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health for youngsters, babies and adults

Jan 28
Love0
world

How to teach your children about the world around them – even when it’s doing its worst

By Early Years, environment, Forest School, Mental health, Relationships, Wellbeing
by Katie Harrison
Founder of Picture News

As our children grow, they become more aware of the world around them. Some events are sensitive and divisive, with global news often being unavoidable – including for children. Stories can be encountered online, on newspaper front pages, or via chatter in the playground. But what if the news didn’t have to be something to try to shield children from? As parents and carers, we can responsibly share current affairs with children, to equip them with tools to develop and learn from the world around them.

Make news discussions age-appropriate
Consider children’s age and developmental stage when planning your news discussions. You may wish to use visual content, including images and videos, but remember to vet these before sharing with children. For younger children, simplifying news events into relatable concepts, like being kind or unkind, fair or unfair can be effective. For older children, divulging more information can be appropriate. Reactions and understanding of news stories will differ for all children, but be confident that you know them best as you gauge how much information to share. News conversations can work well in the morning, to give children plenty of time to digest what’s happened, then reflect and share any questions or worries with you during the day.

Consider your role and influence
Be sure to observe and regulate your own reactions, language and behaviour when discussing news with children. As parents, we know children can be impressionable, and therefore may detect and emulate any fear or hatred they observe around them. We can responsibly ensure children mirror positive behaviour when discussing current topics. Try to maintain a healthy environment that is considerate and respectful. Think carefully about the language you use and try to stick to the facts. Be clear if parts of the discussion are your own thoughts, and be honest with children if you are unsure on a response to a question – you don’t have to know all of the answers! Instead, navigate the news together as events occur.

Help children work through their emotional responses
News stories can prompt emotional reactions for all of us. Some stories can dominate headlines and social media feeds or directly affect children, so it’s important to let them have emotional outlets in response. Children may bottle up how they’re feeling about events unfolding in the world, so making time to talk in a safe, familiar space can be of benefit. Give children a variety of tools to communicate how they feel; they might prefer to talk, write, or use creative approaches. You could use visual aids, discussions, post-it notes, emotion cards, smiley faces or art. Exploring how a news story makes your children feel can be a genuine opportunity to explore their understanding of emotions – what it means to feel an emotion, how emotions can change over time and how they manifest differently for everyone.

Support children to develop empathy
Current affairs contain a spectrum of opinions and experiences, which help children learn that we all hold different perspectives to be respected. This can support children in forging connections between themselves and others; by exploring other people’s experiences depicted in the news, children can build empathy, consider others, and practise relating to people. Such an awareness is a useful tool to help children become well-rounded, thoughtful citizens, who care about others.

Look for the positives together
Nestled within sensitive topics tend to be positive stories that follow. During times of hardship reflected in the news, we can often find examples of communities pulling together in response, which ultimately show our children lessons of morality, citizenship, and unity. So if you’re unsure how to approach a sensitive news topic with children, try sharing stories about more uplifting, responsive events that emerge. This helps you address heavier issues through an accessible, less unsettling lens. There are many positive acts that follow turbulent events we can share with children.

Inspire children to use their voice
Headlines are full of people using their voice to make a change – and children can do the same. Take the time to empower children to know that an awareness of what’s happening in the world can help them speak up as active citizens. The news is happening now, and with your support and guidance, children can act on their ideas and opinions. Whether it’s helping their community or writing letters, children can be encouraged to believe in their own ability to create positive change locally, nationally, or even globally.

There are many important lessons within news events that can help children grow and develop. Sharing the news with the younger generation comes with responsibility, but with the right tools and guidance, children can learn valuable lessons of citizenship, empathy and morality, whilst discovering the world they live in.

Katie Harrison is a former teacher and founder of Picture News, a supplier of teacher resources for creating engaging and exciting lessons about current affairs so children can learn about the world around them. For further information please visit www.picture-news.co.uk

 

Jan 27
Love0
shouting around children

The last shout

By Childcare and Nannying, family, Relationships, Wellbeing
by Paul Dix
specialist in children’s behaviour

How to parent without shouting and why it’s the one tip a parenting expert says will transform your children’s behaviour.

Amongst the chaos of everyday parenting shouting feels like a natural byproduct. It is often the shortcut to calling your children to dinner/chastising them for rudeness/stopping them murdering themselves. It feels intuitive, like the right thing to do, but if you want to revolutionise the way you manage your child’s behaviour the answer is counterintuitive.

A casual shout for attention from a distance can often be the spark for confrontation, “Sam, SAM, SAAAAAAAM”, “WHAT!, why are you shouting at me flipping heck” “How dare you! Did you just swear at me….” This is intensified in the mornings as we try to raise teenagers deep in sleep by repeatedly shouting them out of bed. It needs some patience and resolve from you as a parent but the first step to change is to stop the casual shouting. Get up and speak to each other, ring a bell for dinner, agree a routine for the morning that is calm and doesn’t involve screaming. The first change, annoyingly, has to come from you. Refuse to shout, lower the volume in your home, change the intensity of your demands.

Now address the way you deal with poor behaviour. Shouting as a punishment is not effective. It underlines the “NO”, but sends all sorts of messages that you don’t want your child to receive. A shouty adult is unpredictable, seemingly angry and the worst model for emotional control. Children see, children do. If you want your child to be emotionally regulated, you need to be too. It takes a little practise but it is possible to pause, step back and see your child’s behaviour for what it really is and not as a personal attack. I know that we are all emotionally invested but emotion is not a good teacher. When it comes to behaviour your child needs a calm, rational, regulated adult. It won’t take them long to learn.

Often a child learns to change their behaviour just so that the adult doesn’t shout. The game becomes how to be more sneaky more secretively. You can get away with anything until you provoke the bear. The focus is immediately on your behaviour and not theirs. The culture in your home changes. Children behaving one way when you are there and another when the bear is asleep/out/hungover. You want your child to behave brilliantly when you are not there. They need to be able to regulate without you. Shouty parents might get their temporary needs met but they don’t meet the needs of their child. Teaching behaviour can’t be an improvisation. It needs a plan.

Having rules and holding to the boundaries is essential. You can help your child to learn those boundaries and stay within them without roaring. Instead try establishing three simple rules. Try ‘Kind, Caring, Co-operative’, or ‘Ready, Respectful, Safe’ and refer to them each time you want to correct behaviour. Use these three pegs to focus yourself and your child. “It isn’t respectful to call your Granny, ‘bruv’, ‘Remember our safe rule when we cross the road”, “I need you to be co-operative, it is an important rule, put the cake down and cut a slice”. Make sure that each time you use one of the rules you back it up with “this is how we do it here”. Your home, your rules, your culture.

Now start noticing the good stuff about your child in amongst the chaos. Encourage the idea that they can behave brilliantly. You get more of the behaviour that you notice most. Notice the behaviours that you want to encourage and link them to the rules, “Thank you for doing that without being asked, I keep noticing how kind you are” or “I noticed you were ready on time this morning. Love that.” Aim for just three moments of positive noticing a day, even on the bad days. Your child is more than their current behaviour and they need to know that you know that. The more you positively notice the harder it is for negative labels to form. Despite lapses in behaviour your child spends most of their time behaving impeccably. Notice it, build on it, encourage your child to have the most positive labels.

The route to improving your child’s behaviour and your relationship has its foundations in calm, positive interactions focused around three simple rules as mentioned earlier. It is counterintuitive but it works. In the meantime, save your shouting for inanimate objects. Strangely it makes much more sense.

Paul Dix is a specialist in children’s behaviour and the author of When the Parents Change, Everything Changes: Seismic Shifts in Children’s Behaviour

 

 
Jan 27
Love0
bored child

“… But I’m soooooo bored.” Should boredom be part of your child’s daily routine?

By Education, family, fun for children, Mental health, play, Playing, Relationships, Wellbeing
by Laura Tristram
www.lumii.me

In today’s fast-paced society, boredom is typically viewed as something negative to be avoided. However, new research from the Child Mind Institute suggests that allowing children to experience boredom can actually be beneficial for both them and their parents.

Why is boredom seen negatively?
Parents, influenced by societal narratives, often perceive boredom as an unproductive and negative state. Being busy is often equated with success, leading to the belief that boredom signifies laziness. However, it’s time to rethink this notion, as boredom can play a significant role in children’s development and mental health. When children are bored, they are prompted to use their imagination and creativity to entertain themselves. This self-directed play fosters curiosity, helps them discover their interests, and enhances their innovative thinking. Research shows that engaging in monotonous tasks can boost creativity when later performing creative activities.

Overcoming challenges
Boredom teaches children resilience by encouraging them to persevere through challenges rather than becoming discouraged. This ability to persist is crucial for facing future obstacles and cultivating a proactive mindset. Dealing with the ‘problem’ of boredom enhances their problem-solving skills and self-reliance, fostering a sense of initiative and independence.

Social skills
Unstructured playtime allows children to interact with peers, developing essential social skills like negotiation, collaboration and communication. These skills are vital for forming relationships and working well with others. Successfully finding ways to entertain themselves boosts children’s confidence, helping them take risks and explore new things, thereby strengthening their self-esteem.

Positive wellbeing
Allowing children time to simply ‘be’ can significantly improve their mental health by reducing anxiety and stress. It gives them the opportunity to process their thoughts and emotions. Unstructured time helps children engage with their surroundings, often resulting in cherished memories and a happier childhood. Despite initial resistance, periods of boredom can lead to a more fulfilling and creative life.

Four easy ways to introduce more boredom
Parents can create opportunities for boredom by resisting the urge to overschedule their children. Here are four tips to help incorporate boredom into a child’s routine:
1. Set aside one day a week without structured activities
Encourage children to create their own activities on this ‘activity detox’ day, helping them explore their interests and creativity.
2. Provide simple toys
Offer materials like blocks, art supplies and household items to inspire creativity and free play.
3. Reduce screen time and encourage outdoor exploration
Take your child to open spaces and allow them to explore independently, fostering a sense of independence and creativity. Limit the use of electronic devices and encourage imaginative play instead.
4. Be a role model
Show how to embrace boredom by engaging in creative activities yourself and limiting your own screen time.

Experiencing boredom helps children develop crucial life skills such as resilience, problem-solving, and creativity, which are essential for their future success and wellbeing. Boredom also helps children build tolerance for less enjoyable experiences and encourages mindfulness, self-reflection and interpersonal communication skills.

It’s a valuable lesson for all: alongside your to-do list, create a ‘let’s be’ list. Make time to be mindfully present with those around you.

Amidst the rushing around, take a moment to walk and clear your head. These idle moments without a to-do list are important for mental clarity and happiness.

For both you and your child, embracing boredom can enhance resilience, creativity and productivity. Could embracing boredom be the antidote to burnout? By incorporating boredom into daily routines, you can help your child develop a happier, more balanced childhood.

So, the next time your child complains of being bored, resist the urge to immediately organise something for them. Instead, embrace the opportunity to foster their creativity, growth and wellbeing.

Laura Tristram is a teacher, mum and mental health and wellbeing lead. For more information please visit www.lumii.me

Nov 08
Love0
fat child with lolly

Protecting our children from obesity

By children's health, Food & Eating, fun for children

There’s plenty parents can do to encourage children to enjoy eating a balanced diet filled with healthy foods. Here, children’s cookery book author and Cook School co-founder Amanda Grant shares her top tips for getting children into the kitchen and making healthy eating fun.

As a children’s food writer, mum and step mum, I know first-hand how hard it can be to get children to eat healthily. Asking them to step out of their comfort zone and try new foods can be really challenging, and even if you succeed, their likes and dislikes seem to change day-to-day – sometimes minute-to-minute!

Teaching children about healthy eating and how to make balanced meals that include a variety of fruit and vegetables is the best way to protect their future health.

At Cook School, we work with schools across the UK, through in-person and digital courses, helping children to understand food and teaching them how to make simple, healthy vegetarian meals for themselves and their families.

It’s a project we’re really passionate about. With a better understanding of where food comes from and how to prepare and eat it, children feel more confident helping out at home, and are happier to eat healthier dishes at mealtimes, too.

Luckily, I’ve got a few tricks you can use that will encourage children of all ages to enjoy a better diet and help you out in the kitchen.

1. Help them to understand food
Offering children a ‘behind the scenes’ look at food helps them to understand it better, and encourages them to make different, and hopefully healthier, choices. This could mean anything from visiting at a friend’s allotment or going to a pick-your-own, to simply letting them help you with the weekly food shop.

Even if they turn their nose up at most fruit and vegetables, take them along to your local supermarket and give them time to get familiar with the fruit and vegetable aisles. Ask what they’d like to buy to help them feel more confident about trying new things, and to give them some control over what they’re eating.

You could also make a game of looking for unusual items they’ve never seen or heard of before, or talk about what’s in season right now.

2. Enjoy the benefits of all types of vegetable
The price of fresh fruit and vegetables has sky-rocketed lately – but canned and frozen vegetables are cheaper and more convenient than fresh, and still packed with nutrients. Ask children to help you choose the ones they like the look of, to help you use vegetables to make your meals healthier and more filling. For example, you could stir some frozen spinach into an omelette, throw mixed peas and carrots into pasta water whilst cooking, or top ice cream with frozen berries.

Asking them for their own ideas will really boost their enthusiasm, and if you introduce new foods alongside ones they already know and love, it will encourage them to explore new flavours. Try to serve a portion of vegetables with every dinner, too, as the more familiar a vegetable becomes, the more likely children are to eat it.

3. Ask them to help you in the kitchen
Getting children involved in the kitchen can help keep them occupied, give you valuable time together and help generate a life-long interest in food. Children are much more likely to try new foods they’ve helped to make, while sampling new foods in the kitchen adds less pressure than trying them at the dinner table.

At Cook School, children learn how to prepare food independently, with very little help from an adult. Over 90% of all children who take part in our classes go on to cook what they’ve learnt at home, which is a great first step towards teaching them how to make the right choices for their growing bodies.

4. Teach them the basics
To start with, keep things simple – dishes that don’t require cooking, such as overnight oats or simple toast toppings are ideal practice dishes for younger or less-confident children. They can help you prepare them by taking on tasks like peeling, stirring and grating.

Even making a basic snack can help them learn new skills, boost their confidence and get them used to eating new nutritious foods – think apple slices with peanut butter, hummus and vegetables or crackers with cheese.

Older children who are more confident can be taught how to use knives safely to chop and slice vegetables, and to cook quick, easy dinners – like a basic pasta dish, leftover veg-topped pizza or a tomato rice bowl. You don’t need loads of fancy equipment, either – just the basics will do to start with.

5. Keep up the conversation
Allowing children to help you with shopping and cooking is a great way to start conversations about where our food comes from, what makes a healthy meal and how to reduce food waste.

Using up your leftovers is an eco-friendly money saver, so ask them for their ideas on what to do with anything you don’t use right away – for example, leftover bolognese makes a great topping for baked potatoes. This will not only teach them about the importance of not wasting food, but give you some great ideas for your next healthy meal.

Cook School is a not-for-profit organisation that teaches children across the UK how to prepare simple, healthy meat-free meals for themselves and their families. To date, over 200,000 children have cooked with us and been provided with vital information and access to affordable, healthy recipes.

If you’d like Cook School at your school, find out more at www.cookschool.club

 

Nov 07
Love0
holistic education

A holistic approach to education

By Education, Girls school, Relationships, Wellbeing
by Rebecca Mudde
Prep School Head of Academic Mentoring and Thinking Skills at St Catherine’s Prep School, Bramley

In the world of education, the wellbeing of students is like the compass guiding their journey – a fundamental aspect that shapes not just academic success but the overall experience of learning and growing. Schools are not just places of learning; they are the foundation for building well-rounded individuals ready to face the challenges of life. Academic success should not come at the expense of a student’s overall wellbeing.

Schools are where children learn to socialise, make friends and deal with all the ups and downs of life. By focusing on their wellbeing, we are helping them build social skills, empathy and resilience. The result? Children who are not just academically able but also emotionally intelligent and ready to face the complexities of the real world.

By prioritising wellbeing, we are not just helping the students feel good about themselves; we are boosting their brainpower. A healthy mind does not memorise facts; it thinks creatively, critically and stays engaged in the learning process. In providing a positive school environment, we are not only improving outcomes but also instilling a genuine love for learning, making education a lifelong adventure.

Academic success is intrinsically linked to mental and emotional health, and as such it is important to implement innovative programmes to support the balance. Having a dedicated wellbeing space where students can visit and take time out of their day to relax and reflect is a beneficial resource.

A key too, in any school, is the pastoral team who play a pivotal role in shaping a school’s culture. Pastoral teams are not just mentors; they are champions of mental health, promoting positive wellbeing practices among not only the students but staff as well. Through workshops and awareness campaigns, the pastoral team can contribute to the creation of a supportive community where both students and staff feel valued.

By implementing programmes that address mental health openly, we are not just tackling stigma; we are providing a safety net for students to talk about their worries. We provide them with the support they need to help prevent bigger issues developing down the road by equipping them with the tools to cope with life’s challenges.

By placing happiness and mental health on the priority list, we are not just nurturing minds; we are setting the stage for futures filled with promise and balance. Happy minds lead to bright futures.

St Catherine’s Prep School extends a warm welcome to parents who would like to visit the school. Visit www.stcatherines.info to find out more about upcoming open mornings and arranging a visit.

Nov 06
Love0
performing

Unleashing potential – The transformative power of performing arts classes for children

By dance & Art, Exercise, fun for children, Music and singing, Playing, Theatre, Wellbeing
by The Pauline Quirke Academy of Performing Arts (PQA)

In an era where academic achievement often takes precedence over creative pursuits, the intrinsic value of performing arts in fostering holistic development in children is frequently overlooked. Performing arts classes – encompassing drama, dance, filmmaking and more – offer far more than an outlet for creativity. They are powerful tools that help children develop self-belief, resilience and a deeper understanding of their true selves.

 

Building self-belief
One of the most profound impacts of performing arts education is the enhancement of self-belief. In a performing arts class, children are encouraged to step out of their comfort zones, take risks and express themselves. This process is transformative, particularly for those who may struggle with self-confidence. Performing in front of peers, teachers and audiences requires a significant amount of courage. Each successful performance, no matter how small, reinforces a child’s belief in their abilities.

Children who participate in performing arts classes learn to trust in their capabilities, both individually and as part of a group. This self-belief often transcends the arts, spilling over into other areas of their lives. They become more willing to take on challenges, speak up in class and engage with their community, buoyed by the confidence gained through their artistic endeavours.

Cultivating resilience
Resilience, the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, is another crucial trait that performing arts classes help cultivate. The path to a polished performance is rarely smooth. It involves learning new skills, overcoming mistakes and handling constructive criticism – all of which are essential components of resilience.

For instance, a young actor might struggle to remember lines or grapple with stage fright. Through persistent practise and guidance, they learn to manage these challenges, gaining a sense of perseverance and tenacity. This resilience is not confined to the stage; children apply these coping mechanisms to academic pressures, social dynamics and personal setbacks. They learn that failure is not a dead-end but a stepping-stone to growth and improvement.

Discovering their true selves
Performing arts provide a unique platform for self-exploration and expression. Children often grapple with questions about their identity and place in the world. Engaging in the performing arts allows them to explore different facets of their personality in a safe and supportive environment.

Through role-play and character exploration, children can experiment with various aspects of themselves. A shy child might find confidence playing a bold character, or a typically reserved student might discover a passion for expressive movement through dance. These experiences enable children to uncover interests and talents they may not have recognised otherwise.

Moreover, the collaborative nature of the performing arts fosters a sense of belonging and community. Working together to create a performance teaches children about empathy, cooperation and the value of diverse perspectives. This sense of connection and mutual respect is integral to understanding and appreciating their own and others’ identities.

In a world that often prioritises measurable academic success over personal development, performing arts classes offer an invaluable counterbalance. They are not merely extracurricular activities but essential components of a well-rounded education. By helping children develop self-belief, resilience and a deeper understanding of their true selves, performing arts classes lay the foundation for confident, adaptable and empathetic adults.

The stage, the studio, and the rehearsal room are more than spaces for artistic expression; they are crucibles for character development and self-discovery, shaping children into the best versions of themselves.

PQA runs weekend performing arts academies across the UK. Young people (aged 6-18) spend 3 hours experiencing classes in comedy, drama, musical theatre and filmmaking. Children aged 4 and 5 explore the performing arts with their early years classes, Poppets. Try a full session for free at your local academy. www.pqacademy.com

Nov 06
Love0
baby biting

Help! My child bites…

By Early Years, Health, teeth and dental care

by Jovita Opio
Nursery Manager, Little Lancing Day Nursery & Forest School

Biting is a more common behaviour than one might think amongst very young children and it’s a topic that is not always spoken about very much, until it happens within your family. It can happen anywhere – in the home, at a soft play or play park, a child’s birthday party and of course in a childcare setting.

Biting can be a shock and it is certainly distressing – for the child or adult who has been bitten and the parents of a child who has been bitten who can understandably feel angry about it. It should go without saying that it is also upsetting for the parents of the child who has been biting.

Understanding about biting is vitally important to the way in which we respond to this happening – it is not the case that a child who bites is a ‘little monster’. He or she should not be punished for it, or worse still, bitten back. That’s not to say that this behaviour should simply be ignored. The following will help to explain why some children bite and what strategies can be employed to navigate a way through this behaviour.

Starting with the youngest of babies, as they begin to understand and engage with the world around them, they use all their senses as part of that natural exploration, and that includes using their mouths. Parents, carers and nursery staff all know that babies are inclined to put anything and everything into their mouths. It’s also a common feature of teething that babies will bite down on practically anything within reach to relieve the discomfort caused to their gums. It’s highly unlikely that children that young would deliberately bite another person with any kind of malice or ill feeling. In fact it’s sometimes the case that this is how they express their feelings of love – some babies only ever bite their parents!

As babies become toddlers, they continue to develop their language and communications skills and this happens at different times for different children. Some 18 month olds are real chatterboxes and others take more time to get to that stage. For those children whose language development occurs later, they may feel some frustration at not being able to express themselves and this can be a similar experience for children for whom English is an additional language.

Whenever children play together, there is inevitably a certain amount of disagreement that can creep in. For example, when both want to play with the same toy or when a child is blocking another child’s way, say on a slide or in a soft play environment. It’s a common reaction in such circumstances that a child may bite another child, or an adult, as they have not yet reached the point where they are able to express themselves verbally with the confidence to show their emotions.

Young children can find transitions and changes in their lives frustrating or stressful. For example, moving house, adjusting to changes in routine, the arrival of a new sibling as well as what might seem more mundane aspects of daily life, such as struggling to understand that they have to wait their turn to do something, or play with a particular toy, when they find it difficult to understand the concept of time. Biting can often be a response to relieving these frustrations and tensions.

It is also a possibility that some toddlers may find that biting focuses attention on them from adults and they see this as a reward. They are too young to differentiate between gaining attention through positive rather than negative behaviour. It’s also important to understand that children begin to realise that their behaviour (whatever it may be) can be a way for them to influence or control the environment or situation they find themselves in. Initially, biting can be a response to frustration or physical pain, but left unchecked, it may develop into a learned behaviour as a way of ending a situation they are not happy in or avoiding having to do something they do not want to do. It’s also the case that children at this stage of development may imitate all sorts of behaviours they see in others, and that includes biting.

Acquiring language and communication skills in turn leads into the stage in the early years development journey, where children begin to understand their emotions better and are more able to express themselves. This enables them to begin to self-regulate their responses to situations where they feel upset or angry.

So how best to deal with a situation when a child has bitten someone else?
For parents of the child who has been bitten, it’s understandable to feel anger and distress at what has happened. It’s all too easy to assume that the child who has been biting has additional needs (in most cases they don’t) and complaining to friends or other parents may not be helpful (and potentially embarrassing if your child then bites another person at another time). Discussing it with the parents of the child who has bitten may sometimes help understanding and clear the air but sadly this is not always a positive solution. If we are asking our children to be kind in their dealings with others, we should be kind too.

Parents of young children who bite often do not know where to turn or how to help their child through this stage. It can feel overwhelming but there is help at hand. They can turn to their Health Visitor for advice, and if attending an Early Years setting, the nursery staff will be supportive. Working with parents to devise strategies is key, as is consistency in approach to biting.

Whether at home with family or within an early years setting, there are a number of strategies that can help children through this stage in their development. These include:
• Praising and rewarding positive behaviour, so children don’t only get attention for negative behaviour.
• When a child bites another child, focus the attention first on comforting the child who has been bitten, so the child who has bitten does not receive priority attention. Remove them from the situation and make it clear with simple phrases such as “Stop. Biting hurts your friend. Biting isn’t kind.” The days of the ‘naughty step’ should be long past – in fact the word ‘naughty’ should not even come into the conversation.
• Providing sensory activities to create a similar experience to the biting behaviour and build these into a child’s daily routine – whether a ‘chew’ teething toy, such as a ‘chew buddy’, a ‘chew necklace’ or offering a healthy crunchy snack of fruit or vegetables.
• Redirecting a child’s attention to offer an alternative activity if they are struggling to regulate their response to a frustrating situation is a useful technique to defusing tension.
• Using visual prompts and storytelling to the children (at nursery this usually takes place as a group activity) helps them to learn. For example, if there has been an incident at a soft play, this can become the theme of a social story, using role play, such as puppets, to help children understand better positive strategies to use in social situations.
teeth are not for biting• Reading storybooks, for example the behaviour series by Elizabeth Verdick and other authors, such as ‘Teeth are not for Biting’, is commonly used in Early Years settings to help reinforce positive messages about behaviour. These could also be used by parents at home. This is most beneficial if used proactively, rather than as a reaction to specific events.
• Modelling turn-taking activities and extending play to other popular toys and interests so the child is engaged in another activity while waiting for the toy they want. Having more than one of a particularly popular toy or activity available can help smooth out any potentially tricky situations. Using a sand timer as a visual aid to help children to understand when it’s their turn can also help teach them to learn to wait.

For repeated incidences of biting, nursery staff monitor the ‘Why, Where, When’ of occurrences, to see if there is a pattern for this. For instance, is it when they are tired or hungry, or is there an activity that regularly triggers the impulse to bite? It may in fact be a combination of factors and strategies can then be put in place to help avoid situations that can give rise to biting.

For the parents of a child who bites, it is important to know that they are not alone. Very many children, some say up to a quarter of all children, will bite at some point during their early lives. Most commonly this is amongst those aged two to three years. That doesn’t make it any less difficult for all concerned but it is helpful to know that it is a phase that usually will pass.

The Lancing College family includes its two Prep Schools located in Hove and Worthing and Little Lancing Day Nursery & Forest School which offers day care all-year round for children aged two months and over. www.littlelancing.co.uk, www.lancingcollege.co.uk

Nov 06
Love0
doula and baby

Doulas – what are they and what benefits do they bring?

By baby health, Childcare and Nannying, Early Years, family
by Jo Slade
Birth and postnatal doula

Imagine being able to look forward to your birth without fear. Or enter motherhood and family life feeling calm and supported. This is exactly what a doula can help you with! In a time where it is so important to seek your own education around pregnancy, childbirth and postnatal care, a doula can be beside you every step of the way.

A birth doula
A birth doula is a non-medical professional, trained to provide support to women and families throughout pregnancy and birth. They will get to know you during your pregnancy, and can provide evidence-based information and antenatal education about what to expect from labour and birth, as well as being on-call to join you when you give birth – whether at home, in hospital or at a birth centre – to provide non-judgemental, practical, and emotional support.

They can be instead of, or in addition to, a birth partner. Someone who is there for you (both), who knows you and what’s important to you, and can give you the confidence to look forward to, plan, and advocate for the birth you want – whether you are aiming for a completely natural experience, a planned caesarean, or something in between!

Studies show that the continuity of care and support that doulas provide can lead to:
• Decreased likelihood of a caesarean or instrumental delivery.
• Increased likelihood of a shorter labour.
• Decrease in use of pain medication.
• Increased likelihood of feeling positive about your experience.
• Decreased likelihood of feeding issues.

A doula can be a great choice for first time mothers and parents – helping to settle nerves and talk about the unknown, but also for subsequent parents, who maybe didn’t have the best experience of birth or the postnatal period the first time around and want to feel more informed and supported going forward.

The average price of a birth doula ranges from £500 to £2000. This depends on your area, the different services offered and the level of experience of the doula.

A postnatal doula
A postnatal doula is professionally trained to provide support to women and families following the birth of their baby. The postnatal period should be a time to slow things down, take time to recover and enjoy your new baby, and although wonderful, it can sometimes feel overwhelming, as it’s all so new!

A doula will visit you at home, support you with adjustment to life with a new baby and give you the confidence to find your own way of mothering and parenting. They can help with:
• Breastfeeding and feeding.
• Holding your newborn so you can rest or have a bath.
• Hearing and chatting about your birth story.
• Light housework.
• Preparing nourishing meals.
• Entertaining older siblings.
• Walking the dog!

The importance of feeling supported and cared for in what is sometimes known as the fourth trimester should never be underestimated – it can have a substantial impact on your health and happiness going forward.

A postnatal doula usually charges by the hour, with a minimum number of hours booked. Hourly rates can range between £15 and £30.

There are birth and postnatal doulas, and many that provide both services. Most doulas offer an initial meeting, either in person or via Zoom, to see whether you are suited to each other, and they will expect you to be meeting with other doulas before you make your decision.

Some reputable online directories you can visit to find a trained doula in your area are:
• The Doula Directory
• Doula UK
• Find My Doula

Investing – time, energy and money – into one of the most important days of your life, and the months following, is a powerful acknowledgement that you are worthy of support.

However, if cost is a prohibitive factor, there may be some funds available. For example, the Doula UK access fund and Doulas Without Borders.

Jo Slade is a birth and postnatal doula. She lives in Brighton and provides doula support to families in many locations across East and West Sussex. For enquiries or to find out more, you can visit her website www.thedoulajoslade.co.uk email: jo@thedoulajoslade.co.uk or call her on 07779 457640

 

Nov 03
Love0
family food in kitchen

Food for thought

By baby health, Food & Eating

by Sally-Ann Makin
Potter’s Houses Nursery settings and Makin Connections – Family Consultancy

Growing up I had a very tricky relationship with food. It still isn’t great now but I’m aware of it and I know my mind and body well enough to know when I’m making poor choices. I grew up in the midst of “There are starving children around the world” and a wooden spoon punishment if you didn’t finish your dinner. Many people my age had the exact same consequences to not eating. Sadly, it was the norm.

We know better now but I find many parents and practitioners that I meet through the nursery still use threats and negative language at mealtimes with children and I’m curious as to why I can’t seem to find any training on the adverse affects of the ‘sandwiches first’ attitude. Speaking to another parent Jamie-Leigh Nicholls, a child nutrition enthusiast, confirmed there was very little coverage on this – so here we are.

My relationship with food was something I never even acknowledged was a problem until I started a job as a nanny for a wonderful family and my employer just happened to be Dr Anna from ITV’s This Morning. At that time she wasn’t yet doing TV but she was still very much a Clinical Psychologist, primarily for children with eating disorders. I’d never even considered children would suffer from eating disorders but sadly it’s happening all around the world and some of the causes and issues stem from the language and attitude parents have towards food. Anna taught me to think differently when addressing my eating habits and slowly I began to find other coping mechanisms for anxiety than controlling myself with food.

I contact Anna for all manner of advice and regardless of how busy she is, she consistently makes time to support me because she is so incredibly passionate about children accessing a naturally healthy lifestyle. Some things I have learned from Dr Anna are: Children need to SEE us eating healthily and HEAR us speaking positively about food, they need to have access to a wide range of options and they need to be involved with preparing meals and see that cooking and eating can be so much fun. They need us to model healthy eating habits – children naturally mimic what they see us do and say, so showing them that you make good choices with food will encourage them to do the same. “Inconvenient truth” says Anna on her platform, “You can’t make your kids eat. You can’t force them to love fruit and vegetables and relish fruit. All you can do is model a good relationship with food, create an environment where food and eating are stress free, and meals are times of happiness, connection and bonding. The rest will come.”

Anna speaks about the deprivation effect on her Instagram – the deprivation effect is one of the main causes of cravings leading to eating disorders. Because you want what you can’t have, removing certain foods from your diet or your child’s diet has the opposite affect and instead of disallowing ‘bad’ foods, it encourages impulsive eating. An example of this is saying ‘no more sweets’ to yourself and to them.

Using food as a reward can be really detrimental to a child’s thoughts surrounding food and choices. Rewarding them with sweet treats for good behaviour, even rewarding ourselves with a glass of something at the end of a hard day, gives food moral value and makes us use food and drink to manage our emotions which was my issue and can be quite harmful. Children who grow up linking food with behaviour become adults who reward or punish themselves with food.

I think what we need to really be thinking about is our language towards food during family mealtimes. There is no such thing as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ food and labelling foods as ‘negative’ or ‘positive’ can give children a complex about their behaviour if they eat it.

In educational settings, hearing staff tell children to eat sandwiches first because they need the ‘good’ food before they are allowed to eat the ‘bad’ food can confuse children and cause them to question why their parent would give them ‘bad’ food. Allowing children a variety of foods to choose from and empowering them to make good choices promotes a healthier lifestyle for them and also inspire them to take a deeper interest in food and cooking. When this is then passed on through the generations, it can only be a wonderful thing. Surely better than passing the wooden spoon baton, right?

Jamie-Leigh says “We have an opportunity to create a generation of children and young people who have an amazing relationship with food.” She’s right; it is our duty as parents and practitioners to educate ourselves on the psychology behind how our thoughts and feelings towards food develop and not pass on the poor habits from our own upbringing.

If this has given you food for thought, do the research online, follow Dr Anna Colton on Instagram, talk to your friends and your parents and give some time to learning about the connection between our brain and our body and how we can support our children to be as healthy as possible.

Sally-Ann runs Makin Connections, Garden of Eden Preschool, Potters House Preschool and Blossom and Bloom Day Nursery.
For more information please contact her at sallyann@makinconnections.co.uk or call 07939 620934

 

Nov 03
Love0
toxic relationships

Toxic families

By Childcare and Nannying, family, Mental health, Relationships, Special support needs, Wellbeing
by Helen Villiers and Katie McKenna
psychotherapists and authors of “You’re Not the Problem”

There is no doubt that how we were parented informs and affects how we parent our children. That’s absolutely fine when we grew up in a happy, healthy, ‘good enough’ home, but what about when we grow up in unhealthy, toxic and abusive homes?

The first thing to know is that a lot of people don’t realise they grew up in toxic families, because not only do they think it’s normal, but they also think that if they didn’t like the way their parent treated them it’s because they’re the problem, not the parent. So understanding if you had healthy or toxic parents is the first step.

Signs you had a toxic parent are:
1. You weren’t allowed to say no to them without being shamed or punished.
2. You had to do everything their way because it was the right way.
3. They relied on you too heavily for emotional or practical support (parentification).
4. They use (and still use) guilt to make you do things you don’t want to.
5. You feel scared of them and obliged to do whatever they want –“I don’t have a choice, I have to.”
6. You are either hyper-dependent (people pleaser/codependent) or hyper-independent (don’t let anyone close, prefer to do everything alone, don’t ask for help).

This is not a diagnostic list, but if these sound familiar it might be worth looking up toxic or narcissistic parents.

If you’re aware you have toxic parents, you need to be aware of the common pitfalls that parents fall into when parenting their own children.

1. Taking their child’s no as personal rejection
When we grow up in narcissistic family systems, we inevitably develop a rejection wound, that coupled with the learned understanding that a child shouldn’t say no to their parent, it’s possible that someone could see their child’s rejection of them as a personal affront rather than the child just seeking autonomy and identity. Working on the rejection wound and realising that your child is safe enough to say no to you is an amazing thing, will help you boundary your feelings and stay in your parent role and allow your child to know they are safe to be who they are.

2. Swinging too far the other way
We call this the pendulum swing. When someone is so desperate to protect their child from ever experiencing a moment of what they felt in childhood they do the complete opposite. Unfortunately this can actually have a similar outcome because if a parent who experienced coldness and shaming and ignoring in childhood becomes too involved and hovering and micro managing their child, they can create a dependency in that child, instead of an independency. They also might unintentionally make the child responsible for their feelings by subconsciously letting the child know that mummy or daddy’s happiness depends on their happiness. This in turn can create anxiety and people pleasing in a child.

3. People pleasing your child
So often someone can be so scared of their child having emotions even a touch similar to their own feelings as a child that they will sit in fear of those emotions and try and prevent them at all costs. Especially when there is neurodivergence present and the resulting meltdowns are so hard to cope with. As a result they can end up people pleasing their child in order to prevent being faced with their anger, sadness or disappointment. This isn’t helpful for the child. Children have to learn how to regulate all feelings especially difficult ones, and what they learn through being people pleased out of them is that their emotions can control their parents behaviour (and therefore other people’s too) and/or those emotions aren’t acceptable and need to be hidden to keep their parent happy.

4. Being the parent they needed when they were a child
This is the number one mistake that parents from toxic families make. They become who they needed, essentially re-parenting themselves through their own child, which is not healthy. Your child doesn’t need the parent you needed, they’re not growing up in your environment, they’re growing up in a completely different environment, and are a completely different person. They need the parent they need. Make sure you’re not projecting onto your child a set of feelings and experiences that you had, and they may not be having at all.

When you grow up in a toxic family, there are lots of conditioned beliefs around what’s ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, and it’s important to look at your family rules to understand these and choose what you do or don’t want to pass on consciously.

If you recognise yourself in any of these descriptions, first of all, try not to shame yourself. You didn’t know and it’s not your fault. Instead, it’s time to correct it by learning about it, and learning about yourself so you can be the parent you want to be, and your child needs you to be. Whilst we always suggest therapy is the best way to do this, knowing it’s not always accessible for everyone means that using other resources, such as books, podcasts, social media and any other form of learning will help you grow your knowledge, grieve your childhood, and build a better family life for your child and for you.

you're not the problemThe Sunday Times Bestseller “You’re Not the Problem” will help you recognise the language and behaviours of emotional abuse and narcissism in relationships, the immediate and long-term impact of it, practical strategies for healing and how to avoid repeating these behaviours. Buy “You’re Not The Problem” on Amazon and in all major book stores.

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