All of our teaching and learning resources are stored in a bespoke SharePoint site which allowed teachers and pupils to access PowerPoints, worksheets, exam papers, mark schemes, online video tutorials, tests and revision materials from any device, anywhere in the world. In addition, by centralising the delivery of lessons through Microsoft Teams, with easy access to applications such as OneNote, it was made as straightforward as possible to deliver live lessons whilst giving teachers freedom over how to teach.

One of the most interesting challenges was to redesign the school day to adapt to the new way of working. Slightly shorter lessons and longer gaps between helped to reduce screen time; synchronising Prep School and Senior School timetables allowed families with siblings in two different parts of the college to take lunch together; regular short tutorial slots allowed tutors time to offer one-on-one support to pupils; and some creative timetabling allowed for an earlier finish each day without losing any of the co-curricular provision. This last point proved critical: by continuing to offer a programme of assemblies, sports sessions, choir and orchestra practices, musical rehearsals and activities sessions the regular rhythms of school life continued – pupils remained fit, healthy and active.

Hurst College is a thriving independent school for children aged between 4 and 18 with an overarching aim to provide an excellent all round education with a strong academic core and ideally located between Brighton and Haywards Heath. www.hppc.co.uk

Feb 03
Love0

Divorce is changing for the better

By family, Finance, Legal, Relationships, Work employment
by Rachael House
Senior Associate Solicitor, Family Law, Mackrell Turner Garrett Solicitors

What is the current divorce law in this country?
Under current divorce law, if you and your spouse have not been separated for two years or more you can only get divorced by showing that your spouse has committed adultery or behaved in such a way that you cannot tolerate living with them (known as unreasonable behaviour). Only then will a court grant you a divorce.

Adultery and unreasonable behaviour divorces are known as ‘fault-based’ divorces and usually increase acrimony between spouses. For example, to demonstrate that your spouse has behaved in such a way that you cannot tolerate living with them, you have to write some unpleasant words about them and their behaviour. For your spouse who is at the receiving end of these unkind words it can cause them distress and make them even more unhappy with you, when tensions may already be running high. This type of divorce is especially unhelpful where there are children of the family, as relationships between parents can deteriorate further at a time when it is more important than ever for parents to work co-operatively.

Over the years, the Government has been reluctant to reform divorce law, believing that making it easier for couples to divorce would somehow undermine the sanctity of marriage and increase the rates of divorce.

What is changing?
In 2017, a national survey carried out by the Nuffield Foundation found that in fault-based divorces 62% of petitioners (those instigating the divorce) and 78% of respondents (those at the receiving end of a divorce) said that using fault had made the process more bitter, 21% of respondents said fault had made it harder to sort out arrangements for children, and 31% of respondents thought fault made sorting out finances harder.

In 2020 the Government passed the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Bill following lengthy campaigning by family lawyers. The Bill paves the way for a new divorce process where blame does not have to be attached to one party.

The general consensus amongst family lawyers is that the changes do not make the physical process of divorce any easier and certainly no quicker than the current system. The huge benefit of the changes, however, is that the process will be far less acrimonious and emotionally damaging for all those involved.

When can I get divorced under the new law?
The new law will come into force in autumn 2021 (no exact date has been set as yet) so there is still some time to wait.

Once the new law is in force, you will be able to proceed with a divorce by providing a ‘statement of irretrievable breakdown.’ The current two-stage process, decree nisi and decree absolute, will remain and a minimum timeframe of six months will be set from the date of the petition to decree absolute. There will also be an option for you and your spouse to issue a joint divorce petition.

What if I still want to get divorced now without blaming my spouse?
If you want to press ahead with a divorce now without attributing blame, then if you have been separated for two years or more you can get divorced on the basis of ‘two years separation’ – provided your spouse consents. If your spouse is not going to consent then you can only get divorced without attributing blame if you have been separated for five years or more.

If the above routes are not a viable option for you but you still wish to formalise the financial matters of a separation immediately, then you can enter into a separation agreement with your spouse – provided they co-operate – to divide up the finances of the marriage with a view to divorcing once the new law comes into force. At the point of divorce, your separation agreement can be converted by a family lawyer into a court order. It will then become legally binding under matrimonial law once a judge approves the order.

What shall I do next?
If you are unsure as to whether to press ahead with your divorce or to wait a while, it is important to find out more about the legal options available to you by contacting a family lawyer for advice.

Rachael House is a specialist family solicitor at Mackrell Turner Garrett, an established firm of experienced Solicitors based in Woking. www.mtgsurrey.co.uk

Feb 03
Love0

As soon as they stand, they dance…

By children's health, dance & Art, Education, Mental health, Playing, Relationships
by Lynda Forster
Dance Art Studio

Cuts in education budgets sadly impacts on most creative subjects as they are classed as ‘non-core’. Unfortunately, throughout lockdown, children from preschool to teens, suffered with their wellbeing and confidence because of lack of contact with their peers.

This is another reason why it’s so important to set them up early with not only a healthy diet and plenty of exercise, but with a physical activity which channels into the creative art form of human expression. This will help keep their minds healthy and balanced whilst learning a skill that will stay with them for life. Many dance classes moved online during lockdown and offered pupils a weekly lesson – this helped keep a sense of normality for the dancers and ensured they kept up with a skill, whilst keeping their social connections alive with their dance friends and teachers. I’ve heard such positive feedback from parents and older dancers who all, more than ever, appreciated the benefits and happiness that a dance class brings.

Dance as an art form is beautiful and breathtaking. There’s nothing quite like watching a skilled dancer turn and leap across the stage in time to the music, telling a story with their body.

But dance provides benefits far beyond that available to those trained in the discipline. For young children, dance and creative movement can help improve their cognitive development, building skills necessary for success later in life.

Here are ways creative movement can benefit children during the early childhood years:

Sensory awareness
Young children are highly sensory beings. They flock to things that stimulate their senses of touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing.

Dance and creative movement provide stimulation for three of those five senses at once: touch, sight and hearing.

By listening to the music and learning how to move in time with the beat, children begin to more finely hone their senses and learn how their bodies can work in harmony with the stimuli around them.

Development
Dance provides opportunities to hone both gross and fine motor skills.

From turning and jumping to carefully controlling the movement of hands and fingers, dance engages all aspects of a child’s physical development.

Dancing also awakens the inner creativity in all children, allowing them to hear a piece of music and decide how their body can best respond to it.

In early childhood creative movement, it’s important to have a mixture of structured directions for moving as well as plenty of time for individual exploring. This balance gets children used to bringing to life someone else’s creative vision while giving time for their own exploration.

Social skills
To have a healthy social life, children must understand and embrace their own uniqueness.

Through creative movement, they learn that not everyone interprets music the same way they do, and not everyone moves the same. This helps children see that everyone is different but no one is wrong in their individuality.

Health and fitness
Dancing is great exercise. Teaching children from a young age that frequent exercise is fun and beneficial helps build lifelong lovers of sports and movement. This leads to improved health and wellness as adults.

Language
Co-ordinated movement is essential for proper brain development, which is necessary to developing language skills.

The right side of the brain, the sensing and feeling side, functions best through creative activities. The left side is the logical thinking and planning side of the brain.

Dance allows both sides of the brain to engage, as children must follow steps and directions while also utilising their creativity and interpreting the music.

Body awareness
Young children often cannot tell the full limits of their own bodies.

Through dance, however, they learn in a controlled environment what their bodies can and cannot do and what actions they need to take to perform a desired movement.

Dance helps build co-ordination and spatial awareness, which in turn improves children’s gross motor skills.

Concentration
Remembering the next steps in a dance sequence requires a great deal of concentration. So does sitting down to participate in school work.

Using and honing concentration skills in early childhood better prepare children for the expectations of the classroom.

They learn when it’s OK to move and when they need to sit still, what types of movement are acceptable, and how to stay within their own physical boundaries.

Respect
Through dance, children learn that it’s not possible to move in someone else’s space. If you do, you crash and no one gets to dance.

Learning this skill helps children understand that everyone has their own body boundaries, and they should respect the limits of those boundaries at all times.

Self-esteem
As children learn and develop new skills, their self-esteem increases.

Just like in school, play, and the rest of their lives, dancing and creative movement gives young children new skills to learn and master. This progress keeps them motivated and interested, leading to better tenacity later in life.

Why ballet?
Ballet is the focus for most dance schools, but you’ll also find tap dance, modern musical theatre, jazz and contemporary.

It is considered the absolute foundation from the very early stages where it is taught in a fun imaginative way using mime, props and stories that young children relate to. From here there is a gradual healthy build up, taking children up through the grades with a recognised exam at each level, although these are added options.

What are they learning?
• Correct technique and terminology.
• Strength and endurance.
• Timing and appreciation of music.
• Poise and posture.

Enrolling your tot into a ballet and dance class will help enrich their world around them in so many ways!

Dance Art Studio is located in the Fiveways and Preston Park area of Brighton offering preschool ballet and dance for 3-4-year-olds and graded ballet, tap, modern theatre dance and street as well as boys only tap and jazz. Exams and performance opportunities. We also hold holiday workshops. www.danceartstudio.co.uk

Feb 02
Love0

FLEXIBLE is the new working normal – are you equipped?

By Finance, Relationships, Work employment
by Emma Cleary
Flexibility Matters

With a recent employee survey revealing that more than nine in 10 working parents and carers want their workplace to retain flexible working indefinitely* and another reporting that 28% of employers believe the increase in homeworking has increased productivity**, COVID-19 has shifted the working pattern mindset to flexible.

And, whilst the version of flexible working parents had been experiencing during the lockdown period was not ideal, what it has done is prove that flexibility can be possible in so many more jobs than previously thought.

The shift towards greater use of home working will make work more accessible and sustainable for all, particularly for those with caring responsibilities, and at the same time support employers to recruit and retain a more diverse workforce. Whilst employers are having to fully embrace telecommuting and reduced, or part-time work, flexible workers are having to match this with an open and adaptive attitude to new technology, training and performance management.

As a working parent, whether your current work has changed shape significantly or you’re embarking on a completely new career path, flexible working is becoming the new normal and being properly equipped for it is more important than ever. No one understands this more than us who, since 2014, have been working with employers and talented candidates filling roles outside of the traditional 9-5 working hours. To help you become fully job ready for the ‘new normal’ flexible world of work, we’ve put together some suggestions on where to start.

Understand your transferable skills
Identify the transferable skills and experience drawn from your entire career and from any periods between work. This will allow you to reveal skills and knowledge that you may not have initially considered and highlight all that you have to offer, widening your options and opportunities. Make sure you showcase these in your CV and LinkedIn profile.

Do your research
Ensure you are familiar and skilled with the latest remote working technology and that of your target industry. Educate yourself with up to date industry trends and news and identify where you may need to upskill according to what role you want to be considered for.

Have you learnt a new skill to showcase?
Have you recently learnt a new skill that you are able to showcase? This could be award-winning time-management acquired from juggling home-schooling, freelance working and everything else thrown your way! It could also be an industry related course completed online that might just make that small difference when being considered for a particular role.

* A survey of over 1,000 UK parents and carers of children aged 18 and under by Charity Working Families (Jun 2020)

**A survey of 1,046 employers by cipd.co.uk/. (July 2020)

At Flexibility Matters, we’re not only matching flexible working talent to their ideal job roles in businesses around Sussex, but we also offer free events, such as networking and interview workshops to help all our members, whatever their backgrounds. Register on www.flexibilitymatters.co.uk or get in touch with us directly on email: emma@flexmatters.co.uk Tel: 0781 0541 599.

Jan 26
Love0

Autism

By Education, family, Relationships
by Dr Jill Bradshaw, George Watts, Dr Clare Melvin,
Lizzie Gale and Krysia Emily Waldock

Autistic people have different ways of processing information which results in differences in thinking and behaving. Non-autistic people like to think that the world they have created makes sense but does it? Non-autistic people rarely say what they mean and yet expect other people to be able to interpret what they say. Non-autistic people make social rules and then don’t actually stick to them – what you are allowed to do in one context is very different from what you are allowed to do in another.

What is the first thing that you think of when you hear the word autism? How many people do you know who are autistic? Are all the autistic people you know exactly the same? Or are they all quite different? What do they share in common which has led to the diagnosis of autism? These are all questions we explore in our online course, Understanding Autism.

We know that at least one in every 100 people are autistic and it may be even more common. There are autistic children, adults, parents, siblings, spouses and grandparents. There are autistic people in every walk of life, from architects to zoologists. Although we used to think of autistic people as being more likely to be male, many females are also autistic. Some autistic people also have an intellectual disability.

Autistic people will have difficulties with elements of social communication, with understanding the ‘hidden’ conventions which guide interactions with other people (such as when to make eye contact and when it is acceptable to interrupt a conversation). Autistic ways of communicating are not always easily understood by non-autistic people. This can lead to misunderstandings.

Non-autistic people need to take care when making assumptions about autistic people. For example an autistic child may not make eye contact but still be listening really carefully or a child may not look like they are seeking social interaction but may still want to socialise. An autistic child may not appear to show empathy but may well be overwhelmed by the emotions of others. Autistic people are likely to have a spiky ability profile. We tend to assume that if people are quite good at one skill (like reading) then they will also be quite good in other areas of development (like daily living skills). Autistic people might be very good at one skill but find another skill much harder.

Autistic people are also likely to have sensory differences. They might find some everyday sensory experiences completely overwhelming. Alternatively, they might actively seek and delight in other sensory experiences. Many autistic people might experience both. Autistic people might have intense interests which they hyperfocus on, or do things in a repetitive way such as only eating certain foods or moving in a particular way. Autistic people may also have great strengths such as being able to pay attention to minute detail or developing extensive knowledge about an interest.

Generally, autistic people are likely to experience high levels of anxiety. Autistic people might find it hard to make sense of the world and to predict what other people are going to do and how they might react. Imagine you are in a foreign land where you do not speak the language or understand the culture and somehow everything you do appears to be the wrong thing. Imagine if the rules kept changing. How might you feel? What might you do, or not do?

What do you need to know if you are parent of an autistic child?
• You know your child better than anyone else.
• Even people who are supposed to know about autism will probably say and do things that are really unhelpful at times.
• You might have to fight for what you and your child need.
• Other people might think that everything your child does or does not do is because they are autistic. They might not look for other explanations like medical needs.
• Other autistic people and parents of autistic children will have very useful information about what it is like to be autistic and what might help.
• Create autism-friendly environments. What sensory experiences are helpful and unhelpful? How can you make things as predictable as possible?
• What is your child good at? How can you make the most of their strengths?
• How does your child communicate and what can you do to support their communication and adapt your own, and that of others around them, so it is more effective?
• How is your child’s mental health being supported? Are there people recognising the distress that is often caused by trying to navigate a non-autistic world?
• Check your assumptions. Remember that every autistic child is different.
• Look after yourself. Parenting is hard! Parenting a child who thinks differently can be even harder. Be kind to yourself and ask for support when you need it.

Jill is a senior lecturer in intellectual and developmental disabilities at the Tizard Centre, University of Kent. George, Lizzie and Krysia are all postgraduate students in the department. Clare recently completed her PhD at the Tizard Centre and is now a lecturer in psychology at the University of East Anglia. Together they have developed (with others) the FutureLearn course on Understanding Autism. George and Krysia are autistic.
FutureLearn www.futurelearn.com/courses/autism

Jan 19
Love0

A preschool is where a child’s educational journey begins, where key skills are developed and a love of learning is cultivated

By Education, family, fun for children, numeracy skills, Playing, reading, Relationships
by Susan Clarke
Head of Rowan Preparatory School, Claygate, Surrey

Do you recall your first day of school? If not, your parents will have done, just like you now considering the educational path your child is on. When choosing the right environment, there are many factors to consider yet there is an abundance of choice regarding nurseries, preschools, and schools; so how do you choose?

Primarily we want our children to be safe, happy and enjoy the opportunities provided for them. However, look behind the scenes and there are huge differences in what’s on offer. Below are a few handy tips on what to watch out for.

Children will benefit from a setting that has that perfect home-away-from-home feel, with warm, inviting spaces for them to grow, learn and discover. Take the time to explore nursery and preschool settings with small classes, specialist teaching provision, adventures to the woods and outdoor play areas and you are well on your way to instilling a love of learning in your child.

Experts in the Early Years
Do you know about the importance of cross-lateral movements, singing songs and practising making silly noises together? Not to worry if you do not, experts in the Early Years will be leading you and your child all the way. Finding the right experts for your child is essential, as building supportive and reassuring relationships at this age are vital for successful early development. At some settings, children will be fortunate enough to learn from passionate, specialist teaching staff, who bring out the best in every child. They will discover their interests and develop their inquisitiveness through exploration, investigation, and play. Staff will give you feedback through portfolios so that you feel involved in your child’s learning journey. Sharing milestones, success and moments of discovery are precious and to be treasured.

Learning through play
Like most early learning environments, the Foundation Stage curriculum is considered to be at the heart of all experiences. Skilled Early Years practitioners will deliver carefully curated topics, based on children’s interests and the curriculum, bringing them to life through song, play and observation. This approach will creatively develop the senses, sounds and imagination of their young charges. Within this world of fantasy, imagination and fun are opportunities for learning sounds, numbers and about the world around them. Look out for settings that nurture their knowledge, understanding and confidence.

Going above and beyond
While communication, personal and social education and mathematics are core to any Early Years curriculum, your choice of nursery can offer much more. What else is on offer? Is sport, dance or yoga offered to complement physical development? Is musical theatre, singing and drama provided to help build confidence and a natural ability to express themselves to a range of audiences? Are the children exposed to learning an additional language, having fun with songs, food and their newly expanded vocabulary? It is a joy to celebrate language and culture and these opportunities are all part of developing a sense of self and belonging in this world.

Woodland wanderers
When I think about my two children when they were two and four, I could barely get them out of a puddle or discourage them from climbing a tree, and who would want to at that age! Using the outdoors to develop knowledge, their language and awareness provides opportunity for real-life discovery. Problem solving skills are developed alongside the ability to communicate, these are essential building blocks in their educational journey. Many nurseries and preschools have access to woodland areas and Forest Schools, which children visit weekly and in all weathers. They will don waders, snow suits or sunhats to explore the woods, returning to school with tales of mini-beasts, den building, witling and wandering. How I yearn to be three again!

Parents as partners
You are an essential part of your child’s development; you know their interests, likes and dislikes. Getting to know whether your child likes dinosaurs, or peas rather than broccoli, will help them settle confidently into their setting. An open-door policy is vital in enabling you to work in partnership with staff and allowing you to discuss any concerns you may have. Look for an environment that holds regular ‘Show and Share’ sessions, where children delight in welcoming their parents into the classroom, proud of the learning space in which they feel comfortable and can excitedly share their prized creations and the skills they have learned.

Ready for ‘big’ school
As your little one nears the end of their time in nursery or preschool, they will be more than ready to embrace the experiences of Reception. Thinking about their transition will be key and if you are able to offer them continuity and familiarly through the same whole school setting or through friendship groups this will help ease their way. If your nursery is in a school setting, I know that Reception teachers love nothing more than coming into the Early Year’s rooms and getting to know them for that next big step. Once you have chosen your school for Reception there will be information and activity afternoons, so everyone feels confident and assured about the next stage. Children will radiate confidence from their time in preschool, so much so that Reception in the same environment seems natural and reassuring.

Susan Clarke is the Headmistress at Rowan Preparatory School in Claygate, Surrey, an outstanding prep school and preschool for girls aged 2-11.
The school motto Hic Feliciter Laboramus – Here We Work Happily – is a sentiment embodied throughout the school, where an engaging and inspiring approach to education creates a lifelong love of learning. To discover more visit www.rowanprepschool.co.uk or contact admissions@rowanprepschool.co.uk to arrange a visit.

Nov 07
Love0

Could you be a school governor?

By Education, family, Relationships
by Sharon MacKenzie
School and Governance Development Manager
Brighton & Hove City Council

Who are school governors and what do they do?
School governors are one of the largest volunteer groups in the country. They make a real difference to the lives of children, by working with head teachers and leadership teams to improve schools. Governing bodies work as a team to make decisions.

What kind of person can be a governor?
Governing bodies usually have around 12 governors and they need a range of skills and experience. Whilst it’s important to have governors with leadership skills and experience of monitoring budgets, governing bodies also need to understand the needs of the pupils. People from the local community are therefore crucial, as are those who may have experience of working with children and families. If you have time to commit, work well in a team and are keen to learn, then this can be a very rewarding voluntary role.

What’s in it for me?
You will meet new people, develop skills and learn more about how schools work. Above all, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you have made a real difference to the development of children, young people, their school and the community.

Do I need to have a child at a school?
Not necessarily. There are different types of governor and being a parent governor is only one of them. If you are interested in being a parent governor, you should contact the school to find out about vacancies. Alternatively, you could be appointed onto a governing body as a co-opted governor, depending on the skills and experience they need. The Governor Support Team keeps a list of vacancies and can help to match you to a school – see contact details below.

What is expected of me?
Governing bodies usually meet together once or twice a term. Meetings are being carried out on online platforms during the COVID-19 pandemic, until it is safe to meet together again in schools. Most also hold regular committee meetings that focus on certain areas (for example, curriculum or finance) and have governors who focus on certain areas of work (for example, Special Educational Needs). You will also be expected to carry out school visits, although this type of monitoring is being approached differently at the moment. The amount of hours varies from week to week, but you should expect to spend around 10 days per year on regular duties, which is an average of half a day per fortnight during term-time.

Is training and support provided?
Brighton & Hove’s Governor Support Team provides advice and guidance to governors and clerks, as well as induction and further training – all this is free of charge to the individual. There are also regular briefings to update you on national and local developments. All this is currently being carried out online, using e-learning and virtual discussions.

We are keen to ensure that our governing bodies reflect the diversity of the pupils in our schools. Therefore, we welcome applications from under-represented groups, particularly from black or minority ethnic backgrounds.

For more information: Email: governor.support@brighton-hove.gov.uk Web: www.brighton-hove.gov.uk/governors Twitter: @BHSchoolGovs

Jun 15
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Legal Solutions

By family, Legal, Relationships, Uncategorized

All Your Legal Worries Answered

In each issue of ABC one of Brighton’s leading firms of Solicitors Dean Wilson LLP, covers a topic of interest to parents everywhere. In this issue, Julian Hunt, Partner of the Family Department, aims to set out some of the practical issues you should consider if your relationship has broken down.

The breakdown of your relationship is a distressing and emotional experience. The following summary aims to set out some of the issues you should consider if your relationship has broken down. Of course, every individual case is different and therefore it is advisable that you discuss the situation with your Solicitor.

Here are some general tips about issues, which you will need to consider right away:
• Children – decisions need to be made about who will care for the children. Many parents are able to make arrangements between themselves which is always the best way. If you encounter difficulties consider a referral to Mediation. Court proceedings should only be a last resort.
Take note that the Children Act provides a presumption that the involvement of each parent in the life of the child will further the child’s welfare. ‘Custody’, ‘Residence’ and ‘Contact Orders’ are terms which no longer apply. Instead the Court will make a ‘Child Arrangements Order’ to define the amount of time that the child would spend with each parent.
• Inform your children jointly of the decision to separate and emphasise that it is not their fault and that both parents love them equally.
• Child Support – try to reach a voluntary arrangement with your ex-partner for a weekly or monthly payment. Go to www.gov.uk/child-maintenance and use the child maintenance calculator to assess how much your ex-partner should pay.
• Ongoing financial Support – (‘spousal maintenance’) – if you are married you could apply for maintenance for yourself. If you are not married your partner does not have a duty to support you once the relationship ends, only to pay child support if applicable.
• Property – if there are children involved it is always better for parents to come to a mutual decision about who will leave
the home so that it will cause the least disruption for the family. If you jointly own the property you cannot simply change the locks and exclude the other from the property. If you are a non-owning spouse you have rights of occupation and a right not to be evicted from your home. Application can be made to the Land Registry to protect your occupation and prevent your spouse from disposing of the property.

If you have been subjected to
or threatened with physical abuse by your partner you may need to consider making application for a Court Order
to have them excluded.

If you are in rented accommodation and you are moving out of the property, you should see if you can be removed from the Tenancy.

On Separation:
• Contact the Local Authority Council Tax Section as you may be eligible for a Council Tax reduction, or if you are moving out of the property to ensure that you are not liable for any subsequent payments.
• Contact the Benefits Agency if you are in receipt of benefits, as separation may affect your entitlements.
• Contact the Tax Office if you are receiving Universal Credit or Tax Credits to reassess your entitlements, or otherwise to see if you are now entitled to Child and Working Families Tax Credits.
• Contact your banks, building societies especially if you have a joint account. It may be advisable to consider freezing the account to prevent your partner from withdrawing some or all of the funds without your agreement, or at least change the drawing arrangement so that withdrawals require both your signatures.
• Contact all credit card companies especially if you have joint credit cards because you are jointly responsible for any expenses incurred. You do not want a situation whereby your partner could run up further debts because ultimately the credit card company could also pursue you for these as the card is in your joint names.
• Consider changing your Will if you have appointed your ex-partner as the beneficiary of your Estate. If you have not made a Will then you may want to consider making one to ensure that your Estate does not automatically pass to your spouse, or you may want to make specific provision for any children to ensure security for them.

As an ABC reader you can call the Private Client Department on 01273 249200 to arrange a no obligation telephone discussion and, if required, a fixed-fee meeting.

Jun 04
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kids in a line

Why recognising the early signs of mental health issues in children is crucial

By children's health, Health, Mental health, Relationships, Uncategorized

Children and young people’s mental health has never been so high on the public agenda. Figures released recently show that 5% of children aged five to 10 have conduct disorder; this increases to 7% as young people approach secondary school years (Green et al.) and referrals to child mental health units from UK primary schools for pupils aged 11 and under have risen by nearly 50% in three years.
In May this year, former Prime Minister Theresa May announced a funding package to provide teachers and care workers with training on how to spot the signs of mental health issues. The wide-ranging package of measures make sure staff have the confidence and skills they need to identify mental health issues in young people before they become critical.

However, concerns have already been raised about the lack of mental health services available to young people once issues have been identified. Shadow Health Secretary Barbara Keeley said: “Once again we hear warm words from the Prime Minister on mental health, but the reality is that mental health services are stretched to breaking point and people with mental health problems aren’t getting the support they need.”

The most common mental health problem affecting children are conduct disorders (severe and persistent behavioural problems). Severe and persistent behavioural problems starting before secondary school years which go unsupported can have a long-term impact on children’s mental health and life chances.

Early years and education providers have a responsibility to provide staff with the training and support required to recognise early signs of mental health problems at this young age. Equipping staff with the skills to recognise warning signs and behaviours could lead to a child gaining the support they need to maintain mental wellbeing.

It’s a subject very close to the heart of Ann Poolton, Head of CPD Courses at BB Training, and her team. “We are very passionate about this issue. Not only can early identification save children from stressful situations, but it ensures staff are better placed to support young people in their care. We continue to offer best practice advise and training on this subject both internally and externally, as we understand the importance of promoting good mental health for children and staff alike.”

The funding now available should be used by employers to provide the necessary training required to give teachers the confidence and ability to cope with the rise in mental health issues in children.

Ann concluded: “For people working with young children, it is key that they are able to recognise the early signs of mental health problems and understand how to develop strategies to build resilience in children. The environment they grow up in, and their ability to handle the pressures and stresses of growing up, all play an important role in preventing problems from developing.”

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