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Nov 18
Love0

The importance of a broad and balanced education

By children's health, Education, Sport
by Mr Adrian Perks, Headmaster
St. Andrew’s School, Woking

In a world which seems increasingly to be driven by social media with its limiting and somewhat populist and opinionated messages, I have been concerned for some time that our children are increasingly isolated from a reality which still requires a broad and holistic view of the world to provide balance and clarity. There remains therefore, in our opinion, a significant need for our young children to be exposed to educational experiences which allow them to explore and investigate areas of learning. This will provide them with the tools to make better informed judgements in the course of their young lives.

This journey of broad discovery essentially starts at primary and indeed pre-primary level and provides all children with the opportunity to seek out and explore areas of interest and to develop talent which provide many with a lifelong love of learning. Over the years I have spoken to many parents whose main requirement, when considering the options for their children, is to ensure their children are happy. Happiness and thus mental health are of key importance in a world of increased pressure and expectations. Children supported and nurtured and indeed loved within their school will automatically have a head start and hopefully will develop a hunger for knowledge. Of course the breadth of study and the balance of the curriculum is also key and provides the option for all to explore their individual burgeoning interests. All children develop academically at a different pace. On many occasions I have had to reassure anxious parents that their child is not a failure because they are struggling with their spellings or their fractions. These are just moments in time in the life of a young person and should not be the basis of perceived success nor failure.

Confidence is key together with a large dose of resilience. So your child isn’t going to win a Spelling Bee! But watch them play their musical instrument with pride and courage or hear them sing in front of an admiring audience. Look at their artwork and wonder at their developing sensitivity. Stand back in awe at their prowess on the hockey field and feel proud at their selfless teamwork and support for others. Marvel at their enthusiasm for their castle project in history or their ability to recite verse in French or Spanish. And admire them on the stage in the school production as a child you barely recognise as the one who you take home every day from school!

The impact of a broad and balanced curriculum is felt in so many areas and over the years as a Headmaster I have noticed a massive positive change in our children as a result of our focus on providing a broad curriculum. It is simple – not every child will be a star in maths or English but opportunity and encouragement in other equally important areas inevitably lights a flame. A flame which hopefully will burn brightly as the years pass by. The important aspect being the interest nurtured by allowing children to shine in areas other than the core boosts confidence. This is the key to learning and results in commendable achievement across the academic spectrum. Many schools have redoubled their efforts in these areas and have reaped the rewards for their pupils. Over the years our children have achieved significant recognition through scholarship or otherwise in many areas. Indeed this year we were fortunate enough to receive a record number of scholarships in art, drama, music and sport together with academic awards. I strongly believe that in a non-selective environment children are the beneficiaries of a structure which sets high expectations but more importantly provides a broad base for knowledge and ultimately confidence. A healthy antidote perhaps, to a judgmental world.

St. Andrew’s School is a respected and thriving co-educational Nursery, Pre-Prep and Prep school for girls and boys aged 3-13. St. Andrew’s seeks to create a nurturing and happy environment of trust and support in which all pupils are encouraged and enabled to develop their skills, talents, interests and potential to the full.
Next open mornings:
Saturday 3rd November 2018
and Friday 15th March 2019.
www.st-andrews.woking.sch.uk

Nov 17
Love0

Why teaching kindness is so important

By Education, family, Mental health

Kindness and empathy are vital qualities to develop in children from a very early age, as they’re key to all of their interactions with others both at home and in other environments. Equipping children with the skills they need to demonstrate empathy and kindness will help them form friendships, work well with others, be more resilient, confident and have high self-esteem.
Former teacher and creator of Education for Social Responsibility learning
resources at PlanBee, Oli Ryan, shares his tips from the classroom on how to teach children the value of kindness.

1. Encourage empathy
A young child can find empathy a challenging emotion as their first instincts are to be egocentric in their early social interactions. However, developing emotional intelligence is crucial if they are to understand why we should be kind. Here are a few ways to encourage early awareness of empathy at home:

Start by simply asking young children to notice the emotions of others and describe them. You can refer to TV characters or others around them to explore a range of emotions. Ask what are they doing, how they may feel, how would they feel in the same situation and what could have been done differently to show kindness. Building up these social cues from an early age will greatly assist in their long-term emotional development.

After infancy, older children tend to be more capable of feeling empathy. An effective strategy which great teachers often use to resolve spats between children at school is to explain how empathy can help children find their own solutions to their problems. Disputes with young children often revolve around whether or not they feel something is ‘fair’. Try not to use this language when dealing with arguments between siblings or friends. Instead, ask them to put themselves in the place of the other person. What would make things better for them? Is it something that they can work out together? Shifting the discussion away from whether something is fair or unfair and focusing on finding acceptable solutions is empowering, but it does take time and consistency.

If you notice your child has done something considerate, make sure they know that it hasn’t gone unnoticed! Take a moment to speak to them personally: ”I noticed you said this, and I just wanted to say how kind and considerate you are – keep it up!”

2. Explore the power of words
We’ve all got upset when we’ve misread a text from a friend or relative, without fully understanding what they might have meant. It’s important to equip children with the skills to express themselves confidently, clearly and most importantly, accurately. We can’t be there all the time to monitor every interaction that our children have, but we can introduce them to language that will help them to express their emotions more effectively:

Role-play in the early years is an important part of a child’s education. Games, like playing shopkeepers or school teachers, gradually teach them how to respond to requests and different needs, whilst expanding their vocabularies for clearer interaction.

Sharing positive words can have a profound effect on the way we feel, but they can be challenging to express. Compliments in particular trigger the reward centres in the brain, and each one is an incredibly simple but effective way to express genuine kindness. In the classroom, teachers play the compliment game: they ask their students to throw a ball around the room and to give a compliment every time they make a throw. Try doing this at home to practise feel-good kindness with all the family.

3. Demonstrate kindness
Equipping children with the skills to go out and demonstrate kindness to others is vital for their confidence and resilience. If they can reach out to someone and be kind to them, they will feel very confident in social situations and group activities.

Here are two simple approaches to adopt:
• Make your children aware of others who might want to engage in play activities, but are unsure. Encouraging your child to include others in play
is a great way to help them build friendships and empathy for others.

• ‘Being the bigger person’ is a powerful strategy for children. Reward children with specific, personal praise when they share something, resolve an argument themselves, or include other children in play. Hopefully, we can all remember what it felt like to receive specific praise about our good behaviour or our maturity when we were young ourselves!

Looking for more information and ideas on how to encourage education for social responsibility at home and in the classroom? Become a PlanBee member to gain access to an extensive range of KS1 and KS2 lesson resources.
www.planbee.com

Nov 15
Love0

Marvellous Marvellous massage

By baby health, children's health, Education, Mental health, Relationships

Parent experience and research show there are many wonderful benefits of baby massage – emotional, physical and social. Here I will focus on three key benefits to learning how to massage your baby.

Bonding and attachment
The ancient art of baby massage incorporates touch, eye contact, verbal communication and the expression of love and respect. This, combined with focused one-to-one time promotes the bond between a parent and their baby.

Baby massage can also help promote sibling bonding in the same way that it promotes the parent/baby bond – through eye contact, nurturing touch and communicating love.

Baby massage is a great way for families experiencing periods of separation to reconnect with their baby. For example, baby massage offers parents working away, or working long hours, the opportunity to reassure their baby of their loving affection and give them time to refocus on home life and relax in their baby’s company.

Relieve and promote
By stimulating their baby’s bodily systems (including circulatory, digestive, lymphatic and respiratory), through baby massage parents can help to ease their baby’s colic, wind, constipation and digestion.

Using touch, parents can also soothe teething pains and growing pains and relieve psychological and muscular tension in their baby.

Babies who are massaged are reported to have improved balance and coordination, plus improved muscle development and tone. This can support movement as they grow.

Baby massage also promotes improved sleep patterns and deeper sleep for your baby, which brings me to the benefits of baby massage for you.

For you The International Association of Infant Massage (IAIM) classes are for babies from birth to one. Classes are baby-led, which means that it doesn’t matter if class time coincides with nap or meal times. Parents are encouraged to follow their baby’s cues and comfort their baby as needed. All babies are welcome with all of their emotions and ways of expressing them.

It can be nerve wracking leaving the house with a baby; an IAIM baby massage class offers a safe space where everyone is welcome and accepted. It is also a great opportunity for you to get out of the house and meet with other like-minded parents and drink a nice hot cup of tea.

Attending classes with your baby is known to break feelings of isolation that many parents feel when they have a baby. The IAIM baby massage program specifically has been shown to promote recovery from post-natal depression.

When parents massage their baby the levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) reduces and the levels of oxytocin (the love hormone) increases in both the parent and the baby. This reaction reduces stress and helps to promote bonding.

The interaction encouraged by baby massage can also help parents better understand their baby’s non-verbal language and feel more confident in responding to their baby’s unique needs.

In learning baby massage, you learn a new skill. A skill you can use long after your course has finished – to soothe growing pains, for example. You will also be shown how to adapt the IAIM massage strokes to suit your growing child.

Longer term, research has shown that infants who receive nurturing touch through baby massage grow up to be healthier, more empathic and happier adults.

As you can see there are many wonderful benefits of baby massage, and this is by no means an exhaustive list.

If you would like further information about the benefits of baby massage, or how to find your nearest classes, please contact your local Certified Infant Massage Instructor through the IAIM website.
We are always happy to help!

Cheryl Titherly Certified Infant Massage Instructor with IAIM
Cai Baby Massage caibaby.co.uk @caibabysussex cheryl@caibaby.co.uk

Nov 13
Love0

Hacks parents shouldn’t live without

By Education, Safety

Parenthood can be one of life’s biggest expenses so it’s good to know a few hacks to make the time a little easier and cheaper. Here are some tips to make parenthood cheaper and a lot more fun.

Always carry eco-friendly wet wipes
It’s always handy to have a pack of eco-friendly wet wipes on you for wiping messy faces and hands or cooling overheated children down.

Freeze yoghurts and soft pouch drinks
Freeze squeezy yoghurts and soft pouch drinks and use them as ice blocks. They’re perfect for keeping food cool to take on a picnic and by the time you eat them they should be defrosted enough to enjoy. They’re also ideal for using in school pack lunches during the summer.

Use a dish drainer to store notebooks and colouring books
Ever wondered what to use that redundant dish drainer for? The plate section will keep colouring and note books in perfect order and the cutlery holder is ideal for felt tips, pens and pencils.

Microwave two bowls at a time
If you need to microwave two bowls at a time, put one on a glass jar or mug. That means you have one low and one high and two bowls of food ready at the same time.

Cover plug sockets with plasters
If you need to childproof your sockets, try putting a plaster over the pin holes; this will stop little fingers getting in.

Use an outdoor paddling pool as an indoor ball pit
Make use of your paddling pool all year round and bring it indoors over the winter. You can use it as a fun ball pit, or a playpen filled with toys.

Add a sticky hook to the back of your high chair to store bibs
If you can never find a bib when you need one, attach a sticky hook to the back of your high chair and hang them on there.

Use cookies cutters as door lockers
If you’re fed up of having your cupboards emptied by your children, put cookie cutters over the handles to stop them getting in.

Use an over the door shoe holder to store baby must haves
If you have stacks of stuff in your nursery and not enough room to store it, try using an over the door shoe holder. You can pop in nappies, wipes, nappy sacks and ointments – in fact, anything you use frequently and need close to hand.

Make slippers slip proof
If your tot slips over every time they put their slippers on, try putting glue on the bottom. Let it dry first and then let your little one have a wander. The bumpy glue makes them non-slip.

Recycle cots into a kiddie sized table
When your children have outgrown their cot, turn it into a kiddie sized table. Remove
the moveable side, take out
the mattress, add a couple of chairs and you have a table for tea parties.

Turn a DVD case into a pencil case
An empty DVD case is great for storing pencils and crayons – you may even be able to get in a notebook too. Perfect for long car journeys.

Cut up food with a pizza cutter
If you need to cut food up into bite sized pieces, use a pizza cutter rather than a knife.

Use a swimming noodle to stop your little one rolling out of bed
Try putting a noodle under a fitted sheet – it acts as a barrier to stop your little one rolling out of bed.

Make up wipes will clean anything
Toothpaste stains, grass stains, face paint will all come clean courtesy of a make-up wipe, they’re also great for polishing your shoes.

Information supplied by
www.promotionalcodes.org.uk

Nov 10
Love0

Swimming with babies

By Education, Safety, Sport, swimming, Uncategorized
by Fiona Edwards
Little Dippers

Baby swimming has become increasingly popular over the last 10 years and with good reason. As one of the first activities you can do with your new baby it not only gives you special one on one time with your baby, but also imparts your baby with a skill for life.

But taking that first step into the pool with your baby definitely comes with its fair share of questions and nerves. What if they get cold? What if they cry? What about their ears? Rest assured your babies are so much more adaptable than you realise and swimming is a completely natural progression for them having spent nine months in the fluid environment of the womb.
What’s more, babies are born with a natural dive reflex action which means they are already fully equipped to go underwater. It is truly amazing to see your baby dive underwater for the first time and come up again completely unfazed!

Safety
One of the first considerations for going baby swimming must be safety. With drowning still the third most common cause of accidental death in children, learning to swim must surely be a priority for all parents. Teaching your baby key water safety techniques and confidence in the water will give them skills that, if they should ever fall into a pool, lake, pond or even the bath, will mean that they won’t panic and can utilise the skills that they have learnt – which could potentially save their life.

Bonding
Baby swimming is a great way to spend special one on one time with your little one away from the intrusions of everyday life. This is a time when you can truly focus on just you and your baby. Plus the added benefits of skin on skin contact can help to regulate baby’s heart rate and breathing as well as making them feel secure. For mums, it can release hormones to help with breastfeeding and build the nurturing instincts. It’s also a great way for dads to get involved and enjoy special bonding time.

Physical and physiological benefits
The buoyancy of the water enables babies to use muscles they could never use on land and they love the sense of freedom to kick freely. Despite looking gentle, swimming is great exercise for your baby, helping to strengthen their heart, lungs and respiratory capacity which in turn aids the development of the brain.

In fact, the exercises taught in baby swim classes, kicking, reaching, learning and responding to commands, provide the perfect stimulation for your baby’s brain and helps to develop their cognitive skills and hand/eye co-ordination. It has also been proven that the combination of activities in the pool strengthens nerve pathways between the two sides of the brain, helping to store and retrieve information more effectively. All good for future learning!

What’s more, regular swimming can improve your child’s eating and sleeping patterns – surely a bonus for everyone!

Fun for all the family Swimming is great exercise for all the family and is something you can enjoy together even when babies are very little.

Parents’ confidence
Don’t worry if you are not confident in the water yourself, most baby swim classes take place in shallow pools and don’t require you to do much more than hold your baby. However nervous you may be feeling make sure you try to remain calm and keep a big smile on your face as your baby will pick up any apprehension that you may feel. It’s amazing watching parents’ confidence grow as they watch their babies thrive in the water.

Meet new friends
Besides learning key survival skills swimming is fun! Singing songs, splashing around, blowing bubbles and playing games, it’s an easy way for parents to get involved and meet new friends along the way. It’s best to go somewhere with small groups so that everyone can get to know each other and your baby will respond to other babies in the group and enjoy the clapping and splashing.

A few things to think about before you go swimming
You can start swimming with your baby from birth although most parents tend to wait until their baby is around six to eight weeks. Contrary to popular belief, babies do not need to have had their immunisations before coming to a pool.

It is best to book a course of baby swimming classes before you take your baby to the pool on your own, so that you can learn how to hold your baby
and exercises that you can practise with them. Smaller classes with groups of around six or seven in private pools provide a calmer quieter environment for you and your baby. Try to find warm water pools; babies can’t regulate their temperature so look for classes that take place in pools ideally heated to around 32 -34O C.

Before choosing a class think about your baby’s feed and nap times. A tired or hungry baby won’t enjoy their class and give yourself plenty of time to get to your class and get changed. It’s amazing how much longer everything takes with a baby in tow and you don’t want to start your class flustered and stressed.
You can help prepare your baby for lessons by having fun in the bath splashing, grasping toys and singing songs.

With all these benefits surely it’s worth taking the plunge!

Little Dippers have been teaching babies to love the water for 25 years.
Classes in lovely warm water pools in the North Laine and Patcham in Brighton with free drop in sessions.
Free trial available to book.
For more details check our website www.littledippers.co.uk or call 01273 229 390

Nov 09
Love0

Marriage vs Cohabitation Understanding your legal rights

By Education, family, Finance, Legal, Relationships, Uncategorized
by Deborah Bailey
Gowen & Stevens Solicitors

Marriage, or indeed a civil partnership, which is treated the same as marriage upon breakdown, is not for everyone. Even though there have been changes in the law allowing same sex partners to marry, a growing number of couples still regard it as old-fashioned and believe they have no requirement for ‘a piece of paper’ to confirm commitment to each other. Living together or ‘cohabiting’ remains the fastest growing family arrangement.

Often, it is only when facing the breakdown of a relationship that unmarried couples realise how that seemingly irrelevant piece of paper could have altered their situation. Furthermore, even if you remain blissfully together, there are still potential pitfalls for cohabiting families as time passes. Read on to find out how you can protect yourself and your children.

Even if you have lived together for a long time or have children together, the law will not protect you if you break up. Despite the media’s love of the term common-law wife, or indeed husband, this is not a recognised term in law. The fact that your relationship even existed, when it comes to the law, may be irrelevant. Often, the only issue to resolve in a breakdown of a cohabiting relationship will be what happens to the home. The fact that there may be children to re-home may not be a consideration and you could end up in a desperate situation.

Conversely, when looking at how to distribute a family’s assets on divorce, a spouse can call upon the matrimonial law to look at all the relevant circumstances of the relationship, often before but certainly during and after the marriage. The goal in these circumstances is to seek a result that is fair to both spouses with the welfare of the children being treated as a primary consideration. The future living arrangements of all involved will be a concern as will the financial position of each spouse following the divorce.

Whilst campaigners are lobbying for a change in the law to protect unmarried families, until this happens, people need to be aware and take steps wherever possible to protect themselves and their children. So what can you do?

Property
If you own property together and both names are on the property register, then you probably had a discussion with your conveyancing solicitor about how you would own the property so there is a chance that your ownership will already be clearly defined.

Matters become more complicated if the property is owned by only one of you. However, the non legal owner may still have an interest in the property dependant upon how finances were arranged during the relationship and what agreements you had. Seeking legal advice in this scenario is essential and can help determine your interest and how you can realise this.

If you are buying a property in which you intend to live together, speak to your solicitor about the ways in which you can own the property and how you can protect yourself.

Maintenance
If you are looking after the children, you can claim maintenance following a break-up from your former partner for your children. If this cannot be agreed, apply to the Child Maintenance Service.

Unlike divorce, unmarried former partners cannot claim maintenance for themselves from the other partner, even if they are the stay-at-home parent looking after the children.

Inheritance
As cohabiting partners, unlike married couples, there is no automatic right of inheritance if your partner dies without making a will. Whilst you and your children could make an application against your partner’s estate if they were maintaining you prior to their death, this could be a stressful experience at an already difficult time. Making a Will could avoid a lot of anxiety and uncertainty for your loved ones.

Partners should also think about taking out life assurance.

Consider also making Lasting Powers of Attorney. If you become ill and incapable of managing your own affairs a cohabiting partner has no legal right to make decisions on your behalf. This could cause difficulties with the wider family who may or may not know your wishes. Appointing your partner as your Attorney could avoid such difficulties.

Cohabitation Agreements
It’s not very romantic but thinking about your arrangements before you buy a property or move in together can save a lot of heartache if things go wrong. A cohabitation agreement is strongly recommended and a solicitor can help you consider all the issues that could arise and, provided it is properly drafted, could protect against costly court proceedings.

Ultimately, every situation is different but being aware that living together is very different from being married means that you can take steps to avoid problems later if things go wrong. Always seek advice from an experienced solicitor who specialises in this complex area of family law.

An established practice for over 120 years with offices in Cheam, Banstead and Sutton. Offering a highly personal service tailored to all aspects of your family and business life.
www.gowenandstevens.com

Nov 08
Love0

Let’s dance…

By dance & Art, Education
by Rianna Parchment
Kicks Dance

It will come as no surprise to you that as a dance teacher, I believe the benefits of dance for children are endless! With news headlines regularly expressing concern about childhood obesity, both parents and schools are on the lookout for children’s activities that promote and develop a healthy lifestyle. With many activities to choose from, what is it that makes dance classes so beneficial for children?

The physical benefits of dance lessons are obvious (and plentiful!). The physical act of moving your body causes your heart to beat faster and pump blood around your body, which helps to increase your cardiovascular fitness. In children’s dance classes, the repetition of exercises and routines helps to improve stamina and muscle memory. Regular dance lessons can help to strengthen muscles and improve balance whilst working towards developing flexibility and mobility. These are especially important for little bodies to help them become stronger, and to develop a good posture, alongside their co-ordination and motor skills.
The best part is that children enjoy dancing to music they love, so they are often reaping all these physical benefits without even realising.

Just as important as the physical benefits, the social aspects of a dance class also make it an important activity for children. Children learn to work with others who may not be in their class or may even go to a different school. Aside from the obvious benefit of making new friends, they learn how to communicate with other children, and how to share ideas with children who may not agree with them, whilst being kind to each other. They get the opportunity to regularly perform in front of their peers and get feedback and praise that contributes to a development in their self-esteem. Dance classes encourage children to learn how to follow instructions and use their problem-solving skills to approach tasks that they may find difficult.

If I had to choose, my favourite benefit of dance for children is it’s positive impact on a child’s mental health. In lots of dance classes, children come into the class without their parent. For some children, this alone is a big step, which makes them feel a little bit exposed and anxious. Even for some more confident children, the thought of performing in front of their peers induces some level of anxiety. As a dance teacher, I find there is nothing more rewarding than gently encouraging a child outside of their ‘comfort zone’ and inspiring them to share their ideas or try something new. During a dance class, you are able to see children grow in confidence and realise that they are capable of doing something that had previously scared them – be that volunteering an idea to the rest of the class, asking a child they don’t know to be their partner or even just coming in to the studio without their parent. Things that may seem like small achievements, such as coming into class alone or showing the rest of the class a favourite dance move, can be instrumental in developing a shy child’s self-esteem and make a difference to their confidence.

Dance classes provide the perfect opportunity for children to take part in a physical activity, which helps them to keep fit, but also to have fun and feel good – developing their social skills, creativity, confidence and self-esteem!

Kicks Dance is a fun, friendly dance business providing dance classes, workshops, parties and PE Support
for children aged 18 months – 11 years. Kicks has recently opened a sparkly new franchise in Reigate and Redhill!
www.kicksdance.co.uk

Aug 02
Love0

Don’t just Google it!

By baby health, children's health, Education, Health, prenancy

Search engines like Google and Bing are more likely than any other source of information to provoke anxiety during pregnancy, according to research.

A survey of 300 mums who have given birth in the past five years published in the UK Maternity Report by the UK’s leading private midwifery services provider, Private Midwives, revealed that search engines were more likely than any other source to provide information which causes further worry and anxiety.

The news comes following midwife, lecturer and advisor to BBC’s Call the Midwife, Terri Coates, revealed that the Internet was stopping women from turning to their professional midwife for advice.

As many as 41% reported this was the case, while almost the same number (38%) said they had read information about pregnancy in online forums such as groups and chat boards which had caused them concern.

Despite this, 89% admitted that they had consulted the Internet for non-emergency health advice or information about their pregnancy, and outside of midwife appointments, mums-to-be are more likely (53%) to turn to the Internet for non-emergency advice or information than anyone or anything else.

Many will do this regularly throughout their pregnancy – more than one in 10 (13%) searched for advice online on
a daily basis, while more than one in four (27%) did so every few days.

Linda Bryceland, head of midwifery at Private Midwives, said: “Traditionally during pregnancy, women often found themselves receiving huge amounts of conflicting information – everything from well-meaning loved ones, to media and even strangers in the supermarket. But the Internet has opened up a whole range of new sources of information, which in many cases may not be medically qualified and given without context or taking into consideration women’s individual circumstances and medical backgrounds. What’s more, this is available at the touch of the button, on a whim – so it is not surprising that women are finding themselves logging off and feeling more worried than they were to begin with.

“If women have concerns or questions about their pregnancy, the best thing to do is to resist the temptation to quickly search for more information or the answer online, and instead speak to a medical – whether that’s their midwife, the non-emergency NHS 111 phone line or their GP, who can provide professional, clinical information and guidance, which takes into account their medical history and individual circumstances.”

According to the survey, as many as 90% of UK women who gave birth in the past five years experienced anxiety and worry during their pregnancy.

The top five sources of information which provided information which worried mums-to-be during their pregnancy:
1. Search engines – 41%
2. Online forums/groups – 38%
3. People who aren’t medical professionals who I know – 32%
4. Blogs – 27%
5. Strangers – 16%

Private Midwives is a Care Quality Commission registered and regulated service which connects expectant parents with expert midwives who provide antenatal care, birth care and support, and postnatal care at times and locations that work best for parents-to-be.

Jul 18
Love0

How to handle criticism of your parenting

By Education, family, Mental health, Relationships

Every parent has the right to raise their child in a way that they best see fit. Experts recognise many different, yet successful, forms of parenting and the fact that there is no one right way to support the well-being of our children.

It’s not only important to acknowledge various parenting methods, but also for parents to be aware that it’s okay to take time to work out what is right for you and your family. This is especially important as what might work for one parent might not work for you with your children. However, the various parenting techniques out there can lead parents to compare themselves to others or feel that they must try out the latest parenting trend, whether that suits their child’s unique needs or not. Parenting is also challenging to keep up with, you might have finally found what works with your child and the next thing you know, they’ve outgrown that stage and you need to try something else.

We are bound to make mistakes as parents, no one is perfect. With each day comes new hurdles and developmental milestones. Raising your children into well-rounded individuals won’t happen overnight, it’s a work in progress, a beautiful one, but work all the same. Unfortunately, with parenting also comes unnecessary criticism, whether this be from other family members, friends, or chatty mums at the school gates. Hearing negative comments about your parenting style can certainly hit a nerve and knock our confidence.

Ben Edwards, a self-confidence expert and relationship coach, has some excellent pieces of advice for handing criticism over your parenting.

Ask why they are criticising you.
If your own parents, for example, appear to be criticising you, it might only be because they feel close enough to you that they can comment on your family.

However, it’s important to ask why they are doing this and what they want to achieve from it. If they can see something you are doing isn’t working or can offer you a solution, ask them if that’s the case. Your parents are likely to want to help and guide you as you parent your child – letting them know how it’s coming across can be an easy way to change the tone.

Differentiate between criticism and advice
Quite often, especially with new parents, when someone offers you parenting advice it’s easy to assume they are criticising what you are currently doing or suggesting that you are getting something wrong. Sometimes, people really do just want to help. Differentiating between useful advice that you can take onboard and unhelpful criticism will help you to see who is worth talking to about parenting and asking for tips and who it’s best to ignore.

Listen to the experts
While it’s true that the only real expert about a child is their parents, if you are really unsure about what’s best, speak to a professional. A health visitor is there to help you ease into life with a baby, so if you are feeling overwhelmed about all the advice and/or criticism you seem to be receiving, ask someone who is specifically trained in the field.

Accept that everyone parents differently
You and your best friend might have done everything together and been very similar for years, but this can all change when you have children. If you and your best friend parent your children differently, accept that everyone is different and remind yourself that you parent in a certain way because it’s right for your children; everybody is unique and what works for one child may not work for another. This will help you to feel secure about the way you are doing things; just because your methods differ does not mean they are any less justified or productive. If you feel your friend is being critical, discuss this openly and be honest about your feelings.

Be confident
When people see you parenting your child in a way that they think is different or don’t agree with, they’ll often feel like they need to comment on it. Sounding confident and certain that that’s the way you do things, with phrases such as “it works for us so we don’t plan to change that until we have to” or “thank you for your ideas but I’ve decided to do this” will clearly show people, in a polite way, that you are secure in your parenting style and this will make it less likely for people to offer unwanted advice.

For more self-confidence and relationship advice, visit www.benedwards.com

Jul 08
Love0

Challenging gender stereotypes

By Education, family, Relationships
by Chloe Webster
Pebbles childcare

As a society, we are becoming significantly more aware of issues, troubles and confusion around the subject of gender for children and within the Early Years Sector. Here we take a look at how we as practitioners and parents can support children in exploring their feelings towards their gender and to ensure that we are not promoting or advocating gender stereotypes within our settings and home routines and environment, thus allowing children the freedom and confidence to be happy and resilient individuals.

BBC 2 aired a fascinating documentary entitled No more boys and girls: can our kids go gender free? piloting an experiment within a school whereby all items/language/practices that could promote traditional gender stereotypes were removed and discussed
and the children were encouraged to be ‘gender free’ with no reference or distinction being made to them as ‘boys’ and ‘girls.’

As society becomes more aware of gender stereotyping and issues; with schools now introducing same-sex toilets, banning skirts and gender typical uniform, and commuter announcements being changed to include and promote equality for the binary community (genderless), this documentary bought these issues to our attention and as a result made us reflect upon our own practice and provision in order to identify whether or not we are indirectly promoting gender stereo-typical play for our children.

As both practitioners and parents we can all be guilty of gender stereotyping children indirectly in even the most discreet of ways, which inadvertently contribute to the overbearing stereotypes that society has now imposed on our children.

As Ros Ball and James Miller investigate in their book The gender agenda: a first-hand account of how girls and boys are treated differently, so many people make the assumption and distinction that there are specific toys designated for boys and girls.

Take this extract from the book where the authors write about a play date with a friend and their child: “11th March 2011 – Yesterday a friend came to play with her three year old boy and a one year old girl. I asked what toys they would like me to get out. I suggested DUPLO, musical instruments, cars or dressing up. My friend was sure her boy would want to play with the cars. He didn’t seem more interested in them than any other toys to me. Later she asked her girl, ‘Wouldn’t you like to try on the fairy wings?’ She said no. I often see blatant directing of children into gendered play like this, yet parents don’t notice their own influence. Isn’t it obvious?”

This sparks the debate; is it us as adults and society who are indirectly forcing these stereotypes onto children? Or are our children genetically designed to show an innate preference for certain types of play and resources?

Whether you are a parent or a practitioner, look around your environments and ask yourself how many of your toys are blue and pink? What types of toys are these? How are both genders represented within your setting and environments that your children access, in terms of images, stories and learning resources? Do these representations fit with society’s stereotypes? Are girls represented as the ‘weaker’ more vulnerable characters whilst the boys are represented as being ‘strong’ and the leaders?

We may not intend to force these stereotypes on our children, and it is exceptionally easy to do indirectly and so we need to be conscious of what our environments and resources are saying to our children and how these factors could be contributing to children adhering to strict gender stereotypes.

For example, even the television programmes children watch and engage with endorse gender stereotypes, for example, Ros Ball, author of The Gender Agenda, reflects on the time her daughter chose a ‘Bob the Builder’ magazine to read on the train, showing a particular interest in the ‘Join Bob’s team’ page with photos of children being sent in and published building and constructing in various ways – all of Bob’s ‘team’ were boys.

What message does this send to our children? Is it any wonder children are developing set ideas of what ‘jobs’ are specific to each gender?

It is not only the environment and resources that we need to be mindful of, similarly the language we use is just as important as the environment and attitudes we provide; for example, the BBC 2 documentary noticed how the teacher referred to the boys using terms of endearment such as ‘mate’ and ‘lad’ whilst he frequently referred to the girls as ‘sweetheart’ and ‘love’, using these terms countless times throughout the day. When the boys were questioned on whether the teacher should refer to them as ‘sweetheart’ and ‘love’ too, the boys were dismayed and said, “That’s not what you call boys! That’s a
girls word!”

Language is powerful and can impact our children and their behaviours more than we realise. Aren’t we all guilty of telling boys, “We don’t hit girls”, “Be nice to the girls” and “Let the girls go first.”

Whilst this is both polite and friendly behaviour, we also need to be mindful of what message this relays to the children. “We don’t hit our friends”, “Be nice to each other” and “Take it in turns” is significantly more useful language to use in order to promote positive relationships and understanding of politeness and manners to everyone.

As Early Years practitioners, we have a responsibility to the children in our care to remain as gender neutral as possible through the language we use, the environment we provide and the resources we provide access to.

And as parents, we are at the front line of influencing children’s understanding of gender and where these stereotypes are initiated and ingrained – within the child’s earliest years. However, we could question whether becoming moderately gender neutral in our settings confuses children. We tend to encourage children to develop a sense of self and make comparisons and distinctions between themselves and others, talking about similarities and differences and the characteristics that make them unique. Yet on the other hand we are trying not to distinguish between their genders and differences.

The Early Years community is only a small part of a much wider society, and so it poses the question is society as a whole ready to be completely gender neutral? For practitioners and parents alike the gender debate is one which is only just beginning. It is vital that we are all mindful and proactive in challenging stereotypes as they occur and ensuring that our children understand that they are not defined by their gender alone and we support them in exploring their gender and being confident and comfortable with who they are as people, not just simply as ‘boys’ and ‘girls’.

Chloe Webster and Bridgit Brown are OFSTED ‘Outstanding’ Childminders From Worthing, West Sussex offering a professional and individual service for children and their families aged 0-8 years. www.pebbleschildcare.co.uk

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