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Nov 24
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Why imagination is the most valuable type of thinking

By children's health, Education, Health, Mental health
by Neel Burton
psychiatrist and author of Hypersanity: Thinking Beyond Thinking

Einstein held that imagination is more important than knowledge: “I am enough of the artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.”

Until very recently, most human societies did not mark a strict divide between imagination and belief, or fiction and reality, with each one informing and enriching the other. In fact, it could be argued that, in many important respects, the fiction primed over the reality – and even that this has been, and no doubt still is, one of the hallmarks of homo sapiens.

The uses of imagination are many, more than I can enumerate. Most children begin to develop pretend play at around fifteen months of age. What are children doing when they pretend play? And why are they so absorbed in works of imagination? When I was seven years old, I would devour book after book and plead with my parents for those not already in the bookcase. By playing out scenarios and extending themselves beyond their limited experience, children seek to make sense of the world and find

their place within it. This meaning-making is full of emotion – joy, excitement, awe – which finds an echo in every subsequent act of creation.

Whenever we look at an object such as the Mona Lisa, we see much more than just the frame and the brushstrokes. In fact, we barely see the brushstrokes at all. In imagination as in our dreams, we ascribe form, pattern, and significance to things, and then reflect them back onto those things. Without this work of interpreting and assimilating, the world would be no more than an endless stream of sense impressions, as it might sometimes seem to those who lack imagination, with no hope of escape or reprieve. More than that, by imagination we are able to complete the world, or our world, by conjuring up the missing parts, and even to inhabit entirely other worlds such as Middle-earth or the Seven Kingdoms.

If imagination lets us feel at home in the world, it also enables us to get things done in the world. Science advances by hypothesis, which is a function of imagination, and philosophy makes frequent use of thought experiments such as the brain in the vat, the trolley problem, and Plato’s Republic. More than that, imagination enables us to form associations and connections, and thereby to apply our knowledge to real life situations. It opens up alternatives and possibilities and guides our decision-making by playing them out in our mind. So many of our failures are in fact failures of the imagination.

Imagination is the highest form of thought, and almost divine in its reach. With enough imagination, we could identify and solve all of our problems. With enough imagination, we would never have to work again – or, at least, not for money. With enough imagination, we could win over, or defeat, anyone we wanted to. But our imagination is so poor that we haven’t even imagined what it would be like to have that much imagination.

I’m lucky to have received a decent education, but one thing it certainly didn’t do for me is cultivate my imagination. In fact, medical school in particular did everything it could to destroy it. In recent years, I’ve been trying to recover the bright and vivid imagination that I left behind in primary school. For that, I’ve been doing just three things, all of them very simple – or, at least, very simple to explain:
• Being more aware of the importance of imagination.
• Making time for sleep and idleness.
• Taking inspiration from the natural world.

Our schools and universities privilege knowing over thinking, and equate thinking with reasoning, and reasoning with logic. This has done, and continues to do, untold harm. Instead of digging ourselves in deeper, we need to make more time and space for thinking. And we need to rehabilitate alternative forms of cognition, such as emotion and imagination, that can support, supplement, or supplant reason and return
us to wholeness.

Neel Burton is a leading psychiatrist and author of Hypersanity: Thinking Beyond Thinking priced £12.99.
To find out more visit www.neelburton.com

Nov 20
Love0

The gender clutter gap

By Education, Health, Mental health

In a recent survey to understand the effects of clutter on mental health, it was found that women are more affected by clutter in the home with four in five (79%) admitting that clutter makes them feel stressed, compared to just 59% of men.
It’s no surprise that we are feeling the effects of clutter building up at home with almost three-quarters (74%) wishing they had more storage space at home. Furthermore, over two-thirds (69%) of respondents agreed they could spend less time tidying their homes if they had a declutter – considering the 20% differentiation between stress levels, some might say that cleaning and tidying is still seen, by many, as ‘women’s work’.

However, we are taking action with our clutter, but only usually brought on by significant changes in life, with the main reasons people would choose to have a declutter being moving house (60%), decorating (54%) and downsizing (44%). Around a third said they would consider a declutter to relieve stress (37%) and improve their mental health (31%).

Though the KonMari Method of decluttering, created by Marie Kondo, has increased in popularity, Caboodle’s survey shows that people are still reluctant to declutter – ironically because of what they might throw away.

Though we know that clutter often causes us stress, more than half are not willing to declutter as they worry they might throw away something that they would need again (50%) or that they’d get rid of something that they have an emotional attachment to (55%).

Commenting on the emotional decluttering effects of a clear-out, Leone Ashby from Cluttercation, one of Caboodle’s decluttering experts, said: “Decluttering is a cathartic experience and brings peace and zen into your home. The initial fantastic feeling when you see your treasured room, wardrobe or pantry transformed is euphoric.
However, there is an art to decluttering that ensures this feeling prolongs without any regret for items you could have used in the future or you had great attachment to but may not have a need for today”.

Introducing the ‘Caboodle’ Method
– keep, save, throw
Marie Kondo’s method of decluttering encourages us to “Keep only those things that speak to the heart, and discard items that no longer spark joy”.

The Caboodle Method is all about how and, if so, when items bring a benefit to you and your life.

There are three key steps:
Keep items that you need and use now, consider if you have an emotional attachment to them, do they inspire you or do they bring a benefit to your life right now?

Save items that you cherish, inspire you and bring a benefit to your life but you don’t need right now by storing in a safe and organised place outside the home making more space!

Throw away (or donate to charity) items that you haven’t used or considered for six months and have no emotional attachment to.

Why save?
It avoids that feeling of regret and is a more sustainable option. Saving these items outside the home will save on space but the items are at your fingertips whenever you need them again.

Examples of items include:
• Winter wardrobe in the summer and vice versa.
• Children’s toys and clothing – for your next child/a friend.
• Holiday items you only use once a year.

Top tips for decluttering:
1. Start decluttering one room at a time, starting in one corner so to not overwhelm you, take items and sort them into the three categories keep, save and throw. Bonus tip: Always leave the room and take a short
break before you finally make your decisions.
2. Always use big crates or bin bags to sort items into piles – it makes the clean up so much easier.
3. Have cleaning products to hand as you declutter so you can clean as you go.
4. Never feel regret. If you can’t disassociate yourself from treasured possessions that you just can’t use at the moment then ‘save’ them by using a storage solution that will keep everything organised.
5. Always check with other members of your family on the key items you are ‘throwing’, to make sure everyone is happy and no one else wants the items.

Caboodle storage is all arranged online at and they will deliver free boxes, then collect and protect your belongings from as little as £1.40 per week.

Nov 17
Love0

Hothouse or greenhouse? Surviving or thriving?

By Education, environment, family, fun for children, Mental health, play, Relationships, Safety
by Tamara Pearson
Senior Teacher (Curriculum), Our Lady of Sion Junior School

One cannot foresee the pressure you put on yourself as a parent when the midwife first hands your newborn to you. Which nappies are best? Will this car seat save my child’s life? What does my pram say about us as parents? These soon turn to comparisons over when children learn to crawl, walk and talk. Once at school age, we cannot help but wonder “where is my child in the class?”, “are they happy?”, “does the school of our choice match the needs of our child(ren)?”

We all want the best for our children. So what do we go for? The ‘hothouse’ or the ‘greenhouse’? Are our children just ‘surviving’ or truly ‘thriving’?

To even begin to answer these questions, we must consider what the true purpose of education and the role of schools is. What are our children learning and why? How are they learning? How is failure perceived? How are children assessed and how is that communicated? Is learning/attainment ‘fixed’ or is there genuine room for growth and development of the mind?

Research shows that childhood anxiety is the highest it has ever been. Circumstances, finances, relationships, expectations, social media, diet and exercise all play their part. What are schools doing to address these challenges? Fostering an authentic mindset in students is crucial; the jobs they will have in the future may not yet exist today.

Much has been made of Growth Mindset in the world of work and education, but, in reality, this is not enough. In order to prepare children for life’s challenges, they need a full toolbox of skills. Having a proactive/positive approach needs to be underpinned by social, emotional, and academic tools in order to fully educate the whole child. It is not about just working hard, it is about working smart.

As professional educators, it is our responsibility to prepare children in moving beyond being passive consumers of information and toward becoming active innovators. We must actively inspire and provide genuine opportunities to develop children’s passions.

At our school, our children are driven by our ethos ‘Consideration Always’. As role models to the school community and beyond, we entrust them to develop and demonstrate the best version of themselves. Children develop when they are given the opportunity to do so. Mary Myatt’s philosophy of ‘high challenge, low threat’ leadsthe way.

Expecting consistent productivity and positivity is not realistic, attainable, or even desirable; we may flit between fixed and growth mindsets. This is okay. The clincher is to remember that whatever setbacks we face, we can reflect/process our thoughts, then jump back in the saddle and continue the ride to our intended destination.

Equipped with a well-developed toolkit of social, emotional, and academic skills, every child can take on inevitable setbacks (and pressures of success) with integrity, resolve and good humour.

Tamara Pearson is a member of the Senior Leadership Team at Our Lady of Sion Junior School in Worthing.
She is also mother to a six year old who attends Sion and is passionate about helping the Juniors embrace every enrichment opportunity available.
She is a UK Parliament Teacher Ambassador and in the last three years has seen Sion Juniors rewrite its Curriculum, assessment approach, create an Intergenerational Project, achieve Beach School status, Eco Schools Silver Award and make meaningful links with the community.
www.sionschool.org.uk

Nov 12
Love0

Parenting attitudes

By children's health, family, Mental health, Relationships

Parents in the South East give the most praise, opt for reasoning over shouting and believe kindness is the most important attribute for their children to have, according to the results of an international parenting study.

As many as 94% of parents in the region agree that they regularly praise their youngsters – the highest of anywhere in the UK. Hugs and love are also a favoured method of rewarding good behaviour, with 53% of parents in the region siting affection as their chosen reward.

When it comes to discipline, parents in the South East value reasoning with children more than parents elsewhere in the UK. However, they are also the most likely to resort to using the silent treatment. 15% of those surveyed admitted to using this punishment – almost three times more than the UK average.
Kindness is the attribute that parents in the region believe is the most important for children to have, according to the research. They also value their youngsters being fun more than parents elsewhere in the country.

Insights into the region’s parenting style have been released following international parenting research conducted by My Nametags (www.mynametags.com), a global provider of name tags for children. The company compared the attitudes of thousands of European parents with children aged 16 and under and found that British parents are the strictest in Europe.

When it comes to discipline amongst British parents, over a third admit to being firm with their children – more than other EU countries.

Parents in the UK are also more likely to resort to star charts and bribery to encourage good behaviour. In fact, while a quarter of Brits use star charts as a form of discipline, this is less common overseas. Only 5% of parents in Italy and Portugal use the same approach.

At mealtimes, 48% of British parents expect children to eat ‘grown up’ foods and have good table manners. Over half uphold rigorous bedtime routines, while nearly 60% admit to regularly saying ‘no’ to things to teach their children patience. It seems the British parenting style is most different from those in Italy, where parents are the least strict. In fact, one-third of Italian parents admit to not being firm at all with their youngsters.

While British parents may be the strictest, they allow children to be far more independent from an early age compared to other countries, according to the research. Only 70% offer children help with everyday tasks – 10% less than the rest of Europe.  This might explain why UK residents are among the least likely to still live with their parents after the age of 18.

Aug 11
Love0

How to help your child remember things

By Education, Mental health
by The Arts College, Worthing

We help parents who want to help their child remember information for their tests. We teach parents how to engage their child in their education by showing them a fun way to study. This gives children the confidence to find their own way of learning.

We see many parents who do not understand how stressful going to school can be for a child. Children hear their parents say, “Being a kid and going to school is great! You have no responsibilities – like paying bills.”

The mistakes that most people make are:
1. Assuming school is easy.
2. Thinking that school is not stressful.
3. Thinking that children must “just get on with it.”

Later on in this article, we’re going to show you the three tips and secrets to help you support your child as they build their school learning process. These tips will help them grow in confidence and self-esteem.

This excerpt is a report from The Guardian: “Meanwhile, the Social Market Foundation has published a report arguing that the government should fund after-school family literacy classes in primary schools, to tackle inequality by helping parents take a more active role in their children’s education.”

The report discussed the percentage of each race struggling to focus in school. With art classes being squeezed out, it is no surprise that the decrease of focus is due to ‘creative and active lessons’ dropping considerably. It doesn’t matter the race, colour, or language of the student. We have worked with many children from different ethnic races and backgrounds and have concluded that the cause is that there are not enough tools to support parents or teachers to change their approach to learning creatively.

School is a stressful part of life, in the same way as applying for your first job or renting a home is, even though there isn’t finance involved. The processes that we use to work through solutions, learn, and grow are built in school. We have worked with many children and adults who want to better remember information so that they can perform better in school and in life.

Here are three tips that we recommend:
1 Look at the times that they are learning the best.
We find that children attend school the whole day, come home, eat, and go back to doing their homework. They need at least a full hour of rest from learning to give their brains time to recharge. The activities need to be about play, creativity, and fun, without direction or control.

2 Have an area of study that is attractive.
A desk is very important. Not only does it improve physical health, but it sets a very clear difference between when it is time to focus and when it is time to play. This will help minimise distractions. Have a board in front of them with colourful notes and images – the more attractive it looks to your children, the more they will want to make the effort to learn.

3 Study with images and creativity.
We have had many students come to me saying that they are struggling to remember parts of their lessons. There are creative ways to teach these lessons that will help them remember the information more easily. For example: if they are learning about the body, draw it on a piece of paper stuck to the wall. Colour code it – use colours, stickers, or markers and have fun. The more you use images to learn – whilst writing alongside the images – the quicker the information will be retained in their memory. Every time they walk past the image, their brain takes a ‘photo’ of the image, which naturally pops up with ease when writing their tests/exams.

Bonus tip: Attend art classes or other creative classes.
This helps your child to learn differently because they are solving, exploring, and building with their creativity. This teaches their brain to learn and remember the information the same way.

Art Psychology is a new area of study – a tool for parents to learn how their children’s brain grows as well as develops emotionally and socially in their home.
The Arts College in Worthing. Call 01903 529 633
www.kidsartsussex.com

Jul 28
Love0

Future-proofing body and mind – playing the long game

By children's health, Education, family, Mental health
by Clare Eddison
The Dharma Primary School

“There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.”
Krishnamurti

“There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.”
Krishnamurti

Children spend most of their childhood at school, (from nursery, primary, through to secondary and beyond) and all the time they are growing up. As parents and carers, we can ask ourselves: “What skills will our children need for this journey and what will help them become successful and happy in their lives?” In these times, we also ask how we can ensure our children are healthy and protected from risks and threats that we perceive and read about, for instance with regard to the internet and screens. Many well-researched articles focus on the declining mental and physical health of our children – it is part of the zeitgeist. How will our children fare when they are older?

It is also true that all children and young people experience powerful anxiety, confusion, distress and rage at points.
Living in a family, making relationships with peers and making mental connections in order to learn are emotional matters. Experiences of disappointment and frustration, at ordinary levels, are as important as achievement and satisfaction.

We want to keep distressing feelings at manageable levels for our children and for most of the time. At the extreme end, it is thought that, in response to prolonged exposure to deprivation or threat, the neurological development of a child’s brain becomes distorted such that the ‘survival’ mechanisms of the brain and body are more dominant than the ‘learning’ mechanisms. This results in wide-ranging impairments in arousal, cognitive, emotional and social functioning.

Whilst this is not the norm, an awareness of the neurological plasticity can help us as parents and educators. There are many things that we can do to ‘future-proof’ our children and build resilience in the journey of growing up. I use the word ‘future-proof’ in this context to talk about the strategies, habits and dispositions we can nurture so that our children can continue to be successful in their future when, as it will, their situation changes.

Our approach at the school, which is universally applicable, is the systematic, consistent and gentle development of a relationship with one’s own mind and body. What follows are just some ideas: as an example, ‘future-proofing’ the body involves a wide awareness of ‘we are what we eat’. This leads to regular contemplations about how our food got to our plate, how our body uses food and a consideration of how much waste we generate. In turn, children’s awareness of their own agency in the world is expanded and deepened.

Here at school our bodies are future-proofed through dance classes, games, and mindful movements. The body-mind link is fostered by regular consideration of movement and stillness, silence and talking. We can include an attitude of care (‘what happens when my body is injured or hurts?’) and, powerfully, we can model the healthy care of our adult bodies through exemplification (for example, staff cycling in to work).

Future-proofing the minds of children is important to all of us. Again, mealtimes can be used as a fertile arena for the whole area of mindfulness. Put simply, mindfulness of eating is ‘just eating’, rather than thinking about other things or talking or watching TV whilst eating. Mindfulness is becoming interested in what is happening in the present moment, with an attitude of kind curiosity. We can use our senses of taste, touch, sight, hearing and smell to ground us in what is happening right now. Similarly, mindful walking is just walking and mindful breathing is just breathing. Children do develop the habit of switching into a more mindful state and are able to use it in times of stress or worry, to zoom out of the sense of tightness that these emotions create.

Why not try it now? See how it feels.

Future-proofing the mind, inclining it to happiness and kindness is something to be practised and there are beautiful, ancient techniques (for instance, ‘loving kindness’ meditation) that can be adjusted to be age-appropriate for all. As another example, recent research reports that gratitude is key to well-being. Gently but consistently making a sense of gratitude part of our everyday conversation will have long-term benefits.

Finally, I would like emphasise play as a sure-fire method of future-proofing. Yes, play! Even older children need to play much more than we realise. Play is one way children explore, try to make sense of and communicate their emotional life. The ability to play also affects neurological development, improving imagination, digital protection, resilience and wellbeing.

The Dharma Primary School, in Brighton, is a non-selective independent school with a philosophy rooted in Buddhist principles.
This year they celebrate their 25th anniversary. Through the practice of mindfulness, the school aims to cultivate wisdom, reflection and compassion in children and to help them unlock their full potential. The Dharma Primary School is a winner of the Independent Schools Association (ISA) AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE & INNOVATION IN PUPILS’ MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING.
For more information please go to:
www.dharmaschool.co.uk.

Jul 13
Love0

Far-reaching benefits of drama

By dance & Art, Education, fun for children, Mental health

As the new school year beckons, many parents will be thinking about after-school clubs that their children will enjoy,and that will benefit them.

The reason for doing sport are well documented and shouldn’t be forgotten, but remember drama also provides many benefits that go far beyond the stage.

In a good drama class, children will do much more than remember lines and act. Children will learn about voice projection, improvisation and movement. Improvisation will help children to think quickly without panicking, and to use their imagination to think about what will happen next and how their character would react.

We often moan about teenagers who are monosyllabic and can’t look you in the eye. Children who attend drama classes, even if it is just for fun, will learn how to look confidently at their audience and project their voice clearly. Speaking clearly, without mumbling, will become instinctive and when they go into the work environment, they will be far more comfortable in interviews and public speaking.

Drama also encourages teamwork and confidence. A good teacher will instil an understanding that every part in a play is important and a play will only be as good as the whole team. Confident children go to drama classes as their parents feel they will be comfortable on a stage, but introverted children will also benefit. The confident children who tend to ‘takeover’ will learn the important skills of co-operation and how to listen, and everyone will be encouraged to contribute and take part. Gradually, the children who were less confident will find their voice and be happy to be heard in a safe environment.

Any class outside school increases a child’s social circle and allows them to meet new friends and build new relationships. Children who have been labelled ‘loud’ or ‘quiet and shy’ at school can start afresh without any pre-conceptions about them. This is important for all types of children and you may be surprised about how much your child flourishes in a new environment.

The benefits of drama are far-reaching and will help a child in so many areas of school life and adulthood. Children will learn not only how to project their voice and to feel comfortable when speaking in public, but the equally important skills of empathy and understanding, which are so important in today’s world.

Jun 02
Love0

How to help your child manage failure

By Education, family, Health, Mental health, Relationships, Uncategorized

Does your child fear ‘failure’? It’s a frightening word isn’t it and one that puts a sinking feeling in our stomachs.

Today’s young people have to navigate their way through a long list of potential failures: What if I fail my GCSEs? What if I don’t pass my next swimming level? What if I come last in a race? What if I don’t pass my piano grade?

We can’t protect our children from the risk of failure and we shouldn’t try to. As parents, all we can do is help them to cope with and learn from all these situations.

Children’s charity, ChildLine, reports that one of the things children worry about the most when it comes to failing is disappointing their parents. So, reassuring them that you don’t expect them to excel at everything can go a long way.

It’s worth just taking time to think about whether you are passing on some of your own anxieties or expectations onto them. You can talk to them about possible solutions/courses of action if things don’t go as well as they would have liked.

Children’s health and well-being practitioner, osteopath Sheree McGregor, says the word ‘failure’ comes from seeing learning as a two-dimensional scale with success (good) at one end and failure (bad) at the other. A much more positive approach is to look at learning as more multi-dimensional.

Sheree believes we can help our children a great deal by teaching them to look at their results not as ‘success’ or ‘failure’, but as opportunities to explore. Exploration means a chance to discover.

In practice, this means encouraging your child to be curious of a result and ask questions such as:
• What have I learned about what doesn’t work?
• Can this explain something that I didn’t set out to explain?
• What can I do with these results?
• What have I discovered that I didn’t set out to discover?

The same approach should be applied to successful results, which can often be a missed learning opportunity – we rarely ask the child holding the trophy what they have learnt from their experience!

She also warns that ‘failing’ should never be swept under the carpet. Avoiding failure merely heightens the dread of it, so when it does happen it will be felt more strongly and deeply.

Sheree adds: “Helping a child to focus on learning in which there are choices and opportunities allows them to try different pathways so that learning remains a positive experience.

“We, as parents, are often tempted to step in when things become challenging but learning to deal with setbacks helps children develop important life skills such as creative thinking, and resilience.”

Sheree is a practitioner for the Sunflower Programme, which uses a pioneering approach to children’s health and well-being. The programme focuses on integrating the brain with the body to help children become the best that they can be. Sunflower has helped hundreds of children – many with diagnosed health, behavioural or learning difficulties, others who are underachieving at school and some, who for no obvious reason, need a little extra help to achieve their potential.

Sheree explains: “Resilience is a term that is used a lot at Sunflower. Sunflower believes that building resilience within children that extends to their body, brain and emotional state will enable them to cope better with life challenges and reach their potential.

“Often using the analogy of learning to ride a bike can be useful – when you fall off, you get back on until eventually you can ride without thinking about it. However, the absolute best way to deal with a child during challenging times is to make them feel supported and loved as much as possible.”

Mette Theilmann, from Parenting Success Coaching, says listening without saying anything can go a long way towards helping children cope with failure. She explains: “We want the sad feeling to go away so they can go back and be happy again, so we go into over drive to fix. But because of these feelings, we often find it hard to listen and accept what we hear or see.

“It is listening that gives them the greatest comfort to cope with the situation, their feelings and problems.

“Being listened to helps our children accept the situation better and allows them to problem solve themselves – since it’s our acceptance of their unhappy feelings/behaviours that can make it easier for them to cope with the situation.”

For more information about the Sunflower Programme: www.sunflowertrust.com

To read more Parenting Success tips:
www.parentingsuccesscoaching.com

May 30
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Mental health and emotional wellbeing

By Education, Mental health, Relationships, Uncategorized

Anne-Marie Coe has been a teacher for over 20 years at Our Lady of Sion School in Worthing and is a mother with grown up children. Now in the role of Assistant Head, Pastoral, she has been instrumental in developing the Wellbeing Programme at Sion which has recently been recognised with an ISA (Independent Schools Association) award for Excellence and Innovation in Mental Health and Wellbeing. This programme successfully supports pupils and helps raise awareness about issues surrounding mental health with a whole school approach. Taking the stigma out of mental health is at the core of the programme so that students feel comfortable and confident in understanding and talking about their feelings.

Our mental health and emotional wellbeing is all about how we think, feel, and behave. It can affect daily life, relationships, and even physical health. It is our ability to enjoy life – to attain a balance between life activities and efforts to achieve psychological resilience.

The emotional wellbeing ofour children is just as important as t heir physical health. Good mental health allows children and young people to develop the resilience to cope with whatever life throws at them and grow into well-rounded, healthy adults.

Most children grow up mentally healthy, but surveys suggest that more children and young people have problems with their mental health today than 30 years ago. This can be attributed to changes in the way we live now and how that affects the experience of growing up.

The sad reality is that mental health problems affect about one in 10 children and young people. They include depression, anxiety and conduct disorder, and are often a direct response to what is happening in their lives. Sadder still is that 70% of children and young people who experience a mental health problem have not had appropriate interventions at a sufficiently early age (as cited by The Mental Health Foundation).

In our roles as parent, carer or teacher we are very keen to fix things, so what can we do to keep the children and young people in our care mentally well?

Technological advances mean there is the biggest gap in cultural understanding between adults (parents and teachers) and children since the 1960s. The challenge is to bridge the divide because communication is key to good mental health. In order to have an open and honest dialogue with our children, we need to understand their world and what is important to them.

Empathy versus sympathy
The ability to understand and share the feelings of children and young people is a way in to meaningful conversations about their lives and what may be troubling them. With younger children, empathic listening will help their previously unmanageable feelings become more manageable. Take, for example, the toddler who doesn’t want to leave the play park and starts screaming – by saying that you understand that they love that play park and that they don’t want to go home, they will experience the relief of being understood and no longer being alone with their feelings of loss.

Play is a great way for children to express themselves as well as through words. You can learn a lot about how they’re feeling by simply spending time with them and watching them play. Stressed and upset children often play fighting games with their toys. Commenting that there are a lot of fights going on, or that it seems pretty frightening, can pave the way for them to open up to you about what is bothering them.

Dealing with change can be as difficult for us as it is for the children and young people. Changes such as moving home or school can often act as triggers for anxiety. Some children who start school feel excited about making new friends and doing new activities, but others may feel anxious about entering a new environment. One of the most important ways parents, carers and teachers can help is to listen to them and take their feelings seriously.

Starting school, or a new school, can lead to separation anxiety in some children – excessive and persistent worrying at being separated from those the child is attached to or worry that harm will come to them. Following the ABC plan is a great way to prevent the anxiety from becoming overwhelming or unmanageable.

Step A – acknowledge and validate how they are feeling with empathic listening.
Reassure them that anxiety is normal and that the aim is not to have zero anxiety but to prevent it becoming overpowering.

Step B – build self-esteem.
What I am good at and my achievements; what I like about myself; nice things that people say about me; my happiest memories, people I am grateful for.

Step C – challenge and plan.
Where is the evidence? How likely is it to come true? What if it does come true? What is a suitable alternative thought? Choose a goal and break it down into small steps.

It is also a difficult time when your child is grieving as you may also be in a state of grief and coping with overwhelming emotional pain that this brings. If they seem tearful or withdrawn, encourage them to open up about how they’re feeling by talking about the person who’s died.

Young children have an awareness of death, but can see it as reversible. It helps to explain it by saying, “… has died … is not going to be with us any more”. They may also blame themselves and can become angry or have difficulty with changes in routine. They may even have psychosomatic symptoms. Older children (around eight years old) start to understand the finality of death so their anger and distress levels can be higher. They can also display younger behaviour or may try to be the perfect child and be brave. Their grief will make them feel different from their peers and it is important that they feel supported by their school community.

We need to remember that children and young people’s negative feelings usually pass. However, it’s important to get professional help if your child is distressed for a long time, if their negative feelings are stopping them from getting on with their lives, if their distress is disrupting family life or if they are repeatedly behaving in ways you would not expect at their age.

If your child is having problems at school, a teacher, school nurse, school counsellor or educational psychologist may be able to help. Otherwise, go to your GP or speak to a health visitor. These professionals are able to refer a child to further help. Different professionals often work together in Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS).

To end on a happy note here are the top tips for keeping our mental health and that of our children in top shape.

Smile – pass on a smile to someone.
Optimism – self-fulfilling prophecy – thoughts and behaviours will follow.
Creativity – everyone needs a creative outlet, something which lets us exorcise difficult feelings, perhaps through sport, art, music or drama.
Kindness – a random act of kindness each day.
Mindfulness – meditation – focus on your breathing – think of nothing!
Gratitude – think of three things that you are grateful for each day.
Have fun! – make time to do things that you enjoy. Happiness is contagious!

Our Lady of Sion is an independent interdenominational school based in Worthing for girls and boys, ages 3 to 18. www.sionschool.org.uk

May 07
Love0

Challenging the very young

By Education, Mental health
by Richard Taylor-West
Headmaster, Shoreham College

Being challenged as individuals, in terms of learning, is immensely important for children. Gone are the days of Victorian desks, row on row, with pupils passively learning everything by rote to be regurgitated later. We no longer, in spite of Mr Gove’s recent reforms, shout “Fact, fact, fact!” at the pupils and expect a response, as Mr Gradgrind does in Dickens’ novel Hard Times.

There is a place, of course, for learning the facts; in some cases it’s absolutely necessary. We cannot shy away from that. There are types of mathematics that need to be memorised; there are scientific formula to learn and getting on in Spanish is not possible if the vocabulary is not captured and stored in the long-term memory.

There are though other ways to learn and it’s important that these are explored in schools. Learning should be like a mixed diet of fruit, carbs and vegetables. The antidote to the grind of memorisation is independent learning and good educational institutions have been doing this for some time.

I am particularly pleased to say that our pupils in our primary section, the Junior School, are adept independent learners and the staff are always setting them some quite tricky tasks to complete. We call these ‘challenges’ and we mean what we say on the tin. They are meant to be quite difficult to tackle.

The secret to an effective task is, of course, how it is set up in the first place. The theme or topic chosen should be exciting, leave room for discovery, within an age appropriate way, but have a clear set of criteria that the pupils understand are able to work towards. They may, in that case, tackle the tasks in their own way, but can achieve a great deal and have a sense of a destination point.

In our Junior School, we ask our pupils to be resourceful, mature thinkers who practise something often known as growth mind set. They are given key starting points, a set of pointers in terms of resources and then they are expected to go on a journey of learning. Will it be easy? No, of course not. We then expect them to grapple with ideas, to tackle tricky topics and to reflect on their learning journey along the way. We expect them to challenge themselves and say, “I can do this, even if it’s hard.”

We have had many challenges in our junior school; there’s usually one per term. We have seen them tackle ‘S for Seeds’ when they looked scientifically at the life-cycle of seeds, but how was largely up to them. We have asked them to choose a country, for ‘All Around the World’, and put together work that explores culture, language, culinary traditions and more. One of the key instructions in the project was: “You need to choose one country to research that you have not already covered at school.”

This outlines one of the key functions of this kind of work: the pupils are taken way beyond the dryness of SATS, which we do not do, and they are allowed the space to take ownership of their work and the direction they wish to take their work in. This is all about widening our pupils’ frames of reference and engaging them in the wider world which is key to our ethos as a College.

Organising and marking this kind of work is, of course, tough for the staff too. It’s not straightforward but it is most certainly worth it. These kinds of independent learning challenges, with elements of self-reflection and growth mindset at their core, are a little more complex than the old school project that I did in 1976. For a start, no one actually told me why I was doing it. There wasn’t anything like the same ownership of ideas. I did it because a teacher said so. Hmmmm. Only now, many years later, do I have sense of why. We are more explicit about this now and the pupils appreciate this.

One of my favourite junior challenges was set for our pupils this term: “Mindfulness and Happiness”. One suggested task was: “Write a set of instructions or recipe for happiness”. This might challenge many adults, in terms of planning and thinking. I, however, was treated by a Year 5 pupil to an expertly made film – an edited montage of powerful images of family, experiences, places and loved ones. The level of thought that had gone into the piece truly amazed me. It was also my hope, of course, given that one in 10 young people these days struggle with mental illness, that the young man in question will have learned a great deal about himself and achieved a degree of mindfulness that might not have been possible without the task he was set.

Challenge tasks such as these are much more than just about facts, or numbers. They are an opportunity for pupils to be enriched – and I must admit this was a word that used to make me cringe a little back in the 90s. Less so now. Living in an age of 20 second sound bites and Snapchat moments, there is a great deal to be said for being immersed in a task that takes one or two weeks to complete and being mindful in that moment too. More of the snail than a hare – but that’s another project I could write about, if I had the space.

Please call 01273 592681 to find out more about what Shoreham College can offer you, or to arrange a personal visit at any time of the school year.
www.shorehamcollege.co.uk

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