by Dr Naveen Puri
Medical Director, Bupa UK
1. Listen actively
It’s easy to overlook your children’s problems, especially when you’re busy or having a tough day. However, it’s important for them to know you’re ready to listen. Make sure to listen to your child without interrupting. Show that you value their thoughts by giving them your full attention, maintain eye contact, nod and respond to show you’re engaged.
This will help build trust and reassure them to share their feelings and challenges with you as they grow up.
2. Create a safe space
Look for chances to talk together. Sometimes, having a face-to-face conversation can be tough, so chatting while on a walk or during a car ride can make it easier as you’re not facing each other.
Remind them regularly that they can talk to you about anything, no matter how difficult, and that you won’t judge or blame them. Your child may not be ready to discuss something right away, so let them know you’re there to listen whenever they feel ready.
3. Look for clues in their play
When children become upset or stressed, they may show their feelings through play rather than words. For example, if your child is play fighting with their toys, don’t be afraid to call it out in a non-judgemental way, by saying things such as “There seems to be a lot of fighting today” or “That looks pretty scary”. This can encourage them to talk about what’s bothering them.
Don’t be discouraged if this doesn’t start a conversation. Having you around may help them feel more comfortable and make it easier for them to share their problems when they feel ready.
4. Use simple language
Talking about different feelings with your child is helpful for their emotional development. By using simple language, you can help them understand and express their emotions better.
Here are a few things to consider:
• Use clear emotion words
Stick to basic words like ’happy’, ‘sad’, ‘cross’ and ‘worried’. This helps your child easily identify and relate to their feelings.
• Label their emotions
When you notice your child expressing an emotion, it can be useful to help label it for them. For example, if they appear to be upset or crying, say, “You look sad”. This shows them that you understand what they are feeling and helps them learn to recognise their emotions.
• Encourage open questions
Ask open-ended questions that prompt your child to share their feelings. Instead of asking “Did you have a good day?” try, “What made you happy today?” This encourages them to think about their emotions and express themselves more fully.
• Share your own feelings
Healthily show your child that you feel emotions too. For example, say, “I felt worried this morning when I couldn’t find my car keys as I didn’t want you to be late for school.” This normalises talking about emotions and reinforces that it’s OK to be open about your feelings.
5. Acknowledge your child’s feelings
Even if you don’t fully understand what they’re going through, it’s essential to validate your child’s emotions and support their development. Here’s how and why this is beneficial:
• Recognising complex emotions
Experiencing a wide range of emotions can be overwhelming for your child. Whether it’s frustration over a difficult homework assignment or sadness after a disagreeing with a friend, try to recognise these feeling and help them understand that it’s OK to feel them. Reassure them by saying things like, “I see that you’re feeling upset about this” to show them that their feelings are valid and worthy of attention.
• Normalising emotions
Letting your child know that it’s normal to have different emotions helps them feel less alone. They may worry that their feelings are unusual or that they shouldn’t feel a certain way. Validate all their emotions by letting them know it’s OK to feel whatever they’re feeling, and that everyone has a range of emotions. This can reduce anxiety about their feelings and encourage them to express themselves more freely.
• Building trust and respect
Acknowledging and respecting your child’s behaviour helps them to learn that you take their feelings seriously. For example, saying something like, “I understand why you’re feeling this way, it makes sense”, reinforces that you value their views and what could be troubling them. This can help strengthen the bond between you both.
It’s also important to take a moment for yourself and reflect on your own feelings. Make time for activities you enjoy, spend quality moments with your child and keep a positive outlook. If things become difficult for you to cope with, remember to stay connected to people you trust. You may find it easier to speak to a health professional if you find it difficult to open up to those close to you.
For further information from Dr Naveen Puri, Bupa Medical Director please visit www.bupa.co.uk/health-information/health-blog/author-profile/m-p/naveen-puri
