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health for youngsters, babies and adults

confident learners

How do we best prepare our children for the future?

By Education, Forest School, Mental health, Playing, Relationships
by Nick Oakden
Head of Junior Prep School, Hurst College

In our fast-paced, ever-changing world, Nick Oakden, Head of Junior Prep School at Hurst College, explains how we can best prepare our children for their futures. The last few years have taught us that whilst we may not know what is around the corner, or indeed yet understand the world our children will face as adults, we do know that developing a strong sense of independence will mean that our children will be able to adapt and thrive in any situation.

Developing independence is a journey, and one that should start at the very beginning of a child’s education. An independent mindset that is developed from a young age will build self-confidence, develop problem-solving skills, and encourage a sense of responsibility. Embedding an independent attitude should be a fundamental part of the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS). It starts with small practical steps such as getting dressed into their school uniform and packing their own bags which develops into shaping their own learning in a safe, nurturing environment.

One of the most critical benefits of developing independence in young children is that it builds their self-confidence. In a world where the internet and social media have a powerful influence on our children’s self-image, it is important that we embed opportunities for our pupils to develop inner confidence from a young age, about who they are and how to relate positively to others. One of the ways we seek to do this is to encourage pupils to try new things and give them opportunities to develop friendships outside of their form. We provide our pupils with a wide variety of co-curricular opportunities such as Woodland Camp craft skills, drama, dance and sporting activities, from the Reception year, to broaden their experiences and extend their learning beyond the classroom.

Independence also fosters creativity and imagination among pupils. When they are given the freedom to explore and experiment, they can expand their understanding and develop new ideas and solutions. It is important to provide pupils with tools and open-ended tasks which allow them to express themselves. Sometimes, a pot of water, a paintbrush and a brick wall are all that is needed, alongside an environment that encourages creative play.

Of course, one of the major obstacles that can prevent pupils from becoming more independent is a fear of failure. To encourage a more independent approach, we must help pupils to see failure as an opportunity to learn, rather than something to be avoided at all costs. As parents, the temptation to ‘helicopter in’ and save the day by dropping off a forgotten PE kit can seem to be the right thing to do. However, if we foster independence rather than dependency, then children will learn so much more than where the spare kit is kept at school. The skills and strategies that children develop when things don’t go to plan are vital in preparing them for the future.

In school, the learning environment should echo this ethos and be a ‘safe space’ where pupils are encouraged to take risks and make mistakes. Whether this is designing and testing experiments in a science lab, exploring Woodland School or performing on stage, pupils should focus on the importance of the learning journey, rather than the outcome. When pupils do this, failure is recognised as an important part of the journey.

Another benefit of developing independence is that it teaches pupils about responsibility. When children are independent, they learn to take responsibility for their actions, decisions and behaviour. In Early Years, examples such as self-registering, tidying the classroom and packing their school bags should be part of their daily routines. As the pupils get older, the levels of responsibility invariably increase, and they use the building blocks that have already been established to independently embrace new challenges, such as the introduction of homework.

As well as the practical aspects of responsibility, schools should allow pupils to take responsibility for their learning and develop ownership of their studies. We seek to achieve this through a curriculum that empowers the pupils. In the Early Years, child-initiated activities and discovery time are at the heart of excellent practice. This allows pupils to direct their learning around their own interests, creating purposeful and bespoke learning opportunities. As pupils progress into Key Stage One, a creative curriculum weaves together all subject areas through a thematic approach which allows them to ask questions and seek their own answers, putting in place the building blocks for independent research as they progress in their academic journey. Although knowledge is important, what will be required in the future is an aptitude for flexibility and an attitude of mind which promotes questioning and is open to new learning.

We are all aware that the world is changing, and our role as educators is to prepare pupils to embrace the future. As children become more independent, they become more confident in their abilities to think critically, solve problems and find solutions, which is a valuable skill for success in school and beyond.

As Franklin D Roosevelt famously said: “We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future”.

Hurst College is a thriving independent school for children aged between 4 and 18 with an overarching aim to provide an excellent all round education with a strong academic core and is ideally located between Brighton and Haywards Heath. www.hppc.co.uk

handhold

Love thy neighbour

By Finance, Food & Eating, Mental health, Special support needs
by Sally-Ann Potter
Blossom and Bloom Day Nursery

The word ‘struggle’ is by definiton to ‘make forceful efforts to get free of restraint or constriction’. So really, using the word ‘struggle’ to describe the financial difficulties so many are facing isn’t too dramatic when you think about it. The rising cost of living has seen children being stripped of ‘luxuries’ that were previously a standard part of their childhood. Swimming lessons, language lessons, playdates, day trips – all the things you enjoy doing with your children that were potentially taken for granted before our energy prices rose, and paying £400 per month for your electricity meant you perhaps could no longer afford these extra curricular activities.

Working so closely with a wide variety of families, some who know financial struggle and live hand-to-mouth and some who don’t, it has become apparent that there isn’t anyone who isn’t negatively affected by the cost of living crisis.

I’ve spoken to families who are broken; who are coming into nursery and saying they’re on their last nappy and won’t be paid for another few days, who have run out of baby milk for their newborn or because their electric meter has been cut off and it’s freezing cold.

Some days it feels as though we are living in a really depressing feature film. The damage the pandemic did to people’s mental health seems minimal compared to the pressure to keep a roof over your head and provide for your family.

So, what can we do to help each other out? Where are we able to be a bit more selfless and make a difference? Little ripples of kindess could turn into big waves and be the change we need. Maybe something as small as putting a tin of beans in the food bank at the supermarket is the most you can manage. Have you ever opened a packet of nappies, used one and realised they’re the wrong size and you can’t return them? Perhaps you could pass them onto a friend or your nursery? If you’re not able to offer any financial support, maybe you have some clothes you can donate to a clothing bank? It might seem like it isn’t significant but it is. Sometimes we don’t see the benefit of our kindness and that’s OK. It’s OK to do something to help someone without knowing if it ever did help. It probably did and that’s enough.

I live in a community that regularly sees overwhelming acts of kindness. For example, there is a house down the road which has put a shed up in their front garden that offers food that struggling families can go and help themsleves to. People maybe don’t take advantage of it, but it’s respected and appreciated and lots of people donate in order to help each other out.

We have recently opened a baby bank at our nursery. Parents can discreetly go and help themselves to anything in there that they might need. They have a code to help themselves at any time. We reached out to our local community for donations and had an amazing response. We have donations of formula, nappies, baby wipes, baby clothes and toys.

As a setting, we have taken the decision to freeze our prices, offer two meals a day for free and introduce a policy that we only charge paying parents for the hours they are using, meaning they no longer have to pay childcare fees when their child is poorly and they have to take an unpaid day from work to care for them.

What if every single person did something small to help a stranger? What would the world look like then?

For more information please contact Sally-Ann at sallyann@pottershousepreschool.co.uk or call 07939 620934 www.pottershousepreschool.co.uk www.blossomandbloomdaynursery.co.uk

 

boy biking

New Active Challenge to help families set healthy habits in 2023

By children's health, fun for children, Health, Playing, Sport

Families wanting to be more active in 2023 are invited to sign up to a new physical activity challenge, which features fun fitness activities to be completed throughout the year. The Premier Active Challenge is centred around 52 exhilarating activities – one for every week of the year. Activities require minimal equipment, are accessible and can be modified to suit children and adults of all ages.

From balloon volleyball, to scavenger hunts and a World Book Day-inspired fitness challenge, the activities are themed to the seasons and intended to get the blood pumping.

The challenge has been devised by Premier Education, the leading provider of sports clubs, curricular PE and holiday camps to primary schools. Passionate about encouraging children to lead more physically active lives, they hope the challenge will entice more families to regularly participate in physical activity in a fun, inclusive and accessible way for all.

David Batch, chief executive at Premier Education, comments: “Our Premier Active Challenge is about setting healthy habits for the year ahead. It doesn’t matter if you’re five, 55 or 105 – there are ways to participate and keep the body moving! Obviously, each activity needs to be adapted to those taking part, but if families can make a concerted effort to spend time together in an active way, they will be making an important commitment to their physical and mental health. We can’t wait to hear about everyone’s progress – and above all it’s about giving it a go and having fun!”

Each month, Premier Education will reveal the latest batch of weekly challenges, which will be published in a downloadable and printable planner to stick on the fridge.

Each new weekly challenge will begin on a Monday and participants should aim to complete each one a minimum of three times per week, putting special focus on weekends when it’s the perfect time to encourage friends and family to join in!

Participants are invited to share progress on socials using #PremierActiveChallenge. A star participator will be selected every month, with prizes including home sports equipment such as a cricket set, rugby balls and tennis racquets.

For more information about the Premier Active Challenge or to take part, visit www.premier-education.com/news/ 2023-active-challenge or see Premier Education’s social channels for details.
body positive

Three body positivity lessons you need to teach your children

By Mental health, Playing, Relationships

There are many lessons we teach our children: from how to be kind to others, to being diligent in their studies. But the most important lesson we need to teach them is how to love and accept themselves.

As role models, we want to instill ultimate body positivity into our little ones, so that they can walk confidently on the runway of life and withstand any external criticism.

Here are the top three body positivity lessons to teach your children and help them develop and sustain their body confidence.

Everyone is beautiful in their own way
Before you even start teaching your little ones how to love their bodies, you need to instil in them a healthy perception of beauty. As the pure creatures they are, they probably already have an inner understanding that everyone is beautiful in their own way. In order to keep them open-minded about beauty standards, untouched by certain pressures from society, you need to emphasise on that. Explain to them just how diverse we are and how beautiful that is. No matter what our skin type or body size is, we are all equally beautiful and worthy. It’s likely that they will start asking you questions about people’s skin colour or disabilities, and it’s your job to emphasise the equality of beauty.

Activity idea: Take your children to the beach and observe people. Explain to them about different body shapes, skin colours and genders, and ask them to name what they find beautiful in other people. It’s likely that one of the first thing they’ll notice will be the vibrant designer bikinis people are wearing, as children are easily attracted by colour and patterns. Point to the fact how they look different on people, yet everyone is beautiful and wearing them with confidence.

By addressing any preconceptions about beauty norms from a young age, it’s likely that you will raise kind and compassionate people, who can help make this world a better place.

Self-acceptance
Your children can’t love their bodies if they’re not familiar with how they work. This is your chance to give them a few anatomy lessons.

Alongside explaining the physiology of their bodies, teach them to accept them as they are. Just like everyone is different, they could also have some features that don’t exactly fit into the ‘norm’, and that’s perfectly okay.

Young people who have a support network of friends and family will find self-acceptance easier no matter what issues arise, so that they feel more confident in their bodies.

Activity idea: Ask your children to write a list of things they love about their bodies and why, as well as things they’re good at. This will remind them that self-acceptance isn’t just about their appearance, it’s about their talents too!

Foster a healthy relationship with food
Food is fuel, and it’s vital for children to cultivate a healthy relationship with it from a young age. The earlier they learn to make healthy choices and honour their food, the easier it will be to maintain healthy eating habits in the future.

Often, children can be fussy eaters for whatever reason, but luckily, there are ways you can make food fun and a social activity that brings friends and family together.

During your children’s upbringing, it’s important that they consume all the vital nutrients and minerals to best support their growth. Use the dinner table as a place to educate them on what a balanced diet is and how to appropriately portion their meals and snacks. Explain why fruits and vegetables are important and how good they make us feel.

The best thing you can do is teach your children how to eat intuitively, meaning that they consume food when they’re hungry and stop eating when they’re full. That’s the healthiest relationship with food they can ever have.

Activity idea: Turn your nutritional lessons into a fun game by organising the foods your family eats into three groups – ‘always’, ‘sometimes’, and ‘rarely’. Nutritious foods, such as fruits, vegetables, and protein, go in the ‘always’ category. The ‘sometimes’ category can include things like a takeaway while the ‘rarely’ group can consist of sweets and crisps. Explain why these foods fall into each category. For example, crisps might taste delicious, but they’re full of fats and sugars, which are unhealthy.

Every time you have a meal or do your weekly food shopping, ask your children to class the foods they see and say why. The important thing is that you’re not restricting them from having any of the foods in these categories!

Establishing a positive body image in your children from a young age will help them have the confidence to be and do who they want. It will also help them have a better understanding of why everyone is different and unique, appreciating the world for the beautiful and diverse place it is!

For further information visit www.heidiklein.com

pre prep

10 tips to get your child outside this winter

By Education, environment, Forest School, fun for children, Gardening, Green, Mental health, Playing, Winter

by Heather Cavanagh
Head of Pre-Prep & Prep Burgess Hill Girls

I think most parents would agree that outdoor play is a good idea for young children. The NCT, for example cites the following benefits of outdoor play; better sleep, a fun way to learn, development of motor skills, encouraging a healthy lifestyle, environmental awareness, making new friends and positive effects on parents too.

However, as the days get shorter and the weather colder and wetter, we are all probably guilty of opting to stay inside in the warm when deep down we know we would feel a lot better if we spent more time outside.

Here are some of our tips to help you and the family benefit from getting outside in the fresh air all year round:

1. There is no such thing as bad weather
As Alfred Wainwright, the famous walker and writer, once said, “There is no such thing as bad weather, only unsuitable clothing”. If you can kit your children out with the correct warm clothes, waterproofs and wellies they will be able to play outside happily for hours. You might be able to cut down on some washing too!

2. Pack a thermos
During winter walks with my children and now my grandchildren, I always like to pack a thermos with a hot drink. The Owen family from Our Yorkshire Farm enjoy tea in theirs but you could opt for hot chocolate or even some hot blackcurrant or orange squash, and if you are feeling really generous, maybe a few biscuits or a bit of chocolate. I find it to be a useful little incentive to add a bit of excitement to a winter walk. It often provides a special family moment where we can all have a chat together.

3. Leaves, leaves, glorious leaves
Autumnal walks have to be some of my favourite. All the trees are a beautiful array of colours and there is so much you can do with leaves; see if you can catch them as they fall, build big piles and dive into them or take them home for some crafting. Or why not incentivise your children to clear up all the leaves in your garden or drive for some pocket money.

4. Get sporty
Encourage your children to take part in a sport that can be played in the winter. Most can, and I genuinely believe there is something for everyone. Team sports are a great way for children to make friends and a great incentive for children to want to go out and play or practise in the winter months.

5. Seafront walks
Being in Burgess Hill, we are fortunate that Sussex’s beaches are close by. Children love a seafront walk when the waves are crashing over the seawall and there’s a chance to get wet. If you do not have beaches nearby, get your appropriate waterproofs on and seek out some muddy puddles, if it is good enough for Peppa Pig, it has to be fun!

6. Pop to the shops
If your children are old enough and you feel it is safe to do so why not encourage them to run an errand to the local shop for you, maybe with a few pence for some sweets in it for them. Or perhaps you can all venture out together. Visiting the shop and buying some items is also a good opportunity for some impromptu maths too!

7. Borrow a dog
You may already have a dog, but if not I am sure you know someone who has one and most dog owners I know would be glad of your offer to take their pet for a walk. If your child is anything like our pupils who adore our school dog Jasper, they will jump at the opportunity to take a dog for a walk with you.

8. Night time adventures
For young children, being outside at night has something magical about it, especially if you can combine your adventure with a clear starry night, or a full moon, or just simply to go and check out your neighbourhood’s Christmas lights in December!

9. Painted rock trails
You might have heard of geocaching but did you know there are now painted rock trails popping up all over the country. Search out your local area’s web or social media pages and you will probably find details. Even better, paint your own, outside of course, and hide them for people to find on the trail.

10. Walk to school
Some families are lucky enough to be able to walk the whole journey to their school but everyone can walk at least some of the way. Just park a few streets away or further if you are feeling energetic. This will enable your child to notice the environment around them.
It will also teach them about road safety and allow you all to take part in a healthy activity together.

To find out more about Burgess Hill Girls, visit www.burgesshillgirls.com

fat school child

Data reveals over 200,000 Year 6 children are classed as overweight or obese

By baby health, children's health, Food & Eating

Public Health England has recently revealed that tackling obesity is one of the greatest long-term health challenges currently facing England, as one in three children leaving primary school are overweight or living with obesity and one in five are obese.

According to these figures, a staggering 227,314 children aged 10-11 were classified as overweight or obese in 2021/22, a figure that has risen by 30% since the Covid-19 pandemic. In 2019/20, 172,831 Year 6 children were classed as overweight or obese before records were skewed during the 2020/21 Covid-crisis.

According to eating disorder experts at UKAT, (the UK Addiction Treatment Group) the number of children overweight or obese in 2021/22 was the highest count of overweight or obese children age 10-11 ever recorded, with figures going back as far as 2006/07.

Analysis of the new data by UKAT also reveals that the number of children in reception, those aged just four to five years old, classed as overweight and including obese rose from 91,723 in 2019/20 to 126,701 in 2021/22, a 38% rise since the pandemic. Those in Year 6 who are classed solely as ‘severely obese’ has risen drastically too. In 2019/20, 22,885 children age 10-11 were classed as severely obese. This rose to 34,818 in 2021/22 – a 52% rise.

There is concern about the rise of childhood obesity and the implications of obesity persisting into adulthood. The risk of obesity in adulthood and risk of future obesity-related ill health are greater as children get older. Around two-thirds (63%) of adults are above a healthy weight, and of these half are living with obesity.

Obesity prevalence is highest amongst the most deprived groups in society. Children resident in the most deprived parts of the country are more than twice as likely to be living with obesity than those in the least deprived areas.

Nuno Albuquerque, Head of Treatment for the UKAT Group comments; “Our concern is for the physical and mental wellbeing of children who are overweight or living with obesity. The health consequences of childhood obesity include type 2 diabetes, hypertension, and exacerbation of conditions like asthma, to name a few. But the psychological problems that come with obesity at such a young age include social isolation, low self-esteem and bullying, all factors that go hand in hand with the development of an eating disorder. We treat people aged 16 and over for eating disorders, and the vast majority of those began their unhealthy relationship with food during their childhood. For some, over-eating is not a choice, it is a progressive illness that worsens over time and can be extremely dangerous. These figures clearly show that children’s eating habits worsened during the global pandemic and as a society, we need to tackle this head on as a priority.”

For population monitoring purposes, children are classified as overweight (including obesity) if their body mass index (BMI) is on or above the 85th centile of the British 1990 growth reference (UK90) according to age and sex. For population monitoring purposes children are classified as living with severe obesity if their body mass index (BMI) is on or above the 99.6th centile of the British 1990 growth reference (UK90) according to age and sex.

For further information and 24/7 confidential help and support with understanding eating disorders please visit www.ukat.co.uk

life learning

Exam stress

By Education, Mental health, Relationships, special educational needs
by Edmond Chan
Childline Supervisor

The summer brings with it warmer weather, longer and lighter days and the inevitable stresses of school exams season. The worry of revising or not getting the grades they need can cause a lot of anxiety for young people.

This pressure means that a lot of children turn to Childline for help as they struggle to cope.

Last year our volunteer counsellors at Childline saw an increase in the number of counselling sessions they delivered about exam result worries compared to the previous year. Between April 2021 and March 2022, they delivered 781 sessions to children with worries about their exams – 30% more than the previous year.

One 17-year-old boy told Childline: “I want to do so well in my A-levels but it’s all just seriously overwhelming at the moment. My attention span has been awful lately, and I find it so difficult to concentrate and focus, and as we get closer to exams the stress increases. After I’ve finished revising, I find it so hard to switch off and then I begin getting loads of intrusive thoughts. It’s like I’m stuck in this vicious cycle and I can’t seem to escape from it.”

Exams can feel like a lot of pressure, no matter where the pressure is coming from.

Here are some tips to help young people cope:
Think positively
When we feel anxious, we can start thinking things like ‘I can’t do this’ and ‘I’m going to fail’. It can be difficult but try to replace these with positive thoughts such as ‘this is just anxiety, it can’t harm me’ and ‘relax, concentrate – it’s going to be OK’.

Be honest about how you feel
Sometimes people can put pressure on you without even realising and sometimes it can help to talk about how it makes you feel. Talking about things can help you to think about other ways they can support you in the future. If you’re worried about telling someone, you can always talk to Childline.

Don’t compare yourself to your friends
Competing with your friends can help to keep you motivated. But it can also make you feel like you’re not good enough, especially on social media. Try keeping a list of the revision you’ve done so you can see how much you’re achieving.

And here are some tips for parents and carers, to help you to be there when your children need you most:

Watch for signs of stress
Stress can be good sometimes. It can help us to work harder and focus. But it can also have a big effect and make it hard to cope. If your child is feeling stressed about their exams then they might be:
• Struggling to sleep.
• Having negative thoughts about the future.
• Getting headaches or feeling unwell a lot.
• Not eating because of how they’re feeling.
• Always thinking about their exams or worrying about them.
• Not able to enjoy things anymore.

Stress affects everyone differently but if you’re worried about your child let them know they don’t have to cope alone. Speaking to you, another adult they trust, or Childline can really help.

Talk about what’s happening
Talking about how they’re feeling can reduce the pressure and help them to feel more in control. Why not suggest they try:
• Talking to you or another adult they trust.
• Asking a friend for support.
• Getting advice and support from other young people on Childline’s online message boards.
• Speaking to a Childline counsellor.

Find ways to relax and take breaks
It’s important to take regular breaks and find ways to relax. Taking a break can leave you feeling more able to cope and even make it easier to concentrate when you start working again. There are lots of things children can do to take a break and relax, such as:
• Set a timer to take a 20 minute break every hour so they don’t forget.
• Make sure they have something to look forward to, like a treat or an activity they enjoy as a reward.
• Encourage them to plan when they’re going to start and finish their revision, so they know when to stop.

Stay healthy
• Make sure they don’t skip meals and try to eat healthily.
• Exercising can clear the mind and give them more energy. Suggest they play sports, go for a run or do some yoga.
• Urge them to practice self-care – this means finding things that help them feel calm and relaxed, such as taking a short break or getting some rest.

Exams are very important, and we really want young people to do their best. However, it’s important to remind them that if things don’t go exactly according to plan there will be lots of other opportunities for them to express themselves and succeed.

It is vital that young people feel supported by family, friends and teachers during the exam period to help them do the best they can.

Childline is also here 24/7 for any young person needing confidential support and advice. Children can call and speak to one of our trained counsellors on 0800 1111 or visit www.childline.org.uk for more information.
loving hands

Your guide to overcoming separation anxiety: Leaving your baby for the first time

By baby health, Childcare and Nannying, family, Relationships

Baby separation anxiety is a real struggle for many parents. When the moment comes to leave your baby for the first time, your parental instinct kicks in. “Would my baby be safe?”, “What if something happens, and I’m not there?”, “Is my baby sad right now?” are only some of the questions that start spiralling in your head when you close the door and leave your baby behind, even if it’s just for one hour.

Although your baby is in safe hands, you can’t help but feel like your heart is breaking into tiny pieces, because you don’t know what’s happening with your baby every minute. Nevertheless, leaving your baby for the first time and getting over the separation anxiety is beneficial for both you and your baby. Baby brand, Nuby, explores how to cope with separation anxiety and make sure that your baby is safe and happy.

The earlier you overcome it, the better
Separation anxiety is normal and usually affects young children between the ages of six months and three years. It usually fades after that, but if the symptoms persist, it can have a long-term impact on your child.

The earlier you start practising leaving them, the easier it will be for them to get used to it and overcome any potential separation anxiety.

As a parent, you also might be suffering from some form of separation anxiety, so it’s important to take the right steps to leaving your baby for the first time.

Do it gradually
You don’t have to jet off on holiday the first time you leave your baby – this will cause turmoil to both of you.

Instead, practise being separate gradually. At first, you might dedicate a two-hour slot where you leave them in your house with their grandparents. It’s advisable that the first times you leave them, it’s with someone they know and in a familiar setting to ease the shock of separation. Later, you can start trusting a nanny or a childminder to take care of your baby while you’re away.

After the first trial, you can slowly start extending the time you’re away from them and even leave them at their grandparents’ and nanny’s house for a night or two. The more often you do it, the easier it will get.

Don’t hold onto the guilt
It’s normal to feel guilty when you first leave your baby. But just like in many other life situations, guilt is not a healthy feeling to experience. Even though it’s totally valid, try not to fall into the trap of self-agonising over the fact that you’ve left your child in the hands of someone else.

It’s something that you need to overcome, as it will help develop a healthy relationship between the two of you and not a co-dependent one. You’re teaching your baby to trust you but not rely on you for everything. Retrospectively, you’re learning that your child is its own person and will eventually grow and separate from you for much longer than an hour-long coffee break. So, the earlier you start the process, the better.

Give clear instructions
Babies have their own individual routines. Whether they like to have a snack right before bed to help them nod off or be read their favourite bedtime story, this is what they’re used to.

Your babysitter’s approach might not match that, so it’s important to communicate your baby’s precise routine with them. This will help your baby to settle and will ensure that there is no additional unfamiliarity and stress.

Pack a comforter
Before you leave, pack a bag of newborn essentials that will be at hand for your babysitter, and make sure to include a comforter.

While their main source of comfort, you, might be away, your babysitter can resort to their physical comforts. Perhaps your baby has a specific toy they like to cuddle or play with, or, for a newborn, they love being tucked in their cosy sleeping bag.

Prepare these items in advance, so that your baby can feel secure in an unfamiliar situation if needed.

Don’t sneak away
Easing your baby into the temporary separation is crucial. This applies to the moment your babysitter arrives and the moment you leave the house.

Dedicate some time to help your baby get used to their babysitter, whether that’s a childminder, a nanny or their grandparents, while you’re still there.

When you’re leaving, don’t just sneak away. Rather, kiss your baby and say a happy goodbye, after which your babysitter will immediately engage their attention and hopefully stop them from crying.

It’s also advisable that your babysitter picks up the baby right away, so that they feel secure in their hands and build a positive relationship.

Leaving your baby for the first time can be frightening, but it’s an essential part of the growing up process. Practising healthy separation from early on will ensure your child becomes its own individual and is able to be on its own.

For further information please see www.nuby-uk.com
happy schoolgirls

How to get your child to tell you about their day

By family, Mental health, Relationships
by Pre-Prep & Prep School Teachers at Burgess Hill Girls

How was your day darling? Did anything good happen? Who did you play with? What lessons did you have? What did you learn? If you are a parent of a school age child, it is likely you have fired these questions at your child immediately after they get out of school. It is also more than likely that the response was simply; “good,” “yep” or “OK”, or just complete silence as your questions are ignored in favour of the TV, tablet, toys, or a combination of all three!

So, what is the secret? How can you get them to tell you more about their day? Here are some of the strategies we suggest you try.

Give them time
If you think about how you feel after a day of work, you probably want nothing more than to get home and zone out for half an hour or so. Children are the same. You can talk about something else other than their school day or just let them initiate the conversation if they want to. Otherwise give them some space and time to reset and unwind.

Model talking about your day
After some down time, when you think there is a good opportunity for conversation you can initiate discussions by modelling what happened in your day and how you feel about it. They may choose to follow your example and share something about their day. But try not to push it. They may decide to share tomorrow instead.

Vary the focus and frequency
You might be concerned about a particular aspect of your child’s interaction at school. For example, what they are learning or whether they are playing regularly with others. Often this concern will reflect in the questions you ask. To avoid your child clamming up ensure your questions are varied, especially if it is an area that they might not be comfortable talking about. Try to have days when you do not ask any questions at all. Maybe they will choose to volunteer information on their own. If they do, try to keep the conversation going with open versus closed questions.

Give them confidence
You leave the most precious thing you have at the school gate, and it requires you to openly trust those who care for your child. If you over focus on elements of the day or over question, the child might pick up on your apprehension which in turn might lead them to worry that something is wrong at school.

Try the positive sandwich method
The sandwich feedback method offers positive feedback before and after negative feedback. When engaging your child in conversation about their day, ask them to share something positive. Then ask them if anything worried them about their day. Ask them who they shared their worry with. If they did not share at school, model how they might share with their teacher in the morning and reassure them you have every confidence in their teacher to help them resolve their worry. Finally, finish off with another positive. This approach will help your child to feel confident that school is a safe place and that you trust the adults who work in it.

While we are talking about food, you might want to try making them their favourite snack or drink and sit down to enjoy it with them. As they happily munch or slurp, they might feel more in the mood to chat and share.

Focus on them
Remind your child you are interested in what they did at school not what others may have done or not done. This will avoid them becoming hypervigilant of others and help them to recognise their own gifts and talents.

Make links to their timetable
It is possible you know that they have a particular subject or activity on a specific day so you can make the discussion more focused and relevant by linking to that topic and open the conversation from there.

Be tactical with bedtime
In our experience, bedtime is often the time when children want to talk. They are clever little things, anything to delay bedtime! But you can exploit this opportunity by making bedtime a little earlier, so you allow time to chat if the situation arises. If it is an area of worry for them, they are also likely to sleep better once they have got it off their chest so try not to worry if they go a little bit over! But do not forget the positive sandwich method.

Not sharing can be a good thing!
Children will take the lead from your questions and will respond accordingly. If your questions are probing and you focus on the negative, your child might learn this is your area of interest and so will give you more of the same. Some parts of a day may not always go as your child would wish them to, but it is exceedingly rare for a child to have a totally miserable time. Try to bear in mind that happy children often do not share much about their day and that is OK.

To find out more about Burgess Hill Girls, visit www.burgesshillgirls.com

Why do we seek to love and be loved?

By Health, Mental health, Relationships
by John D. Bieber
Author of Am I Loved? The Most Asked Question Of All Time

Aspirations of love and of being loved are the constant waking schemes and sleeping dreams of all humankind. Indeed, acting like a barometer for our mental health, the satisfaction or otherwise of our need to be loved is paramount for our wellbeing. Exploring the undeniable fact that as the world’s only emotional beings, it is truly astonishing that we function through emotions that we do not remotely understand or control. Our emotions exist not to benefit us but to safeguard our genes, protecting the life within us. We spend our lives intent on surviving when fulfilment comes from loving and being loved. Nature’s protections serve to liberate us yet we allow them to inhibit our lives without realising that the majority of our many emotional problems are solvable simply by a proper understanding of the human condition. The most asked question of all time is: Am I Loved?

Why do we breathe and why do we need to eat and drink? That is how we are made. We couldn’t survive in any other way. And that is also the case with love.

As human beings we have two special gifts from nature not given so generously to the rest of creation: our emotions and our capacity to love. They stand at the very core of our survival which makes our subject all the more worthwhile, indeed almost tender because as we consider love we are dealing with fallible, loveable, needy and vulnerable human beings just like you and just like me. We are all irrevocably the same.

Remember that love is nature’s gift to us and it will be no surprise that the pursuit of love is a passion, a game, in which practically every individual will participate , if not on a daily basis, then at least at some stage in their lives. Loving is a huge human need but nature has ordained that being loved is by far the greatest human need of all. We never tire of trying to satisfy it.

Love is the only voluntary emotion we have; that is one we can choose to give or withhold. Love looks out for the dangers we must avoid to survive. Love is another pair of eyes and ears, a source of care, a wise and experienced hand to avoid risk, and love is a source of happiness too, the most necessary gift to humankind. When you are loved you find protection and fulfilment in the emotions of others.

To put it simply, love is our predominant desire and our predominant need. Reducing life to its essential parts, stripping out the hosts of feelings that confront and confuse us every minute of every day, love is the single greatest force that influences and propels the course of all human experience. It is love that truly distinguishes us from other animals; it is love that makes life possible; indeed it is love that makes life liveable and worthwhile.

And what is love? Love is like an elephant: you know it when you see it, even, or especially, when it is gone. But can love be defined? I think it can. In fact it comes down to something very simple, namely, the gauging and supply of another’s needs. That is all it is.

It is a binding that contains us all, the glue that holds us together, the care, the security we crave for, the supply of our personal needs.

We give love and we receive it. But really we trade it. We wish to love but, above all, we wish to be loved and in many instances that single desire will be greater than our personal desire to give love.

Being loved, feeling loved, is the real and actual key to the age-old question: what makes people happy? As Steven Pinker writes in ‘How the Mind Works’, “The study of happiness often sounds like a sermon for traditional values. The numbers show it is not the rich, privileged, robust or good-looking who are happy: it is those who have spouses, friends, religion and challenging work.” In short, all individuals whose relationships endow them with the potential to love and be loved.

Aspirations of love and of being loved are the constant waking schemes and sleeping dreams of all humankind. Indeed, acting like a barometer for our mental health, the satisfaction or otherwise of our need to be loved is paramount for our wellbeing.

We give love to find love. When we feel loved, we feel both protection and fulfilment in the emotions of others. That need, that essential dependence on others when we consider ourselves strong and self-sufficient, exists whether or not we are aware of it, can speak of love, have difficulty in finding it or spend our lives in search of it. All of us need to be loved, even when we persuade ourselves that we don’t or appear to be unlovable.

Being loved, feeling loved, is the greatest prize of our existence. It is the only way we can satisfy our need to be happy and whole and at one with our nature, crucially bringing added security to our genes through the loving concern of others.

And so the sight or sound of another human being becomes the most physically arousing thing that a human being can see or hear. Such is the potential of love, going not just to our heart but to the very heart of our being, the constant need for which provides us with our tenderest feelings, our romantic spirits, our passionate ways and a lifelong spur to go on always propelled by our great need to be loved.

And what of our need to be loved? It’s really just a call for someone to love us.

Am I Loved? The Most Asked Question Of All Time by John D. Bieber published by Umbria Press is available now in hardback and eBook in all good bookshops and online.
www.johndbieber.co.uk