Health Archives - ABC Magazine

Mar 21

Five survival tips for an ADHD parent

By Iain Boyle Mental health, Relationships, special educational needs

by Alex Partridge author and host of the ADHD Chatter podcast

As someone with ADHD, I know it enables me to do amazing things, but I also know it also holds me back in some areas. If you’re a neurodiverse parent, parenting forces you into those areas where ADHDers often struggle, such as organisation, planning and consistency.

With this in mind, here are five tips that I’ve put together with help from other ADHD mums and dads to help you survive the amazing, wonderful, challenging roller-coaster that is parenting.

1. Make sure your ADHD is well-managed
Having a baby to care for means the scaffolding we ADHDers put around us to keep stable can be in danger of becoming wobbly. You may need to add reinforcements, such as hiring a cleaner so you don’t have to think about housework as well as a baby.

You may also need to make adjustments to your daily routine so you can remain by your baby’s side. Instead of jogging outside, for example, you could exercise inside with the help of a YouTube video. If meditation is something you use to keep yourself stable, you may need to do it during the unpredictable moments of silence throughout the day, rather than your usual set time.

2. Protect your slots
Parenting author Kirsti Hadley shared a brilliant analogy with me, where you imagine that all humans have a cognitive load consisting of five slots. When we encounter something that puts a demand on us, one of the slots gets filled.

A neurotypical parent’s slots will fill up with demands such as: I need to change my baby’s nappy, I need to prepare my baby’s food, I need to give my baby some medication, I need to buy my baby new shoes or let’s plan a nice weekend trip away with my baby.

However, a neurodivergent parent’s slots will fill up with demands or questions such as: My baby’s screams are over-stimulating me, I need to remember the travel directions to the nursery, where did I put my car keys?, what will the other parents think of me? or I haven’t drunk any water today. Our slots get filled up much quicker because a lot of the demands that come with parenting are high ‘executive function’ demands.

The early stages of parenting put a lot of extra demand on our brains so it’s vital we protect our slots, especially in the early days. To do this, I’d advise asking for help – this automatically doubles your available slots! I’d also suggest prioritising social encounters that matter to you and declining ones that don’t.

3. Establish a structure
The word ‘routine’ sends a shiver down my spine, but it’s important to try to establish a structure that works for you. Use any quiet time in the evenings to plan the next day. What will your child be wearing? Where will they need to go?

An ADHD brain comes alive as the day progresses. Take advantage of your ‘evening’ brain by using it to plan the morning activities. There will also be fewer demands on you in the evening as the world is winding down, so there’s less chance of you being interrupted.

4. Don’t feel ashamed of screens
There’s a lot of shame surrounding children’s use of screens for entertainment, especially on social media, but it’s especially important for neurodivergent parents to ignore this narrative.

Back when we lived in tribes in small villages, parents had help looking after their children. These days, a lot of parents are left alone to do the job, so we should never feel guilty about using modern technology to help us create our own village. Having a moment to recharge your cognitive batteries will be beneficial to you, your mental health and your child.

5. Find time for you
This is important for every parent, but especially for neurodiverse ones. To help do this, use the anagram WEBS: W: Walk (go for a walk). E: Early morning routine (create a morning routine that includes solitude). B: Baths (have a hot bath in the evening). S: Stretch (incorporate stretching in your day when possible).

Every part of WEBS can be as big or as little as your time allows. A walk could be as simply as pacing the length of your kitchen a couple of times. A stretch could simply involve making the movement of picking something up from the floor more intentional.

It’s the intention that really matters, and that is to create a moment, no matter how small, where you can focus on nothing but the moment and relax. These little moments are really important because they provide a pause between the demands of parenthood and therefore help to minimise any overwhelming feelings.

What all these tips have in common is creating a parenting structure that works for you and your child, which doesn’t have to be one that follows conventional norms. When we stop thinking the ‘traditional’ way is the right way, we can begin to make simple accommodations within our neurodiverse households that will make for a happier environment – and much happier parents and children.

Alex Partridge is the founder of LADBible and UNILAD and the host of the ADHD Chatter podcast. His book Now It All Makes Sense: How An ADHD Diagnosis Brought Clarity To My Life is out now, published by Sheldon Press, priced £16.99.

Mar 19

Love0

Five tips to help your child feel heard

By Iain Boyle Childcare and Nannying, Early Years, Language, Mental health

by Dr Naveen Puri
Medical Director, Bupa UK

1. Listen actively
It’s easy to overlook your children’s problems, especially when you’re busy or having a tough day. However, it’s important for them to know you’re ready to listen. Make sure to listen to your child without interrupting. Show that you value their thoughts by giving them your full attention, maintain eye contact, nod and respond to show you’re engaged.

This will help build trust and reassure them to share their feelings and challenges with you as they grow up.

2. Create a safe space
Look for chances to talk together. Sometimes, having a face-to-face conversation can be tough, so chatting while on a walk or during a car ride can make it easier as you’re not facing each other.

Remind them regularly that they can talk to you about anything, no matter how difficult, and that you won’t judge or blame them. Your child may not be ready to discuss something right away, so let them know you’re there to listen whenever they feel ready.

3. Look for clues in their play
When children become upset or stressed, they may show their feelings through play rather than words. For example, if your child is play fighting with their toys, don’t be afraid to call it out in a non-judgemental way, by saying things such as “There seems to be a lot of fighting today” or “That looks pretty scary”. This can encourage them to talk about what’s bothering them.

Don’t be discouraged if this doesn’t start a conversation. Having you around may help them feel more comfortable and make it easier for them to share their problems when they feel ready.

4. Use simple language
Talking about different feelings with your child is helpful for their emotional development. By using simple language, you can help them understand and express their emotions better.

Here are a few things to consider:
• Use clear emotion words
Stick to basic words like ’happy’, ‘sad’, ‘cross’ and ‘worried’. This helps your child easily identify and relate to their feelings.
• Label their emotions
When you notice your child expressing an emotion, it can be useful to help label it for them. For example, if they appear to be upset or crying, say, “You look sad”. This shows them that you understand what they are feeling and helps them learn to recognise their emotions.
• Encourage open questions
Ask open-ended questions that prompt your child to share their feelings. Instead of asking “Did you have a good day?” try, “What made you happy today?” This encourages them to think about their emotions and express themselves more fully.
• Share your own feelings
Healthily show your child that you feel emotions too. For example, say, “I felt worried this morning when I couldn’t find my car keys as I didn’t want you to be late for school.” This normalises talking about emotions and reinforces that it’s OK to be open about your feelings.

5. Acknowledge your child’s feelings
Even if you don’t fully understand what they’re going through, it’s essential to validate your child’s emotions and support their development. Here’s how and why this is beneficial:
• Recognising complex emotions
Experiencing a wide range of emotions can be overwhelming for your child. Whether it’s frustration over a difficult homework assignment or sadness after a disagreeing with a friend, try to recognise these feeling and help them understand that it’s OK to feel them. Reassure them by saying things like, “I see that you’re feeling upset about this” to show them that their feelings are valid and worthy of attention.
• Normalising emotions
Letting your child know that it’s normal to have different emotions helps them feel less alone. They may worry that their feelings are unusual or that they shouldn’t feel a certain way. Validate all their emotions by letting them know it’s OK to feel whatever they’re feeling, and that everyone has a range of emotions. This can reduce anxiety about their feelings and encourage them to express themselves more freely.
• Building trust and respect
Acknowledging and respecting your child’s behaviour helps them to learn that you take their feelings seriously. For example, saying something like, “I understand why you’re feeling this way, it makes sense”, reinforces that you value their views and what could be troubling them. This can help strengthen the bond between you both.

It’s also important to take a moment for yourself and reflect on your own feelings. Make time for activities you enjoy, spend quality moments with your child and keep a positive outlook. If things become difficult for you to cope with, remember to stay connected to people you trust. You may find it easier to speak to a health professional if you find it difficult to open up to those close to you.

For further information from Dr Naveen Puri, Bupa Medical Director please visit www.bupa.co.uk/health-information/health-blog/author-profile/m-p/naveen-puri

Mar 18

Love0

Demystifying male infertility

By Iain Boyle family, Health, prenancy, Relationships

by Professor Geeta Nargund
Medical Director abc IVF

Infertility is still widely thought of as a female issue. Yet our research revealed that the male biological clock has a more prominent role in the outcome of IVF treatment than was initially thought. Why is male infertility less understood and what should men and couples be aware of when considering starting a family?

Media stories of older fathers have helped to perpetuate the myth that men do not have a biological clock – but celebrities like Robert De Niro and Al Pacino are the exception to the rule. It is important that men are educated about the impact of their age on their fertility so that couples can make informed decisions about when they want to start a family.

The impact of paternal age
The facts are clear: paternal age impacts the outcome of IVF treatment. For women aged between 35 and 40 with a male partner aged 40 and over there was a steep decline in the live birth rate. To be precise, the live birth rate dropped from 32.8% where the father was under 35 to 27.9% where the father was aged between 40 and 44. The most dramatic decline in the live birth rate was to 25%, in cases where the father’s age was over 55. This can be attributed to both the quality and quantity of a man’s sperm decreasing with age.

Increased paternal age can also lead to a higher risk of miscarriage. The rate of miscarriage is twice as high for women with male partners over 45 years old compared to women with male partners under the age of 25.

Paternal age did not have the same impact on women under the age of 35 or over the age of 40 conceiving. This is because the eggs of younger women are better able to repair the higher incidence of DNA damage that are often found in the sperm of older males.

In addition to affecting conception, paternal age can have an impact on the couples’ children as well. The offspring of men who are over 45 are five times more likely to have an autism spectrum disorder; five times more likely to have mental health problems; and thirteen times more likely to have an ADHD diagnosis.

For a long time, a woman’s age and fertility have been assumed to be the only determining factor in the outcome of fertility treatment. This research disproves that myth by revealing that men too have a biological clock.

It is now time couples were better informed about the impact of the male biological clock on their fertility. This is why I have campaigned for a national curriculum that promotes fertility education and is committed to empowering young people with the knowledge they need to make informed decisions about their future.

Optimising your fertility health
So, what are the options for men looking to boost their fertility levels? Well, there are a variety of things that can be done, but the most important rule to remember is that your general health and fertility health go hand in hand – so it’s best all round to aim for a healthy lifestyle.

This will include cutting down on alcohol and quitting smoking as well as eating a healthy, varied diet. I would also recommend exercise which is helpful for lowering stress levels and keeping within a healthy BMI range.

Reasons for male infertility
We’ve established that exercising and cutting vices such as alcohol and cigarettes can improve fertility. The logic follows that the inverse (excessive drinking and a no exercise) can increase the risk of infertility.

However, there are also genetic and medical conditions which can contribute to infertility that men need to be aware of. For example, varicoceles (prominent veins); blockage of the ejaculatory ducts; undescended testis and testicular tumours can all contribute to infertility. Additionally, whilst this condition is much rarer – impacting 1% of the male population – extreme cases of azoospermia result in seminal fluid which contains no sperm at all.

Furthermore, sexually transmitted infections and underactive thyroids can increase the risk of infertility in men and women alike.

When to seek medical help
It is time to speak to a doctor if the couple have been trying to conceive for six months and if the female partner is over 35 and the male partner is over 40. Similarly, if both partners are under 35 and have been trying to conceive for 12 months, they should also seek medical advice. This will allow the couple to explore the available fertility tests and treatments, if that’s a path they wish to pursue.

Knowledge is power
Whilst the prospect of male infertility and a male biological clock may sound daunting, an awareness of these issues is crucial in allowing men to make informed decisions about their fertility health. One approach is to have a national curriculum which highlights infertility prevention, arming the next generation with knowledge and destigmatising the topic of male infertility.

Professor Geeta Nargund, Senior NHS Consultant and Founder and Medical Director of abc IVF and CREATE Fertility. For further information please visit www.abcivf.co.uk or www.createfertility.co.uk

Mar 15

Love0

Thousands of lonely children turn to Childline for help and support

By Iain Boyle Childcare and Nannying, Mental health, Relationships, Wellbeing

In 2023/24 the NSPCC service delivered almost 5,000 counselling sessions related to the issue, both online and over the phone from one of their 13 bases around the country. Concerningly, loneliness was given as one of the main reasons for young people calling Childline about problems with their mental health.

Reasons children and young people have cited for feeling lonely in the last year include moving house or school and having to make new friends, their parents working long hours, being bullied by peers,and seeing their friends having fun on social media and feeling as though they are missing out.

One 16-year-old girl said to Childline: “I feel so lonely all the time, I end up crying and trying to sleep until the feeling goes away. I’ve tried to help myself, but nothing worked. I feel like I’ve been this way forever, I need this to change.”

The charity is revealing these figures to remind children and young people that they are not alone with Childline ready to provide help and support 24/7.

One girl aged 11, from Scotland, told Childline: “I feel so lonely at school, I only really have one friend. What’s harder though is I feel I can’t talk about how much it upsets me. My parents seem annoyed or judgemental when I try to talk about my feelings. Speaking to Childline feels like a weight has been lifted.”

To support young people who may be dealing with loneliness, the NSPCC also offers an online service called Building Connections.

This service, available to anyone up to the age of 19, matches young people with a trained befriender for 11 weeks who will help them to build their confidence and better manage their loneliness.

To refer a child to the online Building Connections service visit: https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/services/building-connections?modularPage=make-a-referral

Advice for children who are struggling with their mental health and/or loneliness includes:
• Do things that feel positive: Try your best to take part in activities you enjoy, whether that’s playing a sport, listening to music, reading a book, or drawing. Small positive actions really can have a big impact on your mood.
• Take care of yourself: When you are struggling with difficult feelings, it is important to continue to prioritise your basic needs such as eating well, staying hydrated, and getting enough sleep. Taking care of your body can have a positive impact on your mental health.
• Try to find ways to socialise: Whether it’s joining a club, connecting with peers at school, or reaching out to a trusted friend, prioritising socialising can help to reduce feelings of loneliness
• Remember it is always OK to ask for help: Speak to a trusted adult, a teacher, a friend, or contact Childline. No matter what you’re feeling, you don’t have to go through it alone.
• Consider signing up to Building Connections: If you’re 19 or under and struggling with feelings of loneliness, consider signing up to the NSPCC’s online Building Connections service. This service will pair you with a trained befriender who will work with you to give you the tools to tackle loneliness.

Shaun Friel, Childline Director, said: “It’s heart-breaking to see so many young people turning to Childline because they feel lonely and isolated. We know how much of an impact loneliness can have on children’s mental health, often leaving them feeling hopeless and unseen. That’s why it’s vital that children know they don’t have to face these emotions alone. Childline is here for every young person, no matter what their situation. Whether they’re missing a friend, struggling with school holidays, or finding it difficult to talk to those around them, our counsellors are ready to listen and provide support.”

Tips for adults to help children and young people who may be experiencing loneliness include:
• Communicate openly: Encourage children to talk about their feelings and listen without judgement.
• Discover what’s causing the problem: Gently explore why they might be feeling this way and validate their emotions.
• Encourage socialising: Help children find opportunities to connect with peers through hobbies, clubs, or activities.
• Help them build their confidence: Celebrate their strengths and achievements and remind them of the positive relationships in their lives.
• Build a supportive environment: Loneliness isn’t something that can be resolved with one conversation. It is important to create an environment of openness where a child can talk to you about their feelings and any struggles they may be facing.

Childline is available for young people via the phone on 0800 1111 and online through the 121 chat on www.childline.org.uk/get-support/message-boards/

Mar 04

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Dance is for everyone

By Iain Boyle children's health, dance & Art, Exercise, fun for children, Music and singing, Party

by Jess Child
JC Dance

You may be wondering; how can a dance class beneﬁt my child in more ways than just keeping them busy for half an hour? Well, I am here to tell you about the amazing beneﬁts of a dance class – not just for your mini human – but for you too!

Let’s break away from the myth that dance is just for girls and encourage movement exploration for ALL children. Dance is for everyone. If you have a body you can dance. As a preschooler, dance is less about learning particular steps and more about imagination, expression, socialising and aiding development, making it a perfect activity for any child.

Preschool dance beneﬁts your child’s physical development by increasing their ability to perform motor skills. We might stand on one leg pretending to be a ﬂamingo, whilst improving balance, or we could march like an astronaut on the moon or gallop sideways like a crab to enhance coordination. This also builds your child’s knowledge of their bodies, helping them gain control of their extremities and core muscles, ultimately increasing reﬂexes and reducing the likelihood of any bumps or falls.

Dancing as a toddler promotes the idea of good posture to your child. We like to see who can stand the tallest or who can have the straightest back whilst sitting with their imaginary string connected all the way from the top of their head to the ceiling. This early foundation sets them up for life, keeping force balanced throughout their fast-growing little bodies. The distribution of force on muscles, bones and ligaments that good posture brings, not only reduces risks of injury but also builds conﬁdence and creates more space for the organs, improving breathing and digestion. All of these aspects give your child greater awareness of their bodies in space, helping bodies self-regulate. What’s not to love?

Dance classes will give your child the opportunity to move to many different types of music enhancing their musicality. Using music and stories and linking physical movements to imaginary ideas and ﬁnding a teacher who is passionate and encouraging, can help your preschooler to create a magical world and a safe space.

Preschool dance gives them the opportunity to interact with new children, grown-ups and teachers, ultimately helping them improve on social skills. Toddlers will continue to learn how to follow instructions and are able to start understanding taking turns and sharing with other children, they may take turns dancing one at a time, or wait their turn to get their maracas. This means each child has the opportunity to have one to one focus from the teacher, ensuring they all have a moment in the class to feel special and valued as an individual. This opportunity to move their bodies to music, along with a positive learning environment can help children’s conﬁdence skyrocket. In turn it can increase their independence, maybe by tidying up or dancing by themselves. Every child is different but at this age children are sponges for information, taking it all in, in their own way. With the use of repetition in dance classes your child is able to learn new words, new ways of moving and ﬁnd a passion for something new and exciting.

Now onto you. How can a preschool dance class beneﬁt you? This is time for you to meet other grown-ups with children of the same age, the ability to connect with others going through similar experiences can uplift us, support us and reduce stress. These classes also offer valuable one on one time with your little one without the outside pressures of being a grown-up. Dance classes are a space where you and your mini human can bond and enjoy time together without having to worry about ‘life stuff’.

Time with your preschooler is short and precious, make the most of every second and most of all make time to enjoy it!

Jess Child runs BalletBees – dancing together, growing together. Where every child is welcomed, valued and supported in their movement journey. www.jcdanceclasses.com 07305 228770 info@jcdanceclasses.com @jess_jcdanceyoga

Mar 04

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The importance of early years nutrition in nurseries

By Iain Boyle baby health, children's health, Food & Eating

by Ben Murray
Dukes Education Group Ltd

A key factor in healthier living amidst the cost of living crisis

As families across the globe grapple with the rising costs of living, including soaring food prices, the importance of healthy nutrition for young children has never been more crucial. For parents seeking a nursery place for their little ones, it’s easy to focus on factors like location, fees or availability of educational activities. However, one of the most vital components of early childhood development that often goes overlooked is nutrition.

Good nutrition in the early years sets the foundation for lifelong health, cognitive development and emotional wellbeing. This makes it essential for parents to prioritise nurseries that provide high-quality, nutritious meals and snacks for the children in their care. Not only does this support their children’s physical health, but it also lays the groundwork for long-term benefits that extend far beyond the nursery years. In the context of an ongoing cost of living crisis, where every household decision can feel like a balancing act, ensuring that children receive proper nourishment during these formative years is a wise investment.

Early years nutrition – the foundation of health
Nutrition plays an incredibly important role in the development of a child’s brain and body, particularly during the first five years. This is a period of rapid growth, when the brain forms billions of new neural connections that will shape a child’s abilities, learning and behaviour for years to come. Good nutrition can enhance cognitive function, improve memory and increase the ability to focus – skills that will benefit children throughout their academic lives. On the other hand, poor nutrition during this critical window can lead to developmental delays, behavioural issues and long-term health problems.

For young children, a balanced diet is especially crucial. The right mix of carbohydrates, proteins, healthy fats, vitamins and minerals helps fuel their growing bodies and minds. Studies have shown that poor early nutrition can increase the risk of obesity, diabetes and other chronic conditions later in life. Additionally, a lack of certain key nutrients – such as iron, calcium or omega-3 fatty acids – can affect everything from the immune system to bone health, all of which are essential for a child’s development.

Nurseries as gatekeepers to healthy eating
For many families, nurseries are the primary place where children receive most of their meals. In fact, nurseries provide a valuable opportunity to expose children to healthy food choices early in life. However, not all nurseries are created equal when it comes to food offerings, and with the pressure of a cost of living crisis weighing heavily on many households, the need for nurseries to prioritise nutrition has never been more urgent.

Parents may not always have the time or resources to prepare fresh, balanced meals at home every day, especially when juggling work, household duties and other responsibilities. When looking for a nursery, it’s essential for parents to ask about the food provided, how it is prepared and whether it meets recommended guidelines for nutrition. High-quality nurseries should adhere to nutritional standards that promote children’s health and wellbeing and many will have policies in place to ensure that meals are balanced, varied and age-appropriate.

In fact, several organisations, including the NHS and Public Health England, have established guidelines for nursery meal planning, outlining appropriate portion sizes, the inclusion of food groups and the importance of variety. A nursery committed to early years nutrition should be transparent about how it meets these standards. This means offering fresh fruit and vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins and dairy options while limiting processed foods, sugary snacks and foods high in salt and unhealthy fats.

Nutritious food and cost efficiency
Amidst the ongoing cost of living crisis, many families are looking for ways to reduce household expenditures without compromising the health of their children. The food provided by nurseries can be a hidden blessing in this regard. By offering nutritious meals on-site, nurseries can relieve the financial burden of having to provide and prepare healthy food every day. This is particularly important for parents who may be struggling to afford fresh produce, lean proteins or other staples of a balanced diet.

In many cases, nurseries that prioritise nutrition are able to source food in bulk, which can bring down the cost of meals. Additionally, well-run nurseries may even work with local food cooperatives or farms to secure fresh, seasonal produce at reduced prices. The result is that children can receive nourishing, locally sourced meals at a fraction of what parents might spend if they were preparing the same meals at home.

Moreover, good nutrition is often linked with fewer health issues. Children who eat balanced meals are less likely to miss time from nursery due to illness, which can further reduce the financial strain on families. Investing in high-quality early years nutrition may seem like a luxury, but it can actually save money in the long run by promoting better health outcomes and reducing the need for sick days or medical appointments.

Social and emotional benefits of nutritious meals
Nutrition also plays a significant role in a child’s social and emotional development. Children who eat well are more likely to have stable moods and energy levels throughout the day, which is vital for learning, play and interaction with peers. A balanced diet can help stabilise blood sugar levels, prevent mood swings and enhance emotional regulation.

For children in nursery settings, sharing mealtimes with peers is also a valuable opportunity to learn social skills. Nurseries that provide nutritious meals often foster a positive eating environment where children learn to enjoy a variety of foods, develop good table manners and experience the joy of eating together. This experience can create lasting memories and encourage lifelong healthy eating habits.

A wise investment for the future
As parents seek the best nursery options for their children, the importance of early years nutrition cannot be overstated. In a world where economic pressures are rising and every household decision carries weight, ensuring that children receive nourishing, balanced meals is a crucial step toward fostering healthier, happier lives. Nurseries that prioritise good nutrition not only promote physical health and cognitive development but also provide emotional and social benefits that will serve children well into adulthood.

By taking the time to evaluate the quality of food offered by nurseries and asking the right questions, parents can make an informed decision that ensures their child’s nutritional needs are met. In the context of the ongoing cost of living crisis, choosing a nursery that provides nutritious, cost-effective meals could be one of the most impactful decisions a parent makes for their child’s future. Ultimately, investing in early years nutrition is an investment in a child’s long-term health, development and happiness.

Dukes Education Group run both Hove Village and Reflections Nursery and Forest School in Sussex. To discuss opportunities at Hove Village please call 01273 037449 or visit www.hovevillage.com To discuss opportunities at Reflections Nursery please call 01903 251518 or visit www.reflectionsnurseries.co.uk

Dukes Education Group run both Riverside Nursery Schools and The Kindergartens in Surrey/London. To discuss opportunities at Riverside Nursery Schools please call 020 3475 0455 or visit www.riversidenurseryschools.com To discuss opportunities at The Kindergartens please call 020 7326 8765 or visit www.thekindergartens.com

Mar 02

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Putting children first

By Iain Boyle family, Legal, Mental health

by Julian Hunt
Partner at Dean Wilson and Head of the Family Department

A guide to mindful co-parenting after separation

When marriages and partnerships end, it’s easy to get caught up in the storm of emotions and conflicts that inevitably arise. Yet amidst the troubles, there’s a group whose needs often risk being overlooked – the children. While separation is challenging for adults, its impact on children can be profound and long-lasting, potentially affecting their mental health and future relationships.

Studies have shown that it’s not the separation itself that most damages children, but rather how parents handle it. This brings us to a crucial question: How can separating parents ensure their children’s wellbeing remains at the forefront?

Building a foundation of respect
The foundation of successful co-parenting lies in maintaining respectful communication between parents. This might seem like a tough challenge when emotions are running high, but it’s essential to remember that every hostile exchange or negative comment can leave lasting impressions on children. Even when parents think their children aren’t listening, young ones often pick up on tensions through overheard conversations or social media posts.

Love without limits
One of the most significant challenges for separating parents is accepting that their child can maintain loving relationships with both parents and their new partners. Children have a remarkable capacity for love, and forcing them to choose sides or feel guilty about spending time with the other parent can create emotional wounds that take years to heal.

Flexibility emerges as another crucial element in successful co-parenting. Life doesn’t stand still after separation, and neither should parenting arrangements. Children’s needs and wishes evolve as they grow, and parents must be prepared to adapt their arrangements accordingly. This might mean being understanding when a teenager prefers spending time with friends over parent time or being willing to adjust usual arrangements to accommodate special occasions.

Keeping children out of adult matters
A common downfall in post-separation parenting is using children as messengers or confidants. While it might seem convenient to relay messages through children or seek their emotional support, this places an unfair burden on young shoulders. Children shouldn’t be drawn into adult discussions about financial matters or be asked to keep secrets from either parent. They certainly shouldn’t be pressured to lie to professionals or family members about their situations or feelings.

Creating two welcoming homes
The question of possessiveness often arises in separated families – whether over the children themselves or their belongings. A healthy approach involves making it easy for children to move between homes with their necessary items, rather than creating artificial boundaries that make them feel like visitors in either home. This extends to maintaining connections with extended family members who play important roles in children’s lives.

Special occasions and holidays present unique challenges for separated families. These moments hold significance for both parents and children. Rather than viewing these occasions as potential difficulties, parents should approach them as opportunities to demonstrate mature co-parenting. This might mean sharing celebration times or alternating years for certain events.

Individual needs, individual solutions
It’s worth noting that siblings might have different preferences for spending time with each parent, and that’s OK. Each child’s relationship with their parents is unique, and forcing identical arrangements on all siblings might not serve their individual needs. Parents should be prepared to accommodate these differences while ensuring all their children feel equally valued and loved.

Progress over perfection
Co-parenting isn’t about perfection – it’s about progress. Neither parent will get everything right all the time, and expecting perfection from either yourself or your ex-partner sets an impossible standard. What matters most is maintaining a consistent focus on your children’s wellbeing, even when faced with disagreements or challenges.

Getting professional support
For parents struggling with these transitions, professional support can be invaluable. Family mediators, family consultants and legal professionals who specialise in family law can help navigate complex situations while keeping children’s interests paramount. These experts can assist in creating sustainable parenting plans that protect children’s wellbeing while respecting both parents’ rights and responsibilities.

Looking to the future
As our understanding of children’s needs in separated families continues to evolve, one truth remains constant: children benefit most when their parents can set aside their differences to focus on co-parenting effectively. This doesn’t mean pretending past conflicts don’t exist or forcing fake relationships. Rather, it means developing a new kind of relationship – one based on mutual respect and a shared commitment to raising healthy, well-adjusted children.

The journey of separation is rarely easy, but by keeping children’s needs at the centre of all decisions, parents can help their children navigate this significant life change with resilience and security. After all, while partnerships may end, parenting is a lifelong commitment that deserves our very best efforts.

Dean Wilson LLP’s reputation has been built upon our ability to deliver and exceed our clients’ expectations. For over 100 years our success has been founded upon our client focused approach, backed by the knowledge and expertise of our lawyers. www.deanwilson.co.uk

Mar 01

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Nurturing creative learning

By Iain Boyle children's health, Early Years, Education, family, Forest School, Playing, Relationships

by Sharon Mee
Artpod Brighton

Creativity is the spark that fuels curiosity, innovation, and self-expression. For children and young people, engaging in creative learning is more than just an enjoyable pastime – it’s a powerful way to develop essential skills, build confidence and navigate the world. We’re passionate about making creative opportunities accessible to everyone, empowering children and families to unlock their potential through the arts.

What is creative learning and why does it matter?
Creative learning is about fostering a child’s imagination and encouraging them to think critically, solve problems and express themselves in unique ways. Unlike traditional rote learning, which often focuses on memorising and repetition, creative learning emphasises exploration, experimentation and personal growth.

The benefits are wide-ranging:
• Boosted emotional wellbeing: Creative activities provide an outlet for children to process emotions and reduce stress.
• Enhanced problem-solving skills: By thinking outside the box, children learn to approach challenges with confidence and flexibility.
• Improved social connections: Collaborative projects foster teamwork, empathy and communication skills.
• Celebration of individual strengths: Creative learning recognises and nurtures each child’s unique talents and abilities, especially for neurodiverse learners.

For neurodiverse children, creativity can be transformative. It provides a way to express feelings and ideas that may be hard to verbalise, and it allows them to develop skills at their own pace in a supportive, flexible environment.

How parents can foster creative learning at home
Creative learning doesn’t have to be confined to schools or workshops. With a bit of imagination, parents can create a home environment where creativity flourishes.

Here are some tips to get started:
1. Provide open-ended materials
Stock up on versatile materials like paper, paints, cardboard, glue or even household items like pasta and fabric scraps. Open-ended resources encourage children to invent, design and build without strict instructions.
2. Encourage curiosity and questions
Instead of giving answers right away, ask them questions like, “What do you think would happen if…?” or “How might you solve this?” to inspire creative thinking and problem-solving.
3. Dedicate time for play
Unstructured play is a cornerstone of creativity. Set aside time where children can explore their interests, experiment and let their imaginations run wild.
4. Incorporate creativity into everyday activities
Turn daily routines into creative opportunities – designing patterns while setting the table, inventing bedtime stories together or cooking meals as a collaborative ‘art project’.
5. Celebrate effort, not perfection
Encourage children to take risks and try new things, emphasising that mistakes are part of the learning process. Celebrate the effort they put into their creations rather than focusing on the outcome.
6. Explore the arts together
Visit museums, attend performances or explore virtual art galleries. Experiencing creativity as a family can inspire children to pursue their own artistic interests.
7. Join workshops and community events
Look for local workshops or online classes to expand your child’s creative horizons.

Creative learning is a gift for life
In today’s fast-paced, tech-driven world, creative learning is more important than ever. It gives children a sense of agency, helping them navigate challenges and find joy in self-expression. Whether at home or in one of our workshops, nurturing creativity is a gift that lasts a lifetime.

Explore a world of imagination with Artpod. Visit Artpod’s website to discover workshops, events and resources that bring creative learning to life for your family. Together, we can inspire the next generation of thinkers, makers and dreamers. www.artpodbtn.com

Jan 28

Love0

How to teach your children about the world around them – even when it’s doing its worst

By Iain Boyle Early Years, environment, Forest School, Mental health, Relationships, Wellbeing

by Katie Harrison
Founder of Picture News

As our children grow, they become more aware of the world around them. Some events are sensitive and divisive, with global news often being unavoidable – including for children. Stories can be encountered online, on newspaper front pages, or via chatter in the playground. But what if the news didn’t have to be something to try to shield children from? As parents and carers, we can responsibly share current affairs with children, to equip them with tools to develop and learn from the world around them.

Make news discussions age-appropriate
Consider children’s age and developmental stage when planning your news discussions. You may wish to use visual content, including images and videos, but remember to vet these before sharing with children. For younger children, simplifying news events into relatable concepts, like being kind or unkind, fair or unfair can be effective. For older children, divulging more information can be appropriate. Reactions and understanding of news stories will differ for all children, but be confident that you know them best as you gauge how much information to share. News conversations can work well in the morning, to give children plenty of time to digest what’s happened, then reflect and share any questions or worries with you during the day.

Consider your role and influence
Be sure to observe and regulate your own reactions, language and behaviour when discussing news with children. As parents, we know children can be impressionable, and therefore may detect and emulate any fear or hatred they observe around them. We can responsibly ensure children mirror positive behaviour when discussing current topics. Try to maintain a healthy environment that is considerate and respectful. Think carefully about the language you use and try to stick to the facts. Be clear if parts of the discussion are your own thoughts, and be honest with children if you are unsure on a response to a question – you don’t have to know all of the answers! Instead, navigate the news together as events occur.

Help children work through their emotional responses
News stories can prompt emotional reactions for all of us. Some stories can dominate headlines and social media feeds or directly affect children, so it’s important to let them have emotional outlets in response. Children may bottle up how they’re feeling about events unfolding in the world, so making time to talk in a safe, familiar space can be of benefit. Give children a variety of tools to communicate how they feel; they might prefer to talk, write, or use creative approaches. You could use visual aids, discussions, post-it notes, emotion cards, smiley faces or art. Exploring how a news story makes your children feel can be a genuine opportunity to explore their understanding of emotions – what it means to feel an emotion, how emotions can change over time and how they manifest differently for everyone.

Support children to develop empathy
Current affairs contain a spectrum of opinions and experiences, which help children learn that we all hold different perspectives to be respected. This can support children in forging connections between themselves and others; by exploring other people’s experiences depicted in the news, children can build empathy, consider others, and practise relating to people. Such an awareness is a useful tool to help children become well-rounded, thoughtful citizens, who care about others.

Look for the positives together
Nestled within sensitive topics tend to be positive stories that follow. During times of hardship reflected in the news, we can often find examples of communities pulling together in response, which ultimately show our children lessons of morality, citizenship, and unity. So if you’re unsure how to approach a sensitive news topic with children, try sharing stories about more uplifting, responsive events that emerge. This helps you address heavier issues through an accessible, less unsettling lens. There are many positive acts that follow turbulent events we can share with children.

Inspire children to use their voice
Headlines are full of people using their voice to make a change – and children can do the same. Take the time to empower children to know that an awareness of what’s happening in the world can help them speak up as active citizens. The news is happening now, and with your support and guidance, children can act on their ideas and opinions. Whether it’s helping their community or writing letters, children can be encouraged to believe in their own ability to create positive change locally, nationally, or even globally.

There are many important lessons within news events that can help children grow and develop. Sharing the news with the younger generation comes with responsibility, but with the right tools and guidance, children can learn valuable lessons of citizenship, empathy and morality, whilst discovering the world they live in.

Katie Harrison is a former teacher and founder of Picture News, a supplier of teacher resources for creating engaging and exciting lessons about current affairs so children can learn about the world around them. For further information please visit www.picture-news.co.uk

Jan 27

Love0

The last shout

By Iain Boyle Childcare and Nannying, family, Relationships, Wellbeing

by Paul Dix
specialist in children’s behaviour

How to parent without shouting and why it’s the one tip a parenting expert says will transform your children’s behaviour.

Amongst the chaos of everyday parenting shouting feels like a natural byproduct. It is often the shortcut to calling your children to dinner/chastising them for rudeness/stopping them murdering themselves. It feels intuitive, like the right thing to do, but if you want to revolutionise the way you manage your child’s behaviour the answer is counterintuitive.

A casual shout for attention from a distance can often be the spark for confrontation, “Sam, SAM, SAAAAAAAM”, “WHAT!, why are you shouting at me flipping heck” “How dare you! Did you just swear at me….” This is intensified in the mornings as we try to raise teenagers deep in sleep by repeatedly shouting them out of bed. It needs some patience and resolve from you as a parent but the first step to change is to stop the casual shouting. Get up and speak to each other, ring a bell for dinner, agree a routine for the morning that is calm and doesn’t involve screaming. The first change, annoyingly, has to come from you. Refuse to shout, lower the volume in your home, change the intensity of your demands.

Now address the way you deal with poor behaviour. Shouting as a punishment is not effective. It underlines the “NO”, but sends all sorts of messages that you don’t want your child to receive. A shouty adult is unpredictable, seemingly angry and the worst model for emotional control. Children see, children do. If you want your child to be emotionally regulated, you need to be too. It takes a little practise but it is possible to pause, step back and see your child’s behaviour for what it really is and not as a personal attack. I know that we are all emotionally invested but emotion is not a good teacher. When it comes to behaviour your child needs a calm, rational, regulated adult. It won’t take them long to learn.

Often a child learns to change their behaviour just so that the adult doesn’t shout. The game becomes how to be more sneaky more secretively. You can get away with anything until you provoke the bear. The focus is immediately on your behaviour and not theirs. The culture in your home changes. Children behaving one way when you are there and another when the bear is asleep/out/hungover. You want your child to behave brilliantly when you are not there. They need to be able to regulate without you. Shouty parents might get their temporary needs met but they don’t meet the needs of their child. Teaching behaviour can’t be an improvisation. It needs a plan.

Having rules and holding to the boundaries is essential. You can help your child to learn those boundaries and stay within them without roaring. Instead try establishing three simple rules. Try ‘Kind, Caring, Co-operative’, or ‘Ready, Respectful, Safe’ and refer to them each time you want to correct behaviour. Use these three pegs to focus yourself and your child. “It isn’t respectful to call your Granny, ‘bruv’, ‘Remember our safe rule when we cross the road”, “I need you to be co-operative, it is an important rule, put the cake down and cut a slice”. Make sure that each time you use one of the rules you back it up with “this is how we do it here”. Your home, your rules, your culture.

Now start noticing the good stuff about your child in amongst the chaos. Encourage the idea that they can behave brilliantly. You get more of the behaviour that you notice most. Notice the behaviours that you want to encourage and link them to the rules, “Thank you for doing that without being asked, I keep noticing how kind you are” or “I noticed you were ready on time this morning. Love that.” Aim for just three moments of positive noticing a day, even on the bad days. Your child is more than their current behaviour and they need to know that you know that. The more you positively notice the harder it is for negative labels to form. Despite lapses in behaviour your child spends most of their time behaving impeccably. Notice it, build on it, encourage your child to have the most positive labels.

The route to improving your child’s behaviour and your relationship has its foundations in calm, positive interactions focused around three simple rules as mentioned earlier. It is counterintuitive but it works. In the meantime, save your shouting for inanimate objects. Strangely it makes much more sense.

Paul Dix is a specialist in children’s behaviour and the author of When the Parents Change, Everything Changes: Seismic Shifts in Children’s Behaviour

Health

Five survival tips for an ADHD parent

by Alex Partridge author and host of the ADHD Chatter podcast

As someone with ADHD, I know it enables me to do amazing things, but I also know it also holds me back in some areas. If you’re a neurodiverse parent, parenting forces you into those areas where ADHDers often struggle, such as organisation, planning and consistency.

Five tips to help your child feel heard

by Dr Naveen Puri
Medical Director, Bupa UK

Demystifying male infertility

by Professor Geeta Nargund
Medical Director abc IVF

Thousands of lonely children turn to Childline for help and support