Relationships Archives - ABC Magazine

Jul 10

Home alone

By Iain Boyle Childcare and Nannying, houses and property, Legal, Relationships, Safety

by Hayley Garner
NSPCC Local Campaigns Manager

For parents and carers, the summer months can be a tricky time as they try to balance the school holidays with work and childcare commitments. Many might be wondering whether their child is ready to be left unsupervised, or may have concerns about someone else’s child being left alone.

While there is no legal age a child can be left home alone, it is against the law to leave a child alone if it puts them at risk. Every child matures differently, so it would be impossible to have a ‘one size fits all’ law.

As a general rule babies and toddlers should never be left alone. This applies not just to leaving them home alone but also in your car while you run into the shops.

A very young child or one who does not feel comfortable should never be left home alone.

We would also recommend against leaving children under 12 alone, particularly for long periods of time. Children aged six to 12 years are usually too young to walk home from school alone, babysit or cook for themselves without adult supervision. It is worth considering leaving them at a friend’s house, with family or finding suitable childcare.

Once your child is at secondary school you could talk to them about how they would feel if they were left alone at home. Whether they are 12 years old or almost 18, there might be reasons they don’t feel safe in the house alone, and it is vital they feel comfortable and safe being left unsupervised.

If your child feels ready to be left at home alone, there are some simple things you can do to help keep them safe.

Set some grounds rules Make sure they know what to do if the phone or doorbell rings. Write down all your contact numbers and the numbers of friends and family in case you can’t be reached. Agree in advance if friends are allowed over.

Practise what to do in an emergency
Even though it is unlikely it is best to prepare for anything that might go wrong while you are out. Come up with a safety plan for different scenarios, such as a fire or burglary.

Make sure they are really safe online
Consider if there are any games or sites they might have access to while you are out that might upset them or put them in danger. Discuss what they are allowed to do while you are out and remind them not to give out any personal details online. More information on staying safe online can be found on the NSPCC website – www.nspcc.org.uk

Be clear about when you will be back
Make sure they are clear about what time you will be back and how you will let them know if your plans change.

Check in with them
Give your child a call every so often. If it is the first time they have been left alone, try to check in regularly. Even if your child is older and has been left home alone before, you should still check in once every few hours, particularly if you are out late.

Build up slowly
Leave them for a short time at first, no more than 20 minutes, then build up over time and keep checking in to make sure they are comfortable. Being left home alone for an hour is very different to being alone for a whole afternoon or overnight. We would not recommend leaving your child home alone overnight if they are under 16 years old.

You can find more advice on how to keep your child safe on the NSPCC website – www.nspcc.org.uk. Children can find support at www.childline.org.uk or by calling 0800 1111 and speaking to a trained Childline counsellor.

Adults with concerns about a child can contact the NSPCC Helpline by calling 0808 800 5000 or by emailing help@NSPCC.org.uk

Jul 03

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Building independent learning in the early years

By Iain Boyle Early Years, Education, Relationships, Wellbeing

by Michelle Thurley
Head of Early Years at Little Amesbury, Amesbury School, Hindhead

It is said that ‘play is the work of childhood’, and it is well known and understood that the first five years of a child’s life are absolutely crucial in setting them up for success in later learning and life. Before the age of five children are at their very peak of natural curiosity, enthusiasm and brain capacity for new learning. Good quality early years education is all about teaching children the tools to harness their desire for independent learning. Teaching children how to learn and how to interact, and equipping children with these skills will give them the confidence and ability to learn independently for the rest of their school careers. So how is it done well?

The importance of play and free flow
In the early years children learn through play. In many other European countries children do not even begin the formal business of educating in maths and English until age seven. Instead, in such countries the early years’ curriculum encompasses lots of learning through play. In reality the two approaches are quite aligned.

Play is profoundly important when it comes to children’s social, emotional and cognitive learning. It allows children to pretend, to take risks, to explore and follow their own desires and interests. They learn to negotiate and communicate with their peers. Play also provides opportunities for children to control their emotions and behaviour. At the same time, it teaches skills like creativity and problem-solving.

A nursery or classroom set up that allows children to learn through play and explore in this way is a key component in developing their independence. ‘Free flow’ between activities and the outdoor space is vital in providing the physical environment to stimulate children and give them the confidence to build their independent learning. This typically means a formal activity then three or four complimentary activities being set up and explained to the children for them to go and enjoy, with the child leading their own choice of activity. For instance, a maths based early years activity could look like this; the children are digging in the sand and having fun, yet each child has been tasked to find three objects hidden in the sand. The preschoolers are all finding three different types of leaves at forest school, vs just collecting leaves. The variety of provision being notably inside and outside the classroom.

Bringing learning to life
Appealing to the broadest range of learning experiences possible in rich, creative ways to pique learning interest is the best approach. A teacher will refer to the ‘seven areas of learning’, from academic learning in literacy and maths, real-world exploration, physical activities, communication and language, expressive art and design and personal social and emotional development. A quicker short form for parents to remember is to nurture the ‘PIES’, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional and Social aspects of the life of their child. A rotation of rich and exciting opportunities to learn through play to ensure all of these vital areas of early learning are captured is key to building the independent learner early on.

Varying how learning is delivered is key, a range of materials, song, music, games and objects – giving children access to real objects as well as toys. Using a rich range of resources, like iPads or interactive whiteboards where children can select a worksheet, all build a child’s skills and give them agency in their own learning. Also allowing an activity to run on if children are very engaged is to be encouraged – early years learning is the best time for flexibility in the timetable. Getting outside, access to mud and leaves and weather, and opportunities to dress up and pretend within the school day are key to capturing a child’s imagination. I greatly enjoy teaching phonics with at least two of the class dressed as princesses or a superhero.

Recently, this provision in professional educational settings has become increasingly specialist. It is now more common for early years settings to offer specialist music, dance, languages, forest school and even Makaton and specialist sports. This is clear evidence of the need to offer the most ‘high definition’ learning possible to build independent learning.

The best illustration I can offer of independent learning starting to really take shape is a recent anecdote. One of the children I teach has been learning about the UN rights and responsibilities of a child in ‘The Real World Exploration’ aspect of the EYFS curriculum. The child had clearly understood from this lesson that children in the nursery and wider school community have a voice, and they must command dignity, respect and be accepted for who they are. This child was asked to effectively play a game of tag in their PE lesson, they asked to “sit out” the lesson as they did not see themselves having a role as either being chased or chasing anyone in that lesson and please could the teacher “respect my decision!”

Little Amesbury is a centre of excellence, dedicated to providing our youngest children with outstanding early years education, in a vibrant and challenging learning environment. For further details please visit www.amesburyschool.co.uk/littleamesbury

Jul 03

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The rise of the ‘Pup-Nup’

By Iain Boyle Finance, houses and property, Legal, Relationships

What will happen to your pet if your relationship breaks down?

For most pet owners, their companions are part of the family, so if a couple separates, what happens to them? In this article, Jon Whettingsteel, Partner and Family Law Specialist at Dutton Gregory Solicitors investigates.

According to a survey undertaken last year by Statista, 62% of households (approximately 17.8 million homes) own a pet, and with an average of two pets per household, that’s over 35 million domestic animals homed across the UK. Dogs proved the most popular pet (13 million), with cats coming in a close second (12 million) and just under 60% of pet owners were aged between 16 and 34 years old.

In law, pets are viewed as ‘chattels’ or property, and treated the same as the family car, furniture or artwork. Unlike children, there is no specific guidance in law or criteria on what the Court will consider when determining ownership of a pet.

Section 24 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 gives the Court the power to make a ‘Property Adjustment Order’ and even an ‘Order for Sale’, but these only apply if the parties are married. If a couple is in a relationship and/or living together, the issue of pet ownership is likely to be dealt with under Small Claims Court.

When determining which Order to make in relation to a pet, a Court may look at;
• Who bought the pet? Is there a name on any purchase documentation?
• Who is the registered owner? The contact listed on any microchip, for example?
• At what point in the relationship was the pet purchased?
• Whose name is registered on any insurance or at any veterinary practice?
• Who looks after the pet on a day-to-day basis?
• Who pays for the pet’s costs?
• Was the pet a gift from one party to the other, or from a friend or family member?

None of the above is determinative, and it will always be down to the discretion of the Court to decide who should retain ownership of any pets and what points to consider.

There is some, albeit limited, case law such as RK v RK in 2011 where the Judge stated they did “….. not consider it appropriate to make an order in respect of one of the dogs because, on the evidence I have heard, they would seem to be have been looked after principally by the husband.”

In another case, K vs K in 2005, the Judge commented, “The division of chattels must be accomplished prior to trial,” showing the court’s reluctance to make an order around pets.

In the event of a dispute, parties may wish to consider ‘mediation’, where a third party, preferably with experience in pet disputes, can help the parties reach an agreement. There is also ‘arbitration’ where it is agreed to give the third party the power to make a legally binding decision, but both methods often prove quicker and cheaper than a Court Application.

The best way to prevent this situation is for a couple to enter into a Pre-Nuptial or Cohabitation Agreement.

‘Pet-Nups’ or ‘Pup-Nups’ as they have become known, can set out not just who owns a pet, but also payments towards the costs of care, contact and effectively allow pets to have similar arrangements to children in the event of separation.

Although not automatically legally binding of enforcement, recent case law suggests that the Court are attaching more weighting to agreements between the parties where these are entered in to freely and willingly.

As with any agreement that is potentially legally binding, parties should obtain bespoke legal advice.

Disputes are demanding of time and finance, so parties should ensure they have in place a clear written agreement about arrangements for their pets when looking to get a new furry or feathered family member.

Jon Whettingsteel is a Partner and Family Law Specialist at Dutton Gregory – if you want advice then please contact Jon on 01483 755609 or j.whettingsteel@duttongregory.co.uk

Jul 01

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Choosing care for under twos – What really matters

By Iain Boyle Childcare and Nannying, Early Years, Education, Relationships

by Marsha Dann
Lead Teacher, Play B C Preschool

Choosing childcare is one of the biggest decisions a parent can make. Unlike with preschool-age children, where the benefits of socialisation and learning through play are often more obvious, sending a child under two to a setting can feel more emotional and uncertain.

Yet, with more families needing to balance work and care, the expansion of funding and increased awareness of the importance of early childhood development, high-quality provision for babies and toddlers has never mattered more. But what does ‘high-quality’ look like for the very youngest children, and what should parents be looking for?

A different kind of care
Caring for children under two is a vitally important job. The brain is developing at its most rapid rate and the wiring for emotional security, resilience and lifelong learning is being laid.

While environment and resources can enrich experiences, the most important thing to focus on is relationships. Very young children need warm, responsive, attentive adults who can tune into their needs, often when they cannot be expressed in words.

That is why the key person approach is so important. Each child should have an adult who forms a close, secure bond with them, gets to know their routines, and becomes a safe base for them from where they can explore their environment. Babies and toddlers feel safest when they know someone consistent, who is practically and emotionally available is caring for them.

When visiting a setting, ask:
• Who will be my child’s key person?
• What is your approach to settling in?
• How do you respond to children’s emotional needs throughout the day?

Look for teams who talk with genuine warmth and understanding about the children in their care. A well-organised rota or impressive curriculum means little if relationships are not at the heart of practice.

Nurturing the whole child
At this stage, learning does not look like reading or writing, but like exploration, imitation, repetition and lots of sensory play.

Young children develop through hands-on experience: mouthing, banging, pouring, crawling, climbing, and observing. Their muscles, coordination and cognitive abilities are all growing rapidly, and a good setting will reflect this through both their environment and adult-child interactions.

The best baby rooms are calm but active, warm but stimulating, and above all safe. Look for open-ended materials like baskets of natural objects, age-appropriate books, softplay zones, cause-and-effect toys and spaces for messy or sensory play. Outdoor access is especially valuable for crawlers and toddlers to explore safely in the fresh air.

Flashy equipment or over-stimulating gadgets are not necessary, babies will thrive on real-world experiences, warm conversation, and repetition.
Ask:
• How do you plan for children’s individual interests and development?
• Do babies go outside every day?
• What types of sensory and physical play do you offer?

Feeding, napping and routines
Consistency and routine are comforting to under twos, but they also need flexibility and responsiveness. Babies grow fast, and their needs can change rapidly. A good setting will blend a rhythm to the day with personalised routines.

Whether it is bottle-feeding, baby-led weaning, expressing, or adjusting nap schedules, look for a team that listens and works in partnership with you, individuality must be respected.
Ask:
• How do you manage different routines in the same room?
• Can I bring expressed milk / my child’s comforters / familiar sleep cues?
• How will you keep me updated during the day?

Communication is key
For parents of under twos, especially those leaving a baby in childcare for the first time, regular, meaningful communication is essential. Look for settings that prioritise updates, welcome conversation, and invite you into your child’s day. This might include handovers, learning journals, photos, or daily diaries but should always feel two-way, and not be just a formality.

Trust builds when you feel your child is truly known, and that you’re working as a team with their educators.

Staffing matters
Ratios and training are particularly important for babies or young toddlers. Legally, there must be one adult for every three children under two years, but good settings often go beyond minimum standards, especially during busy times of the day.

Equally important is the experience and stability of the team. Young children need familiar faces and confident, skilled adults who understand child development, attachment, and how to support emotional regulation.

Ask about staff turnover, training, and how the team is supported. High quality for under twos is built on a culture of care and continual reflection.

Making your choice
Choosing care for your baby or toddler is deeply personal. Trust your instincts when you visit a setting: Do the adults get down on the children’s level? Is the environment calm but engaging? Do you feel listened to, not just spoken at?

Opt for a setting where relationships, not routines, are at the heart of everything they do and you know your child will be seen, heard, and known.

Marsha Dann, lead teacher at Play B C Preschool, making every day a learning adventure in Wallington and Carshalton.
www.playbc.co.uk
info@playbc.co.uk

Jul 01

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A guide to transitioning from prep school to senior school

By Iain Boyle Education, Relationships, Wellbeing

by Jessica.Musgrove
Burgess Hill Girls

The transition from prep to senior school represents one of the most significant educational milestones in a young person’s life. This period of change brings exciting opportunities alongside inevitable challenges.

A good senior school will aim to make this transition as seamless as possible, offering a supportive environment where students can flourish academically and personally. Whether your son or daughter is feeling nervous or eager about this next step, thoughtful preparation makes all the difference in ensuring a smooth and successful transition.

Understanding the transition
The shift to senior school involves much more than simply changing buildings or uniforms. Academically, pupils experience more structure with deeper subject-specific studies and heightened expectations for independent learning. While primary school may have emphasised broad knowledge acquisition, the senior school curriculum develops more sophisticated critical thinking and analytical skills.

Equally important is recognising the social and emotional journey ahead. Schools understand the importance of creating a nurturing community where new pupils integrate quickly and confidently. Experienced pastoral teams understand that navigating this social recalibration can be just as challenging as adapting to increased academic demands.

Developing essential study skills
The jump to senior school often reveals gaps in study skills that may not have been apparent previously. It’s important to support students to integrate effective time management, note-taking and revision techniques into their learning from day one. Most schools offer organisational tools like planners and digital resources to help pupils establish productive habits from the outset.

Head of Academic Progress at Burgess Hill Girls, Rohaise Flint, comments”The students who thrive most quickly are those who develop systematic approaches to their studies early on. Purpose-designed study spaces and consistent homework routines create an environment where students can reach their full potential.”

Goal setting for success
Rohaise Flint recommends that pupils establish both short-term and long-term goals. This practise not only boosts motivation but also helps pupils maintain perspective when challenges arise. Whether aiming for certain grades or developing greater confidence in particular subjects, the school’s individualised approach ensures every student receives the guidance they need to succeed.

Extracurricular engagement
Joining clubs, sports, arts programmes and societies are essential opportunities for social integration, skills development and personal discovery. Pupils who engage beyond the classroom consistently report a more fulfilling and balanced school experience.

Good schools like to encourage new pupils to try several activities during their first term before committing to those that most interest them. This exploration period allows them to discover new passions and connect with peers who share similar interests, all within a supportive community.

Building Resilience
Senior school inevitably brings new pressures – academic challenges, social complexities and sometimes, disappointments. At our school, developing resilience is central to its ethos. The school supports students in managing stress through regular physical activity, mindfulness practises, wellbeing days and ensuring adequate rest and recreation.

The pastoral team facilitates open conversations about challenges, normalising the difficulties of transition. Students are reminded that setbacks are natural and often lead to greater growth and self-awareness when approached constructively – a philosophy that prepares them not just for school but for life.

Nurturing social connections
Making new friends while maintaining existing relationships is one of the most important aspects of the transition. Our school has a house system, team activities and collaborative projects with the local community, each providing natural opportunities for social connection. The parent association organises informal gatherings with classmates and a vibrant calendar of school social events ensures every girl feels part of the community from day one.

Digital and resource readiness
At our school, we utilise state-of-the-art digital platforms for assignments, timetables and communications. Beginning September 2025, the school is implementing a 1-to-1 leased device programme, empowering students with flexibility in their learning environment while ensuring seamless access to all academic materials.

The parent’s role
As parents, striking the right balance between supportive involvement and encouraging independence can be challenging. At our school we partner with families through regular communication and parent workshops that provide valuable insights into supporting this transition. Also, an open-door policy ensures parents can always reach staff when guidance is needed.

Student testimonial from Charlotte W. Year 8
“I was incredibly nervous about moving up to senior school last year. After seven years at my small prep school, everything seemed so much bigger and more intimidating at first. But looking back, I can’t believe I was ever worried! During the first week, my form tutor organised these brilliant icebreaker activities that helped me connect with everyone quickly. The buddy system meant I had a peer who checked in regularly, which made navigating the school and new routines so much easier. What surprised me most was how quickly the teachers got to know me personally. My English teacher noticed I was quiet but had strong written ideas, so she encouraged me to join the debating club, which has completely boosted my confidence. The transition was an adjustment – I had to get used to moving between different classrooms and managing more homework – but the organisation skills we learned in the first term made a huge difference. Now I’m helping with this year’s new students, and it’s amazing to see them settling in just like I did. Coming to BHG has been the best decision ever – I’ve discovered talents I never knew I had!”

We believe a successful transition to senior school balances rigorous academic preparation with compassionate emotional support and engaging extracurricular opportunities. Our 120-year tradition of educational excellence, combined with its forward-thinking approach, creates an environment where every girl can thrive.

You are invited to experience the difference for yourself, with places available in both prep and senior school. Contact the admissions team today to arrange a visit and discover how the school transforms potential challenges into opportunities for remarkable growth and achievement.

To find out more about Burgess Hill Girls, please visit www.burgesshillgirls.com

Mar 21

Love0

Five survival tips for an ADHD parent

By Iain Boyle Mental health, Relationships, special educational needs

by Alex Partridge author and host of the ADHD Chatter podcast

As someone with ADHD, I know it enables me to do amazing things, but I also know it also holds me back in some areas. If you’re a neurodiverse parent, parenting forces you into those areas where ADHDers often struggle, such as organisation, planning and consistency.

With this in mind, here are five tips that I’ve put together with help from other ADHD mums and dads to help you survive the amazing, wonderful, challenging roller-coaster that is parenting.

1. Make sure your ADHD is well-managed
Having a baby to care for means the scaffolding we ADHDers put around us to keep stable can be in danger of becoming wobbly. You may need to add reinforcements, such as hiring a cleaner so you don’t have to think about housework as well as a baby.

You may also need to make adjustments to your daily routine so you can remain by your baby’s side. Instead of jogging outside, for example, you could exercise inside with the help of a YouTube video. If meditation is something you use to keep yourself stable, you may need to do it during the unpredictable moments of silence throughout the day, rather than your usual set time.

2. Protect your slots
Parenting author Kirsti Hadley shared a brilliant analogy with me, where you imagine that all humans have a cognitive load consisting of five slots. When we encounter something that puts a demand on us, one of the slots gets filled.

A neurotypical parent’s slots will fill up with demands such as: I need to change my baby’s nappy, I need to prepare my baby’s food, I need to give my baby some medication, I need to buy my baby new shoes or let’s plan a nice weekend trip away with my baby.

However, a neurodivergent parent’s slots will fill up with demands or questions such as: My baby’s screams are over-stimulating me, I need to remember the travel directions to the nursery, where did I put my car keys?, what will the other parents think of me? or I haven’t drunk any water today. Our slots get filled up much quicker because a lot of the demands that come with parenting are high ‘executive function’ demands.

The early stages of parenting put a lot of extra demand on our brains so it’s vital we protect our slots, especially in the early days. To do this, I’d advise asking for help – this automatically doubles your available slots! I’d also suggest prioritising social encounters that matter to you and declining ones that don’t.

3. Establish a structure
The word ‘routine’ sends a shiver down my spine, but it’s important to try to establish a structure that works for you. Use any quiet time in the evenings to plan the next day. What will your child be wearing? Where will they need to go?

An ADHD brain comes alive as the day progresses. Take advantage of your ‘evening’ brain by using it to plan the morning activities. There will also be fewer demands on you in the evening as the world is winding down, so there’s less chance of you being interrupted.

4. Don’t feel ashamed of screens
There’s a lot of shame surrounding children’s use of screens for entertainment, especially on social media, but it’s especially important for neurodivergent parents to ignore this narrative.

Back when we lived in tribes in small villages, parents had help looking after their children. These days, a lot of parents are left alone to do the job, so we should never feel guilty about using modern technology to help us create our own village. Having a moment to recharge your cognitive batteries will be beneficial to you, your mental health and your child.

5. Find time for you
This is important for every parent, but especially for neurodiverse ones. To help do this, use the anagram WEBS: W: Walk (go for a walk). E: Early morning routine (create a morning routine that includes solitude). B: Baths (have a hot bath in the evening). S: Stretch (incorporate stretching in your day when possible).

Every part of WEBS can be as big or as little as your time allows. A walk could be as simply as pacing the length of your kitchen a couple of times. A stretch could simply involve making the movement of picking something up from the floor more intentional.

It’s the intention that really matters, and that is to create a moment, no matter how small, where you can focus on nothing but the moment and relax. These little moments are really important because they provide a pause between the demands of parenthood and therefore help to minimise any overwhelming feelings.

What all these tips have in common is creating a parenting structure that works for you and your child, which doesn’t have to be one that follows conventional norms. When we stop thinking the ‘traditional’ way is the right way, we can begin to make simple accommodations within our neurodiverse households that will make for a happier environment – and much happier parents and children.

Alex Partridge is the founder of LADBible and UNILAD and the host of the ADHD Chatter podcast. His book Now It All Makes Sense: How An ADHD Diagnosis Brought Clarity To My Life is out now, published by Sheldon Press, priced £16.99.

Mar 18

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Demystifying male infertility

By Iain Boyle family, Health, prenancy, Relationships

by Professor Geeta Nargund
Medical Director abc IVF

Infertility is still widely thought of as a female issue. Yet our research revealed that the male biological clock has a more prominent role in the outcome of IVF treatment than was initially thought. Why is male infertility less understood and what should men and couples be aware of when considering starting a family?

Media stories of older fathers have helped to perpetuate the myth that men do not have a biological clock – but celebrities like Robert De Niro and Al Pacino are the exception to the rule. It is important that men are educated about the impact of their age on their fertility so that couples can make informed decisions about when they want to start a family.

The impact of paternal age
The facts are clear: paternal age impacts the outcome of IVF treatment. For women aged between 35 and 40 with a male partner aged 40 and over there was a steep decline in the live birth rate. To be precise, the live birth rate dropped from 32.8% where the father was under 35 to 27.9% where the father was aged between 40 and 44. The most dramatic decline in the live birth rate was to 25%, in cases where the father’s age was over 55. This can be attributed to both the quality and quantity of a man’s sperm decreasing with age.

Increased paternal age can also lead to a higher risk of miscarriage. The rate of miscarriage is twice as high for women with male partners over 45 years old compared to women with male partners under the age of 25.

Paternal age did not have the same impact on women under the age of 35 or over the age of 40 conceiving. This is because the eggs of younger women are better able to repair the higher incidence of DNA damage that are often found in the sperm of older males.

In addition to affecting conception, paternal age can have an impact on the couples’ children as well. The offspring of men who are over 45 are five times more likely to have an autism spectrum disorder; five times more likely to have mental health problems; and thirteen times more likely to have an ADHD diagnosis.

For a long time, a woman’s age and fertility have been assumed to be the only determining factor in the outcome of fertility treatment. This research disproves that myth by revealing that men too have a biological clock.

It is now time couples were better informed about the impact of the male biological clock on their fertility. This is why I have campaigned for a national curriculum that promotes fertility education and is committed to empowering young people with the knowledge they need to make informed decisions about their future.

Optimising your fertility health
So, what are the options for men looking to boost their fertility levels? Well, there are a variety of things that can be done, but the most important rule to remember is that your general health and fertility health go hand in hand – so it’s best all round to aim for a healthy lifestyle.

This will include cutting down on alcohol and quitting smoking as well as eating a healthy, varied diet. I would also recommend exercise which is helpful for lowering stress levels and keeping within a healthy BMI range.

Reasons for male infertility
We’ve established that exercising and cutting vices such as alcohol and cigarettes can improve fertility. The logic follows that the inverse (excessive drinking and a no exercise) can increase the risk of infertility.

However, there are also genetic and medical conditions which can contribute to infertility that men need to be aware of. For example, varicoceles (prominent veins); blockage of the ejaculatory ducts; undescended testis and testicular tumours can all contribute to infertility. Additionally, whilst this condition is much rarer – impacting 1% of the male population – extreme cases of azoospermia result in seminal fluid which contains no sperm at all.

Furthermore, sexually transmitted infections and underactive thyroids can increase the risk of infertility in men and women alike.

When to seek medical help
It is time to speak to a doctor if the couple have been trying to conceive for six months and if the female partner is over 35 and the male partner is over 40. Similarly, if both partners are under 35 and have been trying to conceive for 12 months, they should also seek medical advice. This will allow the couple to explore the available fertility tests and treatments, if that’s a path they wish to pursue.

Knowledge is power
Whilst the prospect of male infertility and a male biological clock may sound daunting, an awareness of these issues is crucial in allowing men to make informed decisions about their fertility health. One approach is to have a national curriculum which highlights infertility prevention, arming the next generation with knowledge and destigmatising the topic of male infertility.

Professor Geeta Nargund, Senior NHS Consultant and Founder and Medical Director of abc IVF and CREATE Fertility. For further information please visit www.abcivf.co.uk or www.createfertility.co.uk

Mar 15

Love0

Thousands of lonely children turn to Childline for help and support

By Iain Boyle Childcare and Nannying, Mental health, Relationships, Wellbeing

In 2023/24 the NSPCC service delivered almost 5,000 counselling sessions related to the issue, both online and over the phone from one of their 13 bases around the country. Concerningly, loneliness was given as one of the main reasons for young people calling Childline about problems with their mental health.

Reasons children and young people have cited for feeling lonely in the last year include moving house or school and having to make new friends, their parents working long hours, being bullied by peers,and seeing their friends having fun on social media and feeling as though they are missing out.

One 16-year-old girl said to Childline: “I feel so lonely all the time, I end up crying and trying to sleep until the feeling goes away. I’ve tried to help myself, but nothing worked. I feel like I’ve been this way forever, I need this to change.”

The charity is revealing these figures to remind children and young people that they are not alone with Childline ready to provide help and support 24/7.

One girl aged 11, from Scotland, told Childline: “I feel so lonely at school, I only really have one friend. What’s harder though is I feel I can’t talk about how much it upsets me. My parents seem annoyed or judgemental when I try to talk about my feelings. Speaking to Childline feels like a weight has been lifted.”

To support young people who may be dealing with loneliness, the NSPCC also offers an online service called Building Connections.

This service, available to anyone up to the age of 19, matches young people with a trained befriender for 11 weeks who will help them to build their confidence and better manage their loneliness.

To refer a child to the online Building Connections service visit: https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/services/building-connections?modularPage=make-a-referral

Advice for children who are struggling with their mental health and/or loneliness includes:
• Do things that feel positive: Try your best to take part in activities you enjoy, whether that’s playing a sport, listening to music, reading a book, or drawing. Small positive actions really can have a big impact on your mood.
• Take care of yourself: When you are struggling with difficult feelings, it is important to continue to prioritise your basic needs such as eating well, staying hydrated, and getting enough sleep. Taking care of your body can have a positive impact on your mental health.
• Try to find ways to socialise: Whether it’s joining a club, connecting with peers at school, or reaching out to a trusted friend, prioritising socialising can help to reduce feelings of loneliness
• Remember it is always OK to ask for help: Speak to a trusted adult, a teacher, a friend, or contact Childline. No matter what you’re feeling, you don’t have to go through it alone.
• Consider signing up to Building Connections: If you’re 19 or under and struggling with feelings of loneliness, consider signing up to the NSPCC’s online Building Connections service. This service will pair you with a trained befriender who will work with you to give you the tools to tackle loneliness.

Shaun Friel, Childline Director, said: “It’s heart-breaking to see so many young people turning to Childline because they feel lonely and isolated. We know how much of an impact loneliness can have on children’s mental health, often leaving them feeling hopeless and unseen. That’s why it’s vital that children know they don’t have to face these emotions alone. Childline is here for every young person, no matter what their situation. Whether they’re missing a friend, struggling with school holidays, or finding it difficult to talk to those around them, our counsellors are ready to listen and provide support.”

Tips for adults to help children and young people who may be experiencing loneliness include:
• Communicate openly: Encourage children to talk about their feelings and listen without judgement.
• Discover what’s causing the problem: Gently explore why they might be feeling this way and validate their emotions.
• Encourage socialising: Help children find opportunities to connect with peers through hobbies, clubs, or activities.
• Help them build their confidence: Celebrate their strengths and achievements and remind them of the positive relationships in their lives.
• Build a supportive environment: Loneliness isn’t something that can be resolved with one conversation. It is important to create an environment of openness where a child can talk to you about their feelings and any struggles they may be facing.

Childline is available for young people via the phone on 0800 1111 and online through the 121 chat on www.childline.org.uk/get-support/message-boards/

Mar 03

Love0

Having a family through surrogacy

By Iain Boyle family, Fostering and adoption, Relationships

by Rachael House
Partner, Dutton Gregory

As society evolves, it is becoming increasingly common for those with difficulties surrounding fertility or conception to turn to surrogacy as the path to parenthood.

What is surrogacy?
Surrogacy is where a woman (the surrogate) carries a baby on behalf of a couple or an individual who intends to become the child’s parents.

There are two types of surrogacy:
• Traditional surrogacy – the surrogate becomes pregnant through artificial insemination and using her own eggs, so is genetically related to the baby.
• Host surrogacy – the surrogate is impregnated through IVF using either eggs from a donor or the intended mother, meaning the surrogate does not have a genetic link with the baby. In recent years, this has become the more frequently used method of surrogacy.

What is the legal position?
At present, surrogacy is legal in the UK. However, the law states that the woman who gives birth to the child is the legal parent, and will have parental responsibility regardless of genetic relation to the child, contracts or payments. If she is married, she and her spouse are both the legal parents. This means that the intended parent/s do not have any rights to the child until a ‘Parental Order’ is in place.

Surrogacy agreements are not legally enforceable in England and so it is important to obtain independent legal advice prior to entering into any treatment.

What is a ‘Parental Order’?
A Parental Order permanently reassigns parenthood to the intended parent/s. It allows the proposed individual/s to become the legal parent/s of the child and permanently extinguishes the parenthood of a surrogate and any spouse.

Once a Parental Order is made, the birth certificate is re-registered to record the intended parent/s as the legal parent/s. The original birth certificate will be sealed as part of the Parental Order Register and will only be available to the child once they are over 18.

The surrogate must agree to this unconditionally. If there is disagreement about who the child’s legal parents should be (i.e. the surrogate would like to keep the child,) the courts will make a decision based on the best interests of the child.

What is the process for a Parental Order?
To attain a Parental Order, the proposed parent(s) must demonstrate to the Family Court that the transferred parenthood is for the child’s best interest and they meet all the following criteria:

Applying with a partner:
• One party must be biologically related to the child (the egg or sperm donor).
• The couple must be married, civil partners or living as partners.
• The child must reside with the couple permanently in the UK, Channel Islands or Isle of Man.
• The application must be within six months of the child’s birth (unless there are exceptional circumstances).

If an applicant is applying as an individual, they must be biologically related to the child (the egg or sperm donor) and if the surrogacy took place outside of the UK, then any application needs to be made to the High Court.

The team at Dutton Gregory is experienced in Surrogacy Law and Parental Order applications and can assist with advice prior to entering into surrogacy arrangements, preparing and issuing court applications and guidance in obtaining a Parental Order.

Rachael House is an experienced Collaborative Law Practitioner and Partner at Dutton Gregory, so if you want advice then please contact Rachael on 01483 755609 or
r.house@duttongregory.co.uk

Mar 01

Love0

Nurturing creative learning

By Iain Boyle children's health, Early Years, Education, family, Forest School, Playing, Relationships

by Sharon Mee
Artpod Brighton

Creativity is the spark that fuels curiosity, innovation, and self-expression. For children and young people, engaging in creative learning is more than just an enjoyable pastime – it’s a powerful way to develop essential skills, build confidence and navigate the world. We’re passionate about making creative opportunities accessible to everyone, empowering children and families to unlock their potential through the arts.

What is creative learning and why does it matter?
Creative learning is about fostering a child’s imagination and encouraging them to think critically, solve problems and express themselves in unique ways. Unlike traditional rote learning, which often focuses on memorising and repetition, creative learning emphasises exploration, experimentation and personal growth.

The benefits are wide-ranging:
• Boosted emotional wellbeing: Creative activities provide an outlet for children to process emotions and reduce stress.
• Enhanced problem-solving skills: By thinking outside the box, children learn to approach challenges with confidence and flexibility.
• Improved social connections: Collaborative projects foster teamwork, empathy and communication skills.
• Celebration of individual strengths: Creative learning recognises and nurtures each child’s unique talents and abilities, especially for neurodiverse learners.

For neurodiverse children, creativity can be transformative. It provides a way to express feelings and ideas that may be hard to verbalise, and it allows them to develop skills at their own pace in a supportive, flexible environment.

How parents can foster creative learning at home
Creative learning doesn’t have to be confined to schools or workshops. With a bit of imagination, parents can create a home environment where creativity flourishes.

Here are some tips to get started:
1. Provide open-ended materials
Stock up on versatile materials like paper, paints, cardboard, glue or even household items like pasta and fabric scraps. Open-ended resources encourage children to invent, design and build without strict instructions.
2. Encourage curiosity and questions
Instead of giving answers right away, ask them questions like, “What do you think would happen if…?” or “How might you solve this?” to inspire creative thinking and problem-solving.
3. Dedicate time for play
Unstructured play is a cornerstone of creativity. Set aside time where children can explore their interests, experiment and let their imaginations run wild.
4. Incorporate creativity into everyday activities
Turn daily routines into creative opportunities – designing patterns while setting the table, inventing bedtime stories together or cooking meals as a collaborative ‘art project’.
5. Celebrate effort, not perfection
Encourage children to take risks and try new things, emphasising that mistakes are part of the learning process. Celebrate the effort they put into their creations rather than focusing on the outcome.
6. Explore the arts together
Visit museums, attend performances or explore virtual art galleries. Experiencing creativity as a family can inspire children to pursue their own artistic interests.
7. Join workshops and community events
Look for local workshops or online classes to expand your child’s creative horizons.

Creative learning is a gift for life
In today’s fast-paced, tech-driven world, creative learning is more important than ever. It gives children a sense of agency, helping them navigate challenges and find joy in self-expression. Whether at home or in one of our workshops, nurturing creativity is a gift that lasts a lifetime.

Explore a world of imagination with Artpod. Visit Artpod’s website to discover workshops, events and resources that bring creative learning to life for your family. Together, we can inspire the next generation of thinkers, makers and dreamers. www.artpodbtn.com

Relationships

Home alone

by Hayley Garner
NSPCC Local Campaigns Manager

For parents and carers, the summer months can be a tricky time as they try to balance the school holidays with work and childcare commitments. Many might be wondering whether their child is ready to be left unsupervised, or may have concerns about someone else’s child being left alone.

Building independent learning in the early years

by Michelle Thurley
Head of Early Years at Little Amesbury, Amesbury School, Hindhead

The rise of the ‘Pup-Nup’

What will happen to your pet if your relationship breaks down?

For most pet owners, their companions are part of the family, so if a couple separates, what happens to them? In this article, Jon Whettingsteel, Partner and Family Law Specialist at Dutton Gregory Solicitors investigates.

Choosing care for under twos – What really matters

by Marsha Dann
Lead Teacher, Play B C Preschool

Choosing childcare is one of the biggest decisions a parent can make. Unlike with preschool-age children, where the benefits of socialisation and learning through play are often more obvious, sending a child under two to a setting can feel more emotional and uncertain.