Somehow, having a baby seems to grant everyone around you a green card in telling you what you should and shouldn’t do with your child. From breastfeeding, to sleeping, playing, dressing, cleaning, and even speaking to your baby, there isn’t one aspect that goes unnoticed by self-proclaimed parenting experts.
Whether you’re a first or fourth time parent, having a new baby can be both the most wonderful time of your life, and the most emotionally draining. The last thing you need is other people – family members, strangers, parents and non-parents alike – adding to that stress and affecting you.
Nelsons Teetha®, the homeopathic teething relief brand has put together a list of conflict-free ways to help you deal with different scenarios in order to help you keep your cool in frustrating situations.
Parents – “That’s not how we did it with you”
Dealing with advice from your parents can be difficult to manoeuvre, especially if you disagree. After all, they are the ones who raised you, and the advice will come from a place of love. Not only that, but they’ve probably grown used to you turning to them for advice. However, there is a fine line between offering suggestions because they want to help and offering comments because they disapprove of what you have chosen to do with your baby. Though you might not want to dismiss their knowledge entirely, being related can offer the chance to explain yourself clearly without causing too much offense. You might want to explain that you appreciate all the help they have provided but that you will be the one to turn to them if you need advice. Be honest with them, they are your parents and putting off telling them how you feel might make you grow to resent them.
In-laws – “I think it would be best if…”
The in-laws situation is arguably trickier than dealing with your own parents. They will have a whole range of things to say about how they raised their children that obviously have nothing to do with you. Instead of snapping back at them and causing an uncomfortable family situation, you could turn the situation around and ask them some questions. Switch the focus to them and then change the conversation. If all else fails, talk to your partner about presenting a united front. Just as you might be more comfortable telling your own parents not to give unsolicited advice, so might your partner be to their parents.
Parent-friends – “Are you really going to do that?”
Friends who are parents themselves might also be prone to chiming in with comments about your parenting skills. Like your in-laws, they will have their own set of views that might differ completely to yours. Agreeing to disagree might be the best option here. Handle it in a way you might other topics, such as religion or politics. Simply tell them that you have decided to do something in one way, that you are totally fine with them doing it in another and that you should leave it at that.
Non-parent-friends – “I’ve heard that you should…”
It can be frustrating when someone who does not have children decides to tell you how you should raise yours, however try not to take it personally. Know your facts, trust your instincts and maybe try to educate your friend. Clarify the point they have made a comment about with an expert’s view, or knowledge you have received from a doctor. The more they know, the less likely they will be to make a comment again.
Strangers – “You’re putting your child at risk!”
There are quite a few online threads where parents post the craziest things that strangers have told them and it’s hard to imagine what you would do in those situations. Though getting defensive might be your initial response, there are a few things you can do to dismiss the stranger without causing a scene. The first would be to ignore them and keep walking, after all, you don’t owe them anything. If they persist, you could politely thank them but tell them you know what you are doing. If this doesn’t work, then you have every right to kindly tell them to mind their own business.
Ultimately, your life as a parent will be filled with a vast array of conflicting advice and information. Whether it’s through books, doctors, friends, family or strangers, everybody will have their own way of doing things. The best thing to do is to educate yourself, learn how to deal with different situations, and most importantly, to trust your own instincts as a parent. As long as you know that you are making the best decisions for your child, you are doing the right thing!
Through events like Brighton Festival, young people can explore, discover and participate in the arts. For 30 years the Children’s Parade has officially marked the start of Brighton Festival, with over 5,000 participants, including 3,473 school children, stepping into show stopping costumes they have designed and made themselves. Around 10,000 people come along to see the parade and be part of the largest annual children’s event in the UK. The parade is a unique event produced by community arts organisation, Same Sky, which offers thousands of young people the chance to come together in creations they’ve designed around a central theme, giving them a sense of belonging. In 2020, the Children’s Parade theme is Nature’s Marvels, offering a platform for participants to think more about the world and environment around them.
So how do we help a child become that independent person? As adults we need to find a balance between not overprotecting our children, or pressurising them to run before they can walk; our expectations need to be realistic, and we must bear in mind that children will always develop at very different rates. The ‘Early Years Development Matters’ takes us through a child’s Personal, Social and Emotional Development and exemplifies the ‘Characteristics of Effective Learning’ from birth to five years old; some good ideas and guidance may be found in the DfE document ‘What to expect, when?’ which has been developed for parents and carers. Furthermore, it is important that we encourage healthy risk taking, through climbing trees or doing something new, and the opportunity to embrace mistakes. In the words of Carol Dweck: “What we do not want is to encourage a fixed mind set where a child feels they are unable to do something for themselves so they will not try, we want a child who is comfortable trying for themselves and develops a growth mind set – they will experience the feeling that before success comes failure after failure. But that hard work and persistence works.”
