Skip to main content
search
Category

Mental health

Nov 03
Love0
toxic relationships

Toxic families

By Childcare and Nannying, family, Mental health, Relationships, Special support needs, Wellbeing
by Helen Villiers and Katie McKenna
psychotherapists and authors of “You’re Not the Problem”

There is no doubt that how we were parented informs and affects how we parent our children. That’s absolutely fine when we grew up in a happy, healthy, ‘good enough’ home, but what about when we grow up in unhealthy, toxic and abusive homes?

The first thing to know is that a lot of people don’t realise they grew up in toxic families, because not only do they think it’s normal, but they also think that if they didn’t like the way their parent treated them it’s because they’re the problem, not the parent. So understanding if you had healthy or toxic parents is the first step.

Signs you had a toxic parent are:
1. You weren’t allowed to say no to them without being shamed or punished.
2. You had to do everything their way because it was the right way.
3. They relied on you too heavily for emotional or practical support (parentification).
4. They use (and still use) guilt to make you do things you don’t want to.
5. You feel scared of them and obliged to do whatever they want –“I don’t have a choice, I have to.”
6. You are either hyper-dependent (people pleaser/codependent) or hyper-independent (don’t let anyone close, prefer to do everything alone, don’t ask for help).

This is not a diagnostic list, but if these sound familiar it might be worth looking up toxic or narcissistic parents.

If you’re aware you have toxic parents, you need to be aware of the common pitfalls that parents fall into when parenting their own children.

1. Taking their child’s no as personal rejection
When we grow up in narcissistic family systems, we inevitably develop a rejection wound, that coupled with the learned understanding that a child shouldn’t say no to their parent, it’s possible that someone could see their child’s rejection of them as a personal affront rather than the child just seeking autonomy and identity. Working on the rejection wound and realising that your child is safe enough to say no to you is an amazing thing, will help you boundary your feelings and stay in your parent role and allow your child to know they are safe to be who they are.

2. Swinging too far the other way
We call this the pendulum swing. When someone is so desperate to protect their child from ever experiencing a moment of what they felt in childhood they do the complete opposite. Unfortunately this can actually have a similar outcome because if a parent who experienced coldness and shaming and ignoring in childhood becomes too involved and hovering and micro managing their child, they can create a dependency in that child, instead of an independency. They also might unintentionally make the child responsible for their feelings by subconsciously letting the child know that mummy or daddy’s happiness depends on their happiness. This in turn can create anxiety and people pleasing in a child.

3. People pleasing your child
So often someone can be so scared of their child having emotions even a touch similar to their own feelings as a child that they will sit in fear of those emotions and try and prevent them at all costs. Especially when there is neurodivergence present and the resulting meltdowns are so hard to cope with. As a result they can end up people pleasing their child in order to prevent being faced with their anger, sadness or disappointment. This isn’t helpful for the child. Children have to learn how to regulate all feelings especially difficult ones, and what they learn through being people pleased out of them is that their emotions can control their parents behaviour (and therefore other people’s too) and/or those emotions aren’t acceptable and need to be hidden to keep their parent happy.

4. Being the parent they needed when they were a child
This is the number one mistake that parents from toxic families make. They become who they needed, essentially re-parenting themselves through their own child, which is not healthy. Your child doesn’t need the parent you needed, they’re not growing up in your environment, they’re growing up in a completely different environment, and are a completely different person. They need the parent they need. Make sure you’re not projecting onto your child a set of feelings and experiences that you had, and they may not be having at all.

When you grow up in a toxic family, there are lots of conditioned beliefs around what’s ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, and it’s important to look at your family rules to understand these and choose what you do or don’t want to pass on consciously.

If you recognise yourself in any of these descriptions, first of all, try not to shame yourself. You didn’t know and it’s not your fault. Instead, it’s time to correct it by learning about it, and learning about yourself so you can be the parent you want to be, and your child needs you to be. Whilst we always suggest therapy is the best way to do this, knowing it’s not always accessible for everyone means that using other resources, such as books, podcasts, social media and any other form of learning will help you grow your knowledge, grieve your childhood, and build a better family life for your child and for you.

you're not the problemThe Sunday Times Bestseller “You’re Not the Problem” will help you recognise the language and behaviours of emotional abuse and narcissism in relationships, the immediate and long-term impact of it, practical strategies for healing and how to avoid repeating these behaviours. Buy “You’re Not The Problem” on Amazon and in all major book stores.

Nov 02
Love0
happy child

Teaching our children resilience

By Education, family, Mental health, Wellbeing
by Mrs Sarah Bakhtiari
Principal of Shoreham College

I have been a head teacher for six years, in two schools. A mother for 24 years, married for 30 and an educator for 29. When I was pregnant with my eldest daughter, I decided to do a Masters because I thought I would be bored with a newborn. The reason I reel off this list is that I couldn’t do these things without resilience (and optimism and foolishness – but they are different articles, and so I shall stick to resilience today!).

There is a buzz around resilience. I’ve been on training courses for it; read books and articles about it; been told I need more of it. The trouble is, I’m quite suspicious of the idea of resilience. The more I think about it, the more I’m reminded of a game I used to play on rainy days as a small child.

On said rainy day we would get the board games out of the cupboard and my family would all play. While it’s hard to choose a favourite, if I had to, it would be Buckaroo. The plastic donkey pressed into position before my brother and I took turns to pile all the random miscellany on its back, seeing how much the donkey could take before everything got bucked off. The moment it sprang and threw the plastic novelties all over the floor always made us jump and giggle, before we started the whole process all over again. That poor donkey never seemed to get much peace, being tested to its limit over and over. But that’s how I feel when people talk about how we should all be more resilient, as if we’re all plastic donkeys being piled upon until we snap.

Our children will encounter a myriad of challenges in their lives – everyone I’ve encountered has faced difficult times at some point. While some may have to overcome larger obstacles than others, every single person experiences struggles. Life is undeniably beautiful, yet equally tough.

How do we prepare our children to face the complexities and thrive?
When we talk about resilience, I think that what we mean is being able to face the complexities, the curved balls and the challenges of life and emerge on the other side, and I understand that, but I also think there’s more to it.

Let me illustrate. I love to swim. I’ve got into the super-trendy pastime of outdoor swimming, mostly in the sea. However, earlier this year, I visited a friend who insisted I got into the choppy North Sea. The waves didn’t look that big and I’m used to the cold, so I waded in. The first and second waves were fine and I began to relax – perhaps too much – and only when the third wave was a foot away from my face did I realise I’d misjudged it. I hadn’t widened my stance or braced myself for impact and over I went, and got a mouthful of the North Sea and a face full of shingle. I learned in that moment that resilience is also about bracing for the wave. Realising the thing that’s approaching is going to leave you a little battered, doing all you can to get ready for it and, when it’s over, all you can to recover. Life will break you at points, you can’t help that, but what you can do is be as ready as you can be for its knocks and bruises and work on healing them as quickly as possible. That’s what I hope we mean by resilience, but the trouble is, resilience seems to have become a code word for something else.

We’ve all felt it – that moment when the list starts to mount. We all like to please people, all like to help where we can. Perhaps you’ve agreed to bake for the winter fair and that on its own is fine, but then you also have to finish the last bit of work, remember to pay a bill and call your friend to wish them a happy birthday. You get jostled in the supermarket and suddenly it all becomes too much. The Buckaroo donkey can’t hold it any more and bucks. Perhaps you need to be more resilient, or perhaps it might be time to acknowledge your limits.

Resilience has transformed into a notion that implies we must endure hardships silently and soldier on. The truth is, I am vulnerable. But my vulnerability does not make me weaker (or stronger) than anyone else. True strength isn’t about bravely facing life’s pressures and forcefully overcoming obstacles as if they don’t exist. It’s about acknowledging our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Strength is honed through moments of vulnerability. While resilience portrays a triumphant figure plowing through obstacles, strength often manifests as a tearful heap – overwhelmed, exposed, yet unapologetically authentic. Resilience appears to be an individual pursuit, while strength thrives on collective support, where we can lean on one another and draw strength from those around us.

Allow me to share an analogy. My dog died last year. A much-loved family pet suddenly wasn’t there any more, and I was devastated. A time for resilience, perhaps? But I did something else. I cried and cried and cried. I cried in the departure lounge at the airport, I cried arriving at the hotel, I cried over breakfast in the morning, and at night-time. The other holiday makers were really confused. My husband and daughters didn’t try and stop me, they just acknowledged I was hurting.

I didn’t need to be more resilient; I needed to stay broken for a bit and lean on the strength of others. I found a strength that didn’t come from brushing myself off and getting on with it, but rather from feeling the pain and sitting with it for a while. And I still miss my dog, but now it’s peaceful instead of raw.

Resilience sometimes feels like we are supposed to cover up the scars, but strength allows them to be seen as if they are badges of honour, scars that made us who we are.

So, when I’m in resilience training and people are talking about how to cope with what’s going on, I can’t help but picture that Buckaroo donkey and, well, I’m not having that. Life is tough, but the stuff you do have to carry is less of a burden if you let people who care about you hold it for you, even just for a little while.

If life is the mountain, resilience is about powering up it without taking a break and pretending you aren’t out of breath and you don’t have blisters. Whereas true strength is about acknowledging you can’t take another step and asking if anyone fancies a sit down. The beauty is that when you take that precious moment to pause, you can also take a look at the path you’ve just walked up and who you’ve walked it with and be surprised by the ground you’ve covered. By admitting small defeats and looking down the mountain, you are less likely to lose sight of the bigger picture and what it took to get you there, feeling your feet on the ground and anchoring yourself.

You don’t have to be anyone’s Buckaroo donkey: you’ll only get overloaded, flip and make a mess. There’s nothing wrong in saying it’s all a bit too much.

So, what does this mean for our children and schools? Research tells us that the children who perform the best are those who can ask for help, act on it and have the strength to persevere – and not in buckaroo style, but in a collective endeavour with you, with their school and with their peers. Our children learn from us – let’s show them strength in all its forms. When your children need support, let their school know and let them work with you to put that supportive net around them and when you need support, I hope you have the people around you who will work through it with you, in whatever form you need.

Please call 01273 592681 to find out more about what Shoreham College can offer you, or to arrange a personal visit at any time of the school year. www.shorehamcollege.co.uk

 

Aug 15
Love0
piglets at a farm

Beyond the barn doors – a day in the life of a livestock worker

By Education, environment, Exercise, Family Farms, Food & Eating, Forest School, fun for children, Green, Mental health, Uncategorized
by Nicola Henderson
Godstone Farm

Amongst the hustle and bustle of a busy attraction, there’s often work behind the scenes that visitors don’t see or appreciate. Welcome to a world where hard work can indeed be fun, where the welfare of animals reigns supreme and the bond between human and animal is fascinating.

Contrary to popular belief, the life of a livestock worker is not merely about mucking out, getting muddy and driving around in a tractor. It is about forging connections – building trust with our four-legged friends and fostering an environment where they thrive. Every stroke of the brush, every scoop of feed, is an opportunity to nurture this bond, reminding us of the huge part we play in the lives of these creatures.

Let’s go down on the farm and take a look at a typical day:

7.30am: As the sun climbs overhead, and the animals are waking up, the first shift of workers arrive at the farm – this assumes it’s a ‘quiet’ time of the year, and there’s no lambing or other babies due to be born. First job of the day is to open all enclosures, cages, hutches and sheds. The animals are locked away safely at night due to the continual threat of hungry foxes.

8.30am: The hungry animals receive breakfast, fresh water and a visual check. The visual check ensures the animals are acting as they should, have no cuts or abrasions and are moving around well. This time is a chance for the animals to familiarise themselves with their care givers once again and build on previously built trust. Many of the smaller animals will be handled regularly to ensure they are comfortable should any first aid or medicine need to be administered in the future. Larger animals are handled too but often with four feet still on the ground, and with two or more workers to ensure everyone’s safety.

10am: The cleaning starts! Some animals will get a spot clean, others will be due for a full muck out – it’s not hard to guess that the smelliest of all are the pigs! Mucking out isn’t just to ensure the enclosure is clean to look at and smells fresh, it also ensures the welfare of the animals. A dirty environment can contribute towards skin conditions, foot issues and spread of infectious diseases. After removing all soiled straw, pens are disinfected, and then new bedding is laid. You’ll often see the animals return to a clean bed and have a good sniff or roll around, it’s their sign of appreciation! This time spent mucking out is another opportunity to strengthen the bond between human and animal, inquisitive characters will often want to ‘help’ and it’s not unusual to see a pig steal a broom or a pony with its head in the wheelbarrow.

As the team make their way around the farm cleaning and caring for livestock, they also need to ensure the customer facing areas of the farm are ready. Customer facing areas include those where up-close interactions happen, where a trail can be followed and where bespoke experiences take place.

11.30am: The hay run! With bags piled high with hay the tractor embarks on a journey to those harder to reach areas, the further afield fields, where sheep, cows, goats and horses graze. It’s a fun part of the job, using a vehicle to get around but it can be a challenge in wet weather when the fields get muddy.

1pm: After the wheelbarrows are emptied, the paths are swept, and the buckets are washed its finally time for lunch! This is the human’s lunch time, most animals don’t get lunch, only breakfast and dinner, unless they are on medication or have a very special diet. With such physical exertion the livestock team will enjoy a hearty lunch, often microwaving leftovers and filling up on treats bought by the management team. They are particularly partial to a donut or cupcake, and it can’t be denied that they burn off the calories!

1.30pm: It’s time to get ready for any behind the scenes experiences that day – this might be the chance for budding young farmers to work with the team, or for grown-ups to feed the meerkats. For example, if the meerkats are being fed by special visitors, then a gourmet snack will be prepared, this will be tasty grubs and worms. The visitors will get to sit inside the enclosure and feed the meerkats via tongs (just in case of any fingers that look remarkably like worms). Whilst a farm will prioritise its animals living as nature intended, in genuine habitats and won’t want all its animals to be tame, some experiences do help ensure that the animals aren’t fearful of human contact. This is especially helpful if they are taken unwell. Have you ever tried to catch a wild meerkat?!

4pm: After time spent imparting knowledge and engaging with customers, it’s back to the heavy and dirty work. Most of the animals require an evening feed. This is an opportunity for a further visual check (in depth health checks are done routinely as well) and water will be replenished. Unless it’s a particularly hot evening each animal will be put to bed after their dinner, but only once their bed has been checked for extra comfiness. Animals are kept for many reasons, but generally a lot of the animals in a farm attraction will be pets and everyone will have their favourites of course!

5-6pm: Depending on the time of year the livestock workers finish their day and head home for a well-deserved bath and rest. It all starts again tomorrow. Animals need caring for 24/7, 365 days a year so taking on a farm, smallholding or even a family pet is a decision to be well considered.

Godstone Farm enjoys welcoming customers to visit their many animals with engagement and education at its heart. The farm often recruits for roles working with the livestock team but can also offer advice for anyone lookingto keep an animal as a pet. www.godstonefarm.co.uk

Aug 12
Love0
ADHD Child

How to support your child if you think they have ADHD – what parents can do to help

By Education, Mental health, special educational needs, Special support needs, Wellbeing
by Leanne Maskell
author of ADHD an A-Z and ADHD Works at Work

With years long waiting lists for NHS assessments, and an overload of information online, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed if you think your child has ADHD.

From confusion around the pros and cons of ‘labelling your child’, to untangling advocacy and ensuring they can access the support they need, it can be very stressful for parents, let alone the children they’re trying to help.

However, a formal diagnosis isn’t necessary – if you think your child has ADHD, this a great first step in being able to ‘name it to tame it’.

Here’s what else may be helpful:
1. Learn about ADHD
Research into ADHD has improved significantly over the last few years, showing how it’s not just for ‘naughty little boys’. It can be extremely helpful for parents to learn about the 30% developmental delay in executive functioning skills, such as self-awareness, impulsivity, and emotional regulation, enabling them to better understand their children through an ADHD lens.

Education provides empowerment and context. Instead of thinking a child isn’t trying, understanding ADHD can help you to see how they’re doing their best – and how to help them.

Learning about ADHD from credible sources such as books like ADHD: an A to Z can provide an overview of how this may impact your child, such as sleep, mental health, and organisation.

2. Talk to your child
Your child is the expert in themselves! Consider the reasons why you think they may have ADHD, and have an open conversation with them about this, depending on their age.

It can help to discuss challenges and strengths in a curious, collaborative, and compassionate way. Explaining that you’ve noticed some challenges and concepts like neurodiversity in accessible language can be very helpful for children’s self-esteem and sense of personal responsibility.

ADHD isn’t an excuse, but it can explain things. It’s important to involve your child in decisions affecting them, such as around diagnosis or medication.

3. Understand your options
Only a qualified medical professional can formally diagnose ADHD, and waiting lists can be very long, but it’s always worth speaking to your GP about any challenges to understand your options.

You have a legal ‘Right To Choose’ the NHS assessor your child is referred to, and providers such as Psychiatry UK operate online, and offer significantly reduced waiting times.

It’s especially important to understand shared care agreements if you’re considering a private assessment (which can be very expensive).

It’s also important to talk to your child’s school. An Education, Health, and Care Plan (EHCP) can formalise the funding and provision of tailored help such as special educational support. Your child does not need a formal diagnosis to apply.

Even without an EHCP, schools can still offer support. As ADHD can be a disability, organisations may have a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments under the Equality Act 2010, regardless of a formal diagnosis.

Finally, your child may also qualify for Disability Living Allowance, even without a diagnosis. This is financial support based on the support your child needs in terms of care and mobility.

4. Tailor your child’s environment
Children with ADHD will thrive with predictable structure and routine. Establishing clear expectations and providing positive reinforcement can be very helpful – children with ADHD have been found to receive 20,000 more negative comments than their peers by age 12!

Breaking tasks into manageable steps, limiting distractions and encouraging physical activity can support concentration. Adopting a coaching approach can help your child to take responsibility for the strategies that help them to thrive.

It’s important to provide reassurance and psychological safety, as children with ADHD may be more likely to experience mental health challenges. Having ongoing conversations about their wellbeing can help to resolve challenges early, building their confidence in knowing that they are supported.

5. Seek support
Being a parent can be very difficult, let alone one trying to understand ADHD and provide the best support possible!

Remember that you’re already doing a brilliant job, and ensure you look after your own wellbeing, such as with therapy. You can’t give from an empty cup!

Parents with ADHD may find it very helpful to connect with one another, such as within a support group. Seeking out ADHD coaching for yourself can also really help with establishing strategies to help you and your child thrive with ADHD.

Although it’s tempting to want to provide all of this support to your child above yourself, if they’re not enthusiastic, it’s unlikely to be as effective as it would be with you!

You are simply doing your best with what you have available to you, and a supportive, loving parent will always be the best medicine. ADHD is lifelong – you hADHD logoave time to figure it out together!

Leanne Maskell is an ADHD Coach, Director of ADHD Works and author of ADHD an A-Z and ADHD Works at Work

Aug 12
Love0
school early year's play

The importance of play in Early Years education

By Early Years, Education, fun for children, Mental health, play, Playing
by Ivana Colvin
Little Chicks Teacher, Chinthurst School Nursery

As parents and educators, we often find ourselves caught up in the whirlwind of schedules, milestones and academic expectations for our little ones. In the pursuit of ensuring a bright future for our children, we might unintentionally overlook one of the most powerful tools at our disposal – play.

In the UK, the Early Years education system places a strong emphasis on the importance of play-based learning. In the best Early Years settings, play should not be considered a break from structured activities, rather it should be at the centre of fostering development, curiosity and a lifelong love for learning. At home, play is vital too, supporting your child’s growth, health and happiness.

One of the greatest gifts of play is its ability to nurture social skills. In the classroom and on the school playground, children learn to navigate social interactions, share, co-operate and challenge with their peers. These skills form the bedrock of healthy relationships and contribute to a positive learning environment. At home, family playtime is an ideal way to reinforce these social skills in a more intimate setting. Board games, collaborative projects and shared activities provide opportunities for your child to practice communication and teamwork with siblings and parents.

The Early Years curriculum also recognises the importance of nurturing creativity, and play is the perfect gateway to unlocking the boundless imagination which exists within each child. Creative activities embedded in the curriculum allow children to explore various forms of expression, from art and music to storytelling and drama. At home, opportunities for creative play are endless. Simple activities like drawing, crafting and storytelling stimulate a child’s imagination and encourage them to think outside the box. By embracing creativity in play, we cultivate a mindset that values innovation and problem-solving, vital skills for future learning.

In an age dominated by screens, finding a balance between technology and real-world play is crucial. The Early Years curriculum acknowledges the role of technology but emphasises that it should complement, not replace, hands-on, interactive play. Both at school and at home, we should strive to create an environment where technology is used as a tool to enhance learning rather than as a substitute for real-world experiences. By setting limits on screen time and actively engaging in screen-free play, we can foster a healthy relationship with technology from an early age.

Play also offers a safe space for children to express and regulate their emotions. Whether engaging in pretend play or co-operative games, children learn to manage their feelings and develop resilience in navigating various social situations. This emotional regulation is a vital part of their healthy growth and development, laying the groundwork for a successful and happy life at school and beyond.

As we reflect on the importance of play, both at school and at home, it is important to recognise the symbiotic relationship that exists between these two environments. By focusing on play, parents and Early Years practitioners hold the key to unlocking a child’s full potential.

It is through play that children not only discover the world around them but also uncover the limitless possibilities within themselves. Play strengthens the bond between parents and children and helps to build close relationships between a child and their teacher. Through shared play experiences, parents and teachers can connect with their children, provide support and guidance, and create lasting memories together.

In the midst of laughter and games, the foundations for a future defined by curiosity, resilience and a love for learning are built. So, the next time you find your living room transformed into a magical kingdom or a construction site, embrace the chaos and join in the play! In those moments of shared joy, you’re not just playing – you are actively participating in the profound process of shaping a brighter, more vibrant future for your child.

Chinthurst is an independent school and nursery based in Tadworth, close to Epsom, Banstead, Kingswood and Reigate. It is a junior school of Reigate Grammar School. www.chinthurstschool.co.uk

Jul 20
Love0
children's mental health

Supporting your child’s mental health

By Childcare and Nannying, Education, Health, Mental health

In the hustle and bustle of raising children, it’s essential to pause and consider their mental wellbeing. Just as we care for their physical health, we must also consider their mental and emotional development.

Childcare experts at Busy Bees have been supporting parents with children’s mental health for over 40 years. Here we’ll explore some practical insights and strategies to help you navigate ways of supporting your child’s mental health.

From recognising signs of emotional wellbeing to implementing effective support mechanisms, our goal is to help families by empowering them with valuable knowledge.

Understanding children’s mental health and emotions
Mastering the skill of regulating emotions can pose challenges for children. Every day they are navigating a whole host of new experiences and situations, and learning to respond and interpret these can be overwhelming. In many cases, it can lead to emotional reactions that they haven’t yet learned to understand.

‘Be Calm’ activities are designed for you to use with your child to support them in learning how to manage strong feelings and emotions. What is most important for children to understand is that their voice matters and with this, any emotions they are feeling are something you can support them with.

‘Be calm’ techniques

Be calm and breathe
These experiences focus on breathing, using breathwork and imagination to reduce feelings of upset, worry or anxiety.

One approach is the ‘Beach Breathing’ technique. Ask your child to close their eyes and imagine they are sitting on a warm, sandy beach. While doing so, invite them to breathe deeply through their nose and then out through their mouth, imagining that their breath is the waves rolling onto the shore. You can support what they are imagining by describing what you can see and hear on your own beach.

Be calm and active
These experiences focus on movement, using parts of their body and experiences to re-direct emotions.

An approach we suggest is a clap it out or stamp it out technique. If they’re feeling strong emotions, encourage your child to clap as fast as they can for 10 seconds. When the time is up, put your hands out in front of you and ask them if they can feel their fingers tingling. Or you could ask your child to stamp their feet as quickly as they can for 10 seconds and ask them what their feet feel like when they’ve stopped.

Be calm and positive
These experiences focus on supporting children’s self-esteem.

My weather report is a method to encourage children to think about how they are feeling today and liken it to the weather, for example, they might be feeling sunny, stormy, calm, or bright.

This technique allows you to explain that even though we can’t change the weather, just as we can’t always change how we are feeling, we can make sure we notice it and understand why, which is important. Sharing how we are feeling with others can make us feel better if we are unhappy or worried.

We have many other methods or experiences you can use with your child to understand their emotional wellbeing and to help educate them about how to manage their emotions.

Other ways to support children’s mental health
As parents, there are many ways you can support your child’s mental health. NHS guidance provides some other examples of techniques to help, which support the notion that we feel strongly about – that every voice matters.

These include:
• Listening to their feelings.
• Staying involved in their interests.
• Taking what they say seriously.
• Supporting them through difficulties.
• Encouraging their interests.
• Building positive routines.

For further information please visit www.busybeeschildcare.co.uk/blog/mental-health

Jul 15
Love0
nursery child

The right nursery for your child

By Childcare and Nannying, Early Years, Mental health, Relationships
by Jo Allen
Dukes Education Group Ltd

As a parent, selecting the right nursery for your child can be a daunting task. With numerous options available, it’s essential to consider various factors to ensure you make the best choice for your little one. Throughout Sussex, parents have a wealth of options when it comes to nurseries. Here’s a comprehensive guide on the key aspects to consider when choosing the right option for your child.

1. Location
The first thing to consider is the location of the nursery. Opting for a nursery that is conveniently located near your home or workplace can make drop-offs and pick ups much easier. It’s also beneficial for your child to attend a nursery within close proximity, as they will feel more familiar with the surrounding area.

2. Reputation and accreditation
Research the reputation of the nursery you’re considering. Look for accreditations such as OFSTED (Office for Standards in Education, Children’s Services and Skills) ratings, which indicate the quality of care and education provided. Additionally, seek recommendations from other parents or online reviews to gain insights into the nursery’s reputation and track record. www.daynurseries.co.uk provide excellent search functionality to be able to narrow down the criteria of the nursery you are looking for, as well as view parent reviews on all aspects of the setting. Google and Facebook reviews are also a great place to start to get a feel for how families see the nursery.

3. Curriculum and learning approach
Explore the nursery’s curriculum and learning approach, to ensure it aligns with your values and expectations. Consider whether the nursery offers a structured learning programme, promotes play-based learning, or focuses on specific educational philosophies such as Montessori or Reggio Emilia. A well-rounded curriculum that caters to both academic and social development is ideal for nurturing young minds.

4. Facilities and resources
Visit the nursery to assess its facilities and resources. Look for clean, safe and stimulating environments that are conducive to learning and exploration. Check if the nursery has age-appropriate toys, books, outdoor play areas and educational materials that cater to your child’s developmental needs.

5. Staff qualifications and ratio
The qualifications and experience of nursery staff play a crucial role in your child’s care and development. Enquire about the staff-to-child ratio to ensure that each child receives adequate attention and supervision. Qualified and compassionate educators who are passionate about early childhood education can significantly impact your child’s learning journey.

6. Inclusivity and diversity
Choose a nursery that celebrates diversity and promotes inclusivity. Look for settings that embrace children from various cultural backgrounds, abilities and family structures. A diverse environment fosters tolerance, empathy and respect, providing valuable learning experiences for children as they interact with peers from different backgrounds.

7. Health and safety measures
Ensure that the nursery adheres to strict health and safety protocols to safeguard your child’s wellbeing. Enquire about policies regarding hygiene, illness management, emergency procedures and security measures. A reputable nursery prioritises the health and safety of its children and implements measures to prevent accidents and illnesses.

8. Communication and parental involvement
Effective communication between the nursery and parents is essential for maintaining a supportive partnership in your child’s early years. Find out how the nursery communicates with parents regarding their child’s progress, daily activities and upcoming events. Look for opportunities for parental involvement, such as parent-teacher meetings, workshops and volunteering opportunities.

9. Flexibility and additional services
Consider the nursery’s flexibility in terms of scheduling options, fees and additional services. Some nurseries offer extended hours, holiday care and extracurricular activities, providing convenience for working parents. Evaluate the cost of tuition, registration fees and any additional charges to ensure they fit within your budget.

10. Gut feeling and child’s comfort
Ultimately, trust your instincts and observe how your child responds to the nursery environment during visits or trial sessions. Pay attention to their comfort level, interactions with staff and peers and overall demeanor. A nurturing and supportive atmosphere where your child feels happy, safe and engaged is paramount in selecting the perfect nursery.

Choosing a nursery is a significant decision that requires careful consideration and research. By evaluating factors such as location, reputation, curriculum, facilities, staff qualifications, inclusivity, health and safety measures, communication, flexibility and your child’s comfort, you can make an informed choice that sets the foundation for your child’s early education in what are the most crucial years of their lives for development, building confidence and setting them up for their futures.

To discuss opportunities at our nurseries in Sussex and to book a tour, please contact your chosen setting directly. For Reflections Nursery and Forest School in Worthing, call 01903 251518 or visit www.reflectionsnurseries.co.uk. For Hove Village nurseries in Brighton and Hove, call 01273 037449 or visit www.hovevillage.com

Jul 10
Love0
Dads and family life

The essential role dads play in family life today

By family, fun for children, Mental health, play, Relationships

by Giles Alexander
Fatherhood Expert

 

Throughout history, for literally thousands of years, the principal role of a father has been to provide. But times have well and truly changed. Dads today are more actively involved in every element of raising our children and supporting our partners through pregnancy, birth and parenthood than any generation that’s come before.

Long gone are the days when expectant fathers would spend the whole birth sitting in the waiting room smoking cigars. No longer do we stroll through the front door at the end of the working day expecting the kids in bed and dinner on the table. Providing for your family in this day and age means so much more than merely bringing home the bacon.

As any working dad will tell you, being a father has never been more of a full-time job, and one that extends well beyond the traditional 9-5. Our job doesn’t stop once the monthly rent/mortgage/gas bills have been paid. Our working day doesn’t end when our paid employment finishes and we head home. Bath time, nappy changing, weaning, potty training, cooking, cleaning and emotional support are all fundamental parts of the job description.

More than ever, men today appreciate that being a dad is one of the most important jobs there is. An opportunity to build a family and shape a whole new life. To pass on our values and everything we’ve learnt to another human being, to change misconceptions and outdated stereotypes. And, ultimately, we all hope, leave a positive mark on the world. Because, beyond gestation and lactation, there really are no limits to what modern dads can do.

But this is only part of the story. To be really good parents, we need to be supportive partners too.

Because modern parenting is hard work. It used to be said that it takes a village to raise a child. And back in the day, that’s exactly how it was. New parents had so much more child rearing support from family, neighbours and the wider community than we do now. It was also much more feasible to live off one salary and still afford regular childcare, buy a house, pay the bills and buy groceries.

But the reality is that incomes today don’t cover what they used to, while societal expectations on new parents (especially new mums) are greater than they’ve ever been. Not only is the parenting role itself bigger, but more of the invisible, unpaid tasks associated with raising a family and modern life fall on new parents to complete themselves, with the so-called ‘village’ nowhere to be seen.

Given that gender inequality at work is still commonplace, this still too often leads to the bulk of the parenting and domestic load being heavily biased against women, who end up taking on the lion’s share. As modern fathers, we shouldn’t just accept this as the status quo.

It’s unreasonable to expect the weight of parental responsibility to land solely on a mother’s shoulders. Add to this all the other daily tasks we all need to complete just to get through the day – the laundry, shopping, cleaning, cooking and general life admin – and it’s even more unrealistic to expect one person to do it all alone. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day.

Of course, we all come into fatherhood with different life experiences, jobs, financial situations and support networks, which each have a massive impact on how well we can fulfil our new parenting role. And there is no such thing as the perfect dad, with each of us doing it the best we can, in our own unique way.

But no matter our personal situation, every one of us can choose to be a hands-on dad. A man who knows his stuff, rolls up his sleeves, does his fair share at home, and never shies away from his fatherly duties. Who appreciates his partner and the sacrifices they make. Who chooses to see parenting as a 50:50 partnership between two equals. And sets a positive example, both for his kids and for every new dad that comes after him, by showing them what’s possible.

It isn’t easy. Anything worth doing rarely is. The hours are long, the pay is terrible, and you spend most of your time working with someone who doesn’t speak your language, needs feeding 8-15 times a day, and relies on you to wipe their bum! But, like all jobs, the more you put into it, the more you get out of it. And the rewards – well, they really are huge and will last a lifetime.

Giles Alexander is a hands-on dad of three and author of new parenting book You the Daddy: The Hands-On Dad’s Guide to Fatherhood. Find out more at

www.youthedaddy.co.uk

you the daddy
Jul 10
Love0
active fun for kids

The importance of children being active and socialising throughout the school holidays

By Education, environment, Exercise, fun for children, Green, Mental health, Playing, Relationships, Sport
by Debbie Webb
Founder of Activ8 For Kids

The school holidays can be a time for fun and relaxation, but it’s also important to keep children engaged and active during this time. School holidays are always an exciting time for children, but it can be a challenging time for parents who still need to work. This is where holiday clubs often come in, providing children with a safe, fun environment. There are a wide range of holiday clubs available depending on the interests of the children, but with the rising cost of living, parents may wonder whether the cost of the holiday clubs are worth it and whether trying to entertain them at home is a better option. So what do we want our children to be doing during the school holidays, what will help them to develop and grow as individuals and help them later in life?

As much as your child may push against routines, children actually thrive in a routine. It gives them a sense of purpose, clear expectations and a structure to their day. Routines can help their self-esteem and ensure they feel less anxious and more comfortable. Lie-ins, chilled time in front of the TV, playing computer games and having days out are all great and bring a range of benefits, but it is also important to build in time to be active and have opportunities to socialise with others regularly.

Current recommendations from the government are for children to take part in at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous activity a day. This means their heart rate should increase, they should be out of breath and feel hot after the activity. Physical activity is essential for maintaining good health, strengthening muscles and bones, enhancing motor skills and can prevent obesity and related health problems. Ensuring your child is active every day and recognises the benefits it brings (both physically and mentally), can cultivate a lifelong habit of exercise and a healthy lifestyle. As well as keeping them healthy, being active brings so many more benefits:
• Allows children to burn off excess energy; remember school is very tiring and during the holidays they need alternative ways to channel that energy.
• Boosts confidence and promotes social skills.
• Develops and improves their fundamental movement skills of balance, co-ordination and agility.
• Improves mental wellbeing and makes them feel good about themselves. Exercise can improve their mood, enable them to experience a sense of accomplishment and can also stimulate the release of endorphins, which are natural mood boosters.
• Contributes to better sleep.
• Increases self-esteem and helps to reduce stress and anxiety.
• Physical activity stimulates brain function and enhances cognitive abilities. Studies have shown that active children perform better academically and have improved attention spans. During school holidays, engaging in physical activities like sports, outdoor games or even activities that involve problem solving and critical thinking can contribute to their cognitive development.
• Engaging in different activities and exploring new places fosters creativity, stimulates imagination and curiosity and also problem solving skills.

Children who get to be active everyday alongside other children will also benefit in all the following ways:
• Develop new skills.
• Develop team work and leadership skills.
• Make new friends.
• Develop independence.
• Develop their social interaction skills.
• Learn how to transfer skills across activities.

Socialising with others during school holidays is crucial for children’s social development. It provides opportunities for them to practise communication, co-operation, teamwork and conflict resolution. Participating in group activities and interacting with others helps children build friendships, develop empathy and understand diverse perspectives.

Overall, children being active and socialising during school holidays is essential for their physical health, mental wellbeing, cognitive development, social skills and creativity. Parents, carers and communities should provide opportunities and support for children to engage in a variety of activities that promote physical activity.

Debbie Webb is a qualified teacher and sports coach. She runs Activ8 For Kids and has developed programmes of activity for the different ages and stages between two and sixteen years old based on the fundamental movement skills. Visit www.activ8forkids.co.uk for more information.

 

 

Jul 08
Love0
girl canopy

Outdoor learning gives you superpowers!

By Education, environment, Forest School, Green, Mental health, Nature, Playing, Wellbeing
by Caroline Oglethorpe
Head of Nursery and Pre-Prep, Westbourne House School

Some of my happiest moments are spent outdoors, observing the beauty of nature and having adventures, and clearly children enjoy playing outside too. However, have you ever wondered how learning outdoors actually works in nurseries and schools? Early Years teachers (looking after children under five) observe significant and positive changes in children when time outdoors is used for high quality learning. So how do nurseries create these opportunities? What does outdoor learning look like? And can it really give children superpowers? Here are four reasons it can.

Taking risks!
It can feel counterintuitive to talk about wanting young children to take risks. However, it is now widely recognised that a risk-averse culture undermines children’s confidence and learning. Take the example of a nursery or school with a climbing stack for its Early Years pupils. This provides an exciting culture of risk and challenge for these young learners. For children who are not used to taking risks, the chance to climb gives them the opportunity to develop this key skill. Teachers witness the children challenging themselves, setting their own goals, succeeding and becoming more confident and motivated in doing so. This risk-taking attitude transfers to other areas of physical and intellectual learning. For example, new-found confidence outside leads to an open-minded approach to learning new phonic sounds in the classroom.

Climbing boosts handwriting
monkey puzzle The ability to write is an essential skill to learn and a tool for life. It is interesting to understand that developing children’s upper body strength is essential to help them control their hands and fingers. This is because there is a strength domino effect which starts at the top: once children can control the large muscle groups of the shoulder, upper back and core, they are able to exert more control on their upper and lower arm, which in turn enables them to control their hand well, before finally achieving fine motor control in the fingers. By climbing, pulling themselves up and hanging down, the muscles in the shoulder are well exercised and this has huge benefits for handwriting and, as they grow older, handwriting at speed.

Playdates with nature
It is easy to overlook the way our brain works and our cognitive abilities are all part of how the body functions and yet we all know how hard it is to concentrate when you are hungry, angry or both! The mind-body connection is incredibly important. Children benefit enormously from being in nature and we see calmer, happier children after they have spent time outdoors. Studies show that being in nature reduces cortisol, and therefore tension, heart rate and blood pressure, and increases a sense of wellbeing. Plus children can follow their curiosity freely and explore, enjoy and question nature along the way, boosting inquisitiveness and creativity on a daily basis.

The environment as the ‘third teacher’
Some schools and nurseries embrace the environment, inside and out, as the ‘third teacher’. What exactly do we mean by this? It is a way of seeing the possibilities of a well-thought-out environment, an environment that enables children to direct their own learning. It is about children exploring, using their natural desire to discover things for themselves, rather than having a fixed outcome from an activity.

A natural environment is obviously important and creates learning opportunities in itself. However, you can enhance the outdoor spaces further, changing them into dynamic arenas for enquiry-led learning, fostering skills such as creativity, collaboration, higher-order thinking and promoting a strong sense of self. For example:
• A climbing stack builds upper body strength and helps children to take risks.
• A den building area encourages children to develop their relationships and gain confidence in problem-solving.
• A water wall builds problem-solving and analysing skills, as well as enhancing mathematical and scientific concepts and vocabulary.
• A ‘mud kitchen’ area creates opportunities for sensory play, and the chance to apply skills which have been introduced in direct teaching time.
• A stage and music area allows children to hone their performance skills, and ensures that music and performance is accessible to everyone, all the time.

Superpowers?
So, what overall benefits do we see when outdoor learning is working well in a nursery or school? Children are more independent in their play and don’t ask what should they do. The style of play is elevated with all children better engaged. We see improved communication and negotiation. The children are more open-minded and curious in their approach to learning. The play flows seamlessly and is more creative. The children take more risks and are more resilient. They look out for one another. They problem solve and collaborate.

These are all essential life skills, learnt through outdoor and fun-filled exploration. The icing on the cake? The children’s confidence soars. Now that’s how outdoor learning gives you superpowers!

To discover more about the remarkable education at Westbourne House School Nursery & Pre-Prep, book a tour or come to our next open morning.
Please call 01243 782739 or visit www.westbournehouse.org/visit

Close Menu