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Nov 07
Love0
holistic education

A holistic approach to education

By Education, Girls school, Relationships, Wellbeing
by Rebecca Mudde
Prep School Head of Academic Mentoring and Thinking Skills at St Catherine’s Prep School, Bramley

In the world of education, the wellbeing of students is like the compass guiding their journey – a fundamental aspect that shapes not just academic success but the overall experience of learning and growing. Schools are not just places of learning; they are the foundation for building well-rounded individuals ready to face the challenges of life. Academic success should not come at the expense of a student’s overall wellbeing.

Schools are where children learn to socialise, make friends and deal with all the ups and downs of life. By focusing on their wellbeing, we are helping them build social skills, empathy and resilience. The result? Children who are not just academically able but also emotionally intelligent and ready to face the complexities of the real world.

By prioritising wellbeing, we are not just helping the students feel good about themselves; we are boosting their brainpower. A healthy mind does not memorise facts; it thinks creatively, critically and stays engaged in the learning process. In providing a positive school environment, we are not only improving outcomes but also instilling a genuine love for learning, making education a lifelong adventure.

Academic success is intrinsically linked to mental and emotional health, and as such it is important to implement innovative programmes to support the balance. Having a dedicated wellbeing space where students can visit and take time out of their day to relax and reflect is a beneficial resource.

A key too, in any school, is the pastoral team who play a pivotal role in shaping a school’s culture. Pastoral teams are not just mentors; they are champions of mental health, promoting positive wellbeing practices among not only the students but staff as well. Through workshops and awareness campaigns, the pastoral team can contribute to the creation of a supportive community where both students and staff feel valued.

By implementing programmes that address mental health openly, we are not just tackling stigma; we are providing a safety net for students to talk about their worries. We provide them with the support they need to help prevent bigger issues developing down the road by equipping them with the tools to cope with life’s challenges.

By placing happiness and mental health on the priority list, we are not just nurturing minds; we are setting the stage for futures filled with promise and balance. Happy minds lead to bright futures.

St Catherine’s Prep School extends a warm welcome to parents who would like to visit the school. Visit www.stcatherines.info to find out more about upcoming open mornings and arranging a visit.

Nov 03
Love0
toxic relationships

Toxic families

By Childcare and Nannying, family, Mental health, Relationships, Special support needs, Wellbeing
by Helen Villiers and Katie McKenna
psychotherapists and authors of “You’re Not the Problem”

There is no doubt that how we were parented informs and affects how we parent our children. That’s absolutely fine when we grew up in a happy, healthy, ‘good enough’ home, but what about when we grow up in unhealthy, toxic and abusive homes?

The first thing to know is that a lot of people don’t realise they grew up in toxic families, because not only do they think it’s normal, but they also think that if they didn’t like the way their parent treated them it’s because they’re the problem, not the parent. So understanding if you had healthy or toxic parents is the first step.

Signs you had a toxic parent are:
1. You weren’t allowed to say no to them without being shamed or punished.
2. You had to do everything their way because it was the right way.
3. They relied on you too heavily for emotional or practical support (parentification).
4. They use (and still use) guilt to make you do things you don’t want to.
5. You feel scared of them and obliged to do whatever they want –“I don’t have a choice, I have to.”
6. You are either hyper-dependent (people pleaser/codependent) or hyper-independent (don’t let anyone close, prefer to do everything alone, don’t ask for help).

This is not a diagnostic list, but if these sound familiar it might be worth looking up toxic or narcissistic parents.

If you’re aware you have toxic parents, you need to be aware of the common pitfalls that parents fall into when parenting their own children.

1. Taking their child’s no as personal rejection
When we grow up in narcissistic family systems, we inevitably develop a rejection wound, that coupled with the learned understanding that a child shouldn’t say no to their parent, it’s possible that someone could see their child’s rejection of them as a personal affront rather than the child just seeking autonomy and identity. Working on the rejection wound and realising that your child is safe enough to say no to you is an amazing thing, will help you boundary your feelings and stay in your parent role and allow your child to know they are safe to be who they are.

2. Swinging too far the other way
We call this the pendulum swing. When someone is so desperate to protect their child from ever experiencing a moment of what they felt in childhood they do the complete opposite. Unfortunately this can actually have a similar outcome because if a parent who experienced coldness and shaming and ignoring in childhood becomes too involved and hovering and micro managing their child, they can create a dependency in that child, instead of an independency. They also might unintentionally make the child responsible for their feelings by subconsciously letting the child know that mummy or daddy’s happiness depends on their happiness. This in turn can create anxiety and people pleasing in a child.

3. People pleasing your child
So often someone can be so scared of their child having emotions even a touch similar to their own feelings as a child that they will sit in fear of those emotions and try and prevent them at all costs. Especially when there is neurodivergence present and the resulting meltdowns are so hard to cope with. As a result they can end up people pleasing their child in order to prevent being faced with their anger, sadness or disappointment. This isn’t helpful for the child. Children have to learn how to regulate all feelings especially difficult ones, and what they learn through being people pleased out of them is that their emotions can control their parents behaviour (and therefore other people’s too) and/or those emotions aren’t acceptable and need to be hidden to keep their parent happy.

4. Being the parent they needed when they were a child
This is the number one mistake that parents from toxic families make. They become who they needed, essentially re-parenting themselves through their own child, which is not healthy. Your child doesn’t need the parent you needed, they’re not growing up in your environment, they’re growing up in a completely different environment, and are a completely different person. They need the parent they need. Make sure you’re not projecting onto your child a set of feelings and experiences that you had, and they may not be having at all.

When you grow up in a toxic family, there are lots of conditioned beliefs around what’s ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, and it’s important to look at your family rules to understand these and choose what you do or don’t want to pass on consciously.

If you recognise yourself in any of these descriptions, first of all, try not to shame yourself. You didn’t know and it’s not your fault. Instead, it’s time to correct it by learning about it, and learning about yourself so you can be the parent you want to be, and your child needs you to be. Whilst we always suggest therapy is the best way to do this, knowing it’s not always accessible for everyone means that using other resources, such as books, podcasts, social media and any other form of learning will help you grow your knowledge, grieve your childhood, and build a better family life for your child and for you.

you're not the problemThe Sunday Times Bestseller “You’re Not the Problem” will help you recognise the language and behaviours of emotional abuse and narcissism in relationships, the immediate and long-term impact of it, practical strategies for healing and how to avoid repeating these behaviours. Buy “You’re Not The Problem” on Amazon and in all major book stores.

Jul 15
Love0
nursery child

The right nursery for your child

By Childcare and Nannying, Early Years, Mental health, Relationships
by Jo Allen
Dukes Education Group Ltd

As a parent, selecting the right nursery for your child can be a daunting task. With numerous options available, it’s essential to consider various factors to ensure you make the best choice for your little one. Throughout Sussex, parents have a wealth of options when it comes to nurseries. Here’s a comprehensive guide on the key aspects to consider when choosing the right option for your child.

1. Location
The first thing to consider is the location of the nursery. Opting for a nursery that is conveniently located near your home or workplace can make drop-offs and pick ups much easier. It’s also beneficial for your child to attend a nursery within close proximity, as they will feel more familiar with the surrounding area.

2. Reputation and accreditation
Research the reputation of the nursery you’re considering. Look for accreditations such as OFSTED (Office for Standards in Education, Children’s Services and Skills) ratings, which indicate the quality of care and education provided. Additionally, seek recommendations from other parents or online reviews to gain insights into the nursery’s reputation and track record. www.daynurseries.co.uk provide excellent search functionality to be able to narrow down the criteria of the nursery you are looking for, as well as view parent reviews on all aspects of the setting. Google and Facebook reviews are also a great place to start to get a feel for how families see the nursery.

3. Curriculum and learning approach
Explore the nursery’s curriculum and learning approach, to ensure it aligns with your values and expectations. Consider whether the nursery offers a structured learning programme, promotes play-based learning, or focuses on specific educational philosophies such as Montessori or Reggio Emilia. A well-rounded curriculum that caters to both academic and social development is ideal for nurturing young minds.

4. Facilities and resources
Visit the nursery to assess its facilities and resources. Look for clean, safe and stimulating environments that are conducive to learning and exploration. Check if the nursery has age-appropriate toys, books, outdoor play areas and educational materials that cater to your child’s developmental needs.

5. Staff qualifications and ratio
The qualifications and experience of nursery staff play a crucial role in your child’s care and development. Enquire about the staff-to-child ratio to ensure that each child receives adequate attention and supervision. Qualified and compassionate educators who are passionate about early childhood education can significantly impact your child’s learning journey.

6. Inclusivity and diversity
Choose a nursery that celebrates diversity and promotes inclusivity. Look for settings that embrace children from various cultural backgrounds, abilities and family structures. A diverse environment fosters tolerance, empathy and respect, providing valuable learning experiences for children as they interact with peers from different backgrounds.

7. Health and safety measures
Ensure that the nursery adheres to strict health and safety protocols to safeguard your child’s wellbeing. Enquire about policies regarding hygiene, illness management, emergency procedures and security measures. A reputable nursery prioritises the health and safety of its children and implements measures to prevent accidents and illnesses.

8. Communication and parental involvement
Effective communication between the nursery and parents is essential for maintaining a supportive partnership in your child’s early years. Find out how the nursery communicates with parents regarding their child’s progress, daily activities and upcoming events. Look for opportunities for parental involvement, such as parent-teacher meetings, workshops and volunteering opportunities.

9. Flexibility and additional services
Consider the nursery’s flexibility in terms of scheduling options, fees and additional services. Some nurseries offer extended hours, holiday care and extracurricular activities, providing convenience for working parents. Evaluate the cost of tuition, registration fees and any additional charges to ensure they fit within your budget.

10. Gut feeling and child’s comfort
Ultimately, trust your instincts and observe how your child responds to the nursery environment during visits or trial sessions. Pay attention to their comfort level, interactions with staff and peers and overall demeanor. A nurturing and supportive atmosphere where your child feels happy, safe and engaged is paramount in selecting the perfect nursery.

Choosing a nursery is a significant decision that requires careful consideration and research. By evaluating factors such as location, reputation, curriculum, facilities, staff qualifications, inclusivity, health and safety measures, communication, flexibility and your child’s comfort, you can make an informed choice that sets the foundation for your child’s early education in what are the most crucial years of their lives for development, building confidence and setting them up for their futures.

To discuss opportunities at our nurseries in Sussex and to book a tour, please contact your chosen setting directly. For Reflections Nursery and Forest School in Worthing, call 01903 251518 or visit www.reflectionsnurseries.co.uk. For Hove Village nurseries in Brighton and Hove, call 01273 037449 or visit www.hovevillage.com

Jul 10
Love0
Dads and family life

The essential role dads play in family life today

By family, fun for children, Mental health, play, Relationships

by Giles Alexander
Fatherhood Expert

 

Throughout history, for literally thousands of years, the principal role of a father has been to provide. But times have well and truly changed. Dads today are more actively involved in every element of raising our children and supporting our partners through pregnancy, birth and parenthood than any generation that’s come before.

Long gone are the days when expectant fathers would spend the whole birth sitting in the waiting room smoking cigars. No longer do we stroll through the front door at the end of the working day expecting the kids in bed and dinner on the table. Providing for your family in this day and age means so much more than merely bringing home the bacon.

As any working dad will tell you, being a father has never been more of a full-time job, and one that extends well beyond the traditional 9-5. Our job doesn’t stop once the monthly rent/mortgage/gas bills have been paid. Our working day doesn’t end when our paid employment finishes and we head home. Bath time, nappy changing, weaning, potty training, cooking, cleaning and emotional support are all fundamental parts of the job description.

More than ever, men today appreciate that being a dad is one of the most important jobs there is. An opportunity to build a family and shape a whole new life. To pass on our values and everything we’ve learnt to another human being, to change misconceptions and outdated stereotypes. And, ultimately, we all hope, leave a positive mark on the world. Because, beyond gestation and lactation, there really are no limits to what modern dads can do.

But this is only part of the story. To be really good parents, we need to be supportive partners too.

Because modern parenting is hard work. It used to be said that it takes a village to raise a child. And back in the day, that’s exactly how it was. New parents had so much more child rearing support from family, neighbours and the wider community than we do now. It was also much more feasible to live off one salary and still afford regular childcare, buy a house, pay the bills and buy groceries.

But the reality is that incomes today don’t cover what they used to, while societal expectations on new parents (especially new mums) are greater than they’ve ever been. Not only is the parenting role itself bigger, but more of the invisible, unpaid tasks associated with raising a family and modern life fall on new parents to complete themselves, with the so-called ‘village’ nowhere to be seen.

Given that gender inequality at work is still commonplace, this still too often leads to the bulk of the parenting and domestic load being heavily biased against women, who end up taking on the lion’s share. As modern fathers, we shouldn’t just accept this as the status quo.

It’s unreasonable to expect the weight of parental responsibility to land solely on a mother’s shoulders. Add to this all the other daily tasks we all need to complete just to get through the day – the laundry, shopping, cleaning, cooking and general life admin – and it’s even more unrealistic to expect one person to do it all alone. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day.

Of course, we all come into fatherhood with different life experiences, jobs, financial situations and support networks, which each have a massive impact on how well we can fulfil our new parenting role. And there is no such thing as the perfect dad, with each of us doing it the best we can, in our own unique way.

But no matter our personal situation, every one of us can choose to be a hands-on dad. A man who knows his stuff, rolls up his sleeves, does his fair share at home, and never shies away from his fatherly duties. Who appreciates his partner and the sacrifices they make. Who chooses to see parenting as a 50:50 partnership between two equals. And sets a positive example, both for his kids and for every new dad that comes after him, by showing them what’s possible.

It isn’t easy. Anything worth doing rarely is. The hours are long, the pay is terrible, and you spend most of your time working with someone who doesn’t speak your language, needs feeding 8-15 times a day, and relies on you to wipe their bum! But, like all jobs, the more you put into it, the more you get out of it. And the rewards – well, they really are huge and will last a lifetime.

Giles Alexander is a hands-on dad of three and author of new parenting book You the Daddy: The Hands-On Dad’s Guide to Fatherhood. Find out more at

www.youthedaddy.co.uk

you the daddy
Jul 10
Love0
active fun for kids

The importance of children being active and socialising throughout the school holidays

By Education, environment, Exercise, fun for children, Green, Mental health, Playing, Relationships, Sport
by Debbie Webb
Founder of Activ8 For Kids

The school holidays can be a time for fun and relaxation, but it’s also important to keep children engaged and active during this time. School holidays are always an exciting time for children, but it can be a challenging time for parents who still need to work. This is where holiday clubs often come in, providing children with a safe, fun environment. There are a wide range of holiday clubs available depending on the interests of the children, but with the rising cost of living, parents may wonder whether the cost of the holiday clubs are worth it and whether trying to entertain them at home is a better option. So what do we want our children to be doing during the school holidays, what will help them to develop and grow as individuals and help them later in life?

As much as your child may push against routines, children actually thrive in a routine. It gives them a sense of purpose, clear expectations and a structure to their day. Routines can help their self-esteem and ensure they feel less anxious and more comfortable. Lie-ins, chilled time in front of the TV, playing computer games and having days out are all great and bring a range of benefits, but it is also important to build in time to be active and have opportunities to socialise with others regularly.

Current recommendations from the government are for children to take part in at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous activity a day. This means their heart rate should increase, they should be out of breath and feel hot after the activity. Physical activity is essential for maintaining good health, strengthening muscles and bones, enhancing motor skills and can prevent obesity and related health problems. Ensuring your child is active every day and recognises the benefits it brings (both physically and mentally), can cultivate a lifelong habit of exercise and a healthy lifestyle. As well as keeping them healthy, being active brings so many more benefits:
• Allows children to burn off excess energy; remember school is very tiring and during the holidays they need alternative ways to channel that energy.
• Boosts confidence and promotes social skills.
• Develops and improves their fundamental movement skills of balance, co-ordination and agility.
• Improves mental wellbeing and makes them feel good about themselves. Exercise can improve their mood, enable them to experience a sense of accomplishment and can also stimulate the release of endorphins, which are natural mood boosters.
• Contributes to better sleep.
• Increases self-esteem and helps to reduce stress and anxiety.
• Physical activity stimulates brain function and enhances cognitive abilities. Studies have shown that active children perform better academically and have improved attention spans. During school holidays, engaging in physical activities like sports, outdoor games or even activities that involve problem solving and critical thinking can contribute to their cognitive development.
• Engaging in different activities and exploring new places fosters creativity, stimulates imagination and curiosity and also problem solving skills.

Children who get to be active everyday alongside other children will also benefit in all the following ways:
• Develop new skills.
• Develop team work and leadership skills.
• Make new friends.
• Develop independence.
• Develop their social interaction skills.
• Learn how to transfer skills across activities.

Socialising with others during school holidays is crucial for children’s social development. It provides opportunities for them to practise communication, co-operation, teamwork and conflict resolution. Participating in group activities and interacting with others helps children build friendships, develop empathy and understand diverse perspectives.

Overall, children being active and socialising during school holidays is essential for their physical health, mental wellbeing, cognitive development, social skills and creativity. Parents, carers and communities should provide opportunities and support for children to engage in a variety of activities that promote physical activity.

Debbie Webb is a qualified teacher and sports coach. She runs Activ8 For Kids and has developed programmes of activity for the different ages and stages between two and sixteen years old based on the fundamental movement skills. Visit www.activ8forkids.co.uk for more information.

 

 

Jul 08
Love0
adventurous play

Adventurous play

By environment, Exercise, Forest School, Green, Holiday camps, Mental health, Nature, Playing, Relationships, Wellbeing
by Dr John Allan
Head of Education at Inspiring Learning, Camp Beaumont

Adventurous play helps children adapt to the challenges of today and to face up to the demands of tomorrow

Learning new skills is fundamental to healthy, human development. Skills come in many forms – from physical movement to reading, writing and listening. Although we all recognise the power of acquiring knowledge, cultivating a child’s sense of purpose and passion must be equal to the importance we place upon their retention of information.

Nurturing an optimum blend of physical, social, cognitive and emotional literacy is most important in childhood. This is where brain growth is most prolific, and a toolkit of skill sets, such as self-awareness, creativity, trust and empathy can be fostered to help children to adapt to the challenges of today and to face up to the demands of tomorrow. We know that youngsters who score high on a combination of psychosocial skills at an early age report better adult outcomes in education, employment, and mental health.

The unpredictable and dynamic nature of adventure-based play makes it an ideal process for the cultivation of skills children require to thrive in an ever-changing world. Outdoor play combines the revitalising, mood-enhancing impact of nature with the adventurous uncertainty of youngsters interacting with each other in non-uniform playful settings without rules and restrictions. Here, children can enjoy exploring their emerging physical capabilities, take turns, co-operate and socialise; finding solutions to new problems in novel ways rather than just sticking to the tried and tested.

Adventure Education is about empowering children to take control of their own learning. This involves educators and parents being responsible without being over-protective so that youngsters are never allowed to wobble, trip, stumble or fall and as a result, miss out on the experience to know what it like to get back up again. Activities which offer some negative emotion, such as feeling unstable in the moment, counterbalanced by positive emotions such as joy, pride and attentiveness underpins a ‘steeling effect’. This helps to inoculate young people to handle more significant risks in the future.

This authentic, experiential approach of ‘learning by doing’ is the foremost guiding principle for facilitating adventurous play. This can take place in school grounds or within an out-of-school adventure camp setting, where a particular focus on specific skill sets can be achieved.

Constructing opportunities for children to be willing to take a path less travelled will make them resilient. Resilience is the learned ability of individuals to ‘bounce-back’ from adversity and ‘bounce-beyond’ their original position to face future testing circumstances with greater capacity. Resilience is recognised in school-based education as an effective policy for developing learners’ wellbeing and academic success.

Having the capacity to share positive resilient experiences with others also suggests resilience may be catching and may be a first step in helping it grow in others.

Resilience
At a time where children have faced unprecedented upheaval and threats to their wellbeing, it has never been more important to create daily opportunities for them to build their resilience. But how is resilience built through adventurous play which can positively impact other avenues of learning? The following ten tips, which collectively spell the word resilience, outline out-of-school camp practices which help build the adaptive capabilities of learners.

R – Rebound and re-invent
A child’s setback in camp can be framed as a lesson to learn and not a failure. This signifies that achievement comes because of stretching oneself by applying continued effort. This allows young people to self-correct and adjust their responses to produce gains from losses. As a result, learners will attribute their learning to themselves, and take pride in their achievements.

E – Energise
Playful experiences without obvious outcomes help to create a resilient ‘growth mindset’, where a fixed, perspective of ‘can’t do’ is replaced by flexible, task-focused ‘can-do’ persistence. This process is strengthened by camp facilitators stressing the importance of children taking small risks in new situations and not predicting negative outcomes.

S – Share
Adventure education often generates group situations that depend on social integration and collective responsibility. Such mutual reliance in testing circumstances necessitate that children balance their own needs with that of their groups.

I – Inquisitiveness
A combination of unfamiliar camp environments with unknown outcomes, provides an ideal breeding ground for children to set their imagination free and develop the fundamental skills of questioning how, what, who, when and why. This search for understanding may be further enhanced with less reliance on mobile technology which has been associated with youngsters vocalising and sharing less, limiting their questioning and failing to recognise the real-life implications of decision-making.

L – Life-enhancing
First-hand experiences combined with reflective practice consolidate children’s learning within and beyond camps. To promote lasting impact, camps should deliver activities with ‘transfer in mind’. Varied events which are responsive to enquiring minds and trigger emotions, such as laughter, incredulity and even mild apprehension, generate learning that can be recalled upon later using diaries, or creative writing.

I – Inclusion
Playful activities which provoke unwanted risk for one child may be seen as an opportunity for growth in another. Supporting learners to make personalised judgements of risk-taking based upon their perception of their abilities enables the growth of self-directed behaviour.

E – Environment
Just five minutes of exercise undertaken in an urban green space may be sufficient to boost a child’s physical and mental wellbeing. Therefore, a combination of active and restorative play in nature (like mindfulness exercises or forest bathing) meet health and wellbeing needs not able to be provided by similar activities (like traditional sports) and become even more powerful when deliberately designed for such purposes.

N – Natural
The authenticity of adventure-based play offers realistic consequences for success and failure. Allowing learners to own their responses to unfolding circumstances, helps them to see the bigger picture, take stock of facts and acknowledge others’ perspectives in becoming prepared for whatever challenges come along.

C – Control
Giving children choices and the autonomy to play and explore in a natural space is a primary mechanism through which they become freely acquainted with their environment, develop natural mapping skills and learn how to distinguish between themselves and others.

E – Emotional intelligence
The ability to manage both your own emotions and understand the emotions of others is a distinct feature of resilience learned through direct exposure to adventurous camp-based learning.

With over 44 years’ experience caring for children, Camp Beaumont run award-winning day camps in over 50 locations across London and the South-East for children aged between 3 and 14 years old. Book our multi-activity day programmes to ensure your child learns new skills, makes new friends and enjoys their most exciting school holiday yet. www.campbeaumont.co.uk

Jul 06
Love0
depleted mother syndrome

Depleted mother syndrome

By Mental health, Relationships, sleep
by Sally-Ann Makin
Potter’s Houses Nursery Settings and
Makin Connections – Family Consultancy

Depleted mother syndrome is a state of emotional and physical exhaustion experienced by mothers when the demands of motherhood exceed their ability to cope.

I had a very different idea in my head for this issue’s article, but last night I found myself feeling more than the hormonal emotions I usually feel once a month. The noise the children were making was really grating on me to the point where I desperately needed to get away from them – the screaming and shouting from a teenager playing interactive games and the loud wailing from my 11 year old playing on their computer (before you judge we had been out at football all morning and for a long dog walk in the afternoon), I’d heard “Mummy” 50,000 times mostly with absolutely nothing of any substance to follow. The house which had already been cleaned and tidied was a mess again, I was ‘touched out’ from my nine year old leaning on me for hours, my 12 year old constantly tapping me and my toddler needing to be picked up regularly. It was a Sunday evening and we all know the pressure of Sunday evening with the week ahead and the endless list of things to do looming.

As a side note, I was feeling overwhelmed after spending some time organising my fathers memorial and the sheer weight and realisation of what it was I was doing, and why, had completely floored me. I was tired from a rare evening out the night before and I was stressed because my work/life balance is balancing about as well as a rabbit and an elephant on a seesaw. Life is busy and chaotic and while I have made active decisions that create chaos, it can still be overwhelming with so very many plates to spin.

I was beginning to wonder what was making me feel so down and listless when I can usually cope fairly well and I tried to pinpoint why parenting suddenly felt so hard, when nothing major had happened. I had a really strong sense that I was just really rubbish at being a mum. I was certain other mums didn’t desperately want to escape from their children so much, other mums didn’t get irritable and short tempered with their children and other mums didn’t decide it was totally fine to not give the toddler a bath purely because he was going to scream and they didn’t have the energy for the battle. Washing needed folding and putting away, an online food shop needed doing and meals and packed lunches organised for the week.

It turns out mums can burn out too – we feel like we cannot and will not break because we are so heavily relied on by the rest of our family to function. Depleted mother syndrome can be felt by any mum at any time due to the high needs and emotional intensity of caring for a family with very little structured societal support for parents. We are over-extending ourselves and never really filling our cups back up because we either feel guilty and selfish or because we have no support network to lean on and often feel that we are the default parent.

Did you know that post partum fatigue can last for years? Your body is still recuperating even after all the midwife and health visitor support has subsided and your sleep is likely fragmented from waking with small children or just having an unreliable sleep schedule. And you might well be emotionally worn out. But just because millions of women do it every day and what you see on social media is that they’re all doing it and looking amazing, it doesn’t mean that what you’re feeling isn’t valid. You don’t need an event to validate feeling overstimulated, overwhelmed, exhausted, drained or listless – it’s normal and we’ve all been there!

Having a label on this feeling (depleted mother syndrome) has really helped me to be able to accept that what I am feeling is normal. It also helps me feel like less of a failure and that it’s OK to say that sometimes life just feels hard.

Take some time, ask for the help from people around you if you can – they don’t offer if they don’t mean it. Make a decision to not cook one night or skip bath time, remove the pressure of making sure the reading record is completed the recommended five times per week, choose to give the school raffle a swerve because trying to remember to get a prize on the way to school feels like one job too many. Sometimes you have to remove the expectation that you need to be perfect, have all your balls in the air and all your ducks in a row and realise you’re doing the absolute best you can – it might not be acknowledged by your family but it is noticed and it is valued. And you’re a queen!

Sally-Ann runs Makin Connections, Garden of Eden Preschool, Potters House Preschool and Blossom and Bloom Day Nursery. For more information please contact her at sallyann@makinconnections.co.uk or call 07939 620934

Jul 05
Love0
girls' ballet class

Studio to stage

By dance & Art, Exercise, fun for children, Mental health, Music and singing, play, Relationships, Sport, Wellbeing
by Lynda Forster
Dance Art Studio

Preparing to perform a dance on stage is a journey of commitment and dedication, bringing hours of practise to life, bringing sheer joy to the audience and an experience like no other for the dancer.

Lots of little girls and boys express an interest to start dance classes. They have no inhibitions, a natural sense of rhythm and love to dance ‘like no one is watching’ when they hear a tune. Many skip into their first class without ever looking back to their parents, whilst others, with the help of their teacher, need a few lessons to gently ease into it building their confidence with each lesson.

Dance classes have many benefits at all ages which can really help set children up for life. Children can be faced with lots of worries and upsets during their school life so having a hobby they love and a safe place to go is, at times, a huge relief.

For preschoolers a dance class will open up a whole new world – they will soon be able to isolate different parts of their bodies to move separately (a huge plus for co-ordination) and develop better overall concentration. Infant children will develop these skills in more depth, and will soon be able to raise their hand and be more involved in their school lessons because they’ve learnt participation within a dance class. Once assemblies and seasonal performances at school come round they’ll be happily volunteering for the lead parts!

At junior school, being a dancer will teach them to be physically and mentally stronger, gain more flexibility through their bodies and learn ‘time management’ to help manage academia and extra circular activities more easily which in turn will help with their all important and busy social life, with their school and dance friends – lots of parties to go to!

Starting senior school can be overwhelming for many children but most schools have a dance department where they can share their interests, make new friends and start showcasing their dance and creative skills in performances. Overall they will be confident, happier and more active teenagers. If their dance school has an exam option, they would have taken plenty of them since they were young, so again they will have learnt essential life skills; the purpose of working towards something to the best of their personal ability, revision skills, commitment skills and the experience of actually taking an exam, so hopefully the GCSE exam room will not feel as daunting.

Performing in their first dance show is where all the skills mentioned above unfold. They’ve had to work hard and wait patiently for their moment. Seeing the excitement build in the lead up to a dance school show makes all the months of hard work and effort by the teacher and the performers so worthwhile.

When practise starts for their first performance it is impossible for young children to visualise the finished piece and understand why repetition is so vital. By the time they reach dress rehearsal day, when it all comes together and the buzz is palpable, they completely understand and in fact start asking for more rehearsals so that they can work on their performance skills. At this stage they really understand it’s a team effort and they all become such close friends. Reassurance about having nerves is spoken about in a positive way by explaining about the fight or fight mode our bodies go into. It is a journey from start to finish, with them seeing how choreographers create their work from a starting point through to the finished piece. Their eyes are opened to new styles, techniques and interpretations to various music style. If the show has a theme, they have gained knowledge on the narrative and learnt how the whole production blends together.

The costumes are an extension of the dance and compliment choreography – after a couple of shows even the youngest dancers start to develop an eye for detail and will soon say if a costume isn’t quite looking right or needs an accessory added! It’s an opportunity for all the various ages to come together to inspire and support each other.

So many emotions are experienced during performance day, the excitement and happiness on their faces when they are waiting in the wings to go on stage is joyful. The nervous excitement transforms into electric energy and then the thrill of the applause which of course they love embracing!

Confident children leave the theatre feeling very proud of themselves and will hopefully remember the whole experience for many years. When they return to regular grade lessons they have a positive approach, more motivation and an understanding that you gain more from things by giving your best. A truly valuable life lesson.

Dance Art Studio is located in the Fiveways and Preston Park area of Brighton offering pre-school ballet and dance for 3-4 year olds and graded ballet, tap, modern theatre dance and street as well as boys only tap and jazz. Exams and performance opportunities. We also hold holiday workshops. www.danceartstudio.co.uk

Jul 04
Love0

The benefits of a co-parenting app

By Legal, Relationships

In this issue of the magazine, Jennie Apsey, Solicitor in the Family Department at Dean Wilson LLP, explores co-parenting apps.

Separated parents know only too well that sharing the responsibilities of parenting and communicating about contact arrangements, children’s extra-curricular activities, holidays, and school events can prove difficult, especially if they are not on good terms. Often, parents can feel overwhelmed juggling communication and keeping track of arrangements via multiple methods of communication such as texts, WhatsApps, emails, Facebook Messenger and calls, and doing so can lead to information being missed and minor disagreements and misunderstandings escalating into major conflict. This is where use of a co-parenting app can really help.

What is a co-parenting app and what are the most popular ones available in the UK?
A co-parenting app is a tool which can assist parents in communicating, organising, and documenting arrangements for their children, whilst helping to reduce conflict and providing a permanent digital record that is tamper-proof, putting an end to who said what and when.

There are a variety of different apps available in the UK including OurFamilyWizard, AppClose, 2houses and Talking Parents, to name just a few, all of which are available to download from the App Store and Google Play. Communication is at the heart of all these apps, and they have many shared features but also some variations, so it is a good idea to do some research to see which would meet your family’s needs before signing up to one. Some are free and some require a yearly subscription, albeit the cost is not significant, especially when shared between parents. Some that require a subscription offer free 14-day trials to allow you to check whether the app works for you and covers everything your family needs it to.

What are the usual features of a parenting app?
A secure messaging feature is key, and many come with a date and time stamping feature on the messages. At the touch of a button you can print out complete conversations should they be required, which eliminates the need for taking multiple screenshots of texts or printing out email trails. There are also shared calendars for co-ordinating pick ups and drop offs, GPS and expense trackers, payment facilities, and options to share medical information, school reports and photos. Some apps also have an in-built parenting plan tool to assist parents in coming to an agreement about child arrangements and some also have a professional access feature to allow parents to share information with their legal teams, counsellors or mediators. OurFamilyWizard’s ToneMeter is particularly popular. It works like a kind of spellchecker, picking up on negative tone and checking whether you are sure you want to send the message or whether you might wish to consider alternative, less inflammatory wording. This can be a useful tool for reducing conflict and over time, improving communication between separated parents. TalkingParents offers recorded phone and video calls, which depending on your own family’s needs, may be a useful tool.

Do the courts ever recommend using a co-parenting app?
Where difficulties in communication are a particular feature of a Child Arrangements case before the courts, use of a co-parenting app is almost always recommended, and in some cases ordered, with OurFamilyWizard featuring prominently in Child Arrangements Orders in the courts of England and Wales.

Are there any disadvantages to using an app?
Aside from there being an associated cost with some of the apps, the only other thing to bear in mind is that whilst they can assist in reducing conflict from miscommunication and the likelihood of arguments taking place in front of the children, they cannot solve or eliminate fundamental differences or disagreements between the parents. If you are unable to resolve an issue with your child’s other parent, you should seek specialist legal advice to discuss your options.

As an ABC reader you can call the Family Department on 01273 249 200 to arrange a no obligation telephone discussion and, if required, a fixed-fee meeting.

Dean Wilson LLP’s reputation has been built upon our ability to deliver and exceed our clients’ expectations. For over 100 years our success has
been founded upon our client focused approach, backed by the knowledge and expertise of our lawyers. www.deanwilson.co.uk

 

Jul 04
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kids and politics

Let’s get politics into primary schools

By Girls school, girls school, Mental health, Politics, Relationships

Burgess Hill Girls’ Head of Economics, Politics and Business, Dionne Flatman discusses the benefits of children learning about democracy and the workings of government as early as possible.

Not just for A Levels
For 35 years I have been a teacher of A Level Economics, Politics and Business, as well as PSHE (Personal, Social, Health and Economic Education), Citizenship and General Studies. Although my focus is on A Levels and therefore older students, I strongly believe that these subjects, especially Politics should play a broader role in the curriculum in both senior and primary schools.

Politics has a significant effect on students’ lives from the day that they are born until the day they die. I want students to understand and value democracy and free speech and empower them to be active citizens. I have spent my teaching career trying to debunk the myth that these are academic subjects for experts, rather than what lies at the heart of students’ lives.

My degree is in Politics, Philosophy and Economics, but I do not think that is how I learned to be political. I am interested in the moments that fire up young people to participate and engage. That could be the school putting on a production of ‘Made in Dagenham’ or students discovering that apartheid continued to the 1990s.

To fulfil my ambition to educate a larger number of students both within and outside of Burgess Hill Girls, I recently trained and qualified as a UK Parliament Teacher, learnings which I am in the process of passing on to younger students in our school and other local schools through various initiatives.

Making politics relevant to younger audiences
One of the key challenges in educating younger audiences about how democracy and UK parliament works, is making it relevant.

Some years ago, I participated in a pilot study which looked at holistic education rather than book learning. Many schools feel they have covered cross curricular themes once they have done a curriculum audit. I think it is important to introduce something fresh and new rather than sit back and say “yep, already doing that.” Developing learning through workshop and project-based activities has impact.

At Burgess Hill Girls, we have developed a number of initiatives to increase children’s engagement with politics. We ran a mock general election alongside the 2019 election and will do so again with the up-coming election. When I launched the mock election, I wanted to get the very youngest pupils involved so I ran a competition in the Prep school to design posters to encourage voting. It opened my eyes to the fact that you can never be too young to start learning about democracy and citizenship. For Year 8 students we run a Democracy Day, where students take part in a range of activities including an online ‘be an MP for a week’ game and designing posters which they then use to take part in a mock peaceful protest. For Year 10 students we run a speech writing workshop where they learn what makes a good and bad speech and then give them the chance to write their own, including creating an alliterative one liner.

Democracy Assembly for primary schools
One of our newest initiatives is a Democracy Assembly for younger audiences. We first ran this in our Prep School and are now taking it out to local Primary Schools like Southway Junior School in Burgess Hill. Given the ages of the audience it is important to make the assembly as interactive as possible. We do this by using videos, displays, roleplay with dressing up outfits and banners with key democracy terms for children to hold up. Because the children play an active role in the assembly, they learn much more as a result. Teachers have also said that the assembly has taught them an awful lot and that they feel more confident in their teaching as a result.

It is important for everyone in schools to feel confident about discussing UK democracy and politics. My aim is to encourage active citizenship and to demonstrate how young people can influence decision making. Becoming a UK Parliament Schools Ambassador has set me on the path to achieving this.

If you are interested in Dionne giving her democracy assembly at your primary school, please feel free to contact her via www.burgesshillgirls.com

To find out more about Burgess Hill Girls, visit www.burgesshillgirls.com

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