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Mental health

Mar 02
Love0
co-parenting

Putting children first

By family, Legal, Mental health
by Julian Hunt
Partner at Dean Wilson and Head of the Family Department

A guide to mindful co-parenting after separation

When marriages and partnerships end, it’s easy to get caught up in the storm of emotions and conflicts that inevitably arise. Yet amidst the troubles, there’s a group whose needs often risk being overlooked – the children. While separation is challenging for adults, its impact on children can be profound and long-lasting, potentially affecting their mental health and future relationships.

Studies have shown that it’s not the separation itself that most damages children, but rather how parents handle it. This brings us to a crucial question: How can separating parents ensure their children’s wellbeing remains at the forefront?

Building a foundation of respect
The foundation of successful co-parenting lies in maintaining respectful communication between parents. This might seem like a tough challenge when emotions are running high, but it’s essential to remember that every hostile exchange or negative comment can leave lasting impressions on children. Even when parents think their children aren’t listening, young ones often pick up on tensions through overheard conversations or social media posts.

Love without limits
One of the most significant challenges for separating parents is accepting that their child can maintain loving relationships with both parents and their new partners. Children have a remarkable capacity for love, and forcing them to choose sides or feel guilty about spending time with the other parent can create emotional wounds that take years to heal.

Flexibility emerges as another crucial element in successful co-parenting. Life doesn’t stand still after separation, and neither should parenting arrangements. Children’s needs and wishes evolve as they grow, and parents must be prepared to adapt their arrangements accordingly. This might mean being understanding when a teenager prefers spending time with friends over parent time or being willing to adjust usual arrangements to accommodate special occasions.

Keeping children out of adult matters
A common downfall in post-separation parenting is using children as messengers or confidants. While it might seem convenient to relay messages through children or seek their emotional support, this places an unfair burden on young shoulders. Children shouldn’t be drawn into adult discussions about financial matters or be asked to keep secrets from either parent. They certainly shouldn’t be pressured to lie to professionals or family members about their situations or feelings.

Creating two welcoming homes
The question of possessiveness often arises in separated families – whether over the children themselves or their belongings. A healthy approach involves making it easy for children to move between homes with their necessary items, rather than creating artificial boundaries that make them feel like visitors in either home. This extends to maintaining connections with extended family members who play important roles in children’s lives.

Special occasions and holidays present unique challenges for separated families. These moments hold significance for both parents and children. Rather than viewing these occasions as potential difficulties, parents should approach them as opportunities to demonstrate mature co-parenting. This might mean sharing celebration times or alternating years for certain events.

Individual needs, individual solutions
It’s worth noting that siblings might have different preferences for spending time with each parent, and that’s OK. Each child’s relationship with their parents is unique, and forcing identical arrangements on all siblings might not serve their individual needs. Parents should be prepared to accommodate these differences while ensuring all their children feel equally valued and loved.

Progress over perfection
Co-parenting isn’t about perfection – it’s about progress. Neither parent will get everything right all the time, and expecting perfection from either yourself or your ex-partner sets an impossible standard. What matters most is maintaining a consistent focus on your children’s wellbeing, even when faced with disagreements or challenges.

Getting professional support
For parents struggling with these transitions, professional support can be invaluable. Family mediators, family consultants and legal professionals who specialise in family law can help navigate complex situations while keeping children’s interests paramount. These experts can assist in creating sustainable parenting plans that protect children’s wellbeing while respecting both parents’ rights and responsibilities.

Looking to the future
As our understanding of children’s needs in separated families continues to evolve, one truth remains constant: children benefit most when their parents can set aside their differences to focus on co-parenting effectively. This doesn’t mean pretending past conflicts don’t exist or forcing fake relationships. Rather, it means developing a new kind of relationship – one based on mutual respect and a shared commitment to raising healthy, well-adjusted children.

The journey of separation is rarely easy, but by keeping children’s needs at the centre of all decisions, parents can help their children navigate this significant life change with resilience and security. After all, while partnerships may end, parenting is a lifelong commitment that deserves our very best efforts.

Dean Wilson LLP’s reputation has been built upon our ability to deliver and exceed our clients’ expectations. For over 100 years our success has been founded upon our client focused approach, backed by the knowledge and expertise of our lawyers. www.deanwilson.co.uk

 

Jan 28
Love0
world

How to teach your children about the world around them – even when it’s doing its worst

By Early Years, environment, Forest School, Mental health, Relationships, Wellbeing
by Katie Harrison
Founder of Picture News

As our children grow, they become more aware of the world around them. Some events are sensitive and divisive, with global news often being unavoidable – including for children. Stories can be encountered online, on newspaper front pages, or via chatter in the playground. But what if the news didn’t have to be something to try to shield children from? As parents and carers, we can responsibly share current affairs with children, to equip them with tools to develop and learn from the world around them.

Make news discussions age-appropriate
Consider children’s age and developmental stage when planning your news discussions. You may wish to use visual content, including images and videos, but remember to vet these before sharing with children. For younger children, simplifying news events into relatable concepts, like being kind or unkind, fair or unfair can be effective. For older children, divulging more information can be appropriate. Reactions and understanding of news stories will differ for all children, but be confident that you know them best as you gauge how much information to share. News conversations can work well in the morning, to give children plenty of time to digest what’s happened, then reflect and share any questions or worries with you during the day.

Consider your role and influence
Be sure to observe and regulate your own reactions, language and behaviour when discussing news with children. As parents, we know children can be impressionable, and therefore may detect and emulate any fear or hatred they observe around them. We can responsibly ensure children mirror positive behaviour when discussing current topics. Try to maintain a healthy environment that is considerate and respectful. Think carefully about the language you use and try to stick to the facts. Be clear if parts of the discussion are your own thoughts, and be honest with children if you are unsure on a response to a question – you don’t have to know all of the answers! Instead, navigate the news together as events occur.

Help children work through their emotional responses
News stories can prompt emotional reactions for all of us. Some stories can dominate headlines and social media feeds or directly affect children, so it’s important to let them have emotional outlets in response. Children may bottle up how they’re feeling about events unfolding in the world, so making time to talk in a safe, familiar space can be of benefit. Give children a variety of tools to communicate how they feel; they might prefer to talk, write, or use creative approaches. You could use visual aids, discussions, post-it notes, emotion cards, smiley faces or art. Exploring how a news story makes your children feel can be a genuine opportunity to explore their understanding of emotions – what it means to feel an emotion, how emotions can change over time and how they manifest differently for everyone.

Support children to develop empathy
Current affairs contain a spectrum of opinions and experiences, which help children learn that we all hold different perspectives to be respected. This can support children in forging connections between themselves and others; by exploring other people’s experiences depicted in the news, children can build empathy, consider others, and practise relating to people. Such an awareness is a useful tool to help children become well-rounded, thoughtful citizens, who care about others.

Look for the positives together
Nestled within sensitive topics tend to be positive stories that follow. During times of hardship reflected in the news, we can often find examples of communities pulling together in response, which ultimately show our children lessons of morality, citizenship, and unity. So if you’re unsure how to approach a sensitive news topic with children, try sharing stories about more uplifting, responsive events that emerge. This helps you address heavier issues through an accessible, less unsettling lens. There are many positive acts that follow turbulent events we can share with children.

Inspire children to use their voice
Headlines are full of people using their voice to make a change – and children can do the same. Take the time to empower children to know that an awareness of what’s happening in the world can help them speak up as active citizens. The news is happening now, and with your support and guidance, children can act on their ideas and opinions. Whether it’s helping their community or writing letters, children can be encouraged to believe in their own ability to create positive change locally, nationally, or even globally.

There are many important lessons within news events that can help children grow and develop. Sharing the news with the younger generation comes with responsibility, but with the right tools and guidance, children can learn valuable lessons of citizenship, empathy and morality, whilst discovering the world they live in.

Katie Harrison is a former teacher and founder of Picture News, a supplier of teacher resources for creating engaging and exciting lessons about current affairs so children can learn about the world around them. For further information please visit www.picture-news.co.uk

 

Jan 27
Love0
bored child

“… But I’m soooooo bored.” Should boredom be part of your child’s daily routine?

By Education, family, fun for children, Mental health, play, Playing, Relationships, Wellbeing
by Laura Tristram
www.lumii.me

In today’s fast-paced society, boredom is typically viewed as something negative to be avoided. However, new research from the Child Mind Institute suggests that allowing children to experience boredom can actually be beneficial for both them and their parents.

Why is boredom seen negatively?
Parents, influenced by societal narratives, often perceive boredom as an unproductive and negative state. Being busy is often equated with success, leading to the belief that boredom signifies laziness. However, it’s time to rethink this notion, as boredom can play a significant role in children’s development and mental health. When children are bored, they are prompted to use their imagination and creativity to entertain themselves. This self-directed play fosters curiosity, helps them discover their interests, and enhances their innovative thinking. Research shows that engaging in monotonous tasks can boost creativity when later performing creative activities.

Overcoming challenges
Boredom teaches children resilience by encouraging them to persevere through challenges rather than becoming discouraged. This ability to persist is crucial for facing future obstacles and cultivating a proactive mindset. Dealing with the ‘problem’ of boredom enhances their problem-solving skills and self-reliance, fostering a sense of initiative and independence.

Social skills
Unstructured playtime allows children to interact with peers, developing essential social skills like negotiation, collaboration and communication. These skills are vital for forming relationships and working well with others. Successfully finding ways to entertain themselves boosts children’s confidence, helping them take risks and explore new things, thereby strengthening their self-esteem.

Positive wellbeing
Allowing children time to simply ‘be’ can significantly improve their mental health by reducing anxiety and stress. It gives them the opportunity to process their thoughts and emotions. Unstructured time helps children engage with their surroundings, often resulting in cherished memories and a happier childhood. Despite initial resistance, periods of boredom can lead to a more fulfilling and creative life.

Four easy ways to introduce more boredom
Parents can create opportunities for boredom by resisting the urge to overschedule their children. Here are four tips to help incorporate boredom into a child’s routine:
1. Set aside one day a week without structured activities
Encourage children to create their own activities on this ‘activity detox’ day, helping them explore their interests and creativity.
2. Provide simple toys
Offer materials like blocks, art supplies and household items to inspire creativity and free play.
3. Reduce screen time and encourage outdoor exploration
Take your child to open spaces and allow them to explore independently, fostering a sense of independence and creativity. Limit the use of electronic devices and encourage imaginative play instead.
4. Be a role model
Show how to embrace boredom by engaging in creative activities yourself and limiting your own screen time.

Experiencing boredom helps children develop crucial life skills such as resilience, problem-solving, and creativity, which are essential for their future success and wellbeing. Boredom also helps children build tolerance for less enjoyable experiences and encourages mindfulness, self-reflection and interpersonal communication skills.

It’s a valuable lesson for all: alongside your to-do list, create a ‘let’s be’ list. Make time to be mindfully present with those around you.

Amidst the rushing around, take a moment to walk and clear your head. These idle moments without a to-do list are important for mental clarity and happiness.

For both you and your child, embracing boredom can enhance resilience, creativity and productivity. Could embracing boredom be the antidote to burnout? By incorporating boredom into daily routines, you can help your child develop a happier, more balanced childhood.

So, the next time your child complains of being bored, resist the urge to immediately organise something for them. Instead, embrace the opportunity to foster their creativity, growth and wellbeing.

Laura Tristram is a teacher, mum and mental health and wellbeing lead. For more information please visit www.lumii.me

Nov 03
Love0
toxic relationships

Toxic families

By Childcare and Nannying, family, Mental health, Relationships, Special support needs, Wellbeing
by Helen Villiers and Katie McKenna
psychotherapists and authors of “You’re Not the Problem”

There is no doubt that how we were parented informs and affects how we parent our children. That’s absolutely fine when we grew up in a happy, healthy, ‘good enough’ home, but what about when we grow up in unhealthy, toxic and abusive homes?

The first thing to know is that a lot of people don’t realise they grew up in toxic families, because not only do they think it’s normal, but they also think that if they didn’t like the way their parent treated them it’s because they’re the problem, not the parent. So understanding if you had healthy or toxic parents is the first step.

Signs you had a toxic parent are:
1. You weren’t allowed to say no to them without being shamed or punished.
2. You had to do everything their way because it was the right way.
3. They relied on you too heavily for emotional or practical support (parentification).
4. They use (and still use) guilt to make you do things you don’t want to.
5. You feel scared of them and obliged to do whatever they want –“I don’t have a choice, I have to.”
6. You are either hyper-dependent (people pleaser/codependent) or hyper-independent (don’t let anyone close, prefer to do everything alone, don’t ask for help).

This is not a diagnostic list, but if these sound familiar it might be worth looking up toxic or narcissistic parents.

If you’re aware you have toxic parents, you need to be aware of the common pitfalls that parents fall into when parenting their own children.

1. Taking their child’s no as personal rejection
When we grow up in narcissistic family systems, we inevitably develop a rejection wound, that coupled with the learned understanding that a child shouldn’t say no to their parent, it’s possible that someone could see their child’s rejection of them as a personal affront rather than the child just seeking autonomy and identity. Working on the rejection wound and realising that your child is safe enough to say no to you is an amazing thing, will help you boundary your feelings and stay in your parent role and allow your child to know they are safe to be who they are.

2. Swinging too far the other way
We call this the pendulum swing. When someone is so desperate to protect their child from ever experiencing a moment of what they felt in childhood they do the complete opposite. Unfortunately this can actually have a similar outcome because if a parent who experienced coldness and shaming and ignoring in childhood becomes too involved and hovering and micro managing their child, they can create a dependency in that child, instead of an independency. They also might unintentionally make the child responsible for their feelings by subconsciously letting the child know that mummy or daddy’s happiness depends on their happiness. This in turn can create anxiety and people pleasing in a child.

3. People pleasing your child
So often someone can be so scared of their child having emotions even a touch similar to their own feelings as a child that they will sit in fear of those emotions and try and prevent them at all costs. Especially when there is neurodivergence present and the resulting meltdowns are so hard to cope with. As a result they can end up people pleasing their child in order to prevent being faced with their anger, sadness or disappointment. This isn’t helpful for the child. Children have to learn how to regulate all feelings especially difficult ones, and what they learn through being people pleased out of them is that their emotions can control their parents behaviour (and therefore other people’s too) and/or those emotions aren’t acceptable and need to be hidden to keep their parent happy.

4. Being the parent they needed when they were a child
This is the number one mistake that parents from toxic families make. They become who they needed, essentially re-parenting themselves through their own child, which is not healthy. Your child doesn’t need the parent you needed, they’re not growing up in your environment, they’re growing up in a completely different environment, and are a completely different person. They need the parent they need. Make sure you’re not projecting onto your child a set of feelings and experiences that you had, and they may not be having at all.

When you grow up in a toxic family, there are lots of conditioned beliefs around what’s ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, and it’s important to look at your family rules to understand these and choose what you do or don’t want to pass on consciously.

If you recognise yourself in any of these descriptions, first of all, try not to shame yourself. You didn’t know and it’s not your fault. Instead, it’s time to correct it by learning about it, and learning about yourself so you can be the parent you want to be, and your child needs you to be. Whilst we always suggest therapy is the best way to do this, knowing it’s not always accessible for everyone means that using other resources, such as books, podcasts, social media and any other form of learning will help you grow your knowledge, grieve your childhood, and build a better family life for your child and for you.

you're not the problemThe Sunday Times Bestseller “You’re Not the Problem” will help you recognise the language and behaviours of emotional abuse and narcissism in relationships, the immediate and long-term impact of it, practical strategies for healing and how to avoid repeating these behaviours. Buy “You’re Not The Problem” on Amazon and in all major book stores.

Nov 02
Love0
happy child

Teaching our children resilience

By Education, family, Mental health, Wellbeing
by Mrs Sarah Bakhtiari
Principal of Shoreham College

I have been a head teacher for six years, in two schools. A mother for 24 years, married for 30 and an educator for 29. When I was pregnant with my eldest daughter, I decided to do a Masters because I thought I would be bored with a newborn. The reason I reel off this list is that I couldn’t do these things without resilience (and optimism and foolishness – but they are different articles, and so I shall stick to resilience today!).

There is a buzz around resilience. I’ve been on training courses for it; read books and articles about it; been told I need more of it. The trouble is, I’m quite suspicious of the idea of resilience. The more I think about it, the more I’m reminded of a game I used to play on rainy days as a small child.

On said rainy day we would get the board games out of the cupboard and my family would all play. While it’s hard to choose a favourite, if I had to, it would be Buckaroo. The plastic donkey pressed into position before my brother and I took turns to pile all the random miscellany on its back, seeing how much the donkey could take before everything got bucked off. The moment it sprang and threw the plastic novelties all over the floor always made us jump and giggle, before we started the whole process all over again. That poor donkey never seemed to get much peace, being tested to its limit over and over. But that’s how I feel when people talk about how we should all be more resilient, as if we’re all plastic donkeys being piled upon until we snap.

Our children will encounter a myriad of challenges in their lives – everyone I’ve encountered has faced difficult times at some point. While some may have to overcome larger obstacles than others, every single person experiences struggles. Life is undeniably beautiful, yet equally tough.

How do we prepare our children to face the complexities and thrive?
When we talk about resilience, I think that what we mean is being able to face the complexities, the curved balls and the challenges of life and emerge on the other side, and I understand that, but I also think there’s more to it.

Let me illustrate. I love to swim. I’ve got into the super-trendy pastime of outdoor swimming, mostly in the sea. However, earlier this year, I visited a friend who insisted I got into the choppy North Sea. The waves didn’t look that big and I’m used to the cold, so I waded in. The first and second waves were fine and I began to relax – perhaps too much – and only when the third wave was a foot away from my face did I realise I’d misjudged it. I hadn’t widened my stance or braced myself for impact and over I went, and got a mouthful of the North Sea and a face full of shingle. I learned in that moment that resilience is also about bracing for the wave. Realising the thing that’s approaching is going to leave you a little battered, doing all you can to get ready for it and, when it’s over, all you can to recover. Life will break you at points, you can’t help that, but what you can do is be as ready as you can be for its knocks and bruises and work on healing them as quickly as possible. That’s what I hope we mean by resilience, but the trouble is, resilience seems to have become a code word for something else.

We’ve all felt it – that moment when the list starts to mount. We all like to please people, all like to help where we can. Perhaps you’ve agreed to bake for the winter fair and that on its own is fine, but then you also have to finish the last bit of work, remember to pay a bill and call your friend to wish them a happy birthday. You get jostled in the supermarket and suddenly it all becomes too much. The Buckaroo donkey can’t hold it any more and bucks. Perhaps you need to be more resilient, or perhaps it might be time to acknowledge your limits.

Resilience has transformed into a notion that implies we must endure hardships silently and soldier on. The truth is, I am vulnerable. But my vulnerability does not make me weaker (or stronger) than anyone else. True strength isn’t about bravely facing life’s pressures and forcefully overcoming obstacles as if they don’t exist. It’s about acknowledging our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Strength is honed through moments of vulnerability. While resilience portrays a triumphant figure plowing through obstacles, strength often manifests as a tearful heap – overwhelmed, exposed, yet unapologetically authentic. Resilience appears to be an individual pursuit, while strength thrives on collective support, where we can lean on one another and draw strength from those around us.

Allow me to share an analogy. My dog died last year. A much-loved family pet suddenly wasn’t there any more, and I was devastated. A time for resilience, perhaps? But I did something else. I cried and cried and cried. I cried in the departure lounge at the airport, I cried arriving at the hotel, I cried over breakfast in the morning, and at night-time. The other holiday makers were really confused. My husband and daughters didn’t try and stop me, they just acknowledged I was hurting.

I didn’t need to be more resilient; I needed to stay broken for a bit and lean on the strength of others. I found a strength that didn’t come from brushing myself off and getting on with it, but rather from feeling the pain and sitting with it for a while. And I still miss my dog, but now it’s peaceful instead of raw.

Resilience sometimes feels like we are supposed to cover up the scars, but strength allows them to be seen as if they are badges of honour, scars that made us who we are.

So, when I’m in resilience training and people are talking about how to cope with what’s going on, I can’t help but picture that Buckaroo donkey and, well, I’m not having that. Life is tough, but the stuff you do have to carry is less of a burden if you let people who care about you hold it for you, even just for a little while.

If life is the mountain, resilience is about powering up it without taking a break and pretending you aren’t out of breath and you don’t have blisters. Whereas true strength is about acknowledging you can’t take another step and asking if anyone fancies a sit down. The beauty is that when you take that precious moment to pause, you can also take a look at the path you’ve just walked up and who you’ve walked it with and be surprised by the ground you’ve covered. By admitting small defeats and looking down the mountain, you are less likely to lose sight of the bigger picture and what it took to get you there, feeling your feet on the ground and anchoring yourself.

You don’t have to be anyone’s Buckaroo donkey: you’ll only get overloaded, flip and make a mess. There’s nothing wrong in saying it’s all a bit too much.

So, what does this mean for our children and schools? Research tells us that the children who perform the best are those who can ask for help, act on it and have the strength to persevere – and not in buckaroo style, but in a collective endeavour with you, with their school and with their peers. Our children learn from us – let’s show them strength in all its forms. When your children need support, let their school know and let them work with you to put that supportive net around them and when you need support, I hope you have the people around you who will work through it with you, in whatever form you need.

Please call 01273 592681 to find out more about what Shoreham College can offer you, or to arrange a personal visit at any time of the school year. www.shorehamcollege.co.uk

 

Aug 15
Love0
piglets at a farm

Beyond the barn doors – a day in the life of a livestock worker

By Education, environment, Exercise, Family Farms, Food & Eating, Forest School, fun for children, Green, Mental health, Uncategorized
by Nicola Henderson
Godstone Farm

Amongst the hustle and bustle of a busy attraction, there’s often work behind the scenes that visitors don’t see or appreciate. Welcome to a world where hard work can indeed be fun, where the welfare of animals reigns supreme and the bond between human and animal is fascinating.

Contrary to popular belief, the life of a livestock worker is not merely about mucking out, getting muddy and driving around in a tractor. It is about forging connections – building trust with our four-legged friends and fostering an environment where they thrive. Every stroke of the brush, every scoop of feed, is an opportunity to nurture this bond, reminding us of the huge part we play in the lives of these creatures.

Let’s go down on the farm and take a look at a typical day:

7.30am: As the sun climbs overhead, and the animals are waking up, the first shift of workers arrive at the farm – this assumes it’s a ‘quiet’ time of the year, and there’s no lambing or other babies due to be born. First job of the day is to open all enclosures, cages, hutches and sheds. The animals are locked away safely at night due to the continual threat of hungry foxes.

8.30am: The hungry animals receive breakfast, fresh water and a visual check. The visual check ensures the animals are acting as they should, have no cuts or abrasions and are moving around well. This time is a chance for the animals to familiarise themselves with their care givers once again and build on previously built trust. Many of the smaller animals will be handled regularly to ensure they are comfortable should any first aid or medicine need to be administered in the future. Larger animals are handled too but often with four feet still on the ground, and with two or more workers to ensure everyone’s safety.

10am: The cleaning starts! Some animals will get a spot clean, others will be due for a full muck out – it’s not hard to guess that the smelliest of all are the pigs! Mucking out isn’t just to ensure the enclosure is clean to look at and smells fresh, it also ensures the welfare of the animals. A dirty environment can contribute towards skin conditions, foot issues and spread of infectious diseases. After removing all soiled straw, pens are disinfected, and then new bedding is laid. You’ll often see the animals return to a clean bed and have a good sniff or roll around, it’s their sign of appreciation! This time spent mucking out is another opportunity to strengthen the bond between human and animal, inquisitive characters will often want to ‘help’ and it’s not unusual to see a pig steal a broom or a pony with its head in the wheelbarrow.

As the team make their way around the farm cleaning and caring for livestock, they also need to ensure the customer facing areas of the farm are ready. Customer facing areas include those where up-close interactions happen, where a trail can be followed and where bespoke experiences take place.

11.30am: The hay run! With bags piled high with hay the tractor embarks on a journey to those harder to reach areas, the further afield fields, where sheep, cows, goats and horses graze. It’s a fun part of the job, using a vehicle to get around but it can be a challenge in wet weather when the fields get muddy.

1pm: After the wheelbarrows are emptied, the paths are swept, and the buckets are washed its finally time for lunch! This is the human’s lunch time, most animals don’t get lunch, only breakfast and dinner, unless they are on medication or have a very special diet. With such physical exertion the livestock team will enjoy a hearty lunch, often microwaving leftovers and filling up on treats bought by the management team. They are particularly partial to a donut or cupcake, and it can’t be denied that they burn off the calories!

1.30pm: It’s time to get ready for any behind the scenes experiences that day – this might be the chance for budding young farmers to work with the team, or for grown-ups to feed the meerkats. For example, if the meerkats are being fed by special visitors, then a gourmet snack will be prepared, this will be tasty grubs and worms. The visitors will get to sit inside the enclosure and feed the meerkats via tongs (just in case of any fingers that look remarkably like worms). Whilst a farm will prioritise its animals living as nature intended, in genuine habitats and won’t want all its animals to be tame, some experiences do help ensure that the animals aren’t fearful of human contact. This is especially helpful if they are taken unwell. Have you ever tried to catch a wild meerkat?!

4pm: After time spent imparting knowledge and engaging with customers, it’s back to the heavy and dirty work. Most of the animals require an evening feed. This is an opportunity for a further visual check (in depth health checks are done routinely as well) and water will be replenished. Unless it’s a particularly hot evening each animal will be put to bed after their dinner, but only once their bed has been checked for extra comfiness. Animals are kept for many reasons, but generally a lot of the animals in a farm attraction will be pets and everyone will have their favourites of course!

5-6pm: Depending on the time of year the livestock workers finish their day and head home for a well-deserved bath and rest. It all starts again tomorrow. Animals need caring for 24/7, 365 days a year so taking on a farm, smallholding or even a family pet is a decision to be well considered.

Godstone Farm enjoys welcoming customers to visit their many animals with engagement and education at its heart. The farm often recruits for roles working with the livestock team but can also offer advice for anyone lookingto keep an animal as a pet. www.godstonefarm.co.uk

Aug 12
Love0
ADHD Child

How to support your child if you think they have ADHD – what parents can do to help

By Education, Mental health, special educational needs, Special support needs, Wellbeing
by Leanne Maskell
author of ADHD an A-Z and ADHD Works at Work

With years long waiting lists for NHS assessments, and an overload of information online, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed if you think your child has ADHD.

From confusion around the pros and cons of ‘labelling your child’, to untangling advocacy and ensuring they can access the support they need, it can be very stressful for parents, let alone the children they’re trying to help.

However, a formal diagnosis isn’t necessary – if you think your child has ADHD, this a great first step in being able to ‘name it to tame it’.

Here’s what else may be helpful:
1. Learn about ADHD
Research into ADHD has improved significantly over the last few years, showing how it’s not just for ‘naughty little boys’. It can be extremely helpful for parents to learn about the 30% developmental delay in executive functioning skills, such as self-awareness, impulsivity, and emotional regulation, enabling them to better understand their children through an ADHD lens.

Education provides empowerment and context. Instead of thinking a child isn’t trying, understanding ADHD can help you to see how they’re doing their best – and how to help them.

Learning about ADHD from credible sources such as books like ADHD: an A to Z can provide an overview of how this may impact your child, such as sleep, mental health, and organisation.

2. Talk to your child
Your child is the expert in themselves! Consider the reasons why you think they may have ADHD, and have an open conversation with them about this, depending on their age.

It can help to discuss challenges and strengths in a curious, collaborative, and compassionate way. Explaining that you’ve noticed some challenges and concepts like neurodiversity in accessible language can be very helpful for children’s self-esteem and sense of personal responsibility.

ADHD isn’t an excuse, but it can explain things. It’s important to involve your child in decisions affecting them, such as around diagnosis or medication.

3. Understand your options
Only a qualified medical professional can formally diagnose ADHD, and waiting lists can be very long, but it’s always worth speaking to your GP about any challenges to understand your options.

You have a legal ‘Right To Choose’ the NHS assessor your child is referred to, and providers such as Psychiatry UK operate online, and offer significantly reduced waiting times.

It’s especially important to understand shared care agreements if you’re considering a private assessment (which can be very expensive).

It’s also important to talk to your child’s school. An Education, Health, and Care Plan (EHCP) can formalise the funding and provision of tailored help such as special educational support. Your child does not need a formal diagnosis to apply.

Even without an EHCP, schools can still offer support. As ADHD can be a disability, organisations may have a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments under the Equality Act 2010, regardless of a formal diagnosis.

Finally, your child may also qualify for Disability Living Allowance, even without a diagnosis. This is financial support based on the support your child needs in terms of care and mobility.

4. Tailor your child’s environment
Children with ADHD will thrive with predictable structure and routine. Establishing clear expectations and providing positive reinforcement can be very helpful – children with ADHD have been found to receive 20,000 more negative comments than their peers by age 12!

Breaking tasks into manageable steps, limiting distractions and encouraging physical activity can support concentration. Adopting a coaching approach can help your child to take responsibility for the strategies that help them to thrive.

It’s important to provide reassurance and psychological safety, as children with ADHD may be more likely to experience mental health challenges. Having ongoing conversations about their wellbeing can help to resolve challenges early, building their confidence in knowing that they are supported.

5. Seek support
Being a parent can be very difficult, let alone one trying to understand ADHD and provide the best support possible!

Remember that you’re already doing a brilliant job, and ensure you look after your own wellbeing, such as with therapy. You can’t give from an empty cup!

Parents with ADHD may find it very helpful to connect with one another, such as within a support group. Seeking out ADHD coaching for yourself can also really help with establishing strategies to help you and your child thrive with ADHD.

Although it’s tempting to want to provide all of this support to your child above yourself, if they’re not enthusiastic, it’s unlikely to be as effective as it would be with you!

You are simply doing your best with what you have available to you, and a supportive, loving parent will always be the best medicine. ADHD is lifelong – you hADHD logoave time to figure it out together!

Leanne Maskell is an ADHD Coach, Director of ADHD Works and author of ADHD an A-Z and ADHD Works at Work

Aug 12
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school early year's play

The importance of play in Early Years education

By Early Years, Education, fun for children, Mental health, play, Playing
by Ivana Colvin
Little Chicks Teacher, Chinthurst School Nursery

As parents and educators, we often find ourselves caught up in the whirlwind of schedules, milestones and academic expectations for our little ones. In the pursuit of ensuring a bright future for our children, we might unintentionally overlook one of the most powerful tools at our disposal – play.

In the UK, the Early Years education system places a strong emphasis on the importance of play-based learning. In the best Early Years settings, play should not be considered a break from structured activities, rather it should be at the centre of fostering development, curiosity and a lifelong love for learning. At home, play is vital too, supporting your child’s growth, health and happiness.

One of the greatest gifts of play is its ability to nurture social skills. In the classroom and on the school playground, children learn to navigate social interactions, share, co-operate and challenge with their peers. These skills form the bedrock of healthy relationships and contribute to a positive learning environment. At home, family playtime is an ideal way to reinforce these social skills in a more intimate setting. Board games, collaborative projects and shared activities provide opportunities for your child to practice communication and teamwork with siblings and parents.

The Early Years curriculum also recognises the importance of nurturing creativity, and play is the perfect gateway to unlocking the boundless imagination which exists within each child. Creative activities embedded in the curriculum allow children to explore various forms of expression, from art and music to storytelling and drama. At home, opportunities for creative play are endless. Simple activities like drawing, crafting and storytelling stimulate a child’s imagination and encourage them to think outside the box. By embracing creativity in play, we cultivate a mindset that values innovation and problem-solving, vital skills for future learning.

In an age dominated by screens, finding a balance between technology and real-world play is crucial. The Early Years curriculum acknowledges the role of technology but emphasises that it should complement, not replace, hands-on, interactive play. Both at school and at home, we should strive to create an environment where technology is used as a tool to enhance learning rather than as a substitute for real-world experiences. By setting limits on screen time and actively engaging in screen-free play, we can foster a healthy relationship with technology from an early age.

Play also offers a safe space for children to express and regulate their emotions. Whether engaging in pretend play or co-operative games, children learn to manage their feelings and develop resilience in navigating various social situations. This emotional regulation is a vital part of their healthy growth and development, laying the groundwork for a successful and happy life at school and beyond.

As we reflect on the importance of play, both at school and at home, it is important to recognise the symbiotic relationship that exists between these two environments. By focusing on play, parents and Early Years practitioners hold the key to unlocking a child’s full potential.

It is through play that children not only discover the world around them but also uncover the limitless possibilities within themselves. Play strengthens the bond between parents and children and helps to build close relationships between a child and their teacher. Through shared play experiences, parents and teachers can connect with their children, provide support and guidance, and create lasting memories together.

In the midst of laughter and games, the foundations for a future defined by curiosity, resilience and a love for learning are built. So, the next time you find your living room transformed into a magical kingdom or a construction site, embrace the chaos and join in the play! In those moments of shared joy, you’re not just playing – you are actively participating in the profound process of shaping a brighter, more vibrant future for your child.

Chinthurst is an independent school and nursery based in Tadworth, close to Epsom, Banstead, Kingswood and Reigate. It is a junior school of Reigate Grammar School. www.chinthurstschool.co.uk

Jul 20
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children's mental health

Supporting your child’s mental health

By Childcare and Nannying, Education, Health, Mental health

In the hustle and bustle of raising children, it’s essential to pause and consider their mental wellbeing. Just as we care for their physical health, we must also consider their mental and emotional development.

Childcare experts at Busy Bees have been supporting parents with children’s mental health for over 40 years. Here we’ll explore some practical insights and strategies to help you navigate ways of supporting your child’s mental health.

From recognising signs of emotional wellbeing to implementing effective support mechanisms, our goal is to help families by empowering them with valuable knowledge.

Understanding children’s mental health and emotions
Mastering the skill of regulating emotions can pose challenges for children. Every day they are navigating a whole host of new experiences and situations, and learning to respond and interpret these can be overwhelming. In many cases, it can lead to emotional reactions that they haven’t yet learned to understand.

‘Be Calm’ activities are designed for you to use with your child to support them in learning how to manage strong feelings and emotions. What is most important for children to understand is that their voice matters and with this, any emotions they are feeling are something you can support them with.

‘Be calm’ techniques

Be calm and breathe
These experiences focus on breathing, using breathwork and imagination to reduce feelings of upset, worry or anxiety.

One approach is the ‘Beach Breathing’ technique. Ask your child to close their eyes and imagine they are sitting on a warm, sandy beach. While doing so, invite them to breathe deeply through their nose and then out through their mouth, imagining that their breath is the waves rolling onto the shore. You can support what they are imagining by describing what you can see and hear on your own beach.

Be calm and active
These experiences focus on movement, using parts of their body and experiences to re-direct emotions.

An approach we suggest is a clap it out or stamp it out technique. If they’re feeling strong emotions, encourage your child to clap as fast as they can for 10 seconds. When the time is up, put your hands out in front of you and ask them if they can feel their fingers tingling. Or you could ask your child to stamp their feet as quickly as they can for 10 seconds and ask them what their feet feel like when they’ve stopped.

Be calm and positive
These experiences focus on supporting children’s self-esteem.

My weather report is a method to encourage children to think about how they are feeling today and liken it to the weather, for example, they might be feeling sunny, stormy, calm, or bright.

This technique allows you to explain that even though we can’t change the weather, just as we can’t always change how we are feeling, we can make sure we notice it and understand why, which is important. Sharing how we are feeling with others can make us feel better if we are unhappy or worried.

We have many other methods or experiences you can use with your child to understand their emotional wellbeing and to help educate them about how to manage their emotions.

Other ways to support children’s mental health
As parents, there are many ways you can support your child’s mental health. NHS guidance provides some other examples of techniques to help, which support the notion that we feel strongly about – that every voice matters.

These include:
• Listening to their feelings.
• Staying involved in their interests.
• Taking what they say seriously.
• Supporting them through difficulties.
• Encouraging their interests.
• Building positive routines.

For further information please visit www.busybeeschildcare.co.uk/blog/mental-health

Jul 15
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nursery child

The right nursery for your child

By Childcare and Nannying, Early Years, Mental health, Relationships
by Jo Allen
Dukes Education Group Ltd

As a parent, selecting the right nursery for your child can be a daunting task. With numerous options available, it’s essential to consider various factors to ensure you make the best choice for your little one. Throughout Sussex, parents have a wealth of options when it comes to nurseries. Here’s a comprehensive guide on the key aspects to consider when choosing the right option for your child.

1. Location
The first thing to consider is the location of the nursery. Opting for a nursery that is conveniently located near your home or workplace can make drop-offs and pick ups much easier. It’s also beneficial for your child to attend a nursery within close proximity, as they will feel more familiar with the surrounding area.

2. Reputation and accreditation
Research the reputation of the nursery you’re considering. Look for accreditations such as OFSTED (Office for Standards in Education, Children’s Services and Skills) ratings, which indicate the quality of care and education provided. Additionally, seek recommendations from other parents or online reviews to gain insights into the nursery’s reputation and track record. www.daynurseries.co.uk provide excellent search functionality to be able to narrow down the criteria of the nursery you are looking for, as well as view parent reviews on all aspects of the setting. Google and Facebook reviews are also a great place to start to get a feel for how families see the nursery.

3. Curriculum and learning approach
Explore the nursery’s curriculum and learning approach, to ensure it aligns with your values and expectations. Consider whether the nursery offers a structured learning programme, promotes play-based learning, or focuses on specific educational philosophies such as Montessori or Reggio Emilia. A well-rounded curriculum that caters to both academic and social development is ideal for nurturing young minds.

4. Facilities and resources
Visit the nursery to assess its facilities and resources. Look for clean, safe and stimulating environments that are conducive to learning and exploration. Check if the nursery has age-appropriate toys, books, outdoor play areas and educational materials that cater to your child’s developmental needs.

5. Staff qualifications and ratio
The qualifications and experience of nursery staff play a crucial role in your child’s care and development. Enquire about the staff-to-child ratio to ensure that each child receives adequate attention and supervision. Qualified and compassionate educators who are passionate about early childhood education can significantly impact your child’s learning journey.

6. Inclusivity and diversity
Choose a nursery that celebrates diversity and promotes inclusivity. Look for settings that embrace children from various cultural backgrounds, abilities and family structures. A diverse environment fosters tolerance, empathy and respect, providing valuable learning experiences for children as they interact with peers from different backgrounds.

7. Health and safety measures
Ensure that the nursery adheres to strict health and safety protocols to safeguard your child’s wellbeing. Enquire about policies regarding hygiene, illness management, emergency procedures and security measures. A reputable nursery prioritises the health and safety of its children and implements measures to prevent accidents and illnesses.

8. Communication and parental involvement
Effective communication between the nursery and parents is essential for maintaining a supportive partnership in your child’s early years. Find out how the nursery communicates with parents regarding their child’s progress, daily activities and upcoming events. Look for opportunities for parental involvement, such as parent-teacher meetings, workshops and volunteering opportunities.

9. Flexibility and additional services
Consider the nursery’s flexibility in terms of scheduling options, fees and additional services. Some nurseries offer extended hours, holiday care and extracurricular activities, providing convenience for working parents. Evaluate the cost of tuition, registration fees and any additional charges to ensure they fit within your budget.

10. Gut feeling and child’s comfort
Ultimately, trust your instincts and observe how your child responds to the nursery environment during visits or trial sessions. Pay attention to their comfort level, interactions with staff and peers and overall demeanor. A nurturing and supportive atmosphere where your child feels happy, safe and engaged is paramount in selecting the perfect nursery.

Choosing a nursery is a significant decision that requires careful consideration and research. By evaluating factors such as location, reputation, curriculum, facilities, staff qualifications, inclusivity, health and safety measures, communication, flexibility and your child’s comfort, you can make an informed choice that sets the foundation for your child’s early education in what are the most crucial years of their lives for development, building confidence and setting them up for their futures.

To discuss opportunities at our nurseries in Sussex and to book a tour, please contact your chosen setting directly. For Reflections Nursery and Forest School in Worthing, call 01903 251518 or visit www.reflectionsnurseries.co.uk. For Hove Village nurseries in Brighton and Hove, call 01273 037449 or visit www.hovevillage.com

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