Skip to main content
search
Category

family

Jul 05
Love0
sleepy woman

Why sleep is important – and what happens when you don’t get enough?

By family, sleep
by Dr Audrey Tang
www.draudreyt.com

How many hours sleep do you actually need to function at your best? While research would suggest that on average adults need around seven to nine hours, in fact individuals need to find out what works best for them. We know that children need more sleep, as we age we need less, some people function very well on different patterns such as ‘biphasic sleep’ sleeping in two short periods and then napping in the day. ‘Power napping’ for some is also beneficial.

When it comes to sleep, I would always say try to get the number of hours that works for you! And if that can’t be at night, try and find some nap time in the day.

A word about our circadian rhythms
On average, a person’s circadian rhythm – colloquially the ‘internal body clock’ – naturally rises and falls in energy within a 24 hour period. It responds very well to light, especially natural light. If it is dark, then our brain signals to release melatonin which makes us sleepy – hence why when a flight crosses time zones the aeroplane lights are dimmed or brightened to try and get your body as adjusted as possible to your arrival time. When there is light – especially natural light – the melatonin stops. This means that if you wake with natural daylight outside, it can be difficult to return to sleep because your internal processes are already signalling that it is time to rise. As such blackout curtains can help in the summer months.

How does the body react if we don’t get enough sleep?
Our bodies have trouble adjusting when we have not slept enough, and the complexity of life can cause us to disrupt (or ‘override’) our preferred circadian rhythm.

If we are sleep deprived this can result in:
• Irritability
• An inability to think rationally
• An inability to focus
• A lowered immune system. As such this can cause further problems in the context of work and relationships.

There has also been research on architectural students which found that when sleep deprived their written examination performance remained constant, but those that lacked sleep performed significantly less well in their presentations.

Sleep is also our body’s opportunity to repair and plays a role in regulating the production of some hormones important for health. If we do not sleep enough we produce more ghrelin – the hormone which signals hunger which can cause us to seek high carb, high sugar foods because we instinctively know they will give us energy. Enough sleep means we produce less ghrelin and more leptin (which supresses hunger).

Furthermore if we are not sleepy we have a greater capacity to make healthy choices on food and activity as we tend to be more focused, as well as be at less risk of injury when exercising or doing anything physical or manual.

BUT the body is adaptable!
We do tend to sleep for longer once we do fall asleep, after a period of deprivation – and this can be irrespective of external cues. Therefore, while the circadian rhythm is similar to a preferred internal thermostat, it can be over-ridden, but it can also be trained ie. it is possible for someone who has for many years always slept eight hours to learn to feel rested and function efficiently on six if this is established as a habit. Similarly it is possible to adjust to shift work or for parents whose sleep is disrupted with a newborn – it is possible to adapt for a certain time, and function effectively on a new sleeping pattern. Research on shift workers finds sleep can be improved by wearing sunglasses (to keep the daylight moderate) when returning home after a shift, and by having blackout curtains in the sleeping area…perhaps parents can make similar adaptations temporarily.

Our body is very adaptable, and what is ‘best’ in terms of sleep – is what is ‘best’ in terms of our need physically and contextually.

Practical tips to help with sleep
1. If possible – have a bedtime routine:
• Always have a glass of water by your bed.
• Keep a writing pad by your bed for when you wake in the middle of the night and need to remember something – write it down (try not to open your phone).
• Plan for the next day if you need to (clothes, lunch prep and so on).
• Stop drinking caffeinated drinks about six hours before bed – and instead have a camomile tea, or warm water, or even warm milk.
• Go to the toilet.
• Set your alarm.
• Come off social media/your smartphone an hour before bed – leaving an ‘out of office’ message if necessary.

2. Try some deep breathing
Simple centred breathing (breathing in for four, holding for two, and out through the mouth for six) whilst listening to nature sounds, gentle music, or even a relaxation podcast can be the final step for a restful night.

3. Will exercise – or a relaxing cool down – help?
Sometimes people find exercising at night helps (others don’t – heed your body’s response to whatever you try), and after exercising, a bath tends to be more soothing than a shower (unless it feels ‘too long’ for you).

Importantly: if you find yourself waking in the night and struggling to return to sleep:
Change context! Get up and do something (ideally not on the phone or computer) such as read a book. It’s best not to associate the bedroom with the feelings of stress that you cannot get to sleep.

Dr Audrey Tang is a chartered psychologist, wellness expert and author of The Leaders Guide to Resilience. www.draudreyt.com

 

Jul 03
Love0
kids shouting in ear

Ten strategies to develop your child’s communication skills

By Education, family, Language, reading
by Ellen Martin
Help Me to Talk

It can be difficult to know how to encourage the development of your child’s communication skills. There are lots of things you can do at home to help. Here are my top 10 strategies for helping your child’s communication.

1 Get down to your child’s level
When communicating with your child, get down and be at their level. Play with them face to face where possible, hold toys up to your face this will draw your child’s attention to you. For example, you could kneel or sit on the floor holding a bubble pot close to your face.

2 Watch and wait
We can often respond to children’s nonverbal requests and needs before they have even initiated them. As parents, you know when your child gets hungry, and you know what snack they will want. So, you pre-empt it, you already have the snack ready before they realise they wanted one! This can remove the need for interaction. Watch your child and wait, see if they will tell you in some way that they are hungry or want something. This could be verbally or it may be through gesture. For example, they may take your hand and guide you to the biscuit tin!

3 Naming/commenting
Simple is key when learning language. Label what you see, keep it to one word, and keep it simple. For example, when playing with bricks you might say “oh look a big red brick”, instead you could say “brick”. Think about what target words you would like your child to say or learn.

4 Use gestures
Use a gesture or sign when you name or do something. Gestures provide a concrete visual representation and can help your child to understand what you are saying. Make sure with any gesture you are still saying the word. We want the gestures to support talking development, not replace it. Some children do pick up gestures before words, but it is important to continue to model the words.

5 Reduce the questions
When we are asked a question, especially one we do not know the answer to, we feel under pressure. This is the same for children when we ask them questions. They can feel put on the spot, which is difficult for children who are learning to talk. Instead, use a naming or commenting approach and explain what is happening. So rather than asking your child “what’s that?” tell them what it is, give them the opportunity to learn language.

6 Offer choices
Offer your child a choice of two things, for example, at snack time you could offer a banana or a cereal bar, make the choice visual. As you offer each one hold the item up, so it is clear what you are referring to. Offering choices encourages a child to interact, especially when it is something as motivational as food or toys! Your child may indicate their choice using words or gestures.

7 Repeat, repeat, repeat
We learn best when things are repeated, and children are no different. Repeat key words or gestures over and over during play or in your daily life. This will help your child to link the word/gesture with the action or object.

8 Functional communication vs ‘ABC’ and ‘123’
It’s important your child can express their needs and wants using functional communication. This may include words such as ‘go’, ‘more’, ‘help’ ‘stop’ and ‘open’. Words that can be used on their own to communicate but also built on to increase communication. Shapes, letters and numbers aren’t as useful when it comes to communication as they can’t be used to express needs or wants.

9 Follow your child’s lead
We often try to teach children as they play or direct them towards a new activity. Whilst this may create more opportunities for them it can limit communication. Children are more likely to communicate in a familiar activity they enjoy. Allow your child to show you what they enjoy, follow their lead and join in with their play and interactions. You can then use language appropriate to their interests which will help build language and attention skills.

10 Pausing – count to 10 and then give them time
When we are learning something new we need time. Time to listen, process and then respond. This is the same with learning language. By pausing and counting to 10 in your head, we give children time to understand what you have said and respond. If after pausing, they do not respond you can model the words/gestures you would like them to use.

If you would like more strategies and support with your child’s communication skills, then please do get in touch. Help Me To Talk provide engaging sessions at home, nursery, school and virtually to families across Surrey and Hampshire. For children as young as two years old.

www.helpmetotalk.co.uk, ellen@helpmetotalk.co.uk

Jul 01
Love0

How to introduce your second baby to your firstborn

By Education, family, prenancy, Relationships

Introducing a new baby into the family can be an exciting yet nerve-wracking time for parents. In this article, experts at UK-leading baby brand, Nuby, have looked at some of the best ways to prepare your little one for the impending arrival and help them to stay feeling loved and included.

Explain what’s going to happen
This can simply be dependent on how old your first child is. If they’re under the age of two, they may not be that interested and take the new addition to the family in their stride. However, a slightly older child might be bursting with questions or struggle emotionally with the transition.

To alleviate some of this, it helps during this time to help them know what to expect – that the new baby is going to be with mummy or daddy most of the time, and the baby is either going to be sleeping, crying, or feeding. This will also help manage their expectations – that their new sibling won’t be able to sit up by themselves, let alone be a playmate from the moment they enter the home.

The more prepared your eldest feels at this point, the easier it will be for them to make the transition from an only child into an older sibling.

Tell the story of when they were born
One other tip is to show your eldest some old photographs of your or your partner’s pregnancy before they were born, or of them when they were a baby. Talk to them about what it was like when they were younger and how they too cried and fed all hours of the day.

This will not only give you all a few laughs but also help to ease some of their worries and better understand why the new baby needs more attention for the first few months.

Roleplay looking after the baby
Using a doll is a great way to introduce your firstborn to the idea of having a baby around.

They can use this time to practise how to hold the baby, how to talk to them, and how to be gentle with them. Overall, this helps to normalise the idea that there’s soon going to be a new arrival.

Better still, if you’ve got friends or family with small babies of their own, try to set up meetups or playdates so your child can get used to hearing baby cries and babbling.

Get them involved in the planning
Include your child in the naming process. Ask them what they think of the names you’ve got picked out, for example. Chances are they won’t like your choices and would much prefer you to name their sibling Spider Man or Peppa, but the key thing is to value their opinions.

Take them on shopping trips while you’re gathering up your newborn essentials to make the situation feel more real. They’ll feel even more important if you let them pick an outfit for their younger sibling.

If they’re not good with shopping, let them contribute in other ways, such as putting new items away, helping pack the baby changing bag, or even helping you to redecorate the nursery.

Get them involved in the caring
It’s tempting for any parent to be extra cautious when managing a toddler or young child around a baby. However, allowing your firstborn to have some involvement in looking after the baby is key in making them feel included rather than pushed out.

Singing to the baby, helping bathe them, or passing the wipes or a clean nappy are all easy little tasks that can help the new older sibling feel like they have an important role in the family.

Let them meet their new sibling as soon as possible. A hospital can be a big scary place for your eldest, but the more included they feel at this stage, the more they will continue to do so down the line.

One thing to avoid is punishing your first child or telling them to go away if they make a mistake. Just be patient, calmly explain what they should do instead, and let them have another go.

Make them the focus
Family and friends will be enamoured with the new baby, but it can make your eldest feel much more secure and loved if you heap attention on them as well. Being full of praise, especially when they’re around the baby, will really help boost their confidence and self-esteem.

A ‘gift’ from the new baby to their older sibling is also a wonderful way to instil good feelings from the get-go. It also shows how much the newborn loves their older sibling already and can’t wait to meet them.

The stress of the change can cause older siblings to act out or behave badly in order to get attention from you. They may also start to regress and act younger than their age, for example, when it comes to feeding or changing. As they get used to being around a newborn, being patient and praising them for their good behaviour might help reduce this.

When introducing a second child, one of parents’ biggest fears is that their eldest child will feel left out. At some point, they may also feel guilty for not spending as much time with their firstborn. Unfortunately, this is almost certainly going to happen but you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Focus on the quality of time you spend with your eldest rather than the quantity.

This is a huge change for the whole family, and it’s going to take some time for everyone to get used to the new dynamics. Being patient and following the tips above can help your firstborn feel more involved before and after the little one arrives.

Jun 03
Love0

How our family makes a difference

By family, Fostering and adoption

Stella, Richard and their children Xenan (24) and Venus (18) have been fostering for seven years. Xenan was 17, almost 18, when they were approved to foster, and Venus was almost 12. The family had their first placement the day before Venus began secondary school. We asked Xenan and Venus what fostering has been like for them, and we asked Stella and Richard about the impact fostering has had on their children.

Xenan and Venus
What do you enjoy most about fostering?
We have the opportunity to meet and interact with a wide range of different people, of different ages, from different backgrounds, with different experiences.

We love having young children in our house. We love to play with them, share experiences with them and share our home with them.

We love seeing their absolute excitement and pleasure at trying new experiences. This includes visiting places like Woods Mill, Bramber Castle and the beach, and also going to music groups, going on holiday, going swimming, running in the park and shouting “YEEEEEHAAAAAA!” as we drive through a tunnel. We love to see them try new foods for the first time, write their first letter to Father Christmas, have their own ‘special blanket’ and personalised Father Christmas sacks. We love to celebrate birthdays, have family parties, introduce them to our Granny and Grapps, and watch them become part of our big extended family.

We have the chance to help children thrive. We give them a sense of belonging to a happy, positive, well-functioning family. We make them feel safe and loved unconditionally. We see them being happy and feeling safe, and we know we have made a huge, positive difference to their lives.

What is it like when the children you care for move on?
When children leave us, it is the worst bit by far and we do miss them. We know it is the best thing for them and we feel prepared, but it is still sad.

Whether they are returning to their birth family or moving onto a family to be adopted, we like to see them settled and happy. We still visit all of them and we love the fact that they remember us and that we have been part of their story.

We think of our past foster children as our extended family; we have lots of foster siblings!

What are your favourite memories of fostering?
There are so many but here are a few…
We cared for a couple of young children, aged three and four, who used lots of funny pronunciations of words including “fashion poo” (shampoo), “Louise tea” (Halloween) and “baby chips” (baby chickens).

One child loved watching clips of themselves on my phone and would laugh so much they would have tears rolling down their face. Once they even fell over, they were laughing so much!

Watching children sing along to ‘Barcelona’, by Queen. So sweet and so loud! And their funny dancing!

Our first foster child’s favourite game was to get us to pretend to fall asleep and then shake and shout or call to us to wake up. We would do the same to her when she pretended to fall asleep. She found this hysterically funny and would do it over and over and over again.

Stella and Richard
What impact has fostering had on Xenan and Venus?
Xenan and Venus have turned out to be very empathetic and sympathetic young people because they know that not all children and young people have a happy upbringing. This includes basic needs like having a clean, well-equipped house and a happy family home where they feel safe and wanted.

They have both grown up to be young people who are kind, just to be kind, not because they think they will get something in return. They continue to constantly and consistently show the children we care for unconditional love and go out of their way to make the children feel that they belong in our family.

They have never complained about having to share their home, their holidays, their parents, their possessions, and their experiences with other children. People around us always tell us how kind, polite, empathetic, gentle and loving our children are, and we feel that as well as their happy upbringing, fostering has enhanced these qualities.

Xenan and Venus have a great appreciation of having been part of a close, happy, secure, positive and encouraging family and we feel that this will continue when they themselves become parents. We feel that they have learned skills and become people who will go on to become lovely parents themselves.

Every day the children of foster carers welcome other children into their homes and their lives. They strive to make young people in care feel safe, happy and loved, and ensure that they can thrive. Fostering involves the whole family and the contribution of sons and daughters is vital. Xenan and Venus are wonderful examples of the compassion, dedication and commitment that all fostering sons and daughters show in abundance.

If you have room in your heart and home to foster, the Brighton & Hove Fostering Team are keen to hear from you. They need foster carers from all walks of life, those with children of their own, and those without.

Visit www.fosteringinbrightonandhove.org.uk for more information or e-mail fosteringrecruitment@brighton-hove.gov.uk to find out about upcoming online information sessions.

Mar 05
Love0

New year, new beginnings – changes to the divorce process in 2022

By family, Legal, Relationships
by Julian Hunt
Head of the Family department Dean Wilson LLP Solicitors

The government’s Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020 was passed in June 2020 and aims to implement major reform to the divorce process, becoming law on 6 April of this year.

Julian Hunt, Head of the Family department and member of Resolution, has been an active campaigner in the move toward no-fault divorce and has lobbied local MP’s in favour of the same.

What is the legislation’s main reform?
The Act will remove the concept of ‘fault’ in divorce proceedings – a welcome change to the divorce legislation that has not been amended in any significant way for over 50 years.

What is the current regime?
If a couple want to divorce, they have limited options to choose to present their petition on. Set out as five ‘facts’, these are: adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, two years’ separation with consent, or five years’ separation without consent.

If a couple wish to divorce quickly those options are limited to the grounds of adultery and unreasonable behaviour, with the less contentious divorce routes only achievable after two or five years separation.

The prospect of a long and unnecessary wait often means that parties will choose the blame route with the unwanted result of intensifying conflict and causing long lasting damage, particularly impacting future co-parenting.

Why doesn’t the current regime work?
The current regime fosters animosity between parties by encouraging the assignment of blame, which can lead to delays in obtaining the end goal of a divorce and can have a knock on effect if the parties have children related matters to resolve at the same time.

The need for a no fault divorce process was highlighted in the recent case of Owens v Owens.

Mrs Owens issued her petition based on Mr Owens unreasonable behaviour in which she stated she could not reasonably be expected to live with Mr Owens anymore. Mr Owens defended the petition on the basis that his behaviour had not been unreasonable when looked at in the context of their marriage and the Court agreed with him. The Court found no behaviour that Mrs Owens could not reasonably be expected to live with and as such the marriage could not be said to have irretrievably broken down and her petition was dismissed. Although Mrs Owens appealed, it was held that judges could only interpret and apply the law handed to them and that under the current regime the petitioner is required to find fault in the respondent.

This decision highlighted the need for a no fault divorce process. Mrs Owens was left in the unenviable position of having to wait out a five year separation in order to proceed with a divorce without her husband’s consent.

What is the aim of the reform and why is it needed?
An acrimonious divorce consumes parties’ lives, and that acrimony usually spills over, even once the Decree Absolute is finalised, especially where children are involved. The fault system encourages discord which often affects the parties’ mental health, as well as the mental health of any children (especially if they are old enough to understand what’s going on). Therefore, divorces using one of the fault-based facts are usually quite traumatic to the parties.

A common misconception under the fault based regime is that the bad behaviour of one party will affect the financial outcome of the divorce, when in fact one has no bearing on the other, unless the behaviour is sufficiently extreme but, these cases are extremely rare.

Parties tend to settle finances subsequent to issuing their divorce petition and the tone of blame is usually carried over so as to frustrate and slow down the financial proceedings which in affect helps no one, including the Family Court whose resources are overwhelmed already.

The proposed changes should simplify the divorce process and reduce conflict from the very start. Parties will then be able to focus on the important issues like children, property and finances bringing resolution more quickly and amicably so that both can heal and move forward.

What will be the new regime?
The new legislation aims to make a number of significant changes, such as:
• Replace the ‘five facts’ with a new requirement to provide a statement of irretrievable breakdown (the Court then must take this statement as conclusive evidence that the marriage has broken down irretrievably);
• Remove the possibility of contesting the divorce;
• Introduce an option for a joint application;
These changes will also apply to the dissolution of civil partnerships.

Family law – what’s next?
The Law Society are currently campaigning for legal aid to be reintroduced for early advice, particularly in family law and we at Dean Wilson LLP believe this would be a further welcome step to focus parties’ minds on the practicalities at hand of separating joint lives into separate healthy and happy futures.

Dean Wilson LLP’s reputation has been built upon our ability to deliver and exceed our clients’ expectations. For over 100 years our success has been founded upon our client focused approach, backed by the knowledge and expertise of our lawyers. www.deanwilson.co.uk

Feb 28
Love0

Potty training – The when and the how

By family, Potty training
by Harriet Crouch
Parent and Childcare Consultant

When it comes to potty training, the thought alone can feel completely overwhelming. It’s not quite as simple as; ‘Your child is now 2 so let’s ditch the nappies’. In fact, there are a number of signs to look out for before even thinking about starting on your potty training journey. Attempting to get rid of nappies too quickly can result in withholding which can cause a whole host of other issues so it is always best to wait until your child is definitely ready.

So, when do we know when our little one is ready?
Generally, children will be ready around the 2 to 3 year mark and from there, there’s a number of things to look out for – they may have longer periods of dryness, awareness of what is in their nappy or letting you know when they are having or needing a wee or poo. Some children may begin to seek privacy by hiding when they are pooing. It is important to say that of course, all children are individual and may be ready earlier or later than this general age band.

Once your child begins to show signs of readiness, you don’t need to book a week off work or rush to the shop to replace all nappies with pants. Instead, take a gradual approach and remember that potty training isn’t just about your child being able to sit on the potty for a wee or poo -it’s much harder than that. They’re learning a whole new set of skills – recognising the feeling of needing to go, communicating that to an adult in good time, getting themselves to the potty and then they need to undress themselves before they have an accident. These are things that up until now, they’ve not had to think about.

When you start to notice your child may be getting ready to potty train, set them up to succeed by encouraging them to dress and undress themselves, talk to your child about their body and what it’s doing, talk to them about what’s in their nappy and let them watch you on the toilet too. You are your child’s best role model so talk them through everything you’re doing as you do it. For example, when getting dressed; “One arm in, the other arm in, legs in” and so on.

Withholding can be really common in young children and can be triggered by a fear of the potty, a painful bowel movement or even being scared of seeing their poo in the toilet! After all, it’s unlikely your child has seen what’s in their nappy during a change. It is therefore, really important that in the preparation for potty training, you show your child what is in their nappy and encourage them to describe it – “Wow, that’s a big brown poo”. Avoid using negative language around their bodily functions. Although it is usually a joke to hold your nose and say “urghh stinky”, it can cause your child to become self-conscious and may lead to withholding when potty training occurs.

In the lead up to potty training, have the potty available for your child to use should they choose to but without any pressure to. It can be a nice idea to have it next to the main toilet so that they have the option to sit on it whilst you’re using the toilet.

So, what do we do now?
Your child is showing signs of readiness, they’re now able to pull their trousers and nappy up and down, they’re telling you when their nappy needs a change and you’ve spoken about poo more than you ever thought imaginable… Now is the time to get to the shops, child in tow, to pick some cool pants! It’s really important that you make it more exciting by getting them involved in the process.

Stick to tackling day times first. Nights can take a little longer and that’s very normal.

Most importantly, try not to put too much pressure on yourself or your child but be confident that you’ve set them up for success by preparing them before this stage.

Harriet Crouch is a Parent and Childcare Consultant providing non-judgmental support and advice to families with children 0-7years.
Downloadable Parent Guides and bespoke support packages available at www.miniexplorersconsultancy.com
Instagram @harriets_mini_explorers for more parenting tips and advice

Dec 22
Love0

Choosing the right primary school for your child

By Education, family, Legal, Relationships
by Emma Willing and Antonia Felix
Mishcon de Reya law firm
www.mishcon.com

The choice of a child’s school is one of the most important decisions parents will make. For separated parents in particular, the decision can be more challenging, especially if living arrangements are not settled or if there is divergence of views as to the best educational setting for a child.

The deadline for parents (of children due to start primary school in September 2022) to apply for a state primary school place is 15 January 2022. Following the making of an application, the offer of a school place will be received from the relevant Local Authority on 16 April 2022.

Emma Willing and Antonia Felix from Mishcon de Reya’s Family and Education teams consider some of the common issues and questions which can arise when choosing the right school and making the application as parents.

Who has the ability to make a decision about where a child goes to school?
Provided both parents have parental responsibility, any important decisions in respect to a child, including regarding education, must be made by the parents jointly.

If agreement cannot be reached, or one parent has acted without the other parent’s agreement, it may be that a method of dispute resolution such as those discussed below can assist. Ultimately, if parents cannot reach an agreement, an application can be made to Court to determine the issue in dispute.

The Court’s primary focus in determining such a dispute will be an assessment of what is in the child’s best interests.

What is ‘parental responsibility’?
Parental responsibility defines the rights and responsibilities that an individual has in respect to a child, and determines who has decision-making power in matters such as education, religion and medical treatment.

The birth mother of a child automatically acquires parental responsibility at birth. This does not apply to the father or non-birth mother (in the case of a same-sex female couple), unless they were married or in a civil partnership with the mother at the time of the birth.

If the parents are unmarried, the mother is not required to enter the father or non-birth mother’s name on the birth certificate and if she does not, the father or non-birth mother will not then have parental responsibility. Despite this, if agreement cannot be reached, there are Court applications which can be made in order to obtain parental responsibility.

How can a disagreement about schooling be resolved?
While some separated parents will be able to reach a decision about the choice of schooling between themselves, others may encounter difficulties and the situation can become increasingly stressful as the application deadline looms.

There are various ways in which to resolve a disagreement:
Family member / mutual friend – A trusted family member or mutual friend may be able to assist parents in discussions. This can be particularly useful to diffuse a situation of conflict and involve someone neutral in the discussions.
Mediation – A mediator is a neutral facilitator. The mediator will be entirely independent from the parents and their respective solicitors (should the parents have them). While the mediator can facilitate and encourage discussions between separated parents, overall resolution can only be reached by agreement. Following an agreement reached by mediation, it is then advisable for both parents to consult with their own solicitors in order to formalise any agreement reached.
Arbitration – An arbitrator can be jointly appointed by the parents to make a decision in respect of the dispute. The advantage of arbitration is that resolution can normally be reached far more quickly than through the Court process. The arbitrator can impose a final outcome on the parents. However, unlike mediation which may result in an agreement, the parents may feel that they have less control over the eventual outcome.
Round table meeting/discussions between solicitors – There can be discussions between the parents’ respective solicitors either via correspondence or at a so-called ’round table meeting’ (which does not, despite the name, have to involve the parties sitting together) to resolve the issues.
Court – If agreement cannot be reached and parents do not want to use arbitration, an application can be made to Court. This should however be seen as a last resort.

What other planning can be put in place to avoid future disagreements?
It is advisable for parents to engage in discussions about the choice of a child’s school early. Where possible, parents should seek to meet or engage a third party to facilitate discussions around six to twelve months in advance of a school application deadline. Careful planning and thought is required, including attending school open days, considering up to date Ofsted reports and speaking to other parents. The earlier discussions commence, the sooner any areas of disagreement can be identified.

Parents should consider diarising future dates when applications are required to be made or assessments taken throughout their child’s education, and seek to approach the process together wherever possible.

Deciding between a mainstream school or a special needs school
Some children need more support than others to gain as much as they can from their education. A child may have been diagnosed with a medical condition, disability or special educational needs and there may be a professional assessment setting out what kind of educational help they need.

For children who need more help than a mainstream school would normally be able to provide, a plan in England called an Education Health and Care (EHC) Plan will be issued (following a formal assessment) by the local authority where a child lives. This will detail the child’s educational needs and the support they will receive.

Many children with an EHC Plan in place will go to a mainstream school, and the law gives children a right to a mainstream education if parents want this. However, parents may decide a child will be better supported in a specialist needs school. The local authority will discuss schooling options with parents when a child’s plan is drawn up, or reviewed, and must consider the parents’ views. The final decision rests with the local authority, however, if the level of provision is not agreed, an appeal to the First-tier Tribunal may need to be considered.
All mainstream schools in England and Wales will have a staff member, known as a Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator (SENCO), who is responsible for arranging support for pupils with special educational needs (SEN).

Before making a decision – whether you are separated parents, a single parent or two parents together – the key is to do research in advance, and discuss your child’s needs. Try to talk to other parents at the school, and ensure you visit the school to see first-hand how it is run.

What steps should parents take if issues arise with a Local Authority once the offer of a school place has been made?
First, it is important to remember that there is movement with school places after offers have been made during the spring and summer period. If a child does not have a place in one of the schools selected on 16 April 2022, then contact should be made with the local council to obtain details of schools with places. The council may be able to assist, avoiding any need for parents to engage the appeals process.

It is also possible to put a child’s name down on a waiting list at a preferred school via the school or the council (the ‘admission authority’ for each school must keep a waiting list open for at least the first term of each school year).

Even if a child has a school place, it is possible to go on the waiting list for another school. Parents should not automatically reject the place offered, in case doing so may result in a situation of a child having no school place. It is important to be aware that for Reception, Year 1 and Year 2 the class size is limited to 30 so the school can refuse the appeal if the limit has been reached.

Dec 13
Love0

Tips for bringing up a compassionate child

By children's health, Education, family, Relationships

Compassionate children are ones that naturally grow into kind-hearted adults, as the values instilled in them through their childhood will be carried into their later life.

The key to raising compassionate children is through being conscious of your parenting techniques and the values that they’re teaching them. Here, MindBE Education shares tips for bringing up a compassionate child:

• Use storybooks to frame ideas

When you read a story ask questions about how the characters might be feeling. How would your child feel if they were that character? What might the character have done differently to be kinder? By highlighting these actions and feelings your child will develop a greater sense of empathy and perspective that will carry forward into their own life.

• Use a persona doll or puppet to discuss issues

Sometimes children don’t like to talk about things but will happily engage through a doll or puppet or other forms of play. If your child is facing a situation or there is an issue in the air, talk to your child and discuss how the doll or puppet may be feeling. Discuss how it might make you feel and what strategies the puppet could use to feel better. By talking about issues and situations that come up we can instil the values of kindness and compassion in our child.

• Teach your child to be kind

Modelling kindness yourself is the easiest way to do this. Do you smile, hold the door open or help your neighbours? More than anything a child will pick up on the cues from the adults in their life. If you are kind and compassionate your child most likely will follow your lead. When you do something, you might explain why you tried to help another and how we can be of service to others.

• Create a sense of gratitude in your home

Being grateful is linked to being a compassionate person. When we are grateful, we can feel empathy for others who may not have something we do. We can ease fear and anxiety and focus on the good which leads to a more loving outlook in the world. Try to take turns every night at dinner to say three good things that happened that day or encourage your child to write a gratitude journal each day.

MindBE Education offers teacher and parenting training courses and resources so that they can better teach children to build compassion, courage and confidence. MindBE Education was founded by Dr Helen Maffini. An international educator, author and consultant who has worked around the world, Helen is a certified emotional intelligence trainer, a Neuro-Linguistic Practitioner and a positive psychology leader.

www.mindbe-education.com

Dec 13
Love0

Five tips for preparing your first born for their new sibling

By family, Health, prenancy, Relationships, Uncategorized

When you’re getting ready to welcome another baby into your family, you’ll no doubt want to share the excitement with your first born. By getting them involved with all the pre-baby organising, you can ensure your son or daughter is just as prepared as you are for the new arrival. Here, Kirsty Prankerd, Managing Director at Write From The Heart shares her tips for getting your little one ready for a sibling.

With another baby on the way, there’s sure to be many things you’ll be planning, and one of those should be helping to make it a positive experience for your first born, too. It’s only natural that your little one might feel a bit left out or upset knowing they won’t be mummy or daddy’s only child, but this doesn’t mean they can’t warm to the idea – especially if you get them involved with the exciting preparations.

Here, I’ll be sharing my top tips for getting your first born prepared for their new sibling.

Make a special announcement to them
Telling your little one that you’re expecting another baby can seem nerve-wracking, but if you approach it in the right way, you’ll have nothing to worry about. Creating a special announcement that gets them involved is a great way of doing this. For example, you could throw a mini tea party with plenty of their favourite foods, games, and decorations and reveal it to them during this and tell them they’re soon going to have a little brother or sister who they can do this with.

You could even give them a little gift that they’ll be able to share with their new sibling. This could be a game they could play together when they’re a little older, or a book they could read to the new arrival.

Allow them to help pick decorations for the nursery
If you’re planning on giving your nursery an overhaul before your little one arrives, it might be a nice idea to have your son or daughter help you with it. If your child is too young to help to do any painting, you could get them involved in different ways. For example, once you’ve narrowed down a few options of paints or wallpapers for the walls, you might want to ask them which they like better and go with that one.

If your child loves drawing or painting, you could even have them create something special for the newborn that you can frame and hang in the nursery.

As you will be spending quite a lot of time in the nursery, whether that’s redecorating or organising your baby’s drawers, it’s important that you try to get your little one involved as much as possible. Allowing them to help you make big decisions and being given their own responsibilities is sure to make them feel happier and more prepared to be a big brother or sister.

Get them involved with the naming process
Thinking of a name for your baby doesn’t always come easy, especially when you haven’t met them yet. This is why some parents like to come up with a few good options so that they can see which suits their newborn better once they meet.

If you’re struggling for some first or middle names, or you simply can’t pick between a couple, why not let your little one help? They’re bound to come up with some that you’re not too keen on, but by spending some time together looking through baby name books and writing down your favourites together, your son or daughter is sure to feel special – plus, you’ll have plenty of options when it’s time to meet your new baby!

Read them stories about other siblings
There are sure to still be periods of uncertainty for your child about having a new sibling, even if they appear excited at times. To help ease any worries and show them how fun it can be to have a brother or sister to share family life with, I would recommend reading them stories about siblings.

Whether the storyline is about fun adventures that siblings can go on together or gives your little one ideas about what types of games they could play together when the baby is a bit older, it’s sure to make them a bit more enthusiastic and excited.

To make it a bit more personal, you could even look for books that can have the character names personalised to match your son or daughter’s name, so they feel extra special and relate with the character more.

Let them choose a gift for the baby’s arrival
Letting your child select a gift from them for the baby’s arrival can be a great initial bonding experience, especially when they choose something that your newborn can cherish for years, like a cuddly toy or a blanket.

So next time you head out to the shops for some baby supplies, why not take your son or daughter with you? Head to the newborn baby section with them so you can be sure anything they choose will be suitable for a tiny human.

If you’ve already decided on a name, you could even let them choose a personalised gift, like a soft toy with your baby’s name embroidered on, or a memory box that they can help to fill when your newborn has arrived.

Ease your child’s nerves or jealousy about a new sibling by getting them involved as much as possible with the preparations. By giving them responsibilities and getting their opinions, they’re sure to feel much more valued and excited to meet their new brother or sister!

www.writefromtheheartkeepsakes.co.uk

Nov 15
Love0

The importance of learning to share

By Education, family
by Stephanie Hope
Author of “I Don’t Have to Share”

Commonly used phrases in any childhood social setting are ‘Can you share?’ or ‘Sharing is caring’. Sharing is seen as an obligatory attribute that our children must implement from a very young age.

The pressure within society to raise kind, generous children that always share can result in caregivers forcing children to share before they’ve learnt empathy or self-regulation.

If sharing is forced it can feel like a punishment, consequently, the word share is no longer understood as an act of kindness and generosity, rather something unenjoyable.

Sharing is an important part of friendship forming; learning this skill allows children to play co-operatively by taking turns, developing patience and managing disappointment. Allowing children to experiment with sharing and not sharing will contribute to understanding compromise, fairness, and conflict resolution.

It is crucial we recognise and accept that sharing is difficult, even for adults and especially for young children. Some children will be more likely to want to share than others and all children develop at different stages. Ergo, a child who is more possessive is not being bad or unkind.

So, what can we implement as caregivers to organically instil sharing?
1. Keep sharing optional
Adults can decide which of their belongings to share and with whom. When an adult is using something, another person waits until they are finished, children should be taught and given the same respect.

If we force children to share, they will leave the encounter feeling aggrieved, not generous. Unsurprisingly, they’re less likely to share after that.

2. Model generosity
Copycat behaviour in children is universal, so when sharing it’s important to label it. If we model frequent generosity and sharing it is likely our children will implement the same.

3. Encourage
Give plenty of specific praise when you observe your child sharing with their peers, “That was really kind of you to share your snack with Toby, did you see how happy it made him?”

Specific praise will encourage repetition of the behaviour and help identify how sharing made them and others feel. Eventually children will take the initiative to share without influence to reap its positive rewards.

4. Make exceptions
There are many scenarios a child not sharing should be accepted and respected. Some examples include; if a certain toy is special to them, if they are still focused on an activity, or if they have set up their own imaginative game.

5. Guide children to come up with solutions
When we intervene in a social interaction by insisting that a child shares, we are also interrupting a learning experience. If children are refusing to share, rather than insisting that they take turns or give up a toy, instead, guide them to finding their own solution or compromise. “There’s only one car and you both want to play with it, what could we do?”

6. Teach assertive responses
It would be beneficial for children to learn a handful of phrases they can use repeatedly in social situations where they don’t have to share and have decided not to. Pairing positive assertiveness with kindness will help them develop respect for themselves and for others.

To summarise, learning to share with grace is progressive. With plenty of opportunities to practice, conflicts included, children will discover the importance of sharing and respectively when it is okay NOT to share.

To help children identify some situations in which they shouldn’t have to share, award-winning authors Toni McAree & Stephanie Hope have released a bright, rhyming book controversially titled ‘I Don’t Have to Share’. Readers follow a fun character, Haz the Monster, through different scenarios where he is asked to share. How Haz the Monster responds to his peers teaches children assertiveness, confidence, and respect in regards to sharing.

“My Mum says I don’t have to share this toy, it’s my special one you see, I’ve had it all my life and don’t want anyone touching it but me.”

‘I Don’t Have to Share’ is available now on Amazon. £5.27

Close Menu