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Nov 09
Love0

Marriage vs Cohabitation Understanding your legal rights

By Education, family, Finance, Legal, Relationships, Uncategorized
by Deborah Bailey
Gowen & Stevens Solicitors

Marriage, or indeed a civil partnership, which is treated the same as marriage upon breakdown, is not for everyone. Even though there have been changes in the law allowing same sex partners to marry, a growing number of couples still regard it as old-fashioned and believe they have no requirement for ‘a piece of paper’ to confirm commitment to each other. Living together or ‘cohabiting’ remains the fastest growing family arrangement.

Often, it is only when facing the breakdown of a relationship that unmarried couples realise how that seemingly irrelevant piece of paper could have altered their situation. Furthermore, even if you remain blissfully together, there are still potential pitfalls for cohabiting families as time passes. Read on to find out how you can protect yourself and your children.

Even if you have lived together for a long time or have children together, the law will not protect you if you break up. Despite the media’s love of the term common-law wife, or indeed husband, this is not a recognised term in law. The fact that your relationship even existed, when it comes to the law, may be irrelevant. Often, the only issue to resolve in a breakdown of a cohabiting relationship will be what happens to the home. The fact that there may be children to re-home may not be a consideration and you could end up in a desperate situation.

Conversely, when looking at how to distribute a family’s assets on divorce, a spouse can call upon the matrimonial law to look at all the relevant circumstances of the relationship, often before but certainly during and after the marriage. The goal in these circumstances is to seek a result that is fair to both spouses with the welfare of the children being treated as a primary consideration. The future living arrangements of all involved will be a concern as will the financial position of each spouse following the divorce.

Whilst campaigners are lobbying for a change in the law to protect unmarried families, until this happens, people need to be aware and take steps wherever possible to protect themselves and their children. So what can you do?

Property
If you own property together and both names are on the property register, then you probably had a discussion with your conveyancing solicitor about how you would own the property so there is a chance that your ownership will already be clearly defined.

Matters become more complicated if the property is owned by only one of you. However, the non legal owner may still have an interest in the property dependant upon how finances were arranged during the relationship and what agreements you had. Seeking legal advice in this scenario is essential and can help determine your interest and how you can realise this.

If you are buying a property in which you intend to live together, speak to your solicitor about the ways in which you can own the property and how you can protect yourself.

Maintenance
If you are looking after the children, you can claim maintenance following a break-up from your former partner for your children. If this cannot be agreed, apply to the Child Maintenance Service.

Unlike divorce, unmarried former partners cannot claim maintenance for themselves from the other partner, even if they are the stay-at-home parent looking after the children.

Inheritance
As cohabiting partners, unlike married couples, there is no automatic right of inheritance if your partner dies without making a will. Whilst you and your children could make an application against your partner’s estate if they were maintaining you prior to their death, this could be a stressful experience at an already difficult time. Making a Will could avoid a lot of anxiety and uncertainty for your loved ones.

Partners should also think about taking out life assurance.

Consider also making Lasting Powers of Attorney. If you become ill and incapable of managing your own affairs a cohabiting partner has no legal right to make decisions on your behalf. This could cause difficulties with the wider family who may or may not know your wishes. Appointing your partner as your Attorney could avoid such difficulties.

Cohabitation Agreements
It’s not very romantic but thinking about your arrangements before you buy a property or move in together can save a lot of heartache if things go wrong. A cohabitation agreement is strongly recommended and a solicitor can help you consider all the issues that could arise and, provided it is properly drafted, could protect against costly court proceedings.

Ultimately, every situation is different but being aware that living together is very different from being married means that you can take steps to avoid problems later if things go wrong. Always seek advice from an experienced solicitor who specialises in this complex area of family law.

An established practice for over 120 years with offices in Cheam, Banstead and Sutton. Offering a highly personal service tailored to all aspects of your family and business life.
www.gowenandstevens.com

Nov 07
Love0

Older mums live longer

By family

Having a baby in your thirties can mean you live longer. A scientific study has revealed that women who had children later were more likely to live longer than those who gave birth in their teens and 20s.

The study, published in the Journal of Public Health, reports that “As the age of pregnancy increases so does the life expectancy of women at 65. In other words, the older the women are at birth, the longer they live.

“Women who give birth later tend to live longer and the genes that allow for later pregnancy benefit female life span”

The survey was conducted by researchers from the University of Coimbra in Portugal, who examined birth and life-expectancy data from all European Union nations, including the UK.

NHS specialists have previously warned Britain is facing a ‘fertility time bomb’ because women are having children at a much later age than in previous generations.

The average age for a woman to have her first baby in the UK is now 30. One in 25 of all UK births is to a mother over 40. While it is unclear why women who have children later live for longer some experts suggest that their personal background plays a big role.

Fertility expert Lord Winston said: ”There are several reasons why this could be the case. Women who give birth later in life tend to be of a higher social standing and have a better income. They could find it easier to conceive later in life because of social circumstances, and it is well-known that people who have a higher level of education are usually in a higher income bracket and have greater longevity because they can afford to lead healthier lifestyles.”

Raj Mathur, policy advisor for the British Fertility Society, said: “It is interesting that, as women are having children later, they are also living longer. But we should be careful not to use this data to delay child-bearing because women who try to have children in their 30s and 40s are more likely to struggle”

Jul 18
Love0

How to handle criticism of your parenting

By Education, family, Mental health, Relationships

Every parent has the right to raise their child in a way that they best see fit. Experts recognise many different, yet successful, forms of parenting and the fact that there is no one right way to support the well-being of our children.

It’s not only important to acknowledge various parenting methods, but also for parents to be aware that it’s okay to take time to work out what is right for you and your family. This is especially important as what might work for one parent might not work for you with your children. However, the various parenting techniques out there can lead parents to compare themselves to others or feel that they must try out the latest parenting trend, whether that suits their child’s unique needs or not. Parenting is also challenging to keep up with, you might have finally found what works with your child and the next thing you know, they’ve outgrown that stage and you need to try something else.

We are bound to make mistakes as parents, no one is perfect. With each day comes new hurdles and developmental milestones. Raising your children into well-rounded individuals won’t happen overnight, it’s a work in progress, a beautiful one, but work all the same. Unfortunately, with parenting also comes unnecessary criticism, whether this be from other family members, friends, or chatty mums at the school gates. Hearing negative comments about your parenting style can certainly hit a nerve and knock our confidence.

Ben Edwards, a self-confidence expert and relationship coach, has some excellent pieces of advice for handing criticism over your parenting.

Ask why they are criticising you.
If your own parents, for example, appear to be criticising you, it might only be because they feel close enough to you that they can comment on your family.

However, it’s important to ask why they are doing this and what they want to achieve from it. If they can see something you are doing isn’t working or can offer you a solution, ask them if that’s the case. Your parents are likely to want to help and guide you as you parent your child – letting them know how it’s coming across can be an easy way to change the tone.

Differentiate between criticism and advice
Quite often, especially with new parents, when someone offers you parenting advice it’s easy to assume they are criticising what you are currently doing or suggesting that you are getting something wrong. Sometimes, people really do just want to help. Differentiating between useful advice that you can take onboard and unhelpful criticism will help you to see who is worth talking to about parenting and asking for tips and who it’s best to ignore.

Listen to the experts
While it’s true that the only real expert about a child is their parents, if you are really unsure about what’s best, speak to a professional. A health visitor is there to help you ease into life with a baby, so if you are feeling overwhelmed about all the advice and/or criticism you seem to be receiving, ask someone who is specifically trained in the field.

Accept that everyone parents differently
You and your best friend might have done everything together and been very similar for years, but this can all change when you have children. If you and your best friend parent your children differently, accept that everyone is different and remind yourself that you parent in a certain way because it’s right for your children; everybody is unique and what works for one child may not work for another. This will help you to feel secure about the way you are doing things; just because your methods differ does not mean they are any less justified or productive. If you feel your friend is being critical, discuss this openly and be honest about your feelings.

Be confident
When people see you parenting your child in a way that they think is different or don’t agree with, they’ll often feel like they need to comment on it. Sounding confident and certain that that’s the way you do things, with phrases such as “it works for us so we don’t plan to change that until we have to” or “thank you for your ideas but I’ve decided to do this” will clearly show people, in a polite way, that you are secure in your parenting style and this will make it less likely for people to offer unwanted advice.

For more self-confidence and relationship advice, visit www.benedwards.com

Jul 17
Love0

FREE FISHING FUN FOR EVERYONE

By family, fun for children, Sport, Summer

The football World Cup may be over, but another great sporting events kicks off in less than two weeks. National Fishing Month (NFM) 2018 – the highlight of the fishing year – begins on 27th July and gives everyone the chance to give angling a go under the guidance of specially-trained experts.  And everything is free!

NFM is now in its 26th year of unrivalled success, during which it has helped to introduce hundreds of thousands of people to a lifelong sport and the huge happiness it brings. Millions of anglers have discovered
already that angling takes them to beautiful places to catch wonderful fish, making lots of new friends on the way. It’s both exciting and relaxing, generating huge personal satisfaction though close and informed contact with nature. Most of all, it’s great fun.

This year there are more than 250 events nationwide, listed online at www.nationalfishingmonth.com so there’ll be a participating venue close to everyone. Taking part is simplicity itself – just need to register online and then turn up. Everything will be provided without charge, and most people will experience the ultimate thrill of catching their first fish under the watchful guidance of their coach.

Everyone who takes part will go home with presents…  a NFM ‘goody bag’ containing the ‘Get Into Fishing’ booklet full of information on how to get started and advice on different types of fishing, a log book to make a note of their first catches and a special certificate as a memento of their days free fishing.

Naidre Werner, Chairman of the Angling Trades Association which organises NFM, commented: ‘July and August really will be focused on angling. There are hundreds of events going on nationwide, beginning with a launch event at The Game Fair at Ragley Hall, near Evesham, Worcestershire (on 27th, 28th and 29th July).  National Fishing Month will have its own fly and coarse teaching areas’.

Across the country, leading tackle company supporters such as Daiwa, Dinsmores, Fladen, Middy, Leeda, Pure Fishing and Angling Direct have all donated products and time in support of NFM so that tackle can be used on the bank for coaching and as prizes at events.

Details of events that are scheduled already are listed on the National Fishing Month website at www.nationalfishingmonth.com and can be viewed by entering your postcode.  The nearest events and their details will then be shown and you will be able to book a coaching time to suit you.

NATIONAL FISHING MONTH 2018 RUNS BETWEEN 27TH JULY AND 2ND SEPTEMBER.

Jul 08
Love0

Challenging gender stereotypes

By Education, family, Relationships
by Chloe Webster
Pebbles childcare

As a society, we are becoming significantly more aware of issues, troubles and confusion around the subject of gender for children and within the Early Years Sector. Here we take a look at how we as practitioners and parents can support children in exploring their feelings towards their gender and to ensure that we are not promoting or advocating gender stereotypes within our settings and home routines and environment, thus allowing children the freedom and confidence to be happy and resilient individuals.

BBC 2 aired a fascinating documentary entitled No more boys and girls: can our kids go gender free? piloting an experiment within a school whereby all items/language/practices that could promote traditional gender stereotypes were removed and discussed
and the children were encouraged to be ‘gender free’ with no reference or distinction being made to them as ‘boys’ and ‘girls.’

As society becomes more aware of gender stereotyping and issues; with schools now introducing same-sex toilets, banning skirts and gender typical uniform, and commuter announcements being changed to include and promote equality for the binary community (genderless), this documentary bought these issues to our attention and as a result made us reflect upon our own practice and provision in order to identify whether or not we are indirectly promoting gender stereo-typical play for our children.

As both practitioners and parents we can all be guilty of gender stereotyping children indirectly in even the most discreet of ways, which inadvertently contribute to the overbearing stereotypes that society has now imposed on our children.

As Ros Ball and James Miller investigate in their book The gender agenda: a first-hand account of how girls and boys are treated differently, so many people make the assumption and distinction that there are specific toys designated for boys and girls.

Take this extract from the book where the authors write about a play date with a friend and their child: “11th March 2011 – Yesterday a friend came to play with her three year old boy and a one year old girl. I asked what toys they would like me to get out. I suggested DUPLO, musical instruments, cars or dressing up. My friend was sure her boy would want to play with the cars. He didn’t seem more interested in them than any other toys to me. Later she asked her girl, ‘Wouldn’t you like to try on the fairy wings?’ She said no. I often see blatant directing of children into gendered play like this, yet parents don’t notice their own influence. Isn’t it obvious?”

This sparks the debate; is it us as adults and society who are indirectly forcing these stereotypes onto children? Or are our children genetically designed to show an innate preference for certain types of play and resources?

Whether you are a parent or a practitioner, look around your environments and ask yourself how many of your toys are blue and pink? What types of toys are these? How are both genders represented within your setting and environments that your children access, in terms of images, stories and learning resources? Do these representations fit with society’s stereotypes? Are girls represented as the ‘weaker’ more vulnerable characters whilst the boys are represented as being ‘strong’ and the leaders?

We may not intend to force these stereotypes on our children, and it is exceptionally easy to do indirectly and so we need to be conscious of what our environments and resources are saying to our children and how these factors could be contributing to children adhering to strict gender stereotypes.

For example, even the television programmes children watch and engage with endorse gender stereotypes, for example, Ros Ball, author of The Gender Agenda, reflects on the time her daughter chose a ‘Bob the Builder’ magazine to read on the train, showing a particular interest in the ‘Join Bob’s team’ page with photos of children being sent in and published building and constructing in various ways – all of Bob’s ‘team’ were boys.

What message does this send to our children? Is it any wonder children are developing set ideas of what ‘jobs’ are specific to each gender?

It is not only the environment and resources that we need to be mindful of, similarly the language we use is just as important as the environment and attitudes we provide; for example, the BBC 2 documentary noticed how the teacher referred to the boys using terms of endearment such as ‘mate’ and ‘lad’ whilst he frequently referred to the girls as ‘sweetheart’ and ‘love’, using these terms countless times throughout the day. When the boys were questioned on whether the teacher should refer to them as ‘sweetheart’ and ‘love’ too, the boys were dismayed and said, “That’s not what you call boys! That’s a
girls word!”

Language is powerful and can impact our children and their behaviours more than we realise. Aren’t we all guilty of telling boys, “We don’t hit girls”, “Be nice to the girls” and “Let the girls go first.”

Whilst this is both polite and friendly behaviour, we also need to be mindful of what message this relays to the children. “We don’t hit our friends”, “Be nice to each other” and “Take it in turns” is significantly more useful language to use in order to promote positive relationships and understanding of politeness and manners to everyone.

As Early Years practitioners, we have a responsibility to the children in our care to remain as gender neutral as possible through the language we use, the environment we provide and the resources we provide access to.

And as parents, we are at the front line of influencing children’s understanding of gender and where these stereotypes are initiated and ingrained – within the child’s earliest years. However, we could question whether becoming moderately gender neutral in our settings confuses children. We tend to encourage children to develop a sense of self and make comparisons and distinctions between themselves and others, talking about similarities and differences and the characteristics that make them unique. Yet on the other hand we are trying not to distinguish between their genders and differences.

The Early Years community is only a small part of a much wider society, and so it poses the question is society as a whole ready to be completely gender neutral? For practitioners and parents alike the gender debate is one which is only just beginning. It is vital that we are all mindful and proactive in challenging stereotypes as they occur and ensuring that our children understand that they are not defined by their gender alone and we support them in exploring their gender and being confident and comfortable with who they are as people, not just simply as ‘boys’ and ‘girls’.

Chloe Webster and Bridgit Brown are OFSTED ‘Outstanding’ Childminders From Worthing, West Sussex offering a professional and individual service for children and their families aged 0-8 years. www.pebbleschildcare.co.uk

Jul 08
Love0

What you need to know before considering mediation

By Education, family, Finance, Legal, Relationships, Uncategorized
by Sarah Brookes
Brookes Family Mediation

The mediator will not tell you what to do or make any decisions for you
The mediator’s role is to support you both towards reaching joint decisions, on the issues that you each identify as needing resolution. Whilst the mediator will help you to reality test any proposed agreements; to ensure that they will work as intended, in meeting and protecting each of your needs; they will not seek to influence the final decisions that you make. You will be supported to jointly take responsibility for the shape of your future. This approach reduces conflict and minimises the need to compete; unfortunately, the exact opposite is true of court proceedings. It is for this reason that mediated arrangements have proved less likely to break down than court ordered arrangements.

Mediation is more likely to be successful if you keep an open mind
Whilst it is helpful to give some thought to what you would like to achieve through mediation; you will also need to be able to consider ideas and proposals put forward by the other person. This approach enables all options to be explored, in order to find the best solutions for you both. Agreement is usually reached quickest when both people feel that they have been fully and equally involved and listened to within the process.

A mediator does not make moral judgements
Mediation is not about raking over the past to decide who was right and who was wrong. It is about dealing with the here and now, and the practical arrangements and decisions that need to be made, to enable you both to move forward in the best way possible. The mediator will remain impartial and committed to helping you both equally, throughout the process. Emotional outbursts are fairly common within mediation, and will not affect the mediator’s ability to remain entirely impartial.

A mediator is not a passive observer
The mediator will take an active part in your discussions, and whilst they will not give advice, they will often make suggestions, flag up points that have not been considered, and give relevant information. Where necessary, the mediator will also refocus the conversations, to ensure that they are constructive and moving forward towards solutions and agreements.

Where there has been domestic abuse, mediation may still be
the best option
It is the mediator’s duty to provide a safe environment where you are able to freely express your views, without fear of harm. If you do have concerns relating to your safety, the mediator will be able to asses and advise as to whether or not mediation is appropriate in your circumstances. If you don’t feel able to sit in the same room as your former partner, mediation can take place on a ‘shuttle’ basis, which is where you will sit in separate rooms, with the mediator moving between you. The mediator will usually also arrange staggered arrival and departure times. There is even the possibility of mediation taking place through Skype, so that you do not have to be in the same building.

Sarah Brookes spent 16 years working as a family lawyer in Eastbourne, before setting up Brookes Family Mediation. Sarah is passionate about the benefits of mediation. If you are uncertain about whether mediation is right for you, or if you have any questions, give Sarah a call on: 01323 411629 or email her: sarah@brookesfamilymediation.co.uk
Or for more information go to: www.brookesfamilymediation.co.uk

Jul 06
Love0

Discover how to be a better parent and not feel guilty

By dance & Art, Education, family, fun for children, Mental health, Relationships
Top tips from Justine van de Weg,
The Arts College Worthing

As parents it is very easy to feel that we are not doing it right and we are often asked the same questions; How do I become a better parent? What am I doing wrong? I just want my child to be happy, why can’t I understand them? How do I deal with their outbursts, anger and anxiety? Why are they OK at school all day and then difficult at home? How do I say ‘no’ to my child without feeling guilty?

Here are five top tips to help you keep the balance of parenting (without feeling guilty).

1. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can
It is very easy for us as parents to compare ourselves to others and feel that we are in some way failing. The world bombards us 24/7 via social media with unrealistic images. This can make you feel that you should be able to achieve more. Life is often very hectic and many of us are faced with work and home life balance battles every day.

Ask yourself these questions:
• Do I feel guilty and upset after an argument?
• Do I sometimes feel out of control?
• Do I feel like a broken record; constantly repeating the same instruction?
• Do I feel burnt out and tired?
• Do I feel whatever I try is just not working?

All these questions that you ask yourself reveal the following:
• You care – that is why you often worry
• You are prepared to learn new parenting skills when you don’t feel judged or criticised
• You will naturally look at other parents and compare yourself forgetting they are doing the same with you!

Remember, when you compare yourself to other parents you are only witnessing them with their children on their good day. If you really think about it, you have some good days and some bad days but when you are tired the bad days can feel overwhelming and out
of control.

2. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries
What is a boundary? Factually saying aloud what you do not like somebody to say or do to you without becoming personal. Many parents become confused with the word boundary as they assume they are destructively disciplining. You can set the boundary with a calm approach, whilst being open to listening to your child without taking it personally.

Boundaries are healthy actions that allow you to:
• Say what you do or don’t like
• Explain how an action or situation makes you feel
• Want to resolve, instead of win an argument.

Boundary setting can become unclear when you ask your child to do something and threaten them with a consequence but do not follow it through. This is where the repeating of the instruction can feel like listening to a broken record.

Examples; “Can you please wash the dishes.” “This is the second time I’ve asked you to wash the dishes.” “By the time I ask you for the third time to wash the dishes, there will be a consequence of
not watching the movie with
us tonight.”

How many of you stick to the third request and follow through with the clear consequence?

When you are tired you feel yourself giving in and once again the feeling of being ‘a broken record’ arises. Simple, clear boundary setting helps your child understand what you expect from them and what you want them to do.

3. When you ask, give in return
If you want your child to work with you, help with chores and to work together as a team, show them their effort pays off. We all love to feel appreciated and if they are rewarded with a thank you or praise it will make for a happier household (this reward does not always have to be financial, you will mostly find your child just wants to do an activity with you).

4. Giving the special one hour
Every day switch off your phone and enjoy fully engaging without any interruptions and doing activities led by your child. It sounds obvious but how many times do you reach for the phone whilst your child is talking to you or wants your attention?

5. Have a clear routine or schedule
A routine schedule clearly defines to your child when they are spending time with you. Having a monthly calendar on the wall helps them to understand when you ask them to do chores, they will feel they are being rewarded and appreciated by spending quality time with you. If you have more than one child, they can see when it is their turn to do something special with Mum
or Dad.

In conclusion, start being kind to yourself and realise when you are tired, you can ask for help (this is not a sign of weakness) and don’t be afraid to delegate. Trying to do it all by yourself is something that you will never be able to achieve!

Justine van de Weg is the Founder of The Arts College in Worthing.
Art Psychology is a new area of study – a tool for parents to learn how their children’s brain grows as well as develops emotionally and socially in their home.
Call 01903 529 633
www.justine86.wixsite.com/kidsartclasses

Jul 06
Love0

What is so good about being part of a drama group?

By dance & Art, Education, family, fun for children
by Sally Orr
Co director at Drama Queens and longtime drama group facilitator

 

For the young children who run into our studio every week with smiles on their faces, there is an excitement about being part of a group; maybe with friends from school, or perhaps, with their new friends from the new group. There is the promise of learning something new and fun, or taking part in an invigorating or relaxing activity.

Since we established our theatre sessions, workshops and performances many years ago, we have consistently found that the younger and older children forge new friendships outside school. This is important in helping them establish their own identity at all stages of development from an early age up to the sometimes turbulent teenage years.

This is where the drama comes in – social skills are a part of our everyday lives and as we know, we start developing them at a very early age. By using the techniques that are available to us in the creative arts, we are able to lay the foundations that help build the confidence to use these skills. Friendships formed in groups outside school can create a world for children to escape to if there are troubles within school friendships groups, or can simply act as an extra layer to existing friendship groups.

Together with this, working within a creative framework can be a freeing and relaxing time for a child of any age, whether they are six or 16. We know that where confidence and low self-esteem are an issue, acting out, role-playing and using imagination can dramatically (please excuse the pun!) increase these in abundance, especially when encouraged in a nurturing environment.

Self-expression can be difficult, but all children and young adults deserve a way to express themselves; be it the child who likes to make shapes with their body to tell a story through the medium of dance, the teenager that likes to act out scenarios through improvisation and character, a person that can sing the phone book or someone that can use a pen and paper to draw their imagination. Every individual student should be able to find a medium that is best suited to them and be given the opportunity to have a creative outlet to express themselves.

The first thing I always notice and often hear said about why teenagers enjoy drama groups is the social aspect of them. Often the older children come along and really gel as a group; it’s a space away from their normal friends and school, homework, a place where they can come and enjoy drama and enjoy the sociability of a different group. It’s a place where new friends can be made and bonds formed, especially important if they are finding it difficult to make friends at school. The start of secondary school can be a particularly tough time, especially if friendship groups formed in primary school have broken up, as children go to different schools. Three of our drama groups are made up of young people who all love acting and drama and who used to go to the same schools. This is a place for them to meet weekly, and the friendships then can extend beyond school and college.

Confidence is tricky. There is no magical way to ‘become ‘ more confident overnight. However, it is well-known that being part of a drama class can help a child become more confident, if taken in consistent sessions. These might take the form of being part of an ensemble or group working on acting skills or perhaps working towards a small or larger part in a play with the support of the rest of the group. Two scenarios stand out for me from my experience as a group leader – I especially enjoy speaking to parents who say, “My child was so shy, they couldn’t speak to anyone, now they are more confident, now they can stand up in front of class at school and speak in front of everyone else.” Equally, a teenager struggling to be ‘heard’ in other areas of their life might develop the confidence to speak up, to go to an interview or to be more assertive with friends. There is also no doubt that many young people find that performing in front of friends and family, or complete strangers, is an exciting, often exhilarating opportunity to show a different side of themselves.

Exploring children’s ideas and concerns through the arts allows children a voice for debate and question in a controlled environment. They won’t just make assumptions, they will find the courage to ask questions and to express what they really want to say. They can start this journey by using the techniques that the performing and creative arts provide. Children from tots to teens realise that they can begin to reach for goals they may not have thought possible and this will spill over into every area of life.

By allowing children the freedom of speech and confidence to share their thoughts, ideas and opinions in a safe environment at a young age, a happy healthy teen will evolve and in time become a confident young adult.

Sally and Debbie have been running Drama Queens in Brighton for 14 years and offer groups for those from 5 to 18 years old.
Please see www.dramaqueens.biz for futher details.

Jul 02
Love0

The sun has got his hat on – and so should your child

By baby health, children's health, Education, family, Health, Safety, Summer, swimming

When protecting children from harmful rays, clothing is just as important as sunscreen, say dermatologists at Spire Gatwick Park Hospital in Horley.

Putting sunscreen on children is one of those chores that can bring a cloud to an otherwise sunny day. A familiar sight on a beach is a parent restraining a child with one hand and quickly rubbing cream in before their ‘little prisoner’ breaks free to head once more into the water.

They won’t thank you now but protecting your child from the sun’s harmful rays could prevent them from having skin cancer when they are in their 30s – and struggling to apply sun cream to their own children.

But parents forget how vital clothing can be. Long sleeved tops, wide brimmed hats and special UV protective swim
wear are easy to put on as part of getting dressed to go out for the day, and often tick a box with the fashion-conscious child. Synthetic fabrics are better than cotton as the weave is not as loose. Hold the material up to the light to see how much filters through and choose clothing with a tight weave. Dark colours such as reds, blues or greens are more effective at blocking sun rays than white, light or pastels – and have the added bonus of making it easier to spot your child on a crowded beach or park.

Even on warm but overcast days, the UV rays can still penetrate through clouds, so continue to protect your child with clothing and sunscreen. And encourage them to cover up or play in the shade during the peak times between midday and 3pm when the sun is at its most harmful.

Children naturally have more exposure to sun as they are more likely to be running around outdoors partially clothed and in and out of water. Trying to re-apply sunscreen every two hours may not always be practical, so clothing can be a parent’s biggest ally. Add a good sunblock and shade, and you will be giving your child a very precious gift that will last a lifetime – that of reducing their risk of skin cancer in later life.

Children can be ‘slippery fish’ when it comes to applying sunscreen. Reduce the stress for you and them by trying these top tips:
• Make putting on sunscreen a natural part of the preparations for going to the park or the beach. If it becomes a ritual, like brushing teeth, children will be more accepting.
• Make it family fun – help each other to apply sunscreen in front of a mirror so you can see which bits you’ve missed.
• Don’t leave it to the last minute to apply sunscreen – as soon as they see the water or playground you will have a battle on your hands. Instead, apply sunscreen before you leave the house. Sunscreen works best after half an hour anyway.
• Time reapplications with a snack or treat for distraction.
• A squirming toddler? Then apply as much as you can while the child is strapped in their buggy or car seat.
• For quick reapplications, use a spray, but avoid eyes and mouths and encourage your child to hold their breath while you apply it. Or invest in a roll-on sunscreen so children can do it themselves.

Did you know?
UV light can penetrate car windows so invest in a stick-on UV protection screen. And certain medication, such as antibiotics or malaria tablets, may make your child’s skin more susceptible to the sun’s rays.

What sunscreen to choose:
Look for a sunscreen that offers both UVA and UVB protection. An SPF of 30 or more with a UVA rating of 4 or 5 stars is a good standard of sun protection for children. Opt for water-resistant creams if your child is
a water baby.

Babies and sun:
Babies under six months old shouldn’t be exposed to sun
at all at this age as their skin burns more easily. When outdoors, always put a baby in the shade with a parasol and fully covered in clothes, with
a wide brimmed hat.

Banishing the misery of prickly heat:
Prickly heat usually appears as tiny bumps on the neck, chest, shoulders and back and is caused when sweat gets trapped under the skin blocking pores or sweat ducts. Babies and small children are prone to prickly heat. The rash usually disappears after a few days but ease symptoms by giving your child a cooling bath and keep away from the sun. Dress them in loose cotton clothing and encourage them to drink plenty of water. If your child is prone to prickly heat, give them an antihistamine half hour before you head outdoors.

Eczema and sunscreen:
Finding an SPF sunscreen for eczema prone skin can be a challenge. There are plenty of ultra-sensitive sunscreens on the market, which are free from perfume and parabens – preservatives used to stop sun cream going mouldy which can aggravate eczema.

If you are using a product for the first time, test it first by putting a small amount to the pulse of your child’s wrist or the crook of their elbow. Don’t wash that area for 24 – 48 hours and watch for any allergic reaction such as redness or a rash.

Advice from Dr Sandeep Cliff and Dr Noreen Cowley, consultant dermatologists at the Spire Gatwick Park Hospital.
Call 01293 778 906 or visit www.spiregatwick.com

Jul 02
Love0

What is a celebrant and what do they do?

By family, Legal, Relationships

by Alexandra Harrison
Celebrant

You might ask, “A what-a-brant?” A celebrant is someone who writes and leads personalised ceremonies. An example is a naming ceremony, which is a special way to celebrate the birth of a baby or officially welcome your child/children into your family. It is a secular (non-religious) event, and an opportunity to gather friends and family for a beautiful and memorable gathering.

A celebrant can lead a ceremony anywhere, any time. It does not have to be at a licenced venue (but it can be!)

In the 21st century, many people are moving away from traditional christenings or baptisms and are choosing a naming or welcoming ceremony instead – sometimes known as a civil ceremony. These are led by an independent celebrant.

When your child is born you may have already chosen their name, but for some parents it may take a while. The name you choose may have personal meaning but whatever the reason it is one of the first gifts you will give your child – after life itself!

What makes up a ceremony?
Well, it is really up to you and what you want. During a naming ceremony, there is no set script or structure. You can include many different elements or options to make it personal to you and your family. With a celebrant, the ceremony is designed around what is important to your family – and what you want to say to your baby/child/children. You may have different beliefs or faiths and wish to incorporate something from both. A celebrant will guide you through all the different options.

Can I have my own vows or promises?
Yes, of course. A celebrant can help you write these.

Can I include other people in the ceremony?
Definitely. It is a lovely idea to include other people. These could be grandparents, aunts, uncles or other guiding adults (known as guardians or supporting adults). Or it could be brothers and sisters who want to welcome their new sibling. In fact, involving them can play a really important part in giving them their own sense of importance and responsibility for their new sibling. Giving other children a role in the ceremony can even help with jealousy issues.

Can I have symbolic elements or rituals?
Yes definitely! For instance, a ‘sand ceremony’ is a powerful way to represent the joining of
a family, where different coloured grains of sand are poured into a single vase representing the blending of a family never to be separated. The ideas are endless.

Your celebrant will guide you through and help create both an order of service and the ceremony itself, linking together all the different elements you have chosen. A service will normally contain (but not necessarily in this order):
• Introduction and welcome
• Information about the child
• Readings, music, poems
• Words about the importance of parenting
• Parental vows/promises (a celebrant can help with these)
• Words around the importance of wider friends and family
• Appointment of Guide Parents
• Reason for the name(s) and the naming itself
• Concluding words.

But it is important to remember that a naming ceremony is not just for babies. It can happen at any age. It could also be a wonderful way to welcome a child that you are adopting – creating a special bond as you acknowledge and welcome them into your family.

Some celebrants can even help with organising the whole event from finding your ideal location, creating the invitations to organising the catering. This really helps, taking the stress
and strain away – especially when you will have your hands full already!

And did you know a celebrant is not just for naming ceremonies? A qualified celebrant can write a completely tailored wedding or commitment ceremony, renewal of vows or celebration of life ceremony. And, like a naming ceremony, these can be held anywhere – they do not have to be at a licenced venue.

Alexandra Harrison is a qualified independent celebrant.
Contact Alex for a friendly informal chat about your ceremony on 07983 415 784 or visit her website
for more information www.alexandra-harrison.com

Alexandra also runs a baby naming facebook page see www.facebook.com/BabyNamingWithAlexandra/

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