dance & Art Archives - Page 4 of 4

As parents it is very easy to feel that we are not doing it right and we are often asked the same questions; How do I become a better parent? What am I doing wrong? I just want my child to be happy, why can’t I understand them? How do I deal with their outbursts, anger and anxiety? Why are they OK at school all day and then difficult at home? How do I say ‘no’ to my child without feeling guilty?

Here are five top tips to help you keep the balance of parenting (without feeling guilty).

1. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can
It is very easy for us as parents to compare ourselves to others and feel that we are in some way failing. The world bombards us 24/7 via social media with unrealistic images. This can make you feel that you should be able to achieve more. Life is often very hectic and many of us are faced with work and home life balance battles every day.

Ask yourself these questions:
• Do I feel guilty and upset after an argument?
• Do I sometimes feel out of control?
• Do I feel like a broken record; constantly repeating the same instruction?
• Do I feel burnt out and tired?
• Do I feel whatever I try is just not working?

All these questions that you ask yourself reveal the following:
• You care – that is why you often worry
• You are prepared to learn new parenting skills when you don’t feel judged or criticised
• You will naturally look at other parents and compare yourself forgetting they are doing the same with you!

Remember, when you compare yourself to other parents you are only witnessing them with their children on their good day. If you really think about it, you have some good days and some bad days but when you are tired the bad days can feel overwhelming and out
of control.

2. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries
What is a boundary? Factually saying aloud what you do not like somebody to say or do to you without becoming personal. Many parents become confused with the word boundary as they assume they are destructively disciplining. You can set the boundary with a calm approach, whilst being open to listening to your child without taking it personally.

Boundaries are healthy actions that allow you to:
• Say what you do or don’t like
• Explain how an action or situation makes you feel
• Want to resolve, instead of win an argument.

Boundary setting can become unclear when you ask your child to do something and threaten them with a consequence but do not follow it through. This is where the repeating of the instruction can feel like listening to a broken record.

Examples; “Can you please wash the dishes.” “This is the second time I’ve asked you to wash the dishes.” “By the time I ask you for the third time to wash the dishes, there will be a consequence of
not watching the movie with
us tonight.”

How many of you stick to the third request and follow through with the clear consequence?

When you are tired you feel yourself giving in and once again the feeling of being ‘a broken record’ arises. Simple, clear boundary setting helps your child understand what you expect from them and what you want them to do.

3. When you ask, give in return
If you want your child to work with you, help with chores and to work together as a team, show them their effort pays off. We all love to feel appreciated and if they are rewarded with a thank you or praise it will make for a happier household (this reward does not always have to be financial, you will mostly find your child just wants to do an activity with you).

4. Giving the special one hour
Every day switch off your phone and enjoy fully engaging without any interruptions and doing activities led by your child. It sounds obvious but how many times do you reach for the phone whilst your child is talking to you or wants your attention?

5. Have a clear routine or schedule
A routine schedule clearly defines to your child when they are spending time with you. Having a monthly calendar on the wall helps them to understand when you ask them to do chores, they will feel they are being rewarded and appreciated by spending quality time with you. If you have more than one child, they can see when it is their turn to do something special with Mum
or Dad.

In conclusion, start being kind to yourself and realise when you are tired, you can ask for help (this is not a sign of weakness) and don’t be afraid to delegate. Trying to do it all by yourself is something that you will never be able to achieve!

Justine van de Weg is the Founder of The Arts College in Worthing.
Art Psychology is a new area of study – a tool for parents to learn how their children’s brain grows as well as develops emotionally and socially in their home.
Call 01903 529 633
www.justine86.wixsite.com/kidsartclasses

Jul 06

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What is so good about being part of a drama group?

By Iain Boyle dance & Art, Education, family, fun for children

by Sally Orr
Co director at Drama Queens and longtime drama group facilitator

For the young children who run into our studio every week with smiles on their faces, there is an excitement about being part of a group; maybe with friends from school, or perhaps, with their new friends from the new group. There is the promise of learning something new and fun, or taking part in an invigorating or relaxing activity.

Since we established our theatre sessions, workshops and performances many years ago, we have consistently found that the younger and older children forge new friendships outside school. This is important in helping them establish their own identity at all stages of development from an early age up to the sometimes turbulent teenage years.

This is where the drama comes in – social skills are a part of our everyday lives and as we know, we start developing them at a very early age. By using the techniques that are available to us in the creative arts, we are able to lay the foundations that help build the confidence to use these skills. Friendships formed in groups outside school can create a world for children to escape to if there are troubles within school friendships groups, or can simply act as an extra layer to existing friendship groups.

Together with this, working within a creative framework can be a freeing and relaxing time for a child of any age, whether they are six or 16. We know that where confidence and low self-esteem are an issue, acting out, role-playing and using imagination can dramatically (please excuse the pun!) increase these in abundance, especially when encouraged in a nurturing environment.

Self-expression can be difficult, but all children and young adults deserve a way to express themselves; be it the child who likes to make shapes with their body to tell a story through the medium of dance, the teenager that likes to act out scenarios through improvisation and character, a person that can sing the phone book or someone that can use a pen and paper to draw their imagination. Every individual student should be able to find a medium that is best suited to them and be given the opportunity to have a creative outlet to express themselves.

The first thing I always notice and often hear said about why teenagers enjoy drama groups is the social aspect of them. Often the older children come along and really gel as a group; it’s a space away from their normal friends and school, homework, a place where they can come and enjoy drama and enjoy the sociability of a different group. It’s a place where new friends can be made and bonds formed, especially important if they are finding it difficult to make friends at school. The start of secondary school can be a particularly tough time, especially if friendship groups formed in primary school have broken up, as children go to different schools. Three of our drama groups are made up of young people who all love acting and drama and who used to go to the same schools. This is a place for them to meet weekly, and the friendships then can extend beyond school and college.

Confidence is tricky. There is no magical way to ‘become ‘ more confident overnight. However, it is well-known that being part of a drama class can help a child become more confident, if taken in consistent sessions. These might take the form of being part of an ensemble or group working on acting skills or perhaps working towards a small or larger part in a play with the support of the rest of the group. Two scenarios stand out for me from my experience as a group leader – I especially enjoy speaking to parents who say, “My child was so shy, they couldn’t speak to anyone, now they are more confident, now they can stand up in front of class at school and speak in front of everyone else.” Equally, a teenager struggling to be ‘heard’ in other areas of their life might develop the confidence to speak up, to go to an interview or to be more assertive with friends. There is also no doubt that many young people find that performing in front of friends and family, or complete strangers, is an exciting, often exhilarating opportunity to show a different side of themselves.

Exploring children’s ideas and concerns through the arts allows children a voice for debate and question in a controlled environment. They won’t just make assumptions, they will find the courage to ask questions and to express what they really want to say. They can start this journey by using the techniques that the performing and creative arts provide. Children from tots to teens realise that they can begin to reach for goals they may not have thought possible and this will spill over into every area of life.

By allowing children the freedom of speech and confidence to share their thoughts, ideas and opinions in a safe environment at a young age, a happy healthy teen will evolve and in time become a confident young adult.

Sally and Debbie have been running Drama Queens in Brighton for 14 years and offer groups for those from 5 to 18 years old.
Please see www.dramaqueens.biz for futher details.