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Childcare and Nannying

Mar 19
Love0
child-feel-heard

Five tips to help your child feel heard

By Childcare and Nannying, Early Years, Language, Mental health
by Dr Naveen Puri
Medical Director, Bupa UK

1. Listen actively
It’s easy to overlook your children’s problems, especially when you’re busy or having a tough day. However, it’s important for them to know you’re ready to listen. Make sure to listen to your child without interrupting. Show that you value their thoughts by giving them your full attention, maintain eye contact, nod and respond to show you’re engaged.

This will help build trust and reassure them to share their feelings and challenges with you as they grow up.

2. Create a safe space
Look for chances to talk together. Sometimes, having a face-to-face conversation can be tough, so chatting while on a walk or during a car ride can make it easier as you’re not facing each other.

Remind them regularly that they can talk to you about anything, no matter how difficult, and that you won’t judge or blame them. Your child may not be ready to discuss something right away, so let them know you’re there to listen whenever they feel ready.

3. Look for clues in their play
When children become upset or stressed, they may show their feelings through play rather than words. For example, if your child is play fighting with their toys, don’t be afraid to call it out in a non-judgemental way, by saying things such as “There seems to be a lot of fighting today” or “That looks pretty scary”. This can encourage them to talk about what’s bothering them.

Don’t be discouraged if this doesn’t start a conversation. Having you around may help them feel more comfortable and make it easier for them to share their problems when they feel ready.

4. Use simple language
Talking about different feelings with your child is helpful for their emotional development. By using simple language, you can help them understand and express their emotions better.

Here are a few things to consider:
• Use clear emotion words
Stick to basic words like ’happy’, ‘sad’, ‘cross’ and ‘worried’. This helps your child easily identify and relate to their feelings.
• Label their emotions
When you notice your child expressing an emotion, it can be useful to help label it for them. For example, if they appear to be upset or crying, say, “You look sad”. This shows them that you understand what they are feeling and helps them learn to recognise their emotions.
• Encourage open questions
Ask open-ended questions that prompt your child to share their feelings. Instead of asking “Did you have a good day?” try, “What made you happy today?” This encourages them to think about their emotions and express themselves more fully.
• Share your own feelings
Healthily show your child that you feel emotions too. For example, say, “I felt worried this morning when I couldn’t find my car keys as I didn’t want you to be late for school.” This normalises talking about emotions and reinforces that it’s OK to be open about your feelings.

5. Acknowledge your child’s feelings
Even if you don’t fully understand what they’re going through, it’s essential to validate your child’s emotions and support their development. Here’s how and why this is beneficial:
• Recognising complex emotions
Experiencing a wide range of emotions can be overwhelming for your child. Whether it’s frustration over a difficult homework assignment or sadness after a disagreeing with a friend, try to recognise these feeling and help them understand that it’s OK to feel them. Reassure them by saying things like, “I see that you’re feeling upset about this” to show them that their feelings are valid and worthy of attention.
• Normalising emotions
Letting your child know that it’s normal to have different emotions helps them feel less alone. They may worry that their feelings are unusual or that they shouldn’t feel a certain way. Validate all their emotions by letting them know it’s OK to feel whatever they’re feeling, and that everyone has a range of emotions. This can reduce anxiety about their feelings and encourage them to express themselves more freely.
• Building trust and respect
Acknowledging and respecting your child’s behaviour helps them to learn that you take their feelings seriously. For example, saying something like, “I understand why you’re feeling this way, it makes sense”, reinforces that you value their views and what could be troubling them. This can help strengthen the bond between you both.

It’s also important to take a moment for yourself and reflect on your own feelings. Make time for activities you enjoy, spend quality moments with your child and keep a positive outlook. If things become difficult for you to cope with, remember to stay connected to people you trust. You may find it easier to speak to a health professional if you find it difficult to open up to those close to you.

For further information from Dr Naveen Puri, Bupa Medical Director please visit www.bupa.co.uk/health-information/health-blog/author-profile/m-p/naveen-puri

Mar 15
Love0
lonely sad boy

Thousands of lonely children turn to Childline for help and support

By Childcare and Nannying, Mental health, Relationships, Wellbeing

In 2023/24 the NSPCC service delivered almost 5,000 counselling sessions related to the issue, both online and over the phone from one of their 13 bases around the country. Concerningly, loneliness was given as one of the main reasons for young people calling Childline about problems with their mental health.

Reasons children and young people have cited for feeling lonely in the last year include moving house or school and having to make new friends, their parents working long hours, being bullied by peers,and seeing their friends having fun on social media and feeling as though they are missing out.

One 16-year-old girl said to Childline: “I feel so lonely all the time, I end up crying and trying to sleep until the feeling goes away. I’ve tried to help myself, but nothing worked. I feel like I’ve been this way forever, I need this to change.”

The charity is revealing these figures to remind children and young people that they are not alone with Childline ready to provide help and support 24/7.

One girl aged 11, from Scotland, told Childline: “I feel so lonely at school, I only really have one friend. What’s harder though is I feel I can’t talk about how much it upsets me. My parents seem annoyed or judgemental when I try to talk about my feelings. Speaking to Childline feels like a weight has been lifted.”

To support young people who may be dealing with loneliness, the NSPCC also offers an online service called Building Connections.

This service, available to anyone up to the age of 19, matches young people with a trained befriender for 11 weeks who will help them to build their confidence and better manage their loneliness.

To refer a child to the online Building Connections service visit: https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/services/building-connections?modularPage=make-a-referral

Advice for children who are struggling with their mental health and/or loneliness includes:
• Do things that feel positive: Try your best to take part in activities you enjoy, whether that’s playing a sport, listening to music, reading a book, or drawing. Small positive actions really can have a big impact on your mood.
• Take care of yourself: When you are struggling with difficult feelings, it is important to continue to prioritise your basic needs such as eating well, staying hydrated, and getting enough sleep. Taking care of your body can have a positive impact on your mental health.
• Try to find ways to socialise: Whether it’s joining a club, connecting with peers at school, or reaching out to a trusted friend, prioritising socialising can help to reduce feelings of loneliness
• Remember it is always OK to ask for help: Speak to a trusted adult, a teacher, a friend, or contact Childline. No matter what you’re feeling, you don’t have to go through it alone.
• Consider signing up to Building Connections: If you’re 19 or under and struggling with feelings of loneliness, consider signing up to the NSPCC’s online Building Connections service. This service will pair you with a trained befriender who will work with you to give you the tools to tackle loneliness.

Shaun Friel, Childline Director, said: “It’s heart-breaking to see so many young people turning to Childline because they feel lonely and isolated. We know how much of an impact loneliness can have on children’s mental health, often leaving them feeling hopeless and unseen. That’s why it’s vital that children know they don’t have to face these emotions alone. Childline is here for every young person, no matter what their situation. Whether they’re missing a friend, struggling with school holidays, or finding it difficult to talk to those around them, our counsellors are ready to listen and provide support.”

Tips for adults to help children and young people who may be experiencing loneliness include:
• Communicate openly: Encourage children to talk about their feelings and listen without judgement.
• Discover what’s causing the problem: Gently explore why they might be feeling this way and validate their emotions.
• Encourage socialising: Help children find opportunities to connect with peers through hobbies, clubs, or activities.
• Help them build their confidence: Celebrate their strengths and achievements and remind them of the positive relationships in their lives.
• Build a supportive environment: Loneliness isn’t something that can be resolved with one conversation. It is important to create an environment of openness where a child can talk to you about their feelings and any struggles they may be facing.

Childline is available for young people via the phone on 0800 1111 and online through the 121 chat on www.childline.org.uk/get-support/message-boards/

Mar 06
Love0

Pop outside and let the play begin

By Childcare and Nannying, Education, environment, family, Forest School, Green

by Sylvia Roberts and Rachel Humphrey
Little Earthworms Children’s Nursery and Pre-school

The importance of children playing outside is essential to their development – countless studies over the years have shown the benefits on children’s, physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. Having worked with children in nurseries and as nannies since we were teenagers, Rachel and I are quick to spot when it’s time to get outside!

When we opened our nursery 15 years ago, one of our top priorities was having a good-sized outside space so that all our children could benefit from being outside as much as possible throughout the year. Popping on a sun hat and exploring the outdoors in the warm sunshine or dashing outside to chase the snow, no matter the time of year, being outside improves us all.

Time outside in the sunny days has an immune boosting effect on our bodies, producing vitamin D, improving our cognitive performance, and boosting our serotonin levels to support our mental health. The benefits really are endless. The quote “There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather” has been said in many ways over the years and we really incorporate this sentiment at our little nursery, engraining it into all our daily lives.

There is nothing better on a rainy day than getting the waterproof clothing and a good pair of wellies on and going outside, jumping in puddles. Jumping, splashing and running are just a small part of being outside. At any time of year children are able to explore risk and help work together at tasks such as setting up a game or activity together, digging in the garden preparing the vegetable patches, or going on a hunt to find where the best snails, slugs and woodlice are hiding.

Children’s friendships and social interactions can change and be explored in new ways while being outside. Children gain new confidence alongside their peers while they push the boundaries of not only their physicality but also expanding their emotional intelligence along the way.

Children love being outside, as their young minds are naturally geared towards creativity, problem solving and role play games. Vivid imaginations can flourish with outside play, all of this being harnessed and strengthened with the use of the many natural resources available to them through the art of exploration.

Children of all ages benefit from the vast sensory experiences when outside; the squelching of mud, the crinkle of leaves, the smell of flowers and plants while watching birds or looking out for rainbows overhead. There are endless opportunities within the outside environment for children to expand their knowledge and develop through their play.

We are very passionate about every aspect of outdoor learning. Children thrive outside and often have a fantastically engaged learning experience when the learning environment is based in nature.

Having structured play and free play both inside and outside is essential for children to adapt and learn in their younger years. Playing and learning new skills during their early developmental years gives children the tools to grow and thrive. So many developmental aspects are pushed to engage and prosper when being outside.

Communication and language are expanded naturally when playing outside as children feel freer to engage in loud vocal play such as shouting and whooping. Language can develop through curiosity of a new environment and enthusiasm of sharing their new experiences as they adventure through new rich habitats.

Outside time can certainly be hard to come by when living in a city but at those times it becomes even more important to pop outside and let the play begin.

Living in Sussex, we are lucky that there are so many outside spaces and fantastic natural areas that, with adult support, children can explore and enrich their lives through. There are many parks, small green spaces, gardens, open fields, nature reserves and, of course, not forgetting the beautiful beaches. The joy of engaging with nature is limitless!

Being outside, children are engaged and full of life while gaining so much through the opportunity of developmental play. Children harness their natural environmental experiences, socialising, growing and learning about the outdoors, while engrossed in nature in a myriad of technicolour ways.

Does life really get any better?

Sylvia Roberts and Rachel Humphrey own Little Earthworms nursery and pre-school on Ditchling Road in Brighton. Having worked in childcare for more than 50 years between them, they have been running the nursery for 15 of those wonderfully enriching years! The nursery is a large open plan bungalow with a beautiful spacious garden for our chickens, vegetable patches and of course our pirate ship for many an adventure! Please call or email to come and have a look around. Tel: 01273 243182 Email: Little.earthworms2010@gmail.com

 

Mar 06
Love0
boys outside

The importance of physical activity on children’s mental wellbeing

By Childcare and Nannying, environment, Exercise, family, fun for children, play, Playing
by Debbie Webb,
Founder of Activ8 For Kids

Physical activity is an all encompassing term, which can refer to PE lessons at school, participation in team or individual sports, running around at the park and much more. Each one brings its own physical benefits such as healthy bones and muscles, a strong heart and lungs as well as developing fundamental movement skills, speed, strength and stamina. However, physical activity can bring a wealth of other benefits to children, meaning that even if your child is not ‘sporty’, helping them develop a lifelong habit of regular physical activity can help them across many aspects of their life.

Physical activity is defined by the World Health Organisation as any bodily movement produced by skeletal muscles that requires energy expenditure. This includes walking to school, cleaning their rooms, kicking a ball around in their garden and any other movement that uses energy. The NHS recommends that children aged five to 18 years need to take part in 60 minutes of physical activity per day and for children under five it is 180 minutes.

We know that this is important for physical health and the importance of developing strong bones and muscles at a young age but do we consider all the other benefits our children are getting when they are being physically active?

As adults we have all been there; it is cold outside and we want to stay inside, warm and dry, but we feel tired, lethargic, possibly even a little low or agitated. If we are able to pull ourselves out for a walk, the fresh air can help wake us up, make us feel more invigorated and awake. We may return feeling tired, but it is a different type of tiredness – a good tiredness. It is the same for children, physical activity in any form can wake the brain up, release good chemicals and help them feel more alive.

We live in a society where computer games, TV and social media are part of life but it is important to help our children develop habits of coming away from screen time whenever they can, or at least to plan in breaks from the screens. A family walk along the beach, or in the woods can have so many positive effects on the whole family, time to talk, have fun with each other, wake your brains up and step away from the screen. It doesn’t have to be a long trek, a short walk around the block can have similar effects.

What are the benefits?
Physical activity can help hugely with maintaining mental health. Endorphins are released during all types of physical activity and can help to improve mood, energy levels and sleep. Physical activity has also been linked to a more positive body image in children and young people.

We are hearing more and more about rising anxiety levels in children. Physical activity can help break the cycle of anxiety by helping them focus on something different and gaining a sense of achievement, even if that is a short walk, taking a ball down to the beach or getting out on their bike. The feel good chemicals released in the brain during activity can also help a child with anxiety. There are so many pressures on children and young people in today’s society and many of these are amplified by social media. Taking part in physical activity can help children make friendships out of school, improve their confidence and help them with social anxiety.

There are many activities available that don’t focus on elite ability and are there to encourage physical activity, it is a case of exploring the options, looking at holiday activities, after-school clubs and going out with your child when you can. The benefits to your child’s mental wellbeing will be priceless and will stay with them for the rest of their lives. We need to help children recognise how physical activity makes them feel better about themselves and encourage them to find the activities they enjoy.

Debbie Webb is a qualified teacher and sports coach. She runs Activ8 For Kids and has developed programmes of activity for the different ages and stages between two and sixteen years old based on the fundamental movement skills. For more information please visit www.activ8forkids.co.uk

Jan 27
Love0
shouting around children

The last shout

By Childcare and Nannying, family, Relationships, Wellbeing
by Paul Dix
specialist in children’s behaviour

How to parent without shouting and why it’s the one tip a parenting expert says will transform your children’s behaviour.

Amongst the chaos of everyday parenting shouting feels like a natural byproduct. It is often the shortcut to calling your children to dinner/chastising them for rudeness/stopping them murdering themselves. It feels intuitive, like the right thing to do, but if you want to revolutionise the way you manage your child’s behaviour the answer is counterintuitive.

A casual shout for attention from a distance can often be the spark for confrontation, “Sam, SAM, SAAAAAAAM”, “WHAT!, why are you shouting at me flipping heck” “How dare you! Did you just swear at me….” This is intensified in the mornings as we try to raise teenagers deep in sleep by repeatedly shouting them out of bed. It needs some patience and resolve from you as a parent but the first step to change is to stop the casual shouting. Get up and speak to each other, ring a bell for dinner, agree a routine for the morning that is calm and doesn’t involve screaming. The first change, annoyingly, has to come from you. Refuse to shout, lower the volume in your home, change the intensity of your demands.

Now address the way you deal with poor behaviour. Shouting as a punishment is not effective. It underlines the “NO”, but sends all sorts of messages that you don’t want your child to receive. A shouty adult is unpredictable, seemingly angry and the worst model for emotional control. Children see, children do. If you want your child to be emotionally regulated, you need to be too. It takes a little practise but it is possible to pause, step back and see your child’s behaviour for what it really is and not as a personal attack. I know that we are all emotionally invested but emotion is not a good teacher. When it comes to behaviour your child needs a calm, rational, regulated adult. It won’t take them long to learn.

Often a child learns to change their behaviour just so that the adult doesn’t shout. The game becomes how to be more sneaky more secretively. You can get away with anything until you provoke the bear. The focus is immediately on your behaviour and not theirs. The culture in your home changes. Children behaving one way when you are there and another when the bear is asleep/out/hungover. You want your child to behave brilliantly when you are not there. They need to be able to regulate without you. Shouty parents might get their temporary needs met but they don’t meet the needs of their child. Teaching behaviour can’t be an improvisation. It needs a plan.

Having rules and holding to the boundaries is essential. You can help your child to learn those boundaries and stay within them without roaring. Instead try establishing three simple rules. Try ‘Kind, Caring, Co-operative’, or ‘Ready, Respectful, Safe’ and refer to them each time you want to correct behaviour. Use these three pegs to focus yourself and your child. “It isn’t respectful to call your Granny, ‘bruv’, ‘Remember our safe rule when we cross the road”, “I need you to be co-operative, it is an important rule, put the cake down and cut a slice”. Make sure that each time you use one of the rules you back it up with “this is how we do it here”. Your home, your rules, your culture.

Now start noticing the good stuff about your child in amongst the chaos. Encourage the idea that they can behave brilliantly. You get more of the behaviour that you notice most. Notice the behaviours that you want to encourage and link them to the rules, “Thank you for doing that without being asked, I keep noticing how kind you are” or “I noticed you were ready on time this morning. Love that.” Aim for just three moments of positive noticing a day, even on the bad days. Your child is more than their current behaviour and they need to know that you know that. The more you positively notice the harder it is for negative labels to form. Despite lapses in behaviour your child spends most of their time behaving impeccably. Notice it, build on it, encourage your child to have the most positive labels.

The route to improving your child’s behaviour and your relationship has its foundations in calm, positive interactions focused around three simple rules as mentioned earlier. It is counterintuitive but it works. In the meantime, save your shouting for inanimate objects. Strangely it makes much more sense.

Paul Dix is a specialist in children’s behaviour and the author of When the Parents Change, Everything Changes: Seismic Shifts in Children’s Behaviour

 

 
Nov 06
Love0
doula and baby

Doulas – what are they and what benefits do they bring?

By baby health, Childcare and Nannying, Early Years, family
by Jo Slade
Birth and postnatal doula

Imagine being able to look forward to your birth without fear. Or enter motherhood and family life feeling calm and supported. This is exactly what a doula can help you with! In a time where it is so important to seek your own education around pregnancy, childbirth and postnatal care, a doula can be beside you every step of the way.

A birth doula
A birth doula is a non-medical professional, trained to provide support to women and families throughout pregnancy and birth. They will get to know you during your pregnancy, and can provide evidence-based information and antenatal education about what to expect from labour and birth, as well as being on-call to join you when you give birth – whether at home, in hospital or at a birth centre – to provide non-judgemental, practical, and emotional support.

They can be instead of, or in addition to, a birth partner. Someone who is there for you (both), who knows you and what’s important to you, and can give you the confidence to look forward to, plan, and advocate for the birth you want – whether you are aiming for a completely natural experience, a planned caesarean, or something in between!

Studies show that the continuity of care and support that doulas provide can lead to:
• Decreased likelihood of a caesarean or instrumental delivery.
• Increased likelihood of a shorter labour.
• Decrease in use of pain medication.
• Increased likelihood of feeling positive about your experience.
• Decreased likelihood of feeding issues.

A doula can be a great choice for first time mothers and parents – helping to settle nerves and talk about the unknown, but also for subsequent parents, who maybe didn’t have the best experience of birth or the postnatal period the first time around and want to feel more informed and supported going forward.

The average price of a birth doula ranges from £500 to £2000. This depends on your area, the different services offered and the level of experience of the doula.

A postnatal doula
A postnatal doula is professionally trained to provide support to women and families following the birth of their baby. The postnatal period should be a time to slow things down, take time to recover and enjoy your new baby, and although wonderful, it can sometimes feel overwhelming, as it’s all so new!

A doula will visit you at home, support you with adjustment to life with a new baby and give you the confidence to find your own way of mothering and parenting. They can help with:
• Breastfeeding and feeding.
• Holding your newborn so you can rest or have a bath.
• Hearing and chatting about your birth story.
• Light housework.
• Preparing nourishing meals.
• Entertaining older siblings.
• Walking the dog!

The importance of feeling supported and cared for in what is sometimes known as the fourth trimester should never be underestimated – it can have a substantial impact on your health and happiness going forward.

A postnatal doula usually charges by the hour, with a minimum number of hours booked. Hourly rates can range between £15 and £30.

There are birth and postnatal doulas, and many that provide both services. Most doulas offer an initial meeting, either in person or via Zoom, to see whether you are suited to each other, and they will expect you to be meeting with other doulas before you make your decision.

Some reputable online directories you can visit to find a trained doula in your area are:
• The Doula Directory
• Doula UK
• Find My Doula

Investing – time, energy and money – into one of the most important days of your life, and the months following, is a powerful acknowledgement that you are worthy of support.

However, if cost is a prohibitive factor, there may be some funds available. For example, the Doula UK access fund and Doulas Without Borders.

Jo Slade is a birth and postnatal doula. She lives in Brighton and provides doula support to families in many locations across East and West Sussex. For enquiries or to find out more, you can visit her website www.thedoulajoslade.co.uk email: jo@thedoulajoslade.co.uk or call her on 07779 457640

 

Nov 03
Love0
toxic relationships

Toxic families

By Childcare and Nannying, family, Mental health, Relationships, Special support needs, Wellbeing
by Helen Villiers and Katie McKenna
psychotherapists and authors of “You’re Not the Problem”

There is no doubt that how we were parented informs and affects how we parent our children. That’s absolutely fine when we grew up in a happy, healthy, ‘good enough’ home, but what about when we grow up in unhealthy, toxic and abusive homes?

The first thing to know is that a lot of people don’t realise they grew up in toxic families, because not only do they think it’s normal, but they also think that if they didn’t like the way their parent treated them it’s because they’re the problem, not the parent. So understanding if you had healthy or toxic parents is the first step.

Signs you had a toxic parent are:
1. You weren’t allowed to say no to them without being shamed or punished.
2. You had to do everything their way because it was the right way.
3. They relied on you too heavily for emotional or practical support (parentification).
4. They use (and still use) guilt to make you do things you don’t want to.
5. You feel scared of them and obliged to do whatever they want –“I don’t have a choice, I have to.”
6. You are either hyper-dependent (people pleaser/codependent) or hyper-independent (don’t let anyone close, prefer to do everything alone, don’t ask for help).

This is not a diagnostic list, but if these sound familiar it might be worth looking up toxic or narcissistic parents.

If you’re aware you have toxic parents, you need to be aware of the common pitfalls that parents fall into when parenting their own children.

1. Taking their child’s no as personal rejection
When we grow up in narcissistic family systems, we inevitably develop a rejection wound, that coupled with the learned understanding that a child shouldn’t say no to their parent, it’s possible that someone could see their child’s rejection of them as a personal affront rather than the child just seeking autonomy and identity. Working on the rejection wound and realising that your child is safe enough to say no to you is an amazing thing, will help you boundary your feelings and stay in your parent role and allow your child to know they are safe to be who they are.

2. Swinging too far the other way
We call this the pendulum swing. When someone is so desperate to protect their child from ever experiencing a moment of what they felt in childhood they do the complete opposite. Unfortunately this can actually have a similar outcome because if a parent who experienced coldness and shaming and ignoring in childhood becomes too involved and hovering and micro managing their child, they can create a dependency in that child, instead of an independency. They also might unintentionally make the child responsible for their feelings by subconsciously letting the child know that mummy or daddy’s happiness depends on their happiness. This in turn can create anxiety and people pleasing in a child.

3. People pleasing your child
So often someone can be so scared of their child having emotions even a touch similar to their own feelings as a child that they will sit in fear of those emotions and try and prevent them at all costs. Especially when there is neurodivergence present and the resulting meltdowns are so hard to cope with. As a result they can end up people pleasing their child in order to prevent being faced with their anger, sadness or disappointment. This isn’t helpful for the child. Children have to learn how to regulate all feelings especially difficult ones, and what they learn through being people pleased out of them is that their emotions can control their parents behaviour (and therefore other people’s too) and/or those emotions aren’t acceptable and need to be hidden to keep their parent happy.

4. Being the parent they needed when they were a child
This is the number one mistake that parents from toxic families make. They become who they needed, essentially re-parenting themselves through their own child, which is not healthy. Your child doesn’t need the parent you needed, they’re not growing up in your environment, they’re growing up in a completely different environment, and are a completely different person. They need the parent they need. Make sure you’re not projecting onto your child a set of feelings and experiences that you had, and they may not be having at all.

When you grow up in a toxic family, there are lots of conditioned beliefs around what’s ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, and it’s important to look at your family rules to understand these and choose what you do or don’t want to pass on consciously.

If you recognise yourself in any of these descriptions, first of all, try not to shame yourself. You didn’t know and it’s not your fault. Instead, it’s time to correct it by learning about it, and learning about yourself so you can be the parent you want to be, and your child needs you to be. Whilst we always suggest therapy is the best way to do this, knowing it’s not always accessible for everyone means that using other resources, such as books, podcasts, social media and any other form of learning will help you grow your knowledge, grieve your childhood, and build a better family life for your child and for you.

you're not the problemThe Sunday Times Bestseller “You’re Not the Problem” will help you recognise the language and behaviours of emotional abuse and narcissism in relationships, the immediate and long-term impact of it, practical strategies for healing and how to avoid repeating these behaviours. Buy “You’re Not The Problem” on Amazon and in all major book stores.

Jul 20
Love0
children's mental health

Supporting your child’s mental health

By Childcare and Nannying, Education, Health, Mental health

In the hustle and bustle of raising children, it’s essential to pause and consider their mental wellbeing. Just as we care for their physical health, we must also consider their mental and emotional development.

Childcare experts at Busy Bees have been supporting parents with children’s mental health for over 40 years. Here we’ll explore some practical insights and strategies to help you navigate ways of supporting your child’s mental health.

From recognising signs of emotional wellbeing to implementing effective support mechanisms, our goal is to help families by empowering them with valuable knowledge.

Understanding children’s mental health and emotions
Mastering the skill of regulating emotions can pose challenges for children. Every day they are navigating a whole host of new experiences and situations, and learning to respond and interpret these can be overwhelming. In many cases, it can lead to emotional reactions that they haven’t yet learned to understand.

‘Be Calm’ activities are designed for you to use with your child to support them in learning how to manage strong feelings and emotions. What is most important for children to understand is that their voice matters and with this, any emotions they are feeling are something you can support them with.

‘Be calm’ techniques

Be calm and breathe
These experiences focus on breathing, using breathwork and imagination to reduce feelings of upset, worry or anxiety.

One approach is the ‘Beach Breathing’ technique. Ask your child to close their eyes and imagine they are sitting on a warm, sandy beach. While doing so, invite them to breathe deeply through their nose and then out through their mouth, imagining that their breath is the waves rolling onto the shore. You can support what they are imagining by describing what you can see and hear on your own beach.

Be calm and active
These experiences focus on movement, using parts of their body and experiences to re-direct emotions.

An approach we suggest is a clap it out or stamp it out technique. If they’re feeling strong emotions, encourage your child to clap as fast as they can for 10 seconds. When the time is up, put your hands out in front of you and ask them if they can feel their fingers tingling. Or you could ask your child to stamp their feet as quickly as they can for 10 seconds and ask them what their feet feel like when they’ve stopped.

Be calm and positive
These experiences focus on supporting children’s self-esteem.

My weather report is a method to encourage children to think about how they are feeling today and liken it to the weather, for example, they might be feeling sunny, stormy, calm, or bright.

This technique allows you to explain that even though we can’t change the weather, just as we can’t always change how we are feeling, we can make sure we notice it and understand why, which is important. Sharing how we are feeling with others can make us feel better if we are unhappy or worried.

We have many other methods or experiences you can use with your child to understand their emotional wellbeing and to help educate them about how to manage their emotions.

Other ways to support children’s mental health
As parents, there are many ways you can support your child’s mental health. NHS guidance provides some other examples of techniques to help, which support the notion that we feel strongly about – that every voice matters.

These include:
• Listening to their feelings.
• Staying involved in their interests.
• Taking what they say seriously.
• Supporting them through difficulties.
• Encouraging their interests.
• Building positive routines.

For further information please visit www.busybeeschildcare.co.uk/blog/mental-health

Jul 15
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nursery child

The right nursery for your child

By Childcare and Nannying, Early Years, Mental health, Relationships
by Jo Allen
Dukes Education Group Ltd

As a parent, selecting the right nursery for your child can be a daunting task. With numerous options available, it’s essential to consider various factors to ensure you make the best choice for your little one. Throughout Sussex, parents have a wealth of options when it comes to nurseries. Here’s a comprehensive guide on the key aspects to consider when choosing the right option for your child.

1. Location
The first thing to consider is the location of the nursery. Opting for a nursery that is conveniently located near your home or workplace can make drop-offs and pick ups much easier. It’s also beneficial for your child to attend a nursery within close proximity, as they will feel more familiar with the surrounding area.

2. Reputation and accreditation
Research the reputation of the nursery you’re considering. Look for accreditations such as OFSTED (Office for Standards in Education, Children’s Services and Skills) ratings, which indicate the quality of care and education provided. Additionally, seek recommendations from other parents or online reviews to gain insights into the nursery’s reputation and track record. www.daynurseries.co.uk provide excellent search functionality to be able to narrow down the criteria of the nursery you are looking for, as well as view parent reviews on all aspects of the setting. Google and Facebook reviews are also a great place to start to get a feel for how families see the nursery.

3. Curriculum and learning approach
Explore the nursery’s curriculum and learning approach, to ensure it aligns with your values and expectations. Consider whether the nursery offers a structured learning programme, promotes play-based learning, or focuses on specific educational philosophies such as Montessori or Reggio Emilia. A well-rounded curriculum that caters to both academic and social development is ideal for nurturing young minds.

4. Facilities and resources
Visit the nursery to assess its facilities and resources. Look for clean, safe and stimulating environments that are conducive to learning and exploration. Check if the nursery has age-appropriate toys, books, outdoor play areas and educational materials that cater to your child’s developmental needs.

5. Staff qualifications and ratio
The qualifications and experience of nursery staff play a crucial role in your child’s care and development. Enquire about the staff-to-child ratio to ensure that each child receives adequate attention and supervision. Qualified and compassionate educators who are passionate about early childhood education can significantly impact your child’s learning journey.

6. Inclusivity and diversity
Choose a nursery that celebrates diversity and promotes inclusivity. Look for settings that embrace children from various cultural backgrounds, abilities and family structures. A diverse environment fosters tolerance, empathy and respect, providing valuable learning experiences for children as they interact with peers from different backgrounds.

7. Health and safety measures
Ensure that the nursery adheres to strict health and safety protocols to safeguard your child’s wellbeing. Enquire about policies regarding hygiene, illness management, emergency procedures and security measures. A reputable nursery prioritises the health and safety of its children and implements measures to prevent accidents and illnesses.

8. Communication and parental involvement
Effective communication between the nursery and parents is essential for maintaining a supportive partnership in your child’s early years. Find out how the nursery communicates with parents regarding their child’s progress, daily activities and upcoming events. Look for opportunities for parental involvement, such as parent-teacher meetings, workshops and volunteering opportunities.

9. Flexibility and additional services
Consider the nursery’s flexibility in terms of scheduling options, fees and additional services. Some nurseries offer extended hours, holiday care and extracurricular activities, providing convenience for working parents. Evaluate the cost of tuition, registration fees and any additional charges to ensure they fit within your budget.

10. Gut feeling and child’s comfort
Ultimately, trust your instincts and observe how your child responds to the nursery environment during visits or trial sessions. Pay attention to their comfort level, interactions with staff and peers and overall demeanor. A nurturing and supportive atmosphere where your child feels happy, safe and engaged is paramount in selecting the perfect nursery.

Choosing a nursery is a significant decision that requires careful consideration and research. By evaluating factors such as location, reputation, curriculum, facilities, staff qualifications, inclusivity, health and safety measures, communication, flexibility and your child’s comfort, you can make an informed choice that sets the foundation for your child’s early education in what are the most crucial years of their lives for development, building confidence and setting them up for their futures.

To discuss opportunities at our nurseries in Sussex and to book a tour, please contact your chosen setting directly. For Reflections Nursery and Forest School in Worthing, call 01903 251518 or visit www.reflectionsnurseries.co.uk. For Hove Village nurseries in Brighton and Hove, call 01273 037449 or visit www.hovevillage.com

Mar 10
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ok not to be OK

It’s OK not to be OK

By Childcare and Nannying, family, Mental health, Relationships
by Katie Gowers Watts
‘Diary of a Warent’ blogger

When maternity leave ends, returning to work is an emotional tug-of-war.

diary of a warentMining for diamonds
As maternity leave draws to a close, I find myself emotionally lost, once again. In so many ways I’m looking forward to the return of my professional self, excitedly daydreaming about super-stardom and frankly, ‘being a somebody’. But on the other hand, it hurts.

We’re all familiar with the autopilot words of independent women, the world over. “I’m so ready to get back to work” and “Bring on adult conversations at last”. As for me, my grit and determination shine brightly, but hidden in the shadows of my ambition, is an undeniable anxiety.

Parenting is like mining for diamonds. On average, you need to move 250 tons of earth to find a single carat of diamond. But when you do, you have something indestructibly beautiful. Raising children, through blood, sweat and tears, you’ll deal with 250 tons of sh*t (literal and metaphorical) but the beauty you unearth is like nothing else. It’s invaluable.

It’ll be over when it’s over
Firstly, when this ‘baby phase’ is over, I know I’ll miss it for all time. It’s why almost every parent in the history of parenting says, “They grow up too fast” and “Cherish every moment”.

Secondly, my husband and I are unlikely to have any more children. And so, when maternity leave ends this time around, it ends forever. I’ve been silently dreading it for months.

I doubt that we can ever have too many diamonds, but we can definitely run out of energy and time for another 250 ton dig.

Run for it
Thirdly, whilst I have thankfully rediscovered my sense of self (which can elude you for a while after having a baby), I’m worried that other people’s perceptions of me may have changed. Like ‘buggering off to have a baby’ makes me seem professionally incompetent.

In the early years of senior school, I was roped into running the 800m race on sports day and you had better believe I wanted to win. On the day, with my friends and school-house cheering me on from the sidelines, I ran like the wind – until the last 100m. I realised that my friends, my confidence in human form, were together, united in the crowd – and I was out on the track, all alone. I felt exposed and vulnerable. I buckled and deliberately dropped from 1st to 4th place, afraid to take the podium alone.

Almost 30 years later, going back to work carries a similar irrationality. I want to win, so badly! But my team, my confidence in human form, is now the family I have created at home. And I find myself back at the start line, feeling exposed and vulnerable once again.

Warenting is a competitive sport
Put your hand up if you’ve ever encountered one of those delightful people who brag about giving birth ‘naturally’, probably without pain relief, in a bid to out-birth others? To ‘win’ at giving birth. A fine example of how unanimously irritating one-upmanship can be. Let’s keep it real – if you have given birth, then your body either (painfully) contracted and stretched in ways that don’t seem humanly possible, was (painfully) torn apart from the inside out, or was (painfully) sliced open and stitched back together again. As my midwife once told me, “There is no easy way to get a baby out”. So, however you did it, ‘fist bump’ to you.

Dads, you are credited with 0.011% of the workload. Thanks for your help. (little in-joke there for my husband!)

Warenting is a competitive sport. I have known plenty of women throughout the course of my career, who proudly flaunt the brevity of their maternity leave. They wear it like a medal of honour. “Oh, I only took (*insert short amount of time) off work. I couldn’t wait to get back to the grind” and, “I was responding to work emails from my hospital bed, like 10 seconds after giving birth”. If that’s you, then good for you, I get it. But it’s not me.

Emotional dumbbells
Why do we view physical pain as strength, yet emotional pain as weakness? Since our struggles are such a heavy weight to bear, perhaps we could think of them as emotional dumbbells. The more we lift, the stronger we become.

So, yes I want a badass career, but no, I don’t want to leave my kids. Yes, I want professional success in abundance, but no, I don’t want to sacrifice meaningful parenting moments. Yes, I want to stretch my maternity leave for a while longer, but no, I haven’t lost my ambition.

What I want to say, to shout even, is, “I don’t want to be at work instead of being with my baby. But also, I do want to be at work, absolutely bossing it”.

It’s OK not to be OK
Some of us are wrongly programmed to feel as though admission of our struggles is an admission of guilt. Like it’s telling people we’re not strong enough, not good enough. And as we all know, there’s only one solution…

I’ve turned it off and back on again, and instead of pretending that I don’t give a hoot about something I find painful at times, I’m acknowledging it.

Because as a mother, it is my right to feel this way. And it’ll be OK. Because it’s OK not to be OK.

You can read the full version of It’s OK not to be OK’ and additional ‘warenting’ blogs

written by Katie, at www.diaryofawarent.com

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