Skip to main content
search
Category

Relationships

Mar 03
Love0
legal rights for grandparents

Grandparents’ rights

By Legal, Relationships

Jennie Apsey, Solicitor in the Family Department at Dean Wilson LLP,

explores the rights of grandparents.

In an ideal world, all family relationships would be strong and healthy, and everyone would get on. However, family arguments do happen and sometimes have significant consequences. Whether as a result of falling out with your children and their partners, or as result of them going through an acrimonious separation or divorce, you may find that access to your grandchildren is restricted or completely cut-off, which can be a very painful experience.

Do I have any legal rights as a grandparent in England?
Grandparents do not have an automatic right to contact with their grandchildren and the law primarily recognises the rights of parents in matters concerning the upbringing of their children. However, under the Children Act 1989 what is in the best interests of the child is the primary consideration and therefore all is not lost should you find yourself being denied a relationship with your grandchildren.

What should I do if I am not being allowed to see my grandchildren?
If you find yourself in this situation and you have been unable to negotiate with the children’s parents to come to an agreement, you should see if you can resolve the issue amicably with the help of a mediator. A trained mediator could help you come to a satisfactory agreement without the need for any court orders and they are likely to understand the sensitive and emotionally stressful nature
of the situation.

What happens if mediation is refused, or it breaks down?
In this instance, it is important to take specialist family law advice. Only people with Parental Responsibility have an automatic right to make an application to the Court for a Child Arrangements Order, and grandparents will require the permission of the Court to make an application. In practice, the application for permission is dealt with at the same time and on the same form as the application for a Child Arrangements Order (form C100). You will need to explain your reasons for making the application, and in the majority of cases permission will granted and the application issued after consideration of the following:
• The grandparent’s relationship with the grandchildren;
• The nature of the application;
• Whether there may be a risk of any harm to the grandchildren if the application is granted;
• Whether permitting the grandparents to have contact with the grandchildren would have any negative effects on the rest of the family.

What happens when an application is issued?
The parents of the children will be notified of the application made by the grandparents and a hearing will be listed. If no agreement can be reached at this stage of the proceedings, further hearings will be necessary, culminating in a Final Hearing at which oral evidence will be heard from both parties. During the course of the proceedings, usually with the help of Cafcass, the Court will obtain the views of the grandchildren, providing they are old enough to express them.

The Court will make a final decision with reference to the Welfare Checklist found in section 1(3) of the Children Act 1989:
• The ascertainable wishes and feelings of the children concerned (considered in the light of their age and understanding);
• Their physical, emotional and educational needs;
• The likely effect on them of any change in their circumstances;
• Their age, sex, background and any characteristics of theirs which the court considers relevant;
• Any harm which they have suffered or are at risk of suffering;
• How capable each of their parents, and any other person in relation to whom the court considers the question to be relevant, is of meeting their needs;
• The range of powers available to the court under the Act in the proceedings in question.

The Court must put the best interests of the children ahead of any other considerations including the wishes of the parties. If the Court believes that contact with the grand-parents is beneficial for the children, they will grant a Child Arrangements Order which will stipulate the terms of that contact.

Dean Wilson LLP’s reputation has been built upon our ability to deliver and exceed our clients’ expectations. For over 100 years our success has been founded upon our client focused approach, backed by the knowledge and expertise of our lawyers. www.deanwilson.co.uk

 

Mar 02
Love0
happy children in forest

The power of a small prep school Embracing the ‘try everything’ philosophy

By Education, environment, Forest School, fun for children, Green, Mental health, Nature, Primary school, Relationships
by Charlotte Moore
St Christopher’s Prep

In a world where education is often evaluated by standardised testing and one-size-fits-all metrics, nestled in the heart of a vibrant community, small preparatory schools are quiet powerhouses that have a unique charm. They offer a distinct advantage over larger educational institutions, such as smaller class sizes, a strong sense of community, and individualised attention from teachers. They punch well above their weight through a compelling philosophy that sets them apart – the ‘try everything’ approach to learning.

This philosophy encourages pupils to engage in a wide range of experiences, regardless of their interests or perceived talents. This inclusive model is particularly feasible in small prep schools, where the environment is often more adaptable and personalised than in larger institutions. The imperative of a ‘try everything’ philosophy is not just to expose pupils, but to embed a spirit of curiosity and cross-disciplinary agility.

The encouragement to engage with various subjects and extra curricular activities reflects a deeper understanding of the education process – it’s through experience and reflection that genuine learning takes place. Pupils are taught to value the journey of learning, to embrace failures as learning opportunities, and to develop a growth mindset that views challenges as stepping stones to mastery.

Pupils are invited to dip their toes into a variety of subjects and extra curricular activities – from arts to sciences, sports to technology – and discover passions they may not have known they had. They might find themselves coding a robot in one class, sewing a blanket in another and rehearsing a Shakespearean play in the next.

The key to this method is the idea that true learning comes from exploration and experimentation, which isn’t always found in textbooks. In a rapidly changing world, it is ever more important to be adaptable and have a broad skill set as well as specialised knowledge. From teamwork and leadership in sports, critical thinking in debate clubs, to innovation in STEM projects, pupils become well-equipped for future challenges. Such an education cultivates adaptive individuals who can thrive in the dynamic environments of higher education and the professional world.

Small class sizes of typical prep schools allow for highly individualised attention. Teachers are really able to nurture the curiosity of each pupil, encouraging them to take risks in a safe and supportive environment. Not only does this foster a love of learning, but it also helps to build resilience and confidence, both of which are qualities that are essential in both personal and professional lives.

A small prep school often has a much closer-knit community which provides more leadership opportunities. With fewer pupils to compete with for positions on school councils, drama productions, or as school prefects or team captains, pupils are able to step up and lead in more areas. This close-knit environment fosters a greater sense of responsibility and community engagement.

Small prep schools are able to promote an inclusive culture where hobbies and abilities are not dictated by societal expectations but by personal exploration and growth.

By encouraging all pupils to get involved, and try everything, teachers are creating opportunities for collaboration. It also helps break down barriers and fears. Those pupils who may have been reluctant to join a robotics club or a sewing club, for fear of not fitting in, may discover a love for engineering or garment making. Not everyone is naturally gifted at academics or sports but by being encouraged to join in, those who may have thought they were not great, may still find joy in doing it.

Subjects can often be compartmentalised but this ‘try everything’ approach supports a cross-disciplinary learning. Pupils applying their historical knowledge in English discussions or their artistic sensibilities in science projects shows a holistic educational approach that small prep schools champion.

Smaller class sizes and a more diverse lesson curriculum helps broaden the horizons of pupils so they become more rounded human beings when they progress to their senior school. These people are prepared to not just navigate the world but shape it into something better. A smaller school can be an incubator for future leaders. With the access to teachers and the excellent resources and opportunities the pupils have, these schools help ignite curiosity and arm the pupils themselves with the tools needed to build a fulfilling life. Alumni of small prep schools often attribute their success to the versatility and adaptability that was nurtured in their early education.

The ‘try everything’ philosophy at a small prep school is a powerful tool for education and is not something to be missed. It champions the idea that pupils should be encouraged to embrace a multitude of experiences, helping to shape them into adaptable, curious and innovative thinkers. In schools like these, the power of learning is limitless, and the outcomes are as diverse as the opportunities that they provide.

St Christopher’s Prep is an outstanding independent co-ed prep school. Please call 01273 735404 to discover how we could be the perfect match for your child’s educational start.
www.stchristophershove.org.uk

Mar 02
Love0
smiling tween

Parenting tweens

By family, Relationships
by Kelly Cox
Parent Coach & Trainer at Connective Family

The transition from childhood dependency to adult independence – it’s scary stuff!

We often think of teenagers appearing in our homes the morning after their 13th birthday, like the scene from Kevin and Perry. But actually pre-teens or ‘tweens’ develop from about eight to 12 years of age.

During this time our tweens often start to worry more about what other people think of them, they may become more self-conscious, keen to fit in with peers and even confident children can become more insecure. This can be a time where we start to see bullying.

So, what can we do as parents to stay connected with our children while they navigate these years?

Our parenting journey is an ever-changing landscape of rough roads, smooth country lanes and mountains, which is why being able to adapt to our child’s needs is crucial if we want to create a calm and connected home life.

Prioritise self-care
The most important thing we need to remember is that we cannot pour from an empty cup. Parenting leads us to pour from our cups constantly throughout the day, so looking after ourselves is crucial.

When we practise self-care, we allow ourselves to self-regulate more often and to allow ourselves to be less reactive to stressful situations. For some, self-care is small daily acts and for others is weekly or monthly acts. It’s whatever works for you, find what you need to help you to stay connected and calm.

Remember, it takes a village to raise a child
It’s important that, as parents and carers, we are connected with others who have a positive impact on us and our families.

Some examples of this might be:
• Maintaining positive relationships with teachers and support staff at your schild’s school.
• Encouraging positive relationships between children and sports coaches.
• Having positive relationships with friends and wider family.
• Asking for help when needed from appropriate people.

Keep up the parental presence
Being able to maintain a positive connection with our children is key to making them feel safe and supported, which in turn has a positive impact on behaviour and wellbeing.

You can increase parental presence in a number of ways to suit you and your child. Some simple ways you can do this include:
• Watching a movie of their choice with them.
• Popping your head in to see if they want a drink or a snack.
• Being in the room with your child.
• Going for walks or drives in the car together.
• Giving them a lift somewhere or picking them up.
• Spending time one-to-one with them doing something they enjoy.
• Taking an interest in a hobby or interest that they have.

Think connection over correction
We’re not saying that we should never correct our children but if we think and practise connection first, we often don’t need to correct.

If a child behaves in a way that we do not approve of, then it’s important that we try and think why they may be behaving in this way.
What are they trying to tell us or what are they trying to gain from this?

We often hear adults saying that children are just ‘attention seeking’. However, if we reframe this and think of it as though they are ‘attention needing’ or ‘attachment seeking’, it leads us to think more about connection rather than correction.

Tweens or teens will often push away from their parents (remember your tween and teenage days!?) so it’s important that we maintain a connection but also allow them to have a little more freedom. This transition between childhood dependency and adult independence can be a scary process for many children, particularly if they do not have the skills to navigate this.

And finally…
We so often hear so much negativity around teenagers, but if we stop and think about what they are navigating in life and the changes in their adolescent brain, then we realise how truly amazing they are!

They’re finding their way through education, friendships, relationships with teachers and other adults, handling intense emotions, changing bodies and external pressures such as social media. And they’re told, often daily, that choices they make today will affect the rest of their lives – despite the fact that their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for planning, prioritising and making good decisions, is the last to develop.

The tweenage brain is a wonderful thing!

Kelly Cox is a parent coach and trainer at Sussex-based Connective Family,

an organisation supporting parents, carers and their families.

www.connectivefamily.com

 

Dec 05
Love0

Which primary school?

By Education, Primary school, Relationships

Applying for a state primary school in the UK is a crucial step in a child’s education journey. The process can seem overwhelming, especially for first-time parents or those new to the country’s education system. However, with the right information and preparation, it can be a straightforward and manageable task.

In this guide, we’ll walk you through the steps to apply for a state primary school.

1. Understand the basics
Before you start the application process, it’s essential to understand some key concepts:
• Catchment area
State primary schools often prioritise children living within a specific catchment area. This means your residential address can significantly impact your school options.

• Admissions criteria
Each school has its own admission criteria, which can include proximity to the school, siblings already attending, or other factors like religion or special needs.

• Key dates
Keep track of application deadlines, as they vary by region and school. Generally, applications are due around January for entry the following September.

2. Research schools
Begin by researching the primary schools in your area. You can use magazines like ABC, online resources, school directories and word of mouth to compile a list of potential schools. Pay attention to OFSTED ratings, which indicate school quality, and visit school websites to learn about their programmess, facilities and admission policies.

3. Determine your preferences
Consider your priorities when selecting schools. Think about factors such as location, school size, teaching approach (e.g. Montessori or traditional) and extracurricular activities. Make a list of your top choices based on these criteria.

4. Check admission criteria
Review the admission criteria for each school on your list. This information is usually available on the school’s website or through your local education authority. Understanding the criteria will help you assess your chances of securing a place at each school.

5. Visit schools
Whenever possible, visit the schools you’re interested in preferably with your child. Open days and tours provide an opportunity to get a feel for the school environment and meet staff members. It can also help you decide if a school aligns with your child’s needs and your expectations.

6. Complete the application form
Most schools in the UK use a common application form provided by your local education authority. You can usually find this form on the authority’s website or request a copy from the school. Fill out the form accurately, providing all required information, including your school choices.

7. List schools in order of preference
On the application form, you’ll typically be asked to list your preferred schools in order. It’s crucial to rank them carefully because this order can affect your child’s chances of getting into their top choice.

8. Proof of address
Be prepared to provide proof of your address, as this will be a significant factor in school allocation. Utility bills, council tax statements, or lease agreements are typically accepted as proof.

9. Sibling priority
If you have other children already attending a particular school, mention this on your application. Many schools give sibling priority, increasing the likelihood of your younger child being admitted.

10. Submit your application
Submit your completed application form by the specified deadline. Be sure to keep a copy for your records and request a receipt or confirmation of submission if possible.

11. Wait for offers
After the application deadline, you’ll have to wait for the local authority to process applications and allocate school places. This process can take several weeks, so be patient.

12. Respond to offers
Once you receive offers from schools, you’ll need to respond promptly. If you’re offered a place at your top-choice school, accept it as soon as possible.

13. Appeals process (if necessary)
If your child doesn’t get a place at your preferred school, you have the right to appeal the decision. The appeals process varies by region, so check with your local education authority for guidance on how to proceed.

In conclusion, applying for a state primary school involves thorough research, careful planning and adherence to deadlines.

Understanding the local admission criteria and prioritising your preferences will increase your chances of securing a place at a school that aligns with your child’s educational needs and your family’s values. Remember that the process can be very competitive, so it’s essential to be well-prepared and flexible in your choices.

Good luck with your application!

Nov 28
Love0
teach your child about endangered animals

Teach your child about endangered animals

By Education, environment, Forest School, Nature, Relationships

The topic of endangered animals can be a difficult one for adults, let alone children. How do you explain, in simple and sensitive terms, that human action is destroying the planet and subsequently wiping out entire species of animals?

It’s the younger generations that are going to suffer the most from the impact of climate change, so it’s in their best interest to learn the hows and whys as early as possible. Knowledge is power, after all.

Here, My Oceans has put together their top tips for teaching children about endangered animals.

Use sensitive and simple language
There’s a fine line between being realistic and just plain terrifying. Children must understand the severity of the situation, but you should try to avoid harsh words and confusing terms that they’ll likely not understand.

Don’t: “Human ignorance is killing innocent animals; when the population of a species has declined at least 70% for reasons unknown, the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) declares it as endangered.”

Do: “Endangered animals are animals that have become so rare that they’re at risk of disappearing forever! This is why everyone must come together to take necessary the steps to protect them before it’s too late.”

Get the whole family involved
Make this a family activity by getting the whole crew together! If your children have older siblings who perhaps already know about endangered species, it still might be a good idea to get them involved.

Most little ones subconsciously mimic their older siblings, so they’re far more likely to take an interest in the topic if their brothers and sisters do too. Plus, helping save the world is a fantastic family bonding activity.

Find children-friendly books
If you’re not the best at wording things, or if your children need a little more clarification, look for children-friendly books that address the topic.

Fortunately, there are hundreds out there which are ideal for children aged three to 11.

You can find books that explore specific at-risk animals, such as ‘A Polar Bear in the Snow’ or ‘Give Bees a Chance’. This might be good if your child has a favourite animal that they want to learn more about.

There are also books that explain the subject of endangered animals in a general sense. Recommended reads might include works such as ‘My First Pop-Up Endangered Animal’s by Owen Davey and ‘A Wild Child’s Guide to Endangered Animals’ by author Millie Marotta.

Books are a fantastic way to enrich a child’s learning, especially for topics that might be a little upsetting or confusing. Set aside some time to go through each book together.

Let them ask as many questions as they need to
Children are incredibly curious – sometimes too much so. However, it’s important you let them ask as many follow-up questions as they need to.

If you want them to get their head around a totally bewildering subject, you should expect and prepare for an interrogation.

Some questions might be outrageous (hey, children are children) but do your best to give clear, honest answers to help them further grasp the topic.

Think of ways to help
Now that your little ones have a better understanding of what endangered animals are, you must plan all the ways that you can try to help the cause together.

As an adult, you’ll probably know the obvious solutions (more on those below), but this brainstorming session should be about encouraging your children to the discussion.

Nudge them in the right direction but let them feel like they’re the ones contributing awesome, life-saving ideas. This will make the children feel much more motivated to carry out the ideas in the next stage.

Support
This is perhaps the most important part of teaching your children about endangered animals: putting those plans into action.

Once you have your list of solutions, research each one until you have a good idea of your ‘who, what, when, where and why.’

Types of activities you could consider include:
Adopt an animal
Expose your children to endangered animals in a fun way that promotes responsibility. Your small monthly donation can help fund crucial work, plus, in exchange, you’ll typically receive a cuddly toy, regular updates, and a certificate.

Make eco-friendly lifestyle changes
Many adults have adopted bad environmental lifestyle habits, and bad habits are hard to shake. From early on, before these negative routines cement themselves in your children’s life, teach them:
• How to recycle, and why it’s crucial we do so
• The importance of eco-friendly products (such as plastic-free toilet paper and reusable shopping bags)
• How to reduce energy usage
• To avoid single-use plastic
• To eat less meat.

Raise funds together
There are plenty of UK charities for protecting endangered animals and their habitats, such as People’s Trust for Endangered Species (PTES) and WWF.

A possible ocean-specific charity you could support is the Marine Conservation Society, an organisation working to achieve a cleaner, healthier environment. Think of exciting ways to raise money for these charities, such as bakes sale or walking fundraiser.

Visit an animal shelter or wildlife centre – a super educational way to support a fantastic cause while helping your children to comprehend the topic in greater detail. Find your local animal shelter or wildlife centre and volunteer your time feeding the animals, cleaning and tidying habitats, or just being a companion.

Incorporate fun activities – children love to play! Playing is crucial for their development as it benefits a variety of skills, including cognitive and social. As you embark on this journey of better understanding endangered animals, look for fun activities that’ll help and engage them:
• Arts and crafts
• Roleplay
• Puppeteering
• Painting and drawing
• Singing and dancing.

They have the power to change the world
As a parent, it’s your responsibility to ensure you’re raising your children with the right beliefs, attitudes and knowledge. Theirs is the generation that will be hurt the most by the impacts of climate change, so it’s only right we give them the necessary tools to fight back – as early as possible.

Support them in grasping the severity of the situation in a way that motivates them to help the cause. No one is expecting a six year old to single-handedly change the world, but soon that six year old will be a fully-fledged adult that has a much better chance of doing so.

For further information please visit www.myoceans.co.uk

 

Nov 26
Love0
defiant toddler

Teaching your child boundaries

By Childcare and Nannying, children's health, Education, family, Mental health, Relationships, Special support needs
by Michelle Elman
Author, How to Say No

You will remember a time in your child’s life when “no” was their favourite word but as a child hits three to four years old, saying “no”, getting their needs met and communicating how they feel, gets a little bit more complicated. They start to develop Theory of Mind which means they start to get an awareness of the fact that not only can they think, but other people think too. Over time, this realisation turns into the knowledge that if someone can think, then they can think about you and they can also think badly about you.

As adults, you will understand that your own boundaries are usually in conflict with caring what people think, and children also suffer with the same issue, especially when popularity, fitting in and being liked by their peer group is such a high priority. This is where it is important to emphasis the need to keep boundaries in their vocabulary, starting with the simplest and first boundary we all learn – the word ‘no’.

As we all know, children don’t do as you say, they do as you do and therefore practising boundaries yourself is the best place to start to be an example to your children. Learning boundaries isn’t just something you should do for your children though, it can positively impact your life in many ways – from self-esteem, to protecting yourself from burnout, to reprioritising your need for rest and looking after your body. As much as children might struggle to do what you say, if you create an environment where everyone feels listened to, they often start to listen to you more too, if they feel heard themselves.

The word “no” is crucial to understanding how you feel, what you want and it also means that your “yes” has more power. If “yes” is the only word you can use, then that’s the default and your life becomes filled with meeting everyone else’s needs and demands. As much as a child using the word “no” may make your life more difficult as a parent, it’s important to understand that it’s a crucial skill as they grow up and become adults.

We want to foster a sense of independence and knowing how to communicate well, even if they still need to comply with the rules of the household or school. When they set a boundary that is simply not feasible, for example, staying at home alone because they don’t want to attend a family friend’s party, then you are still able to congratulate them on communicating their needs, expressing their boundaries and making them feel heard, listened to and respected.

If you lead with empathy, you are treating them with the respect you would with any adult who has their full autonomy and freedom to make their own decisions. I’m sure you’ve had evenings where you’ve not wanted to attend an event that you previously were looking forward to or there are times as an adult, you just want to be left at home alone to enjoy your solitude. For your child though, that might be unsafe and therefore communicating that to them, not only gives them respect but understanding as to the decision making process.

Saying something like “I know you don’t want to come tonight. I know you are tired and I wouldn’t want to come too if I had as long a week as you have. I can’t find anyone to stay with you last minute though and I do not feel comfortable leaving you at home alone so for your safety, you will have to come with us”. When you come from a empathetic standpoint, you can understand why a child wouldn’t want to go to a grown-up party where they have little in common with the people there, and it is easier to come up with a compromise, for example, “If you would like some alone time though, why don’t you bring a book and we can find a room where you can be by yourself while all the adults are talking?”

Teaching boundaries is also about teaching your children to respect other people’s boundaries so when you set rules about behaviour, make sure you echo the reverse. For example, if they don’t want their siblings barging into their room, then they also have to lHow to say noisten when their siblings say no to them entering their room. Emphasising that we also want to respect other people’s boundaries and giving them the language around boundaries is also really helpful. A boundary might not always sound like the word “no”, it can be “That doesn’t work for me”, or “I don’t like the sound of that,” and when you understand that this is someone conveying their boundaries, not only do they have phrases to listen out for but they have the same phrases they can use themselves.

‘How To Say No’ released by Puffin, is available now.

Nov 20
Love0
work from home parenting

Success wears many hats

By family, Mental health, Relationships, Work employment
by Katie Gowers Watts
‘Diary of a Warent’ blogger

As a parent, your definition of success can change entirely.

Despite being a complex person emotionally, I didn’t take my first pregnancy very seriously – until it ended in a silent miscarriage. We had been for an ultrasound scan the week before and reassuringly seen a tiny, beating heart on the monitor. Sadly, one week later we saw nothing but a static, grey image.

In that moment, my version of success pivoted entirely. The only thing I really wanted, was to be able to successfully carry my child.

It’s embarrassing to confess, but in the past, I didn’t respect women who chose not to go back to work after having children. I thought of it as a cop out. I’m ashamed of that now. For those who subscribe to ‘stay-at-home stereotypes’ like I did, WOW, looking after children all day long is hard. Really hard.

Being a perma-entertainer and safe-keeper, never EVER switching off, and the sheer monotony and thanklessness of housework is so much harder than ‘work work’.

 

Even playing is arduous. Fumbling around in the attic of your adult mind for the dusty old imagination you stored away many years ago. The definition of child’s play is ‘a task which is easily accomplished’. I’m here to tell you that playing with children is not child’s play. It’s exhausting!

Importantly, being a stay-at-home parent comes from a place of love (or financial necessity because childcare can break the bank). It’s not laziness or lack of ambition. It took me 36 years to figure that one out.

My two children are without a shadow of a doubt, my greatest achievement. So, having recently welcomed baby number two who brings me unadulterated joy, why don’t I feel successful anymore?

Many of us define our success based on what others think of us. Or more specifically, our assumptions of what they think. Will people be suitably impressed by my accomplishments, my job title, my salary (or indeed envious of them if one’s ego needs a stroke)? If yes, then bingo, we feel successful.

Success wears many hats.

Something we all need to acknowledge is that actually, success wears many hats. Professional success, financial success, parenting success, relationship success, family success. Sometimes it’s just ‘keeping your sh*t together’ success. What matters is how we define our own success, and in turn, respecting each other’s unique versions. If I’m wearing a baseball cap today, that doesn’t mean you can’t wear a trilby.

Right now, rudely interrupting my marvellous motherhood moments, is the fact that somehow my sense of accomplishment is diminished.

I question myself ALL the time. Am I adding enough value – to my family, to our bank balance, to my employer? I feel like I’m in debt.

As a bona fide warent (working parent), I cast aside all the other hats in my success wardrobe, in search of my ‘professional success hat’. The hat that people admire the most. But it doesn’t fit me right now.

Despite having fire in my belly and craving professional success once again, I’m scared. I’m not ready to leave my baby yet; I want to be a present mum – but, I’m also afraid of the alternative. Of having already stunted my success, of being left behind and of missing out on opportunity to be professionally brilliant. I really want both. But we can’t wear two hats at exactly the same time, can we?

My heart tells me to focus solely on our chubby little bundle of joy. Somebody recently told me, “You will never regret spending more time with your kids”.

Surrounding myself with love and this unbelievable family we have created is a HUGE, everlasting success. A hat that I’ll never outgrow. I know that.

But, my (annoying) head tells me I need to get back to work and back in the game. My professional success hat has been sitting around in the wardrobe so long that it’ll be moth-eaten by the time I take it out and shove it back on.

So, I’ve taken a step back to properly look at myself. To open every drawer of my mind and rummage through my collection of hats.

I tried my ‘stay-at-home success’ hat on for size, and I like it. It’s one of those understated, comfortable pieces of clothing that you’ll never throw out, so I’ve been wearing it for a while – but it’s not in vogue. From time to time, I put my more impressive ‘professional success’ hat back on and walk around the house in it to make myself feel busy and important (I’m wearing it as I write this). And when I get bored, I try on every single hat in the wardrobe and end up with nothing but ‘hat hair’.

It seems obvious now, that my ‘family success’ hat will never, ever go out of fashion. The others are perhaps more seasonal.

Here’s the most important thing I’ve figured out. Self-deprecation is the opposite of success. It has literally no useful purpose. It’s a paper hat when you’re out in the rain. Self-respect is success in its purest, most impressive form. It’s a frickin’ bejewelled gold crown, sparkling in the sunshine.

warentingFor those of us ‘warenting’ our way through life, impossibly striving to be perfect parents AND perfect professionals, remember that success belongs to YOU. It’s yours to define. Own it.

For now, I have redefined my version of success. Because it’s not a static, grey image. It’s a beating heart.

You can read the full version of ‘Success wears many hats’ and additional ‘warenting’ blogs written by Katie, at www.diaryofawarent.com

Nov 13
Love0
oracy

How to encourage your child to develop the life-enhancing skills of oracy

By Education, Language, Mental health, reading, Relationships, special educational needs
by Angela Schofield
Oracy Lead, Excelsior Multi-Academy Trust

If you are slightly confused about the term ‘oracy’, which has recently hit the headlines, you are not alone! To summarise, oracy is about communication skills, gaining the skills to engage with other people’s ideas and express your own ideas so that others understand them. At Excelsior Multi Academy Trust, we explicitly teach, practise and assess oracy skills, and see demonstrated how speaking and listening are equally important for effective communication.

Why is oracy so important?
Research has shown that oracy supports children in their academic learning and also in their emotional and social wellbeing. It helps to develop their confidence and instils a sense of belonging, that their voice is welcomed and valued. It is also has a key role in closing the disadvantage gap. Early language and communication skills are closely linked to attainment throughout schooling, and to earnings later in life. The earlier we start to develop oracy skills, the better.

How can you make learning these skills fun at home?
• Playing fun listening games. Enjoy games such as I Spy, 1-20 or describing an image while your child draws it and vice versa. These are all quick games, which develop listening skills too. To practise listening specifically, read a short text and then give a list of words, can they remember which words were from the text? Simple riddle games are good for this too. Try the one below. Explain that you are going to tell a story and then you’ll ask them some questions about it.

You are the bus driver. There are four people on the bus. At the first stop, two people get off and a lady with a bright red hat gets on. At the second stop, a man with a green duffle coat gets off and a small boy with a big dog gets on. At the third stop, four people get off and three people get on. At the fourth stop, two girls get on carrying a large present with a frilly purple bow. (You can continue for longer depending on the age of your child). Finally, ask the question – How old is the bus driver? (The clue is in the first five words).

• Reading to your child. Hearing you read a story, with all the different voices, is not only fun and a time to bond with them, but it also supports them to understand how tone of voice can change the meaning of words and make it more interesting to the listener. Hearing a fluent reader, while they look at the text also helps children to develop fluency in reading.

• Encouraging the expressing of opinions, agree and disagree with reasons. This develops reasoning skills and vocabulary and shows them that it’s OK to disagree. An excellent thing to encourage is changing your mind when someone has given a good reason. You can also frame questions as talking points to encourage extended responses. There are lots of ways to do this and you can choose serious or silly talk activities. We live in a world with a diversity of opinions and being able to listen, engage respectfully and come to your own conclusion is a key life skill.

Ask engaging, fun questions such as:
If I ruled the world, I would … because …
Agree or disagree, Wonder Woman/Spider-Man/ Superman (pick a favourite) is superior to …
Which is better a shark or a lion? Why?

• Engaging in dialogue (not just talk). Talking to your child at home is important, but the evidence shows that it is dialogue that helps children learn language and social skills. Turn taking in a conversation is the important part, so try to avoid the questions, answer and move on cycle of interactions. Just chatting and exchanging ideas is so important for child development and hugely enjoyable. We all have such busy lives now but setting aside a time each day just to talk with, rather than to, them will have a significant impact on their learning and social and emotional learning.

• Playing with and exploring vocabulary. Begin with one word and find opposites or as many synonyms as you can, or find out where words come from. Biscuit, for example, comes from the French for twice baked. Before the introduction of effective food storage, baking twice reduced the moisture in the biscuits making them less likely to attract weevils! Children find these sorts of facts fascinating. There are lots of examples online but for older children, the Oxford Dictionary of Word Origins is a useful resource as is the children’s book The Dictionary of Difficult Words.

By starting when your child is young, you’ll not only be helping them to develop their communications skills, you will be giving them a priceless gift that will serve them well throughout their lives. A gift they can, in turn, pass on to the next generation.

Angela Schofield is the Oracy Lead at Excelsior Multi-Academy Trust, which supports six schools in Birmingham. The Trust is committed to ensuring the highest standards of academic performance and places communication skills at the centre of its curriculum. Excelsior provides supports to all its schools to enable them to help their children achieve their goals and ensure they are ready for the next stage of their education. Excelsior MAT was shortlisted for the MAT Excellence awards 2023 in three categories: Employer of the year; Inclusivity; and Wellbeing. www.excelsiormat.org

Nov 10
Love0
family christmas

Giving children the best Christmas

By Christmas, family, Legal, Relationships, Toys

For a lot of people, Christmas is about spending time with family, but what happens when children have more than one? If not handled carefully, talk of Christmas can descend into conflict and arguments about where children spend the festive season.

In this article, Family Law Specialist, Rachael House, from Dutton Gregory Solicitors in Woking gives her tips on how to establish a Happy Christmas for all.

Top tips for child arrangements over Christmas:
1. Plan ahead
Discussions should be had as soon as possible. That way, if there is disagreement, there is time to resolve it.
2. Child first
A good way for parents to try and reach an agreement and overcome the desire to spend as much time as possible with their children, is to focus on what the child needs or wants.
3. Compromise
It is always best if parents, who know their children and what is best for them, can find a solution between themselves.
4. No point-scoring
Parents shouldn’t try and outdo each other, either in terms of time or presents.
5. Keep records
Arrangements are best confirmed in writing, (an email conversation will suffice) so there is a clear record of what has been agreed.

If you need help
If they cannot agree, a lot of parents find benefits in using mediation. This is where an independent, neutral third party assists in discussing and negotiating through a situation.

The process is voluntary, and a mediator cannot make a binding decision, but if parties can reach a solution, a ‘Memorandum of Understanding’ can be drawn up to record what parties have agreed to. In certain circumstances this be drawn up in to a Court Order, but only if it is deemed of benefit to the child.

There are alternatives to mediation. Collaborative Law is where parties sit around a table (or in different rooms if they don’t want to meet face-to-face) and engage in negotiations with the support of their solicitors providing legal advice. This too is a voluntary process and any decision is not legally binding.

A couple can also choose to undertake Arbitration where the decision of the arbitrator is legally binding on both parties. The parties jointly agree an arbitrator (a professionally trained and qualified expert who effectively performs the role of the Judge), prepares paper evidence and the arbitrator then hears from each party before making a decision. Arbitration is often a very effective way of resolving a dispute where the issues are limited or narrow, such as arrangements for Christmas.

If you want advice about Christmas, or any child contact, then contact Rachael House on 01483 755609 or r.house@duttongregory.co.uk

Nov 08
Love0
Adult Carers Week

Unpaid carers and their rights

By Childcare and Nannying, Legal, Relationships, Work employment
by Barbara Cormie
Marketing and Communications Manager, Action for Carers Surrey

Life as an unpaid carer can be tough – but it’s even tougher if you’re not aware of the rights you’re entitled to. The UK has nearly 10 million people in a caring role – people that are helping a relative or friend who is disabled, frail, or unwell, who couldn’t manage without this support.

People can become carers overnight, or can only realise they are carers over time, as a partner or parent’s health declines. And some people never know a life that’s not caring, as they are born with a disabled brother or sister.

carer adviceAlthough it can be rewarding, and deepen relationships, caring can also be extremely hard, and will often affect someone practically, socially, emotionally, and financially.

Statutory rights
But here in the UK there is some understanding of what a carer’s role entails, and in theory – there is statutory support for unpaid carers, and a number of rights which should help make lives easier.

Your rights include the right to a Carers’ Assessment, the right not to be discriminated against, and employment rights.

So what exactly are my rights?

The right to a carers assessment
Under the Care Act 2014, adult carers have the right to an assessment by their council, of their caring role, and to be provided with the financial and practical support they are found to need. The assessment should include finding out whether the carer is able – and willing – to care, as well as the affect on their wellbeing, and their access to work, study and recreation.

And under the Children Act 1989 and the Children and Families Act 2014, there is a requirement for councils to similarly assess the needs of parent carers of disabled children under 18. And under the same Acts, children themselves under 18 who are carers, have the right to an assessment, which looks at the impact of caring, and whether the young person wishes to continue caring, and if it’s appropriate for them to do so.

advisor chatYour employment rights
If you’re a carer juggling work with your caring role, then you also have employment rights. This includes the right to request flexible working.

And just this year, the Carers Leave Act was passed, meaning that from a yet undefined date in 2024, all carers will now have the right to up a week of unpaid carers leave. (The right to request some leave, was previously only available to certain qualifying employees.)

It is also worth checking your contract as increasingly employers are recognising the value of supporting carers in their workforce and you might find that you are offered more generous terms.

The Equality Act
In the UK people have protection from discrimination in employment, in education and when receiving services. You are protected from being discriminated against on the basis of various ‘protected characteristics’, one of which is disability.

So this means, a carer cannot be discriminated against on the basis of their ‘association’ with a disabled person. For example, if you were verbally abused by a shop assistant about your child’s mental health condition, then potentially you would have been discriminated against under the Act.

The Government, working with CAB’s guide: ‘The Equality Act: What do I need to know as a carer?’ talks through the Act, different situations, and how you might take action if you think you have been discriminated against.

Further information on rights
National charity, Carers UK, have lots of in-depth information on your rights. www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/practical-support/what-are-your-rights-as-a-carer

Carer Rights Day
To raise awareness of carers’ rights and entitlements, the annual Carers Rights Day helps carers get the support they need – and this year it’s on Thursday 23rd November. So look out for events near you to help you find out more.

If you are in Surrey, please consider coming along to one of charity Action for Carers 10 Information Fairs, being held across the county, between 20-25th November. Action for Carers and many other charities and organisations will be there, offering advice and information about your rights, and caring generally. Fairs are ‘drop in’ and free. Visit www.actionforcarers.org.uk/news/fairs-for-surreys-carers-marking-carers-rights-day-2023 to find out more.

Don’t struggle on alone
Try and find out what you are entitled to, and if you need any help, please give your local carers organisation a call.

Barbara Cormie is Marketing and Communications Manager for Action for Carers Surrey. Action for Carers are a charity supporting Surrey’s unpaid carers aged 5-95, with advice, information, free events and more. Visit www.actionforcarers.org.uk, or call the Helpline on 0303 040 1234 for more information.

Close Menu